


Moments Seen and Unseen

by Montreat11



Series: Moments Series [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 70
Words: 169,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3214268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Montreat11/pseuds/Montreat11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy endings are the smallest part of a story. Life is made up of moment after moment:  happy, sad, loving, and harsh. She's lived them all. 2nd in the Moments Series. Belles perspective of moments that we have seen and the missing moments we haven't seen . Beginning with being held in her cell at the asylum and ending with Regina giving her Lacey's memories. R/R.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Truama

_She was tired. Tired of yelling. Tired of screaming at the door. Tired of asking questions that never got answered. She was tired of being tired!_

_She sat huddled against in the corner of her cell sitting on her slab that was supposed to pass for a bed, reaping the drug induced rewards of her actions._ _She'd spent most of her night pounding on the door, not caring who she disturbed or what kind of trouble she caused. As the hours passed the determined screams had turned into cries of fury as her questions went unanswered, and as more time went on her fury had receded into begging and desperate pleas._

_Just one question! She just wanted to know one thing. Her name. She didn't care if it was ugly or if it had a beautiful meaning, she just wanted to know that she had one. Because if she had a name that meant that there was someone out there that loved her, someone out there that had cared enough to bestow something that precious upon her. And if someone could do that for her, well that meant that she had a past. That meant that she wasn't no one from nowhere. She had to have come from somewhere. She had to be in someone's heart?!_

_And yet day after day she sat, no visitors, no letters, not even the slightest hint that anyone outside of these four walls knew that she even existed._

_Her long night was starting to catch up with her as the light streamed in through her pathetic excuse for a window and the little energy she had left to fight off the drugs coursing through her system was beginning to wane. She should sleep. But she didn't want to rest, she couldn't until she had her answers! However, her body didn't seem to want to agree and her eye lids were beginning to feel heavier and heavier with every breath that she took. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, letting the hospital gown she wore act as a blanket. Close as she was to sleep, she still couldn't let herself lay down. That would be to admit to defeat. But against her wishes she felt her head began to sink down against her chest, her mind began to drift in and out of consciousness until she heard a familiar squeak, and the icy feeling rushing through her blood made her instantly awake._

_There wasn't the slightest hint to suggest that anyone knew she existed beyond this room..._

_Except for her._

_She glanced up, knowing what she would find, and stared ominously at the door that kept her secured in this tiny padded prison. Normally it was solid, except for times like this. Light from the outside hallway leaked in through the little square hole in the door. On the other side of that small window was a face. It was a woman, short black hair, eyes that could only be described as cold, and her smile…that was the most memorable haunting about her. Her smile was one of glee and gloating, like she was incredibly happy to see her sitting there locked up in the tiny cell, like all her hopes and dreams had come true. It made her stomach turn._

_She stared back at the woman, afraid that if she moved she might leave, because despite the bad feeling that she got every time she saw her she didn't want her to go. Her being there proved that she wasn't a figment of her imagination, and it proved that she hadn't always been crazy. This woman seemed to know her, seemed to be happy she was here, there had to be a reason for it. And yet she didn't know who she was, she wasn't sure if they were related, or if she was an enemy. For all she knew, the woman could have ruined her life and she would never know it!_ _She never introduced herself, never came into the cell, never talked to her. Her appearances always seemed to leave her with more questions than answers._

_She'd only seen the woman a handful of times. The space between those visits seemed far apart, but she knew that wasn't possible. She'd been here for as long as she could remember but she didn't think it could be as long as the visits suggested. Certainly no more than a year! And..._

_Suddenly the small smirk that she'd been bearing broke into a wide gleeful smile that made her stomach clench uncomfortably as she fought of nervous shivers. What was it about her imprisonment that made her so joyful, so happy?! It didn't seem fair. It was downright rude! She'd been up all night trying to understand the life that she didn't have, begging the nurses to simply give her a name, and this woman just felt like she could burst in at any time and watch her like she was on display for her own personal amusement._

_Hot rage began to boil in her blood. She wanted her answers. This woman seemed like she might have them, why wouldn't she tell her? "What's my name," she asked with a cold voice. The woman did nothing, just continued to watch her. "What's my name?!" she shouted at her, pushing out of her position on the pitiful bed. "Who am I?" she screamed pressing herself against the safety glass within the door. "Why am I here? Tell me who I am! Please! I just want to know my name! Just tell me my name!"_

_Suddenly the woman did something she'd never done before. She began to laugh. Just a small chuckle, but threatening enough to make her shrink against the far side of the room as fear washed over her. It was enough to make her small room seem even smaller, like there wasn't a place that she could go that would properly hide her from this woman. Somehow she knew. She'd been wrong. This woman wasn't going to give her answers. From somewhere deep down in her soul she just knew that if anything this woman was to blame for her current situation. If only because she knew she was here and refused to help her._

_Small as it was, the laughter seemed to echo off the walls of her cell, taunting her, bring tears to her eyes. She balled herself up against the far wall and buried her head in her hands. Why did she do this? Why would she insist on torturing her like this?! Surely she had better things to do. Surely she realized how terribly upset it made her. Why would anyone take pleasure in hurting another person this way?_

_It stopped just as suddenly as it began, and she timidly picked her head out of her lap, glancing at the door. She was still there, that face was still staring at her going to pieces, but she did nothing about it. Instead she watched as she moved closer to the glass, if only by a fraction, and lifted her eyebrows. "Sweet dreams, dear," and with a metallic bang the trapdoor fell shut._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! For those of you that are just checking out this fiction, welcome! For those of you who are a fan of the Moments Series, welcome back! I hope you'll enjoy this fiction. It's the second in the Moments Series, a series that is an attempt at an accurate portrayal of Belle's perspective during the Once Upon a Time series. This fiction features everything that happened in Storybrooke from the moment that Belle is in the asylum in "Skin Deep" up to the moment that Regina gives her Lacey's memories in "Lacey".
> 
> Because I am working to keep this series as accurate as possible, there might be changes made to this fiction, as needed, you can now follow updates to the Moments Series on Twitter, under Montreat11! If you enjoy this fiction, please comment, or leave a kudos, or bookmark it! I always enjoy those wonderful gems waiting for me in my inbox and I love writing back to thank you personally for reading and commenting! Peace and Happy Reading!


	2. Hopeful

_It was hopeless. She'd pounded on that door until her hands felt like they were a broken mess, until her arms were so tired it hurt just to raise them, and all it had gotten her was another needle to her arm and placed on the slab against the side of her padded prison. When she'd woken the next morning she couldn't find the energy, the will, or the hope to get up and move. Not even when they shoved a tray of food into the cell and not when they yelled at her to eat the untouched food before they'd given up and angrily taken it away. The twitching of her legs couldn't stir her, the questions in her mind went unasked and unanswered, and she remained curled on that slab for the rest of the morning. The foam mattress was making her uncomfortable, but the sound of running and hurried feet coming from upstairs was her lullaby._

_Was this what her life was fated to be like forever? She might be able to deal with it if she knew why she was here? If she knew that there was a reason she was kept locked up in this room. But then again, maybe the fact that she didn't know was the reason. She was no one and she had nothing: no likes or dislikes, no family, no friends, no past, and no future. Day in and day out. This room was all she knew and all she feared she was doomed to know forever._

_Suddenly her door opened, the noise and the action was enough to jerk her out of her state of oblivious nothingness. The only time that door ever opened was on the day they escorted her to the shower or when they needed to drug her. She'd already been drugged so there was no need for that at the moment. Was today shower day? No, that was yesterday. That was why she had started pounding against the door, because no one had answered her questions yet again! So if she was calm and it wasn't shower day, then why was the door opening?_

_A man stood before her, but she didn'_ _t recognize him! He wasn't one of the nurses, she knew them all only too well! Was he new? "Come with me," he ordered, holding out a gentle_ _hand for her to take. She perched herself up on her elbow and glanced around him. He had made a fatal mistake. He'd left her door open. The nurses she had seen had never done that! He may have been dressed like a nurse but he certainly wasn't one! Who was he?_ _Was this someone she knew? Did she have a visitor? Had someone finally come to take her home and away from this mess of a life?_

_She placed her hand in his. He didn't seem familiar. No memory of him triggered in her brain. But he wanted her to go with him, and instead of grasping her roughly he had politely offered his hand, his voice hurried, like they didn't have much time. Suddenly a new thought jumped into her head. Maybe she didn't know him. Maybe he was rescuing her, truly and really breaking her out of this place! She wouldn't argue with him, anywhere was better than here. There were answers waiting for her somewhere for her and they certainly weren't in here! Could she get away and find them with him?! Him. Who was this man?! Why did he want to free her? Why would he want to help her?_

_"Who are you? Why-why are you doing this?" She wasn't afraid of him, and he didn't look like he'd hurt her. But could she trust him? Could she trust anyone?_ _He placed his hands on her shoulders. It was comforting, no one here had ever comforted her before. No one had ever cared what her emotional state was so long as she was quiet. She knew that her wild conclusions might not have been perfectly correct, but they certainly weren't wrong either. He definitely wasn't a nurse here. The man stared down at her, looking at her with intense sympathy. She didn't even know people could have that look, was she that pathetic?_

_"My name is Jefferson," the man stated. Her heart soared with amazement! He had answered her question. He had a name, did that mean she had a name?! "And I need your help to do something I can't," he requested desperately. The words made her curious. She could find out her name later. But purpose? Did she have a purpose in this world? She'd never been able to do anything. What was it he thought she could do?_

_"There's a man," he instructed, "his name is Mr. Gold. Find him. All you have to do is tell him where you've been and that Regina locked you up."_

_"What?" she said, wishing that he could have slowed down. There was so much running through her mind at the moment it was making it hard to focus._ _Her heart leapt at the proposal._ _So then, he was going to free her! But how? How had he managed to get down here in the first place? The stern nurse that guarded the door like a dog would never have let anyone in, and she certainly never let her out! How were they going to leave and...and...a_ _nd his words were confusing. He spoke her language but it was gibberish to her. Mr. Gold? Regina? Did she know these people? Did they know her? Regina must have. If what he was saying was true then she was the reason that she'd been down here since before she could remember. Was she a doctor here then?_

_"It's very important," he said patiently, though his intensity never faded for a second. "Mr. Gold's going to protect you, but you have to tell him Regina locked you up!" he said, a temper flaring somewhere behind his words._ _"He's going to know what to do," he said in a reassuring tone. Although she didn't know who the tone was for: Jefferson or whoever she was._ _"Do you understand?" he asked her, his eyes boring into wanted desperately to know what the source of his aggression was and why he was helping her when no one else would, but she didn't want to take anymore time than they already had. That door wouldn't stay open forever, and it could only be a matter of seconds until they were found and lost their chance. She had to trust the man before her, after all he was helping her more than anyone else here ever had. Her answers could wait, but her escape could not. She nodded, understanding what he was asking her to do, more than willing to get on with it._

_"Yes, I, I have to find Mr. Gold," she stated. He nodded at her, finally satisfied._

_"Good. Remember that. No matter what happens just remember that, okay?!" She nodded again eagerly. She wouldn't forget. She couldn't! For the first time ever she had a purpose. No matter how small it was she wasn't going to forget it!_

_Satisfied, Jefferson stepped away from her and handed her a jacket that he had been holding. "Put this on," he ordered, "and follow me, quick as possible." He moved out the door and she followed, wrapping the jacket around her. In the cinderblock hall there was no one but her neighbor mopping the floor. There was no time to ask questions or ask him to come with them. Jefferson hurried ahead of her, leading them down the hallway. The nurse that guarded the door appeared to be asleep at her desk and he pushed her up the stairs, stopping only at the number pad at the top, the place she'd managed to get to several times but had never successfully escaped from because she didn't understand-_

_Jefferson didn't hesitate, he punched in the unknown combination and the door swung open. But there was no time to celebrate. He continued to lead her down the whitewashed walls of the hospital, walls that she couldn't remember ever passing through before. She wrapped her arms around herself as Jefferson reached back and wrapped one tight around her shoulders, stopping for no one._ _She normally didn't like people touching her, but she didn't think this was the optimal time to stop and tell him, not now that she was closer to freedom than she could ever remember being._ _She kept her eyes down as they walked quickly, trying not to look at the people around her. At the front desk someone called after them and she nearly stopped, her mouth dry in fear. They'd gotten this far only to be caught again?!_

_"I'm taking the patient for a walk," Jefferson simply shouted over his shoulder before hurrying her through the doors._ _Finally she was outside, and the feeling of the cool air against her cheeks was the best feeling in the world...better than she'd ever imagined or dreamed! She'd done it, she was outside, she was free!_

_"Hey," Jefferson stopped her away from the entrance and turned her around to face him once more. "You remember what you're supposed to do?" he asked just as desperately as he originally had, only this time his words were more flustered and hurried._

_"Find Mr. Gold, tell him where I've been, and tell him Regina locked me up," she repeated happily. She could do that. She could do anything now!_

_"Good, now-"_

_"HEY!" he screamed a man she didn't recognize called by the door. She didn't recognize him, but it was clear they recognized her._ _They had been caught!_

_"That way!" she glanced up as Jefferson took a few steps away from her and pointed down a road away from where he was running. "Go! Run!" She didn't need to be told twice. She took off as fast as her legs could carry her, not stopping to check if Jefferson had gotten away, too. She couldn't risk slowing down as the sounds of the nurses pursuing here were still close. She should have been afraid, but running, really running, was pure euphoria. And as the sound of the nurses footsteps began to slow and fade behind her she couldn't help but smile. She was free. She had a purpose. She had hope._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye Jefferson! It was nice to see you again! Sorry, this is the one and only time Jefferson is in this fiction. You can read more about him and how he knew Belle and Rumple in MK&U but beyond this chapter, it's the last we'll see of Jefferson. Why isn't Belle going to go looking for him? There are a lot of reasons and many of them are answered in those MK&U chapters (A Devil's Miracle & A Curious Individual). If you haven't read them yet, then go ahead and find them! They hold the key!
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter! I'm so happy that you're hooked and can't wait to hear all that you think of this fiction! You are so kind! Peace and Happy Reading!


	3. Purpose

_She rushed into the building, shutting the door behind her, still out of breath from her run. The sound of a chime made her jump. A glance above her told her that it was a bell that had signaled her presence to everyone in the shop, but as she looked around, she saw that no one appeared to be there. She hoped she was in the right place. Jefferson had told her to find Mr. Gold and the sign did say "Mr. Gold Pawnbroker." She had discovered something already, she could read. But why he would send her to this man was a complete mystery to her._

_A sound she couldn't identify, something like fumbling or a drawer being closed, drew her attention to a curtain at the back of the room. With careful hesitation she walked toward it. Nervous thoughts in her head reminded her to be careful. It could be anyone back there: Friend or Foe, Mr. Gold or the Woman-with-Black-Hair. She took a deep breath, telling herself to be brave. This was easy: if it was a woman-run, if it was a man…if it was a man she would just tell him exactly what Jefferson had told her. Maybe it would somehow make sense to him._

_She pulled back the curtain and sighed with relief as she saw the back of a person, long hair, but clearly the body type of a man. He was hunched over a counter, thin and scrawny, he didn't look like he would be powerful enough to protect her, but looks could be deceiving. She didn't feel like she was crazy and yet that's what everyone told her! She wasn't crazy, she was just empty, no life, no memory, no idea of who she was or where she was or anything of the world around her. Empty. Could he give her the answers that she needed?_ _She had to find out if he was the one she was looking for first. Words, she needed words._

_"Excuse me," she said trying to be loud enough to be heard. "Are you Mr. Gold?"_

_The man sighed. "Yes I am, but I'm afraid the shop's…" he stopped in his tracks as he turned to look at her, "closed..." he finished quietly. Something had changed in him. Suddenly he was acting as though someone had just stolen the very air in his lungs, like he'd seen her before but hadn't all at the same time. She suspected she had caught him off guard somehow and his look seemed to confirm it! He was staring at her like she was the last person on earth that he expected to walk into the shop. Did that mean he knew her? She didn't feel like she knew him. Nothing was coming to her, no names or memories or places. She was still a blank page, and him...! He looked like he was seeing her as the ghost she sometimes felt she was._

_She shook her head. There was another reason she was here. Questions could wait, she'd been waiting on the answers for as long as she could remember and another few moments wouldn't matter. She had to focus on why she was here: find Mr. Gold, give him the message, and get protection. Then, when she was sure she was safe from the nurses and the woman-in-black, she could have her answers._

_She took a couple of steps forward._ _"I was, uh..." she really wished he would stop staring at her, it made her feel awkward and self-conscious. She had to look terrible with her tangled hair and her hospital gown. "I was told to...to find you," she said, pushing the thought from her head and fulfilling the first of her obligations, "and tell you that 'Regina locked me up'." Recognition didn't appear in his eyes at the statement, he just kept staring! But before she could ask him to stop he moved from behind the table separating them toward her slowly, as if afraid she would startle and run away. She didn't recognize him but she was beginning to believe more and more that he knew who she was. It was wonderfully exciting and equally as terrifying, maybe he would have answers for her! "Does...does that mean anything to you?" she asked, knowing that she had fulfilled her obligation to Jefferson and ask her own questions without guilt._

_He walked over to her, still dazed. He looked afraid, he acted like if he blinked she might vanish into thin air as he stood before her. He hesitated, but finally stretched out his hand and placed it around her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze. She glanced down at it confused. What was he doing? "You're real!" he muttered with shock in his voice. Of course she was real, she was just empty. Anyone could see that. "You're alive!" this time the shock in his voice was joined with something she couldn't put a name to. She imagined that it was something she would feel if she ever managed to find her past, remarkable relief, or like a miracle had occurred, or maybe something far more shocking, like the dead could come back to life. "She did this to you?" he questioned looking her up and down._

_That was an emotion she knew! Anger. She'd felt it herself every time the drugs keeping her in a sedated stupor wore off and she banged on the door of her prison demanding the answers no one would give her. All it had ever gotten her was a sharp sting to the arm and days of catatonic gazing, similar to how he was staring at her now, and it was driving her absolutely crazy._ _He'd said the words but he was still acting like he couldn't believe them. This was the man Jefferson had sent her to?! This was the man that was supposed to keep her safe? She found that very hard to believe._

_"_ _I was told you'd protect me?" she stated, wondering what he would think about Jefferson's assumption._ _He was still staring but now he looked as though he might burst into tears at any moment. In fact, his chin was starting to tremble and she realized he_  was  _crying_.

_It was like something in him broke._ _"Oh, yes!" he exclaimed, launching himself at her, seizing her and holding her against him quickly. A hug, it was called a hug. She just couldn't remember ever having one before, and she froze at the strange touch. "Yes, I'll protect you," he said against her. She supposed this meant that he did know her. Why else would he have this reaction? But how did he know her? He didn't feel familiar, he didn't seem to respond the way a father or brother would. Not that she would know, the only one who had ever come to see her was the Woman-With-Black-Hair. But she couldn't imagine a brother or father not knowing that she was alive like he had believed. What was left then?_

_Finally her body seemed to be getting the signals from her brain and she shook her head stepping out of his grasp._ _Who was he? Who wouldn't know that she was alive, and greet her like this? Who was she? Where did she come from? Why was her past missing? She wanted so much to know who he was so she could wrap her arms around him as well, but the memories just weren't coming to her. She wished they would._ _"I'm sorry. Do I...do I know you?" she asked utterly confused._

_"No," he answered after a moment, tears threatening to slip from his eyes._ _Something about her words seemed to upset him and she just couldn't understand why!_ _She wanted to know, she had to know! "But you will," he assured her with determination. She was confused, more than she could ever remember being in her life and he was speaking in riddles! No, she didn't know him? He had to know her, no one greeted a stranger as he was her! How could he know her without her knowing him? And what did his last words mean? Nothing about her situation made sense!_

_Suddenly he grabbed her hand. The shock of it made her pull it away and he glanced down at their separated hands, hurt by her action. Yes, he knew her! She could see it in his face! But she didn't understand this and she surely wasn't going to do something like hold his hand when he wouldn't stop to explain himself! But after a moment he glanced back up at her, his eyes even more determined than they had been before. "Come with me," he muttered then gently placed an arm on her back, which she allowed because it felt protective in a way and was far less intimate than holding his hand. "There's something we have to do, but everything...everything will be clear soon enough. I promise, I'll answer all your questions soon," he vowed. And before she could question further the pair of them left the tiny shop, leaving her feeling like she had more questions than answers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! What we've been waiting for since MK&U! I told you they would be together again soon! I promised I wouldn't disappoint! Or at least I hope not. Sure it's only a one sided kind of love affair at the moment but it's got to start somewhere right?! And hey if they're leaving the shop together now then that must mean that the next chapter will be...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	4. Body, Mind, and Soul

It brought her to a standstill.

It felt like no other feeling that she'd ever felt before. Like an invisible pulse of pure energy that rocketed up from the soles of her feet to the top of her head. It filled her up, the endless emptiness inside of her collapsed onto itself, and she found herself looking around at the strange surroundings, realizing that they weren't strange at all.

"Wait!" she cried, taking in the overwhelming memories in the world around her.

She was in the forest, hiking up a long hill, in nothing but a hospital gown, some stockings, and shoes that were definitely the reason that she kept tripping. She'd been living in a fog, a prisoner to her own mind, no memories of her life, or who she was or where she was from...or where she was now. The curse. The one that she'd heard the guards outside her door talking about, the one the Queen had meant to cast. This must have been it! Or was it? While the last time she had lost all of her memories of the other life this time she kept them. They weren't much better, she hadn't had an identity, but they filled in the blank spaces and made her gasp with wonder as her mind put the fragments of the two together. All curses could be broken. Was that what had happened?

"No, no, we're very close," the voice ahead called to her. She looked toward man the voice had come from and this time it was her heart that stopped. She couldn't be certain about what had happened, where she was or the strange town she'd traveled to, but she knew one thing. She knew him. He didn't realize she knew him now! She remembered going into his shop, and remembered the look on his face when she'd walked in and asked for protection. Then she had been utterly confused and only followed the stranger up the mountain because he promised her answers but now...now he didn't need to explain because everything made sense. Who she was, who he was, who she had been running from, why she needed protection, and even his reaction to her standing before him. She hadn't had the answers but he did, clearly his memories had been intact, which was probably why he was trying to walk on oblivious to what had just happened. He remembered just as she now did...everything.

Suddenly she felt like there wasn't enough air in her lungs, like there wasn't enough in the entire world. How would he react if he knew that she had her memories back? Would he send her away again? Or would it be the warm welcome that she had gotten before the curse had broken? His back was still turned. She could run. As soon as the thought popped into her head she realized it wasn't an option. She had nowhere to go. If the Evil Queen found out that she had escaped she would come for her. And while she had her memories back she had nothing of this strange place. She had no idea where she was, no idea how to hide here, and she barely had clothes! Besides, the last time she'd left him, she'd ended up regretting it and made plans to get back to him whether he liked it or not. She looked ahead at the man in front of her, and felt the tears start to gather. Was she as brave now as she'd felt then? And what about him? Would he leave her like last time? Or would he protect her as he had promised? She didn't have another option. She'd have to find out.

"Rumpelstiltskin!" she called, the name coming just as naturally as walking, even after all these years. "Wait!" she begged, though it was needless. It was the name that caught his attention and finally made him stop moving long before she'd requested to wait. Without giving the command her legs took her toward him, hobbling up the hill, as she watched him turn slowly toward her. He looked at her like he was skeptical and maybe a little scared, but strangely enough it comforted her. He was just as unsure about this as she was. Maybe she wasn't the only one that kept replaying the last time they had been together in her mind. The only question was whether or not history would repeat itself.

"I...I remember," she informed him, but his expression was still unchanged. He kept staring at her like he was waiting for her to say something more. Or maybe he was waiting for her to run. She still hadn't decided completely whether or not she should. It had been so long since she'd seen him but her memories seemed so fresh that the shop and that cell seemed blurry and somehow farther away. He was different. His skin was normal and not scaly or discolored. The greasy hair was gone, giving way to long brown hair sprayed with gray at the sides. The cane was new...or was it? She should have guessed before, should have understood! The cane that she'd seen in the castle, the one that he had said once belonged to an old coward and had traded for misery...it was his. She smiled as she looked him over with it. She didn't know why he needed it here and not there, but it suited him in a strange way. As did his clothes, they made him look regal and smart, maybe even a little authoritative. But his face didn't match the rest of him. It was gentle and it reminded her of all the times that they had talked in his castle and shared their meals. It reminded her of that look he'd had after she dropped her chipped cup. It was so far from the last look that he'd given her as she'd left or after…

She pulled her mind away from that. She didn't want to focus on it, she just wanted to gather her courage and focus on something more positive. They were here, together, and that look, that emotion, was nowhere on his face now. She just wanted to pretend like they could do that moment over. Maybe they could do it over. She'd been brave once, she could be brave again?

"I...I love you," she burst out. They were the words she wished she'd been able to say so long ago, that she'd dreamed of saying locked away at the Queens palace, and now that she stood facing him again she had to say them. No matter what his reaction. If they were going to start somewhere it may as well be there, but what to do after that declaration...she didn't know. Should she step forward and try to kiss him again? Should she smile or frown? Laugh or cry? She couldn't make up her mind and the only compromise she could make was to do all at once.

Nervously she watched him. It felt like ages for him to show some kind of expression on his face, she waited in limbo, her mind still screaming at her to get away while she still could, but her body kept her feet firmly planted in front of him, just as she'd planned before she'd been captured because her soul wanted to badly to stay. Then, everything changed. A smile spread across his face and he nodded. Her heart lifted and she was happy that she had listened to her instinct. The tension that was between them seemed to vanish into nothing as he reached out for her and she threw her arms around his neck.

They crashed together like two magnets that had never been allowed to connect, always pulled together but never allowed to come together the way they were meant to until this moment. His arm held her tightly against him, closer than anyone else in her life ever had, and she took in the smell of him, which was just as familiar as it was old. She couldn't help but let herself cry as she took in the new feeling of being this close to him, of having him hold her securely instead of pushing her away just like she felt he'd always wanted to.

"Yes," she heard him whisper against her as he rocked them side to side. Whether from instability or in a natural movement she couldn't tell, but she liked it, it was comforting. "Yes, and I love you, too." The words sent a new wave of relief through her. They were the words that she'd been waiting to hear since that day in the castle. The way that he'd said them told her that it wasn't spontaneous. He did love her, he'd known he'd loved her for a long time. He said them just as she had, like there was nothing more important than those simple words.

He loved her. She didn't know what had happened to him between then and now. She wondered if he had come to regret letting her go as much as she feared he would, she wondered if he thought of her in the days that followed her abrupt departure as much as she'd thought of him. Somehow she felt that she wasn't alone in the way that she'd tortured herself, thinking that things could have gone back to normal if she'd only made one decision differently.

So she made up for it by letting him embrace her. And when she realized that their hugging had gone to holding, she squeezed him tighter and savored the feeling of being wanted instead of rejected. What had happened in their past didn't matter, they had gotten to this place, one way or another, they'd come back to each other. And right here, this moment, this was all that mattered. For her that proved that it was true love far more than her ability to break his curse had. She could stand here forever with him, locked in an eternal embrace, so long as it was him that she was with, she was complete: body, mind, and finally soul.

"But, hey!" she felt the arm around her back loosen. She wasn't ready to let go yet. She wanted to kiss him, because somehow she knew that it would be different from the last time they'd kissed, but before she could she felt his hand on her head and too soon she found that she was following his lead and letting him go. He didn't release her completely; his hand remained on her cheek, pushing the tangled mess of hair off her face, maintaining contact. It was such a change from those brief moments that he would shy away from her as if she'd burned him.

"There'll be time for that...there'll be time for everything," he whispered as if he'd sensed her thoughts. She supposed he was right. They were together again and she would fight as hard as she could, harder even, in order to keep them that way. They had nothing but time. So why was he hurrying them along now? They needed to talk, they needed to sort out the scattered pieces of their past, before they could move forward-

"But first..." he looked her up and down, small traces of regret slipping to the surfaces beneath his look of persistence and hurry. He didn't want them to stop either. "There is something I must do," he said, then turned and continued to lead them up the mountain.

She opened her mouth to question him, but he was in a hurry and she didn't even know where to begin. As her mind cleared the smell of him out of her brain she began to think like her old self again, logically. They had to go, they couldn't stay here. The Evil Queen was coming and they needed to be somewhere safe. So then, why were they in the woods? And why had he dragged her up here in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Together again! yay! I'm so happy! Aren't you happy? I love happy endings like this! Or should I say happy beginnings. I thought that A&E did a wonderful job on this scene for the finale. Of course like any Rumbeller I would have loved a kiss but it is what it is in my mind. I like to think they were making a statement here, showing once again that Rumple is addicted to power and it's still more important to him than Belle. She's back from the dead but he can't even stop to kiss her properly because he's got to bring magic back. Looking back it really was far more in character not to have that kiss than to have it!
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments! I was so happy to hear that you enjoyed it! It's always so difficult making scenes that are already so special and magical just right! Peace and Happy Reading!


	5. Blissful Perfection

At last something besides trees appeared before them. It was a well! And in the middle of the natural forest, the man-made stones stood out a mile away. But...surely this wasn't what they were here for?

Sure enough, she watched as he strode over to it, then turned and reached for her, gently grabbing her arm and pulling her up along next to him. He was looking at the thing with great interest and it answered one question for her without a single word. Yes, this was what he'd brought them up here for. But why?

"What is this place?" she asked, wondering what was so intriguing about it. She supposed it was beautiful in a strange way. But it was still just a well!

"This is a very special place, Belle," he explained, releasing her and pointing at the object. "The waters that run below are said to have the powers to return that which one has lost," he concluded with an odd grin, as if his explanation made everything perfectly clear. However, she was still utterly confused, he'd answered her question by telling her where they were but she was hoping he would tell her why they were there.

He stepped up to the well and pulled something from his pocket. She stepped up beside him to get a better look. It was a glass vial, and she would have considered it ordinary if not for the purple haze in it that looked so weightless she couldn't tell if it was gas or liquid. He set it on the stone ledge and she watched as he pulled the stopper out, suspended it over the opening, then finally, dropped it in. Together they watched it fall, down, down, down, before it made an echoing splash in the waters below. For a moment nothing happened but then-

A cold gust raced out of the opening, blowing her hair back out of her face and suddenly purple smoke plumed out of the well and fell lightly on the ground around it. She stepped back, shocked at the substance boiling out of the well, not wanting to let it touch her. Something about it felt wrong, like it didn't belong in a beautiful place as pure as this forest. They should run. They should leave before-

But he wrapped his hand around her arm and took a step back with her. Was he surprised by it too? Startled? No, as it snaked around their ankles she saw him take a step, just a small one, into it eagerly. Embracing it. She stared up as it rose higher and higher, forming a great cloud before them that began cascading down the hillside behind them like a waterfall. But...no! She'd seen it but she still didn't understand what was happening and why he wasn't explaining it to her!

"But I don't understand," she said watching it.

She felt him step up behind her and place a hand gently at her waist. "This is a land without magic Belle, and I'm bringing it...Magic is coming," he hissed in her ear. The smile on his face scared her, maybe more than the purple smoke did. It wasn't the face of the man that had held her on the hillside but rather the face of the beast she'd known lo long ago. It was the face of secrets. A memory sparked, somewhere in the back of her mind. She had only ever heard of a Land Without Magic once in her life and it had been in his castle, from his mouth! She'd read a book from the Land Without Magic, a book he'd collected because he thought it might have been informative. Her mind struggled to recall the words, all the information and put it all together in her head but she couldn't. She knew it meant something, she just couldn't figure out what it was! The curse was cast by the Queen wasn't it? Why would he have been preparing to come here? And why would he bring magic to a world that wasn't infected with it?! Why would he be willing to let it consume him again? Why would he do this?!

"But why?"

"Why? Because magic..." he sneered before glancing at her, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "is power!" The words came out in a harsh tone, but no sooner had she begun to contemplate it and the cloud suddenly seemed to rear up. Frightened, she turned her back and pressed her face into his chest, preparing to be engulfed in it. His arms came around her, and she shrank against him waiting to feel like she was falling as it knocked against them. But she felt nothing. Nothing but a light breeze. She took a chance and looked over his shoulder. She watched as it rolled down the hill, toward the town and away from the two of them.

It was safe, at least physically, nothing had happened to her. Or him! As the smoke rolled away from them she took a small step away putting some space between the two of them. She turned and looked around. The air around them had cleared so quickly it was almost like...magic. She felt like she could feel it in the air but he didn't look as he had in their land, in the castle. She didn't understand what had happened. But she knew she didn't want to be here anymore and as she looked at him, staring stunned at the well, she realized it wasn't the right place for either of them. No doubt the town would be in shambles at the approaching cloud of purple magic and they should get back and answer questions. His arm was wrapped around her like a cloak but she wasn't sure if he even realized it. She tried to take a timid step forward, hoping that if she led he would follow after her.

"My darling Belle..." Her heart soared as she stopped in her tracks at his words and turned to face him, his arm ever present, like he couldn't bear the thought of the physical separation. He'd never said her name like that. And he'd certainly never used the endearment of "darling" before. It was such a beautiful word she truly didn't know he even knew it. He was looking at her again, in the way he had before they'd come up here, the way that told her just how happy and astounded he was that she was standing before him. Magic aside, the change she could see in him was remarkable: from "Go!" to "darling!", from power to love, and from distance to closeness! Every time she seemed to step away, to move, or sway, he countered the action perfectly, always bring himself closer to her. It was truly remarkable.

But she could see something grating at him! There was something on his mind, only he seemed hesitant to say anything about it. It was a look she recognized from her time in the castle. It was the look he got when he wanted to ask her a question but was afraid to because if he started to ask questions then she would be able to. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that. But just as she remembered, he was eternally curious and she knew it was only a matter of time before her questioning look and his curiosity got the best of him.

"You have to tell me what happened to you," he whispered finally.

He didn't phrase it as a question, apparently somethings never changed, but it still confused her. Didn't he know?

"I was abducted," she answered, thinking if only she reminded him then he would remember, but his face showed no signs of recognition. He did know what had happened to her, didn't he? Why she hadn't come back to him all those years ago...didn't he?

"Regina?" The word was full of spite, half a question half an accusation. She nodded thinking back on the woman who had often looked in on her happily in that place...the asylum. It was the same woman who had taken her that day she'd left Philip and Mulan on the road, the same woman she'd talked to on the road before she'd kissed him. Regina? She assumed so, Jefferson had used that name, although the woman had never actually introduced herself as anything other than the Queen. And it didn't take much to realize that it was the Evil Queen everyone talked about with fear...at least in their world, who knew where they were now, where this curse had taken them. But she knew where she'd been.

"She locked me away until her curse and I've been in the asylum ever since."

"For twenty-eight years?!" he snarled in a disgusted voice. She nodded a confirmation but was still confused. The memories were painful, but she tried to focus on the one good thing: at least she had memories again! They'd all returned, come back to her completely! His knowledge of the incident, however, appeared to be missing. He really hadn't known? He seemed to always know everything. She had waited in that prison for him to come and get her. He had never shown up. Was that why? He hadn't known she was there?! How was that possible? He knew everything! "All these years, you've been here?" he spat. "Alive!"

The word suddenly gave her all the answers she sought. Everything made sense. She assumed he would come for her if only to protect himself against the little knowledge of him that she carried, but he hadn't. The only explanation was that he hadn't known to look. And the only way that would have happened...was if someone had told him she was dead. The way he had said that word confirmed it. No wonder he had looked at her like he was seeing a ghost when she first saw him. She had been to him. And although she couldn't be sure who had told him this, she could take a pretty good guess based on his original assumption of who captured her: The Evil Queen. Her stomach turned. She'd captured her, kept her in that tower under lock and key, hidden her away in the asylum, and told him that she was dead so he wouldn't think to look for her! How...it was beyond cruel!

"Is...is that why you did this?" she thought back to bringing the magic back, thinking that he was going to use it for the worst possible thing in the world. "Why you wanted magic? For revenge?" she questioned suspiciously. It was only after she'd returned, after she'd informed him that Regina had locked her up, that he'd led them up here and done this!

"Oh no," he answered with a wicked sneer on his face, a thought clearly brewing in his mind, "but it might come in handy."

"No," she insisted. She shook her head desperately, that wasn't what she wanted. Magic always had a price and she had seen first hand the price he'd pay if he gave into it. She just wanted them to go on and live their life magic free! "No!"

"I cannot let this stand, Belle! I will not let this stand!" he yelled. The outburst wasn't against her, it was for her, but it wasn't necessary, she didn't want the violence! She'd seen enough of it to last a lifetime, all she wanted now after such a long imprisonment was a to  _live_ a life...preferably with him. But she'd never be able to live with herself if she allowed him to go off in her name and hurt the people that harmed her...or did worse.

"Look," she reached out and grabbed his hand, it was the first thing that she could think of. His temper could be uncontrollable, but she wasn't going to let the Evil Queen turn him into something she knew he wasn't. She had intruded in their lives enough. Although she had no love for the woman, she couldn't let him hurt her. It never solved anything, just made a never-ending circle of payback and torment. She just wanted to live a life with him that she knew they could have. She wanted to forget the past and start over again. If she could do it so could he, but she needed assurance first. "Promise me, promise me you won't give into your hate. Promise me," she felt a smile tug at her lips just thinking of him saying the words she wanted to hear, "you won't kill her."

He looked away, avoiding her eyes, not saying anything. He knew. He knew exactly what she was asking, and it went against every instinct he had. He didn't know if he could make her that promise...or he didn't want to. She felt tears sting her eyes. This couldn't happen. Not again! She couldn't lose him to his ambition, to his bloodlust...to power and magic. Not again. She wouldn't stand for it. The irony of making a deal with the deal maker wasn't lost on her, but if it was the only way, the only way to be with him, to move on from this blow they'd been dealt, then it would be worth it.

"Promise me," she begged, "and we can be together." His bitter face softened into a collection of emotions: a smirk of happiness, a forehead wrinkled with guilt, a tear of hope, and in his eyes she was reflected along with all the love and care she had seen the first time that they had kissed an eternity ago. It broke her and she couldn't fight back the tears filling her eyes or the tremble of her chin. She wanted this. She wanted him in every way possible even after everything that had happened! But he had to want it too.

"Oh, Sweetheart..." he whispered staring down at her like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He gently reached forward and brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek in a tender gesture that she hadn't expected. She needed the words, his promise, more than breath in her body, because she didn't think she could turn her back on this moment if he didn't. She just couldn't turn away from him again!

"Promise," he finally said with a smile. She felt relief as she smiled, somewhere deep down she knew the word was important, knew that it meant something significant, but her brain wasn't working as it should. His hand was at her neck distracting her from the rest of the world...from herself.

The universe seemed to slow. Planets, stars, moons, all stopped in their orbit as she felt that hand gently pulled her forward. Her heart stopped too, as she felt the press of his lips against hers. It was more forceful than it had been last time. Less terrifying, more powerful. But it felt just as natural and right as it had then. She felt as though she was drawn into it far easier this time around and all reached up to place a hand on the back of his neck and let her fingers tangle in his hair. He seemed just unwilling as she was, wrapping his arms around her as he gave a greedy pull and drew her even closer, barely finishing the first before he was kissing her deeply again before they finally stopped.

She paused for a moment, basking in it before opening her eyes and cautiously waiting for what would follow. He didn't pull away. Not like last time. His arms, the grip he had on her jacket was still tight. He remained so close that she could have easily reached up and kissed him again. She met his eyes and smiled, a silent acknowledgment of the moment that had passed between the two of them, a test they'd failed last time but passed only now, a promise to start fresh.

She was happier than she could ever remember feeling. She didn't want it to end. She closed her eyes, taking in the bliss and storing it up within her, letting it erase their last encounter so they could start right here and now. This was how that wretched first kiss should have ended. With a content sigh she laid her head against his shoulder, her nose brushing his lips as she moved, and let her arms wrap around him. She felt him do the same, holding her tight against him just as she was. She was so happy she felt as though she might begin to cry all over again because this spot against him was her new favorite place in the world. It was better than her bedroom at her father's castle, better than the armchair by the fire, and far better than the one warm corner in her padded room. She felt like she belonged here in his arms forever. She fit so perfectly against him it was like she had been made just for him and he for her. This was perfection. This was true love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh go ahead and just take it in for a second. We all know that we want to. There are so few times that our dear couple are happy and together and so few times that they are together without Belle fearing for the future. Oh, let's face it, this is pretty much the only moment like that we're ever going to get. All the more reason to take it all in for a moment. I hope ya'll think I did okay with this chapter. It's not one of my favorite, writing wise. But I did try to make it seem long and unending on purpose, for the same reason that I did way back in MK&U with their first kiss actually. I wanted to preserve that feeling of "just do it already!" that I know we were all feeling when we finally arrived at this scene. I hope it's not as bad as I fear it is and ya'll enjoy it!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	6. New Life

He held her at that well for what seemed like an eternity and yet...it wasn't long enough. "I love you," he repeated in her ear so confidently she could barely believe there was a time he'd ever denied how he felt about her. "I love you but we can't stay here. We need to go back, you'll catch cold here." Now that he mentioned it she was a little chilly. But it was worth it just to hear his concern for her. It was endearing. Still she quickly nodded and took his arm so he could lead her back into the little town they'd come from. They said nothing to each other the entire way, it was as if they were afraid to say anything that might break what they had just shared and carried between them. It was fragile, this thing they had, but it was alive and well...it was hopeful.

Now she stood once more in front of the building she'd arrived at before she'd gotten her memories back: "Mr. Gold Pawnbroker." He unlocked the door and led her back inside where it was warm and...looking around it was about a million other things that she just couldn't describe. "You, uh," he closed the door behind them leaving the world outside and breaking their silent hesitation. "You wait here Belle, I'm going to find you something to wear. You've spent enough time in these rags." She smiled at the thought. Something to wear. Clothes. Real clothes! A real dress, something to make her feel more like herself and not an old lady that sold bread crumbs to feed the birds. She was so grateful she could burst though she hadn't missed the disgusted undertones in his voice.

She knew that while she was able to convince him not to go after The Evil Queen she couldn't convince him not to be upset with the woman. After all she couldn't help but be upset herself. But no matter how upset she was, how angry, she still didn't want him to go after her. That would be an act of revenge, not self defense, and no one ever won in situations like that. Besides, she knew that he wouldn't be able not to brag about how she was back at his side. And she wasn't sure that she was ready for the Queen to know that she was free just yet. Maybe in all the confusion, she would be able to get a few weeks of peace before she found out and right now that was all she needed. Time. Time to adjust to a new life, a new world, this new relationship, and yes, even to new clothes.

"Thank you!" she nodded as he disappeared behind the curtain that she had walked though earlier. It seemed strange. Had it only been a few hours ago that she was here without any memory of who she was? Of who he was?! It didn't seem like a day had passed, it felt like a lifetime had gone by! But the moving sun outside the building told her that it had only been a day.

She sighed as she clutched the measly coat around her and took a few absent-minded steps in no particular direction. She could hear him rummaging around in the back, looking for the clothing, and took a deep swallow. Things were different now. That kiss, the way he held her hand, every touch, even the way that he had looked at her told her that things were different between them than when they had been in that castle. Then, she couldn't expect to know things. She hadn't wanted to bother him and hadn't felt like she had a right to. Now she wanted nothing more than to know everything, and spend long hours talking to him.

She took another glance around the room she was in. It was a strange place really, glass cases, a rowboat in the ceiling, even a babies mobile hanging low in front of her. "What is this place?" she called out, still trying to find her voice. Years of silence made her throat sore when she spoke. But the only way to change that was to get used to talking again.

He reappeared suddenly from behind the curtain, a smile on his face and gestured that she should follow him into the back room again. "It's a pawn shop," he answered gently.

"Pawn shop". She shook her head as she passed by him. "What is that, exactly?"

"I deal in antiques," he explained walking around her to the table she had seen him at before. She felt stupid, like he had learned a foreign language and she was still trying to catch up. Fortunately he seemed to catch on to her ignorance. "I deal in trading objects for money, loans, other forms of collateral, that sort of thing," he went on with a lop-sided grin, looking at her almost nervously. Was he worried she wouldn't approve? Or worried she still didn't understand?

She nodded trying not to let on how lost she truly was. It was like she'd gone to sleep and the whole world had changed as she dreamed. Or rather, had a nightmare, really. In a way she supposed the world had changed. Except for him, there was something familiar about the way that he conducted his business that made her smile. "Still making deals, Rumpelstiltskin?"

He looked over the top of her head and around the back room with pride. "Yes, well," he looked back at her and sighed with that same strange grin, "some things never change."

She took a timid step forward, still testing the waters of whatever this was, and grabbed his hand. "Some things do," she muttered, when he didn't pull it back.

The words made him ease a little, he grinned down at her, then wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her close to him leaving a quick kiss on her forehead. All that time she'd spent away from him, she'd come to realize that not being around a person's true love was unnatural, which meant, that being with him was the opposite. It felt real, and right, and, yes, very natural being in his arms. But that didn't stop her from thinking that she might never get used to it. She hoped not, she never wanted it to feel like any less of a miracle. The dark beast was tender and gentle, who would have guessed that? Had anyone besides her ever seen it?

He released her suddenly and gazed down at her as he rubbed a thumb over her cheek. She felt prized and precious. How had they managed to stay away for so long?! "It's been a long time since I've had anyone close to me," he whispered, almost afraid that the world would be able to hear them through the walls. "But those that have been close have called me Rumple."

It felt like her jaw would break from the amount of smiling that she was doing. She'd heard the name before. A couple of people that she had overheard making deals with him at the castle had called him that. She'd even called him that in her mind and out loud once or twice, but never to his face. She hadn't been brave enough for that. But she liked it. It was less of a mouthful, more intimate, gentler in a way. And she liked that he had asked her to call him that. It felt like she was being given a key to a secret treasure. Others had taken the name from him, robbed him of it...but he'd given it to her.

"Rumple," she muttered, testing it on her tongue. He smiled and nodded happily at her, enthusiastically even! This was what she'd always hoped they'd be like in secret. It was like a dream come true. With a final smile and a light rubbing of her arm, he hobbled over to a small space in a cabinet.

"Everything you'll need will be in here," he instructed tapping the cane against a drawer. "I'll leave you to change in private-"

"Leave!"

"-I'm sorry to have to say, but with the curse broken there is an errand that I must run."

Her heart dropped into her stomach, shocked. He was leaving! Running errands! So soon! No. She didn't want to be left alone, not on her own, not with the Evil Queen lurking about, and especially not so quickly after they'd been reunited. "I'll come with you," she said eagerly. She'd stay in the gown if they had to leave now just so long as they weren't parted again.

"No, Belle," he held out his hands stopping her advance. "Stay here. Change. I promise you are perfectly safe in this shop and I won't be long. Besides, you'll be more comfortable after you've changed." He wouldn't be long? How long was "not long?" An hour? Two? More? The whole world could change in a couple of hours? The whole world  _had_  changed from only a couple of hours ago! She wanted to be with him. She never wanted to leave his side. It was the safest place in the world.

"The Queen?" she asked, trying to stop her heart from hammering against her rib cage. He claimed the shop was safe but she wondered if she would ever feel safe again; ever feel like she could be away from him without fearing that she would come after her. She felt safer with him. He had vowed to protect her only a little while ago, would he really leave her in a shop of flimsy wood? Did he really trust it was safe for her?

Rumple shook his head at her "She probably doesn't even know you're gone," he assured her. "And with the curse broken I'm sure the town will keep her plenty busy," he smiled then, like he might know something that she didn't. Whatever it was she didn't like that smile, it made her uneasy. But then, just as quickly as it had come it vanished from his face and he took those steps closer to her, placing a hand against her shoulder, his eyes suddenly somber. "You'll be safer here. The town has their memory back, magic has returned, and chaos will ensue," he explained. "But in here...I'll protect you, I won't let anything happen to you ever again. You'll be safer here alone than out there with me, trust me!"

The words sparked a million questions into her head. Had everyone else been living in the same crazy fog that she had been? No, they couldn't have. She hadn't been able to function, but he seemed to have been given the expertise to…pawnbroke? Was that even a word? Why had he been given new memories and she hadn't? And where were they to begin with? She strained her memories but they all blended together. There was a sense that she had been in that padded room for a long time, but it felt like barely a year had passed. The last thing she could remember, before being here, before being in the room…the ceiling. She could remember a groaning coming from the endless ceiling above her and what sounded like a crack of lightning before the roof came apart around her. She'd screamed and taken cover under her bed for protection from the debris that never fell and then…nothing. Literally. She'd opened her eyes on a bed in a padded cell with no memory of who she was or how she got there.

He took another step closer to her, and rested his hand against her upper arm, like he had before and it instantly brought her back to the present. She had the feeling that he'd wanted to touch her for a while, maybe even while they had been living at the castle, but had kept his distance. Now it was like any moment that they were together without touching was a waste, it was a privilege that he couldn't pass up for even a second. "It is safer for you to keep to the shadows," he whispered to her, "at least until things settle down." She nodded, that part made sense. She was where she belonged for now. Her father could wait, for now she had him, and she trusted his words more than she'd ever trusted anything in her life. Everything was different now. She could see it in his eyes, and feel it in his touch. He had to go somewhere, but he didn't want to leave her either.

"You'll stay safe?" she asked, her eye brows raised, expecting a certain answer. Whatever he had to do, she was certain that it was important, certain that it had to be done now. He wouldn't part them for anything that wasn't. She had interrupted all of his plans when she burst in this morning and he didn't have time to plan for her being here in his life. She had to give him an allowance for that. So long as he realized that she was expecting him to come back to her, to brave whatever world might be outside those doors quickly and safely and return to her. She knew nothing of this world and he was her only chance to understand it. "You'll be as fast as you can?" she clarified.

He nodded and with a sigh she placed her arms around his body again, snuggling against him like she had by that well, finding the spot she'd decided she like best. If being held captive and losing her memories had been the cost, she would gladly pay it again for this opportunity to make her way back to him, to be right here, to be able to say "I love you" muffled against the strange coat that he wore; just to hear him say "I love you too" into her hair while his arms were wrapped tightly around her as well.

Suddenly he pulled away and looked down at her, then sighed almost regretfully. "I will return soon," he assured her before turning quickly and leaving her in the little room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are three types of scenes that you'll find in the Moments Series. Canon scenes, that is the scenes that we saw beginning middle and end of on screen without a doubt they happened! Non-canon scenes, the scenes that I fill in the blanks for and make up pretty much from scratch. And finally scenes like this, scenes that are a little bit of both. Some chapters I have only a fragment of a scene to work with, like Rumple telling Belle he'll get her new clothes and the rest I have to fill in myself. But no matter what the scene is my goal is to keep all of these scenes as realistic and in character as possible. I want you to forget where canon ends and non-canon starts, to have to go watch the clip on youtube to figure out what I've made up because you can hear the characters saying these lines in your head, I strive to copy gestures, mannerisms, formal and informal language and about a million other things because I want this series to be as close to canon as possible. My goal is to have everyone read and say "yeah that's probably what happened". It's a huge task, let me tell you, but I hope that it's worth it. And I hope that you feel this chapter is well done and meets those requirements. If ever a chapter doesn't meet those requirements please, don't hesitate to leave a review and let me know! I want to know if there is something that needs changed.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	7. Familiar and Unfamiliar

As soon as he left the shop she felt an itch at her neck from the scratchy coat she'd been wearing. She'd be more than happy to get it off and put on something that was considered clothing. So she turned to the drawer he had indicated with his cane and pulled it open. It was good to know at least the furniture worked the same in this world. Inside she found everything she needed: shoes, a dress, new undergarments, even a hairbrush. She had a moment of thankfulness that the nurses in that wretched place had at least given her enough leeway that she knew how to dress in clothes from this world. A hospital gown was not much, but it was close enough to a dress that it counted.

Happily, she began peeling off the layers of mindlessness she'd lived in. The white shoes, the thick stockings that had kept her warm when she wasn't allowed a blanket, the scratchy jacket that Jefferson had given her, and finally the shapeless hospital gown. Looking at the jacket she had a small thought, a curiosity as she wondered where it had come from and better yet where the person who had given it to her had come from. Jefferson. She hadn't known him in her cursed state but looking back into her memories she recognized him immediately as the person who had come to see Rumple with his daughter when she was living in the castle. How had he known she was there? How long had he known she was there? For a moment she thought to question Rumple about him when he returned but then...

When she remembered how he'd reacted to the news that it was Regina, the Evil Queen, who'd held her captive she thought better of it. She hadn't particularly liked Jefferson when he'd come to the castle. He was nosy, too observant for his own good, but his daughter had been kind, just a child. She didn't want to risk anything happening to her father, anything that might make Rumple think Jefferson was a threat. If the day should come that Jefferson believed Rumple owed him a favor for freeing her, then so be it, but for now she resolved that it wasn't worth persuing. There was no need to tell Rumple. She just had to accept it for what it was and move on.

She didn't really need the undergarments, the ones she wore now would do, but in the back of her mind she had a happy vision of burning everything she'd had in that small room, and so she peeled them off as well. The things he had pointed out to her fit just as well, clean, and new. The dress he had given her wasn't shapeless, and it wasn't like the dresses that she had worn in their world. But it was wonderful. It was shorter, easier to move in, but covered her appropriately. It was thinner too and kept her comfortable in the warm shop, even if she couldn't find the fire. She hadn't been given stockings, but she found she didn't care and slid the shoes on over her feet anyway. She would be taller in them, not taller than him, just a bit more than before, but she liked them. She felt as new was the life around her. She took a step forward and found herself overcompensating on shaky legs. The heel on them was skinnier than anything she'd ever worn. She would need a little practice, but fortunately, she had all the space she needed.

She managed to carry herself delicately out into the main room of the pawn shop and looked at the cases and items littered all around her. The small shop that she had once seen as strange and unfamiliar now seemed to fit him as much as the clothes that he wore. If living in the castle had taught her anything it was that he liked to keep anything he came across, and he kept it in mild chaos. She doubted if anyone could find something they were looking for in here. Except for him of course. He probably knew where everything was down to the last mouse.

She looked around, noticing that the clutter was everywhere, the glass cases, the walls, even the rafters! There above her head was a sailboat. She also located the beautiful child's mobile she'd seen earlier. This time she was able to take its beauty in completely, the tiny glass animals twinkling in the dying sunlight threw little rainbows of color across the room in various patterns, painting even the dullest corners of the shop with brightness. How had such a beautiful item, crafted with love and care managed to find its way into this place? With a smile, she turned from the object trying to find something else to hold her interest while she waited for him to return.

Her eyes met with a familiar sight. Those two horrible dolls that she'd cleaned a million times! She'd never liked them. They always sent shivers down her spine and made her feel like she was trapped inside a ghost house, or something far worse. And being alone in a strange place with them wasn't helping that feeling now. She didn't know why they were here, or how he'd gotten them in the first place, but she didn't care. She could ignore them so long as she didn't have to look at them or have to clean the dust off their shocked little faces ever again!

She turned away from them, happy for any distraction, and found that they weren't the only thing she recognized. Now that she looked closer she could also see a painting that had sat in one of the upstairs rooms, a strange bell that he'd kept in her library, and even a set of silver utensils she'd used to serve dinner. She quietly noted that these items didn't seem to have the sign "for sale" on them. It appeared that he was just as protective of his "things" here as he had been there.

Suddenly the light from outside seemed to go down drastically and a howling wind picked up rattling the wooden shop around her. With curiosity she walked up to the door and glanced out the windows. It was nothing. The sun had just sunk low enough to be blacked out by the building across from the shop and a gust of wind was blowing leaves into the street. Was it just a change of weather or was this what happened every time the sun disappeared here? Was this world dangerous at night?

Night. Was that how long she'd been here? How long had he been gone? She sighed as she moved away from the window, moving her hands up and down her arms nervously chasing the memory of the cold nights she'd spent out of her bones. Leaving the big room, and the strange wooden dolls, she walked into the back room he had left her in. It was just as cluttered, but she could tell that he spent more of his time back here. The front room was controlled chaos; this room was a work in progress kind of chaos. Tables held strange sticks, open bottles of smelly solutions, and separate areas for various items that looked like they all somehow fit together but had been taken apart for whatever reason. The only way she could describe it was that it looked like bunches of projects that someone had started at different times and never finished. Him?

On the far side of the room, on top of a shelf, she saw something she recognized, not from his castle, although there had been one there too. The spherical object, a globe, was normal in their world. A map of all the lands. With a smile, she pulled it off the shelf and looked it over. It was just like the ones they had! Blue for water, yellow for land, but the lands that were scattered across its surface were different. Odd shapes and geographical regions she didn't recognize. She looked closer at the words written across the various lands, bumps for mountainous areas, and seas and lakes. None of them sounded familiar. Where had they ended up? Where were they now? Russia? England? South Africa?

A little bell that she was becoming accustomed to announcing a presence in the pawn shop chimed and her head flew up to the curtain and her heart began to race. Friend or Foe? Rumpelstiltskin or Evil Queen. He'd said this place was safe, but... Behind her she saw the back door she'd spotted earlier and slowly moved toward it, wishing that the shoes she was wearing didn't click with every step, but at the door she was ready to run if whoever walked through that door prompted it. Her heart was pounding in her throat as she looked at the shadow that pulled back the curtain and saw-

Rumple.

"Hey," he whispered, his eyes raking down her body. "Well, now don't you look lovely," he smiled at her. It was a compliment, but instead of feeling flattered she was still trying to get control of her body, to calm herself down and not dissolve into tears. She was safe now. There was no need to panic, no need to cry, but safety was going to take some getting used to. "Belle?" his voice brought him back into focus. He looked worried and confused, like he couldn't understand why she hadn't responded and why she was reacting the way she was. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine! Nothing. Thank you," her words were a jumbled mess, she couldn't decide which comment to respond to first so her mind had just answered them all at once. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, dulling her other senses so that she could breathe deeply and smell only him. It was comforting. "Thank you," she said beginning again, slower this time "Nothing is wrong, I'm perfectly fine."

But at her words he moved around the table and closer to her, he grabbed the hand hanging by her side and gazed down at her with knowing eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, his eyes boring into her own, it made her feel like he was trying to read her mind and with his magic...maybe there was no use in trying to hide it from him.

"You just..." she shook her head. He just scared her half to death when she didn't know who had come into the room. No. She couldn't say that. He was angry enough at the Evil Queen, this might truly send him over the edge and she didn't know if a feeble promise would be able to hold him back then. "You startled me," she explained away. "It's nothing, you're back now, everything is fine. I'm fine," she smiled at him. He looked back at her like he still didn't believe her. She didn't want to risk him finding out that she wasn't. They really were together again and it was a silly thing to have to think about, to create problems for them. "Do you have something to drink?" she asked him, searching for a change of subject, "maybe...maybe something to eat?"

He gave a small snort and a smirk, like he knew what she was doing, but instead of forcing her to tell him he took a step away from her. "I have nothing to eat. Not in the shop. And unfortunately, it seems that Granny's and most of the town is closed at the moment." He had a grandmother? No, she couldn't have heard that right. Why would a Grandmothers place be "open" or "closed"? The wind blew against the door behind her, distracting her again as it seemed to be becoming more and more violent by the moment. "But I can make us a cup of tea," he offered with a smile. Tea, something that she recognized! And after nothing but water for what felt like centuries, the change would be welcome.

"That sounds wonderful," she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the cool things that I get to do with Moments is show something that they don't have time for on the show. The trauma Belle must have had after experiencing captivity for so long...I get it, there was so much going on in season 2 that they simply didn't have time for it. I do. And since I'm trying to be realistic and show things as they actually should have been, you can bet that we're going to see that here. I do my best to make it something like PTSD. She panics a lot, doesn't want to be alone, the simplest of things upsets her...she'll also have nightmares, but of course that will come later.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	8. Broken Promises

He excused himself to the front of the shop to make their tea and she could hear the clanking and clattering of china. She didn't know where he was going to get the water, or the heat to make the tea, but he'd said he could and that was enough for her. The sounds of him working out there were comforting. It was proof of another friendly body somewhere and the fact that it was him made her feel safer than she'd felt in a long time. Jefferson had been right, he would protect her.

He had left her in the back again and as he worked she returned to looking around at the strange objects surrounding her. A tan one caught her eye this time, sitting on the desk. She walked over to it and reached out to touch the strangely smooth and cool but unfamiliar material it had been made from. It had numbers on it, written in a strange circular pattern. She picked the handle of the thing up to examine it closer and found that the handle hadn't been attached properly, it popped off the part sitting on the desk and she heard an unnatural noise she hadn't expected come from it. In her surprise, she dropped the object. It's strange rope didn't keep it from smacking the ground with enough force to bring Rumpelstiltskin back into the room in a hurry.

"I, I didn't mean to break it!" she said pointing at it, helping him to quickly identify the noise. She stepped far away from it, she didn't want to damage it any more than she already had or for it to do anything else. And what did that terrible noise mean?

"You didn't," he muttered stepping forward and picking the fallen handle off the floor. He held it to his ear then set it back on top of the other half, just like it had been before. The strange noise stopped, she continued to shake. "It's a telephone," he explained, facing her again with a gentle smile, all trace of panic gone from his face. How did he do that so quick. "It's quite a remarkable device really. They help you communicate with people over long distances." She looked back at the object, the telephone, she still didn't know how it worked but the concept sounded inspired. Still it looked rather simple for the job it had been created to do. And frankly...it was funny looking...too funny looking to panic over.

"It, it uh...it looks like a, uh..." she swallowed, trying to find the right words that wouldn't make her sound as ignorant as she felt, "silly upside-down hat," she smirked, the strange rope swaying against the side of the table catching her eye, "with a curly tail," she added, knowing she probably sounded foolish any way. But she couldn't think of any other way to describe the object. It looked like nothing she'd ever seen before.

He looked at it, his head cocked to one side "Yes, I suppose it does," he said softly with a returning smile. It was enough to make her blush and not just with foolish embarrassment. She knew so little about this world, it didn't seem possible to learn it all. He seemed to sense her thoughts and glanced down at the object. "Everyone in town has a number of seven digits, simply pick up the receiver, tell the phone which number you want, place this part to your ear, the other to your mouth, and you can talk to anyone at any time," he explained. It was a remarkable concept, she wanted to know more about how it worked, but instead he opened his mouth and informed her, "I'm afraid I need one more moment," before striding back out the curtain.

"Take your time!" she replied. "I'll uh...I'll be careful," she muttered to herself, with a glance at the telephone. Not wanting to have another incident like before, she turned her attention back to something she knew: the globe with unfamiliar lands that she'd been examining before he'd returned. She spun it around on its strangely tilted axis, watching the colors blur together into a green shade before she stopped it with the tip of her finger. "Bern." Could they be in Bern?

With a flap of the curtain he stepped back into the room with her, offering another gentle, but surprised, smile. It was an acknowledgement of the strange predicament they found themselves in. Having him in the room felt right, it made her feel complete, but at the same time she felt nervous. She didn't know how to act around him now. Habit told her to keep her distance, but her body seemed to want the opposite. Where was the line now? She wasn't his caretaker. He wasn't her master. She wasn't lower than him anymore, they were equals in a different kind of relationship and neither seemed to know how to act within that relationship. Then again, it wasn't just him, it was this entire land. It was all new to her and she didn't know how to act here either. She sighed and placed her hand along the curve of the globe. She just wanted to know something with certainty again. Just one thing, anything, so that she didn't feel completely incompetent here.

"Ah, where are we?" she asked gesturing towards the globe. "On here, I mean."

He made his way over and stopped beside her, though she wasn't looking she could feel him there, her subconscious hyper sensitive to his every move. He hung the cane on the small shelf space by its handle and she felt one of his hands rest gently on the small of her back. She hoped he couldn't see the red she felt rising in her cheeks, or the way he made her smile just by being close, it made her feel like she was twelve again instead of a grown woman. "We are in the town of Storybrooke," he said softly spinning the globe and pointing to a place on it. "In the state of Maine, in the country of the United States of America, the continent of North America, on the planet Earth," he had pointed out, or outlined each place as he mentioned them one by one, finally spinning the globe around and blurring the colors on the last one.

Storybrooke, Maine, United States of America, North America, Earth. She could remember that, and knowing it made her feel better already. But she didn't want to leave from this spot, didn't want his hand to move from that place on her back. She liked how gentle and reassuring his touch was. "Is it a big Kingdom?" she asked.

"Country," he corrected, stopping the globe and turning it back to the place he was talking about.

"Country," she repeated. "Is it a big country?"

"Bigger than some, smaller than others," he said mysteriously. "But this is a different world. Size does not decide power here," she glanced over her shoulder at him, remembering what he had said about magic and power at that well.

"What does, then?" she asked curiously, but at that moment a loud whistle sounded from the outer room growing steadily louder by the second. The kettle. Tea was done and he excused himself quickly again to get it for her.

She hadn't thought about it until this moment, she'd done her best to put that earlier comment about magic and power out of her head, not wanting to believe it. He was different now, the Rumpelstiltskin she knew hadn't wanted her, hadn't kissed her like he had at the well, hadn't gently touched her, or used words that tenderly. He was different now, he had to be. In the room she could hear the fumbling of china again. She'd ask him again when he came back in. He'd tell her this time, because now they had more time, now they were equals, now they could tell each other everything.

The bell that automatically sent shivers up and down her body chimed. She didn't panic like she had last time, but she did hold her breath and strain her ears, listening for anything that might tell her there was danger, and wondering what she would do if there was. There was a loud click on the floor, like the kind that her shoes had produced but with much more force. Someone else was here with them. Another woman?

"What can I do for you?" she heard him ask, with irritation in his voice. She couldn't see who was in the room, but something about their presence made him uncomfortable. What else would cause him to use that voice.

"What you can do is tell us what you did," a woman whispered harshly. It was so quiet she could barely make out the words, but she felt relief race through her body, she didn't recognize the voice and that meant that it wasn't the Evil Queen. She moved closer to the curtain, curious about what was happening, feeling braver knowing that she wasn't in immediate danger.

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to be more specific," he clarified.

"You know damn well what we're talking about," a man shouted, his voice also unfamiliar.

"You double crossed Emma," another woman's voice added, "you, uh, took you're, ah, potion from her," she said struggling to find the words.

"And did who knows what to this town," the man chimed in again.

"Worst of all you risked Henry's life," the first woman muttered in a furious whisper. Who were these people? Why were they making these accusations against him? Because that's what they were. Accusations. They weren't true, they couldn't be, he was different now. Wasn't he?

"Well that is quite a litany of grievances, now isn't it?" he spoke up, sending chills down her spine. She knew that voice. It was the voice he used when he felt threatened, when he felt like he needed to return a threat for a threat.

"Maybe I don't need answers, maybe I just need to punch you in the face!" the first woman responded. She was still quiet, but she heard her angry voice morph into fury as she said the words. She felt her stomach turn. Was she going to do it? Would she hurt him? Should she go out there or just stay put? She almost stepped through the curtain when his words from earlier rang clear in her head.  _"Keep to the shadows,"_ he'd said. He was right. They might not know she was here, they were making threats against him, clearly they weren't friends. The last thing she needed was for them to work for the Queen, spot her, and tell her she was free. She should stay hidden, let him handle this.

"Oh!" he laughed at the threat, "Really dearie!" It sounded odd, that voice, those words, listening to him do business in another room. If she didn't know any better she would have thought it was years ago, and she was right back to where she had started with him. "Allow me to answer your questions with some of my own. Alright? Did your dear boy Henry survive?"

"Yeah," she heard the woman whisper.

"Is the curse broken? And let's see here, Miss Swan, how long have you been searching for your parents? Looks like you're reunited," the iron fist that had been clenching her stomach loosened slightly. He was innocent, it really had been just accusations after all. "Seems like rather a punch in the face, I deserve a thank you."

"Twist my words all you want," the woman, Miss Swan, said a little more powerfully this time, but the anger was still clear in her voice. "What was the purple haze you brought?"

"You know. Magic!" he said a hint of the voice he used to hide his old self shinning through.

"Why," the second woman breathed. She held her breath, wanting the answer as much as they did.

"Not telling," he spat back at her. Suddenly a terrible crash rocked the shop and for a moment she thought she might stumble through the curtain and be revealed, but she was able to grab the door frame before she fell. Was this a normal occurrence in this town? In Storybrooke? On Earth? She'd never felt anything like this in the asylum but then again she'd never been able to see much in that basement prison. There were strange sounds, like bells and whistles only more mechanical coming from the world outside the walls of the shop. What was happening?

"What the hell was that?" Miss Swan asked, she heard a scuffling of feet and she prayed they weren't coming for the curtain. There was a loud frightening cry outside. It sounded human, but it also sounded like a wounded animal, full of anguish, and hate. What was that? What kind of creatures and animals haunted this land when the sun went down?

"That," Rumpelstiltskin said calmly, "is my gift to you." His voice scared her, it was menacing, angry, it was the voice he had used when talking about Robin Hood. It was the voice of revenge. "That is going to take care of Regina," she felt her jaw drop and another tremor rocked the shop again.

Take care of Regina? As in the Evil Queen? Hadn't he promised he wouldn't do anything to Regina? Hadn't he promised to stay with her? Suddenly she understood everything that happened since she'd gotten her memory back, since he'd left her in the shop to run "errands". He'd chosen wrong again. Instead of staying and just being with her, he had left her side and sent someone, something, after the Evil Queen. She felt tears gather in her eyes as her chin began to tremble. He couldn't keep his promise, couldn't stay with her, hadn't been able to resist the pull of magic and revenge. He'd fallen back into his old habits without a second thought instead of jumping into the new life that he had promised her they would have.

He'd lied.

"Emma!" she second woman yelled over the noise outside. "Come on!"

"We need to go take care of this," the man insisted. Take care of it. They were going to stop it. She didn't know who the man and woman were, but this other woman, Emma Swan, the three of them were going to pick up his mess. They would try to make good from the bad that he'd created. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. Not to them and certainly not to her! How could this happen?

"We're not done," she heard Emma whisper to him after a moment.

"Oh, I know," he answered. "You still owe me a favor," he whispered back to her harshly. Her stomach turned, Emma had made a deal with him. His deal making hadn't changed either, instead of just being restricted to his business, as he'd explained earlier, he had continued making deals for his own profit. Whether he called them favors or not made no difference to her. She saw it for what it was. In fact, she suddenly felt like she could see everything clearer and brighter.

She clutched her hand to her mouth. She felt betrayed, alone, even abused. How could she have fallen for this again? She'd always been able to tell when he was lying to her, so how had she missed this? He had to have been planning it from the very beginning. Had she lost her ability to read him like she used to? Where did this leave them now? He'd lied! And suddenly she didn't feel like the shop was big enough to contain everything that she was feeling. She had to leave, she had to get out of here, away from him, before he could break her heart anymore than he already had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as he end of this chapter will always make me sad I can't help but deny that I love the beginning of it. I honestly don't know where the idea for the globe came from, but I loved the idea instantly and the mental image of the two of them standing side by side with his hand on her back...I love the little touches like that. Don't get me wrong, I love the kisses too but the little touches have such an awesome and different kind of intimacy that I couldn't not include something like that. Besides, I really wanted them some time to just kind of be together for a bit.
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your awesome comments on the last chapter! I'm so glad that you liked that cute little moment before all this. It's a favorite of mine too! Peace and Happy Reading!


	9. Twisting Words

After a moment she heard the click of heels across the floor and the tinkle of the bell over the door as it opened, letting the sounds from the world outside leak into the room for a moment before it slammed closed again. Whoever those people had been, they were gone now leaving her alone in the shop with Rumpelstiltskin. She breathed deep and removed the hand from her mouth, still reeling from the conversation she'd overheard.

She had to leave. She couldn't bear to stay in this shop one more second. It seemed to be getting smaller and smaller by the second, there was just not enough space for her, him, and all of his lies and secrets. How could this have happened again? How could this have happened again so quickly?! They'd had a second chance, a moment to do it all over again and history had repeated itself. No. Worse. Last time he'd been lying to himself, she'd only been a casualty of that lie, but this time he'd lied to her deliberately. He'd broken their deal. He'd promised he wouldn't kill the queen and he'd left her side the first second he could to summon whatever was outside of the small shop, whatever was responsible for the strange change of weather.

He had been busy, there was so much that he had done wrong in their brief period together: bringing back magic, stealing a potion, sending someone or something out to kill the Queen...it all made her angry. But there was only one thing that he had done that took away her hope. He'd lied to her, and that was what she couldn't stand. She had to leave and she was going to, but she wouldn't walk out the back door, or sneak away like she had been the one to do something wrong. And besides, she had to know, had to hear it for herself first before she left. Was there a chance that she had misunderstood the conversation? Of course there was...but she doubted she had.

And so with trembling hands she pulled back the curtain and looked at him hunched over the tea set. She half expected to see the gold skin and reptilian eyes that she remembered from before, but it was just him. And that scared her more than anything. Was it the curse that had invaded his heart, as she had once assumed, or was it just the kind of person he was? What else but a curse could motivate a person to be that deceitful? Oh, how she hoped that she had just misinterpreted the conversation!

"Hey," he whispered when he spotted her standing there. Her heart fell. She could still read him like he was an open book. That look on his face, the way he was glancing at her, even the timid murmuring of a single word. She hadn't misinterpreted the conversation. And what was more: he knew. He knew that she had heard every word of the conversation; she could see that plain as day written on his face. He was watching her, gauging her reaction, waiting for her to say something first. Wasn't he even going to apologize? Wasn't he even going to try and explain his actions?

"You lied to me," she accused. No, not accused. To accuse would be to assume something. This wasn't an assumption. This was a fact.

"No, I, I kept my word," he was lying again. She'd heard the entire truth, he knew that she'd heard the entire truth and he was still choosing to lie to her?! " _I_  will not kill her," he said with a nasty smirk on his face. He stood with his back straight, saying the words like he was proud of them, proud of the fact that he'd come up with a way to harm the Evil Queen without breaking their deal, like he was expecting her to be just as impressed by that as he was. But it wasn't something to be proud of.

"No," she whispered to herself. It was the same thing! Call it twisting words, call it misdirection. Both were lies in her eyes. How could he think that it was different? "You toy with words," she pointed out sadly, tears beginning to swim in her eyes. Whether he killed her himself or summoned some beast or cast some spell to do the deed for him it was still the same thing. He would still be killing the Evil Queen in an act of revenge for what had happened to her. Revenge was just a fancy word that people used to ease their guilt when they did something wrong. And she wouldn't have him or anyone commit such an act in her name. She couldn't even be sure if he would have commit the act solely because of what had happened to her. She knew that the woman hadn't earned the nickname "The Evil Queen" because she was kind, who knew how many other slights she had committed against him, how many times she had tried to steal his power, to make him weak, to take away his happiness. No, she might not have been the only reason he had wanted to kill her, but she knew that she would have been his excuse. He would have used her in that unfathomable way, and it made her chest hurt just thinking about it. Words weren't the only thing he played with...

"Like you do people," she muttered, surprised at the conclusion she had finally arrived at. And that was the worst of it. He'd treated her just like he would have treated anyone else that she made a deal with, fashioning it into something that he could benefit from far more than she would have. He'd treated her like he would have anyone else. But she wasn't just "people". She shouldn't just be another person that he could control or manipulate into getting exactly what he wanted. She should be more than that. He should have listened to her. The things that she said should be important to him and hold far more weight than that of anyone else on this planet. If he loved her as he'd claimed, he wouldn't have treated her as ordinary.

What if she hadn't heard that conversation? What if they hadn't stopped by tonight? Had he really thought that he could just keep this from her? Would he ever have told her? What would he have expected then? Did he expect her to not be upset with him to just be okay with what he had done? If he thought that she would have no problem with it, that she would agree with him and they could go about their evening as if nothing had changed then he was wrong. Utterly and completely wrong. It was like someone had reached inside her chest, grabbed her heart, and was squeezing it tightly. Never again would she let something like this happen to her. She couldn't be ignorant. It felt good to be with him but if every other day was going to be a day of heart wrenching secrets she didn't think she could bear it. She didn't know if she was strong enough. That wasn't a relationship. It was just as bad if not worse than when he had dismissed her. He, clearly, wasn't ready to share his life with her. Not the way she wanted him to be, not the way that they would need to be.

"You're still a man who makes wrong choices," she knew the words were true the moment that they'd left her mouth. He glanced away from her, his face finally looking guilty, but even then she could tell that it wasn't guilt for what he had done, but guilt for not being careful. The only thing he regretted was the fact that she had found out. Guilt because he couldn't change, because he would never even try. The realization was unsettling, it shattered every good thought that she'd had since she'd gotten herself back on that hill, since he'd kissed her, since he'd arrived back here with her. How could she have been so blind as to think that things would have been different? "I thought you'd changed," she admitted sadly, more to herself than to him.

He gave a small snort, like she had just said the stupidest thing in the world, "What...in the hour you've known me?"

Her jaw dropped, she couldn't keep the tears back, and she couldn't stay here anymore. She couldn't share this same space with him. Not if that was how he saw everything they'd been through to get back to each other. Not if that was how he was going to so easily dismiss everything she had been through in her attempts to get back to him. She moved around him as quickly as she could, catching a small glimpse at his falling face as she went.

"Belle," he called after her, "I, I'm sorry. Belle, I'm sorry," she looked back at him, her hand on the door, the bell chiming as she opened it. "I am," he said.

But she knew that look, and she couldn't subject herself to this anymore. So she took a step out into the windy night, closed the door behind her, and with a blurry look back at him through the window, she forced her legs to walk, and moved on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand there she goes...nice Rumple. I mean, truly I'm rooting for them to be together all the time but if there is one thing that A&E know how to write well it is drama and well...come on...I wasn't the only one during 2x01 to yell at the TV screen "You never ever say that to the woman you love, Rumple!" "in the hour you've known me"...really? Really?! Dark One fail. Plain and simple.
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for leaving such wonderful and kind comments on the last chapter of MS&U! Those are so greatly appreciated as I continue to write this series! I look forward to each and ever one! Peace and Happy Reading!


	10. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

She folded her arms against her chest to keep the chill of the wind away from her skin which wasn't used to being exposed to naturally cool air after years of imprisonment. Her legs seemed to move of their own accord, taking her down streets that she didn't know, avoiding the loud shouts and cries of other people as they took shelter from the weather or tried to find their loved ones. She wouldn't say she was crying, but there were tears forming in her eyes and falling down her cheeks like she was leaking, no matter how many times she wiped her face, she just couldn't seem to stop it. So she gave up and just let them come, falling off at her chin and littering the path she walked like small drops of rain back to his pawn shop.

He was right; they had spent maybe a grand total of one hour together since she had been freed and the curse was broken. But she knew him better than that and was insulted that he didn't see it either. That one hour couldn't make up or repair the countless hours that they'd spent together in the castle. It couldn't erase everything that she'd seen him do, everything that she'd heard him do.

He'd let her down. Again and then again. She should have seen it earlier. Even after she had come back to him when she was ignorant and without her memories he had still taken her up that mountain to the well. When her memories had come back, he had stopped their reunion to bring magic into the world. How could she have been so stupid to think that he would have changed? That he would be any different from the person he was when he had last told her that his power meant more to him than she did. She really should have seen it earlier.

A gust of wind picked up and blew her hair around her face, goose bumps rose on her skin. There was a strange cry that carried over the wind and though she didn't know what it was she had the urge to take shelter from it. She found a small alley between two doors where the wind couldn't reach her and the air was strangely still. The loud screeching cry was getting closer and she turned her head to look out the alley only to catch a glimpse of the impossible. A massive black shape! It was flying through the air. She held her breath and tried to be as still as she possibly could be, hoping it wouldn't find her. But it flew right past her hiding spot and didn't pay her any heed. She couldn't even be sure that it had seen her or even heard her. But whatever that…thing was, she was certain that it was the thing he had summoned. That was the creature that was going to kill the Evil Queen, if it hadn't already. And if it had how long was it going to be here? Would it settle only with killing the Queen or would it continue to go on its spree after tonight? Who would dispatch of it if it remained? Had he even thought about that? Thought about the consequences of his actions or how many other people would have to pay before he got what he wanted? Did he ever?

Certain that the creature had moved on, she folded her legs underneath of her, and she sat on the cold ground, her head leaning against the strange red wall behind her. No, he hadn't thought about it because he never did! He only thought about himself, about what he wanted. A person was only important so long as they were what he wanted, the second they ceased to be useful they no longer mattered to him. Her tears had started to fall again, and she brought her legs up to her chest, cradling her head against her knees as she tried to find comfort from her shocking realization.

Another cry came from the direction she had seen the creature drift off to and this time she heard a long bang and distinctly human scream. She couldn't think about what that meant, about what the black figure could be doing to an innocent person, or the Evil Queen. This was all her fault. She should never have let him go. She should have begged him to stay with her at the shop, she should have refused to tell him what had happened to her, she should have run away on that mountain! She couldn't pinpoint the moment that it had gone wrong, when it all seemed like it had just been the opportunity that she had been waiting for all along. In the time that they'd been apart she had changed, she'd gone after the Yaoguai and realized that it was nothing compared to being with him. Hadn't he made the same realization?

No.

He hadn't gotten too.

She couldn't be certain about where he thought that she had been, they hadn't gotten around to talking about it, but from the words that he'd used earlier from the anger that he had for the Queen it wasn't hard to assume. He'd thought she was dead. There was only one person that would have been able to pass that word on to him with the confidence that she would never come back…the Queen. She'd tried to get her to kiss him so that the curse would be broken, so he'd be weak. Had she told him that she was dead hoping for the same results? Thinking that if that hadn't worked then maybe the knowledge that he'd let her go and she'd died might in some way make him more vulnerable?

What must that be like? What must it be like to be told that your other half was dead? That they were gone, and there was no hope they'd ever come back? She'd lost her mother and Anna, but alone in that dark tower thinking about everything she'd ever done wrong the only thing that had kept her form going insane all that time the knowledge that he was out there somewhere. And she imagined that the only thing that made her life in the asylum tolerable was that she didn't know who he was.

She was the only one that probably had ever seen him as more than the Dark One, the only one that saw him as more than just someone who was cursed, and that was why she had chosen to go back to him after the Yaoguai incident in the first place! She'd wanted to help him change, to help him realize that he could be different. How could she have expected him to change when she'd never made it back to him? How could she have expected him to change when he thought she was dead?

She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before pillowing her chin against her arms. His terrible words still rang clear in her ears. She hadn't been thinking; she had just been acting on the pure emotion that she'd felt then. He'd apologized as she was walking out, but it hadn't been sincere. It had been desperate and confused. The apology was said in an effort to keep her there, to keep her close by. He had just said the thing that he thought that she wanted to hear. It was a good guess, an apology was what she needed to hear, but he didn't even know what he was apologizing for so how could it have been true?

What did she want him to apologize for? She'd never heard the words before, and they'd never come out of his mouth in their time together at the castle. And there was so much that she needed to hear them for. For throwing her in that dungeon when he'd first brought her to the castle. For torturing that poor man, Robin Hood, and then dragging her out with him while he'd hunted him. For yelling at her when she'd gone against his wishes. For tossing her back in the dungeon after she'd bravely declared her love for him. For undoing the broken curse, for the words that he'd said in the store, for everything…for kissing her as he had at the well, for giving her hope and then taking it all away with one simple sentence!

Then again...

Words were never his strong point. At least not where she was concerned. Words were something that he was good at when it came to deals for the same reason that she pointed out to him earlier; he could toy with them. He could manipulate others expertly and design the loopholes that he needed but that no one else would ever think of. But when the words were about himself, when it came to talking about what he was feeling, and what he was thinking...he failed miserably. He hid behind those same clever words, using jokes to change the subject and giving vague illusions to let people come to their own conclusions.

 _"In the hour you've known me?"_ She had taken the phrase to heart, been insulted by it, but now that it was replaying over and over in her head she could hear what it really was. It had been a joke, an attempt to protect himself in a tense situation. Had they been back in the castle, had she only have been his maid, she wouldn't have thought anything of the comment. Had her own emotions not been so overwhelming she would have seen it for what it was.

He made her vulnerable, but she made him vulnerable as well. And she doubted anyone had ever had that power over him before she came along. A smile hovered over her lips, threatening to expose a single thought. He was smart. He was calm, cool, collected, he knew everything, had an answer for every question, he was always put together…and she undid him. She turned him on his head. She chased the beast within him away and brought out the man. And that man had no idea how to handle being exposed to the world, much less to her.

Another gust of wind blew, echoing down the ally in a deep hallow moan. But the cold air never reached her in this space. Her mind traveled back to the castle, to the times that she'd spent in a dungeon colder than this, to a time when she had learned not to trust what he said, but to trust his expressions. That was the very first lesson she had learned with him.

Words were never his strong point, but it was his actions that again and again continued to speak louder than those words. He'd locked her up and then released her. He'd dragged her after Robin Hood and then let the man go. He'd broken a promise he'd made to her, he'd gone back on their deal, and he'd apologized.

And yes the words had been empty, but the action had been full. He hadn't meant the apology, but he'd been willing to give it. He'd been willing to try if it meant keeping her by his side, not losing her again. He hadn't changed, but he hadn't had the reason to change. She had changed, she'd had a reason to. In her old life she would have just given up and gone back to her father's palace, but Mulan had taught her a valuable lesson: she had to fight for what was important, what was worth it. She had to fight for what she wanted.

She wanted him.

She _still_ wanted him! Everything he'd done, everything he'd said, and she still wanted him. She wanted the man. Not the monster who would give her empty words and broken promises. She wanted the man that showed her he loved her, that did anything to make her happy after he'd done something wrong, and would try to change just to give her what she wanted. That man was worth fighting for. That man was worth knowing for more than an hour. It was going to take work, hard work, to transform him from the beast back into the man that only she had seen. But he was worth the fight. His fairy blood meant he had the potential for great good. Now he just had to realize it and he needed her to be the reason he realized it.

He hadn't changed when she was gone. He wouldn't change if she left him now. Her life wouldn't be happier, it would be spent worrying about him constantly and wondering what he was doing, and where he was, and what they could have been if they'd taken every opportunity that a second chance like this offered them.

She was going back.

She knew it even before she picked herself up off the ground. She didn't know when her mind had decided, maybe it never had. Maybe she always knew that once the violent aftermath of their words and fights had past, she would always calmly and determinedly make her way back to him. And maybe that action alone, would do more than any word she could ever say to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even begin to tell you just how difficult this chapter was to write. I knew that I needed to get her back to that shop somehow, but I honestly had no idea just how to do it. In the end I just decided to go with trust. I sat down, le the words flow freely and this was what I came up with. I hope that it is decent enough to explain why she went back to him. It makes sense in my mind, but ya'll don't live in my mind do you. Probably a good thing too. It's probably not the best place to be at times.
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your awesome comments on the last chapter. I agree with you. He wasn't wrong, but he probably shouldn't have used those words exactly! Peace and Happy Reading!


	11. Worry and Hope

She stood outside of his shop, looking in on the gentle yellow glow it emit into the dark night. She didn't see him in there and the sign said "closed", but the lights were on and she couldn't see into the back room. Besides, she just didn't think that he would leave. At least, she hoped he hadn't left her alone in this strange little town. Even with her abrupt departure she didn't think he would. But, as he had pointed out to her, she hadn't known him that long...

She shook the spiteful thought from her head. It wouldn't help the situation if she only ever remembered the things that he said when he was trying to make a silly joke to protect himself. In her head she could see the look in his face as she'd walked out the door. Failure, devastation, and regret, he really hadn't meant it when he said he was sorry, but he'd given her the words at least. She tried to focus on that fact, with Rumpelstiltskin she had to take what she could get from him moment by moment. She'd forgotten that, being so far away from him for so long. But she wouldn't again.

She took a deep breath and walked into the store as another gust of wind lifted her hair and chilled her neck pushing her inside. Before she could lose her courage she went straight to the back of the store and pushed back the curtain, clearing her throat and meeting his eyes in an awkward moment of silence. He was spinning. It was almost comical. Maybe it didn't matter if it had only been a few hours, with the exception of his appearance, it seemed like nothing had changed. And that was what worried her the most about her decision to come back.

"Hi" she sighed, for the purpose of starting somewhere.

"Hey," he muttered back, putting down the wool and staring at her like he was surprised he had seen her again, maybe he really had thought she wouldn't return.

"I, uh, went for a long walk," she informed him, explaining away her long absence. Not that she had to, but if she wanted him to be honest with her, then she would repay him in the same way. It had to begin somewhere, why not now with her?

"I thought you didn't want to see me."

"I didn't..." she stated sadly, because she knew it was true. There was a time that she would have given anything to see him again, and yet she had walked out again. "But..." she paused, trying to find the words, trying to remember that she was here now, that she'd come back. They were together and if they were willing to try that was all that mattered. "I was worried," she admitted reluctantly, knowing that it would probably always be true, but it was important for him to know. Everything he had said to her and she still loved him. That's what people who loved each other did, they worried. And right now the only hope that she had for them was the worry that she could see on his face too. It was more like panic. He truly didn't know what she was going to do and that seemed to scare him in a way. It only made her happier.

"Well the beast is gone. Regina..." he paused and for a moment her stomach flipped with fear for his next words, "lives." She was relieved to hear the word. But she was even more surprised at the look on his face. He looked confused, shocked really, that his plan had failed, like he'd never experienced a time in this life when he hadn't gotten his way, for all she knew, maybe he hadn't.

"So, uh, you didn't get what you wanted," she commented, trying to hide her disappointment at his answer. Knowing everything was okay was important to her, but if he thought that it was all she was worried about, well they had a longer way to go than she thought.

"Well that remains to be seen," he whispered, the question written all over his face. She looked him up and down, happiness and hope flooding through her. He hadn't said the words, but she'd learned that there was more meaning in what he didn't say than what he did. He needed her to answer that question. Maybe they didn't have as far to go after all. Now she just needed to figure out how to tell him that they would be okay when she wasn't even sure of it herself!

Her eyes roamed the shop, like they might find the words she needed, but before they got far she caught a flash of something behind him. White glass? No. Porcelain, with blue on the side and the trim, and a chip on the edge! She knew that chip! She knew that chip by heart! A lump caught in her throat as she reached around him to grab it. All other thoughts were suspended as she held it in her hands once more, for the first time in decades! It was hers after all.

"You, uh," she giggled a little, trying to choke back her joyful tears as she looked at the precious object, "you kept it!" He nodded, finally smiling as he watched her, still looking nervous. "My chipped cup," she commented happily. Seeing it, here, with him, was the best thing she could have asked for. She'd never known him to be sentimental, and yet it was her precious object that she appeared to be comforting himself with after her departure.

Before she lost control of her emotions completely he stood and took the delicate item from her hands, gently holding it between them, aware of how close he stood to her again. That, too, had to be a step in the right direction. "There are many, many things in this shop. But this..." he glanced down at it lovingly then back up at her with the same expression, "this is the only thing I truly cherish."

Her eyes watered at the words. He'd been told she was dead, she knew that. She also knew from the way she had reacted to her presence in the store that morning that he'd kept his memories, otherwise he wouldn't have recognized her. His reaction had seemed to confirm what she had always believed: she had meant more to him than his power maybe he just didn't know it yet. She didn't know how long she'd been in that room, with no memory of him or their brief life together, but certainly it had been easier than the years that he had spent thinking she was dead, with nothing but a chipped cup as a memory. This was all the hope she needed, she knew she'd made the right choice in coming back.

"And now you must leave," he insisted suddenly.

"What?!" she shook her head, utterly confused. The words shocked her, they'd come out of nowhere! She had to run them through her mind one more time to make sure she had heard them right. She had, and they made her feel like she had been hit over the head. He was giving her up? Again?! Insisting she go?! She wanted to move forward with him, not backward, constantly convincing him that he wanted her around wasn't going to get them anywhere.

"You must leave because despite what you hope...I am still a monster," he finished sadly. She still hated that word, but this time she found herself smiling at his words. At least this time he wasn't trying to convince her she was less than his power, or doubting her ability to love him. This time he was taking the blame on himself, and giving her the warning to leave so he couldn't hurt her again. While she still hated the thought of him thinking of himself in that way she still believed in the good inside him, it was shining through now.

She should run, history could repeat itself, lightning could strike the same place twice, but she found her feet staying firmly planted to the ground before him. If she left, what would that prove to him? What would it mean for her, she had tried to live on her own without him, and it hadn't turned out well. She was better when she was with him. And he was better when she was by his side. Who knew what they could do when they were really and truly together. They hadn't gotten to even try last time, and she wouldn't spend the rest of her life wondering. She smirked as she looked back at him, no less strong or weak than he was in his other form, and yet the beauty she'd seen before was still there. If she had helped him see once, she could do it again.

She shook her head and snorted at herself for the task she had ahead. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was exactly what she needed to do, she could feel it. She put her hands on his shoulders and gave him the brightest smile she could muster. "Don't you see?" she asked him, but his face only looked surprised that she had reached out to touch him again. "That's exactly the reason I have to stay," she shrugged very matter-of-factly as he just stared past her. A look of shocked panic on his face, like he could face anything the world threw at him, but the thought of her?!

"I don't know if I can change, Belle," he muttered looking over the cup. "I don't want you to be disappointed." That was the right thing to say. Maybe not exactly what she wanted to hear but it was right. She could see that the thought of disappointing her terrified him and in a way she knew it was a good sign. This was scary, it was suppose to be, that was one of the layers that went to loving somebody. But so long as she got to be the one he experienced it with he would be alright. She was his caretaker, she wouldn't hurt him...she didn't think it was possible.

"You can," she smiled. "I'll help you." She broke his gaze by taking a couple of steps and closing the distance between them. Careful not to damage the delicate cup between them, she put her arms around his neck and found that spot that she discovered earlier by the well; the place she fit perfectly against him. She hoped that he felt the same way against her, she wanted him to feel like he belonged with her, no matter what. She was willing to try. She wanted to know he was too.

Finally, after what seemed like forever of waiting he gave in. She felt his arms wrap around her, the lip of the cup pressed into her back as he continued to hold it, both of them. "I'd like that," he whispered after a moment. She smiled, the shock had finally worn off and he was holding her again, touching her, bringing her closer against him instead of farther. They were going to be okay. They would work it out. It would take time, but they would get there.

When she finally opened her eyes she caught a glimpse over his shoulder of a small bed, similar to the one she'd had in her dungeon, hidden away in the corner. The sight confused her and she pulled away and directed his attention to it.

"Does...does that mean you live here?" he glanced at it and back at her.

"No," he said gently, still holding her. "No, I have a home."

She smiled and raised her eye brows and realized the wind was finally dying down, and the world was returning to normal, forgetting the visit from the strange creature never meant for it. It had been a long day. "Can we go home then?" she requested. He continued to stare at her as if mesmerized by something he couldn't begin to fathom. Was it her? Suddenly he reached up and touched her cheek and rubbed a few strands of her hair between his fingers. He looked like he was memorizing her face, like he expected he'd lose her again at any moment and needed to remember it for the rest of his life.

"Please?" she asked. There was nothing he needed to fear. She was ready to go with him, ready to start life with him, ready to try again. She was ready to prove that he wasn't dreaming and that when he woke up tomorrow morning, she'd still be there. She covered his hand with her own and turned her face to kiss the palm of that hand, something new and so tender she didn't even know she was capable of doing it!

He still looked amazed at her, at her small action, but after a stunned moment passed he nodded. "Yes," he breathed. She smiled and reached up to boldly kiss him again, just as he'd kissed her at the well. Second time that day, but kiss number three, and she couldn't wait until the day she realized that she had lost count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay they are together again! And we're still not done with 2x01 so hold onto your hats because we've got two more chapters to go that I'm sure will lead to one of the greatest Moments controversies. Ready?
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your awesome and amazing comments for the last chapter. I'm so thankful for you faithful and kind comments! I love knowing there are people out there reading! Peace and Happy Reading!


	12. Boundaries, Comforts, and Future Days

He took them to his home in a thing he called a car. It was faster than a carriage but seemed to perform the same function and it was more comfortable because it didn't require horses for a smoother ride. She wondered at the strange world that passed quickly by the windows, even in the dark, until he finally pulled up to a large house, not as large as his castle had been, but it was still big compared to the tiny shop. At the front she waited until he unlocked the wooden door and flipped something that brought light into the room's dark space and she looked around it with interest.

It was beautiful. It might not seem so, with all the clutter around it, and empty picture frames, even a wooden horse with a pole through its center against one wall, but it was his. And if it was his then it was home. It was warm in the hallway, she slipped the suit coat he'd lent her for the cooler outside air off her shoulders and he took it, hanging it on the banister, before moving to the window and sliding it up, letting cool night air into the house.

"This happens on days that it's warm and I leave the heat on, but it's rarely a problem here this time of year, or any time really. It's cooler most of the time, this afternoon was an exception..." he rambled, almost nervously, avoiding her gaze as he opened all the windows in sight. "Would you like something to eat?" he asked returning to where he had left her in the hallway. The thought made her smile.

"You cook?" she asked him curiously.

He smiled as he nodded, "Quite well actually...when I have an excuse to, at least," he amended quickly almost regretfully. Another reminder of just how different things were since the last time they had been together. They still had so much to learn about one another but she wasn't sure what to make of his last words. It was difficult to tell what kind of life he'd had here. He lived alone, but the small bed she'd seen in his shop meant something and she couldn't help but wonder if he slept at that shop so he didn't have to come back to a lonely house night after night. Whatever the reason, it was different now. They were together again. Neither of them needed to ever be lonely again!

She bit her lip and nodded at the request, "I am a little hungry, I'd love something to eat."

He nodded and turned, before turning back to face her again suddenly with a second thought. "You'll want to get cleaned up," he assumed. She jumped at the thought. It was true she was wearing a new dress and out of the hospital gown, but she did feel like she could use a shower. "Ah..." he looked antsy, like he didn't know what to make of her being in his home again, like he didn't know where to put her now that the line between caretaker and employer had been crossed. "Up this way," he said finally. He led her up the stairs and into an open hallway, just as filled with objects as the first floor was. Then he opened a door and led her into a room that was surprisingly clean and for the most part, clutter free. The small bed was made, the nightstands dusted and decorated with clocks, a telephone, this one red, and candles. Even some that lit up automatically like the ones downstairs when he touched a strange knob on the wall.

"You're room?" he nodded, looking around the small space. It reminded her of his quarters in the castle: comfortable but not luxurious and devoid of any personal objects. Then again maybe it was the lack of personal objects that reminded her of him. He moved around her to another door, once it was lit up she could see that it was a bathroom. It was something familiar, items that she knew she could work because she had used these before in the makeshift mindless prison the Evil Queen had kept her in. Nevertheless he pulled back the shower curtain and pointed his cane at the knobs explaining how to use it. It worked the same way the others had, only this time she had an option of blessedly warm water, she supposed it was something that was universal. "This is wonderful!" she beamed looking around.

"Take all the time you need, I'll be downstairs when you're ready," he said before walking swiftly out of the tiny room and closing the door behind him. She shook her head as she stared at the door he'd disappeared through. He was nervous, nervous at having her close again, nervous at having her closer than she ever had been. It had been a big adjustment for him when she had come to stay with him at the castle before, but then there had been boundaries, admittedly flexible boundaries that had bent and broken over time. But this?! This was going to take some time, she didn't even know what rules there were to something like this, if any existed. And creating them wasn't something she wanted him to do.

She showered quickly, washing off the residue of the filthy padded cell, the dirt from the forest, the dust of the shop, and working the tangles out of her hair. When she was finished she stepped out and wrapped a towel around herself. On the sink she found a hairbrush, that she could have sworn was not there before. She brushed her hair out and glanced into the mirror, at least this one was uncovered, and she realized that she was finally beginning to look like herself again, not a mindless nobody that had spent eons in a padded asylum room questioning her name. That was good. This was all...wonderful! She left the bathroom walking into the empty bedroom, wondering what to do next. Just when she was about to reach back into the bathroom for the dress she had been wearing, she noticed one of the drawers on the dresser was open. It hadn't been before. When she peered in she found clothes. Dresses, undergarments, and even a gown that was thinner than the others, meant for sleeping.

She took a moment to finger through the other items in the draw. He'd taken care of her. Everything she needed was in here. It made her smile. It would take time, but it felt like she already had space in this strange land, like she'd been here forever. It would make this strange transition easier. With a smirk she slipped the sleeping gown on over her head and it fell to the floor at a perfect height around her ankles. In the warm house the small straps and cool material made her feel more comfortable. And she tied her hair up off her shoulders to keep it from getting in the way.

Content, clean, and dressed she left the room and retraced their original steps back downstairs then followed the noises until she found him in the area that passed for a kitchen in this world. It was far different than the kitchens she had memories of, but that was alright, she would learn. He glanced up and smiled at her as he came in before returning to his task. There was no fire involved but something was cooking in the pan. She sat down in a chair by a table that was similar to the one they'd shared at the castle, but instead of sitting on her side she sat at the chair to the right of his seat, daring to break one of their previous unspoken rules. If he noticed he didn't seem to care and after a minute he set a plate of yellow before her that she could recognize as something she'd made for him on several occasions. Scrambled eggs.

"It's quick and you seem tired," he muttered for an explanation, something that almost sounded like an apology that wasn't necessary. "I don't have much food in the house," he rambled, "I'll remedy that in the morning and try to find-"

"It's perfect," she interrupted with a smile, reaching out and laying a hand over his without thinking about it. It was going to be more than perfect. She couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night sleep. A mattress of plastic and foam with no pillows or blankets made for uncomfortable nights and no past to think of made for restless nights, and compared to the terrible food she'd been getting, something as simple as scrambled eggs was a feast. Then when she considered that he was there next to her, that he didn't flinch or pull his hand out of her grasp, she couldn't see how it could be any better.

They ate their meal in silence, like they always had, but to be honest, she didn't mind this time. She was so hungry that she couldn't think of anything but the food being shoveled into her mouth and the new tastes of the different spices. Simple as it was, he really could cook. New surprises seemed to abound in this new world! What would she discover next?

When they were done she instinctively took their plates away and set them in the shiny silver sink, one of the few things she recognized. Bigger than the one in the bathroom but cleaner than the one in the hospital, it wasn't exactly a trough but as she thought it through she knew there were far more advantages to a sink than a trough to wash dishes. But before she could turn on the water he reached for her hand and she jumped, startled. She hadn't heard him walk up behind her.

"You don't have to do that," he insisted, "Not here. Not ever again." She recognized the look of regret on his face that he'd worn earlier. Regret for what? How he'd treated her before, at his castle? She hoped not. She'd never gotten to tell him how at home she had come to feel there, how free. She never did tell him how much more she enjoyed living with him and being his caretaker rather than a princess in her fathers palace! One day she would, one day she would tell him everything, one day he would tell her everything and they'd have no secrets. But now was not that day. It was going to take time to work through their lifetimes and tonight she didn't want to fight or argue, she just wanted to enjoy being with him again.

"I don't mind," she muttered turning on the water and expertly rinsing them clean, if she was going to stay here she was not going to sit around doing nothing! She might not know much about this strange land but she wasn't hopeless, she was capable of learning and of helping. But when she shut off the water and stepped away he smirked and took her place. He opened a strange cabinet and slid out a special looking rack that he slid the dishes into before shutting the things door again.

"It's a dishwasher," he commented at her questioning look, "it's a common convenience in this land." She nodded, then watched as he turned the water back on again and rinsed out the sink, making it sparkle again before flipping up another knob on the wall close by. She expected another magic candle to burst to life, what she got was a loud grinding noise that made the sink vibrate. She gasped at the horrible noise and found herself pressed up against the counter trying to get as far away from it as she could, hands pressed to her mouth in shock. At the sight of her he touched the knob again quickly so that it pointed downwards and the grinding ceased. It appeared the knob controlled the noise. "I'm sorry," he apologized frantically once it was quiet, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."

She felt her cheeks redden as his voice trailed off. She hadn't expected that to happen, he hadn't tried to scare her. There was more to this world than she knew. "I just, I just didn't expect…" she shook her head at the thoughts. She wasn't sure what to expect from this world, honestly. "What is it?" she asked, hoping that if she knew what it did and could name it, then it would somehow help her pounding heart.

"Garbage disposal," he answered dutifully turning back to the sink. "Keeps the sink clean and the trash from smelling of rot," he sighed. "Turn the water on, and flip this switch here," he demonstrated the action and irritating grinding sound came back for a brief moment before he turned it off again, "and never,  _ever_  put your hand down the drain while it's running," he added insistently. She doubted that would ever be a problem.

She looked for a moment around the room with strange objects. "Dishwasher." "Garbage Disposal." "Switch." The words meant nothing to her. Maybe she had more to learn than she thought. "I have a lot to catch up on," she muttered, trying to hide her ignorance.

"We'll get there," he assured her and she couldn't help but smile at his words. It wasn't the encouragement she liked, it was the word he had used. He'd said 'we'. "You look exhausted," he mentioned again. She nodded. Again. It had been a long curse followed by what felt like an even longer day. "You should go to bed, get some rest," he whispered. Bed did sound like a lovely idea, sleep even more so. "I'll...I'll sleep on the couch," he stuttered, "you can take my bed and tomorrow I'll arrange for-"

"The couch?" she interrupted, furrowing her brow and shaking her head at the suggestion.

"It's a…"

"I know what a couch is! We have those in our land!" she pointed out probably a little too defensively as she thought back to the glimpse of the furniture she'd gotten earlier, thinking of the items and debris around it. No, she didn't want to kick him out of his room and make him sleep there! "I just don't understand...you don't have any other beds?!" she questioned hopefully. Surely in a house this big he had a room for others. Where else did they stay when they came to visit, unless...unless no one ever came to stay. His silence only seemed to confirm her assumptions and her heart melted at the thought of how long he'd been alone, without her, without his son. Suddenly she understood. There was no need for him to cook because there was no one to cook for. Well, she planned to put a stop to that! He wasn't alone now and he never would be again! She'd make sure of that.

She stepped forward and rested her hand against the ones he placed on his cane. "We've shared the same space before," she said thinking back to that carriage they had shared when he'd taken her into the forest after Robin Hood. A bed was different than a carriage, but they'd make it work. This way he didn't have to sleep on the couch and she didn't have to feel guilty about making him do it. They'd be fine! "We can do it again."

He didn't meet her eyes. Instead he chose to focus on a spot on the wall just over the top of her head. She didn't see it as a problem. It was just another boundary, albeit, a big one she hadn't expected to cross so soon, but it was just sleep. Maybe they had to push those lines and boundaries. Maybe in order to become comfortable with each other, they first had to make themselves uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, one of the Moments controversies. There are some things that I have to assume with this story because we never get a clear answer from anyone and have to put it together based on details. I'm always trying to look at the personality of the characters to decide which way to go and this one...sleeping arrangements...it's a biggie. Are they sleeping together or aren't they? Are they only sleeping? Or are they doing something a little more? In this chapter I'll just address the sleeping arrangements thing. Yes, I'm going to put them together in the same bed? Why? Because I think it's pretty clear that by 2x04 they are at the very least sharing a bed. So..why put them in bed together now? Lots of reasons. 1) Rumple's house. This will be addressed further a little later, but to put it nicely...it's a mess. Take a closer look at what we see of it in 1x12. It's horribly cluttered and dusty and generally unfriendly. Yes, I'm sure he has other beds, but I doubt the rooms are comfortable after years of neglect and I'm sure they are just as cluttered as the rest of the house. 2) "Okay Treatian, you think you're so smart, why doesn't he just use magic to make one clean for her?" Excellent question. He doesn't use magic because Belle is smart and he is being on his best behavior. I imagine after tonight he's not so keen on trying to use magic in any form around her so quickly. He'll give it a break for a bit. And even if he did it behind her back I suspect Belle would notice. "Oh my goodness, why is the rest of the house a pigsty but this room is remarkably clean...Dark One?" 3) "Well maybe he did it for her while she was in the shower?" Doubtful. A) for the second reason mentioned under "2" and "B" because as you can see here he probably always intended to give her his room. Whether or not he planned on sleeping on the couch or doing magic in the basement I'm sure he didn't expect her to say "well let's just sleep in the same bed then". And finally 4) "You really think Belle would insist on them sleeping in the same bed?" Yes. Yes I do. Because she's nice and innocent (for now). She wants to be kind to him and I imagine feeling like she's kicked him out of his own room isn't going to sit well with her so the next best solution is for her to say "well we're only going to sleep, I don't want to take your room from you, we'll just bunk together." If you think of anything else let me know, I'd love to hear it, but until then...this is my reasoning. Boom! Treatian out!
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter. Words cannot express how happy I get whenever I see how much the story is enjoyed! Thank you for your wonderful and kind words! Peace and Happy Reading!


	13. Beyond Flaws

She'd made up her mind on sleeping arrangements and before he could fight her about it she gave his hand a tug and led him back up to the little room he'd taken her to for a shower. His room. She flipped the switch she had seen before, now knowing the name for the strange knobs, and light flooded the room instantly. She smiled proudly at how fast she had managed to learn.

The upstairs was still warm, just like the downstairs had been when they'd first arrived, and she noticed that the windows were still closed. If they remained closed it the warm air would have nowhere to go and neither of them would be able to sleep comfortably. "I'll, uh, I'll open the windows up," she suggested, as she stepped forward and slid the windows in his room up easily then left him standing there, a look of uncomfortable shock on his face as he looked around the bedroom like he'd never seen it before.

She worked her way down the hallway, quickly stepping into each room and opening their windows before moving on to the next. The other rooms in the house were just as littered as the downstairs rooms were, only dirtier, and just as warm. She let the heat back out into the cold night and made space for the cool air to come invade, making note as she returned back down the hall that it already seemed cooler, maybe too cold.

And then she was there again: at the door to his bedroom. But before she entered the room she found herself leaning against the wall just outside as her heart suddenly began to pound anxiously. She had been so calm and sure a moment ago and now her nerves were on fire, but no more than his had appeared at her suggestion when she had left him there. It was silly. Maybe she should have just let him sleep on the couch; it probably would have been less nerve-wracking than sharing such a confined space so quickly! Not to mention the type of space they were going to share.

She wasn't an idiot; her nurse had talked to her about the subject when she knew she was going to marry Gaston, she'd read books, and heard the maids in her father's palace talk in hushed whispers about doing their "duty" as they'd called it. No matter how hard her mother had tried to keep the truth from her she knew what happened between men and women in situations like this. But that didn't necessarily mean it always happened, or that it had to right way! He wasn't Gaston. She knew that if this was their world and she had still been a princess she would have had no choice in the matter with him. She would have been used as livestock, for breeding purposes only. The very thought made her stomach churn and it was no wonder why her mother had tried to hide the frightening truth from her!

But this wasn't that! She chased the images away from her mind quickly with a sigh before her old anxieties could overwhelm her. It was different here. She knew that he wouldn't use her for anything she didn't want, as the Sheriff would have. She trusted him. She shouldn't after everything that had happened today. And yet through all that she knew, when it came to this particular subject, she trusted him. He'd pointed out that she was tired, he would respect her wishes to sleep. Slowly she peered back inside the room. The lights were out. He was on the far side of the bed, facing away from her, practically clinging to the edge. He didn't look relaxed, he looked scared, as if he didn't even want to come close to crossing that center divide and entering the space he'd reserved for her. She smiled at the sight. Yes, she trusted him.

Gathering her courage she entered the room and shut the door behind her, an old habit, and went into the bathroom. She let her hair loose and brushed through it so she wouldn't have to sleep with a knot against her head. By the sink she found a pink toothbrush, that hadn't been there earlier when she'd had her shower. Teeth clean, hair brushed, lids fighting to stay open she walked out into the room and slid between the fine blankets onto a soft supportive mattress that had a real pillow for her head. It was heavenly.

This wasn't how she thought her day would go when she'd awoken in her padded cell that morning. Freedom granted, memories restored, someone who loved her by her side, it was the most comfortable spot in the world! But a glance over at him and she realized he was right where she had left him, resting on the edge, shoulders tense, guarded against her. She was content, but it was obvious he was not, and she felt bad, causing him this amount of discomfort. Some how she knew that it wouldn't pass, that she wouldn't be able to truly be at ease, unless she let him know that everything was okay, that she still trusted him.

So she reached for his arm which was covered in long satin sleeves of his own sleeping clothes. "Rumple!" she whispered. He responded, rolling over onto his back at her touch, his expression questioning or maybe just expecting something to be wrong. "Good-night," she smiled staring down at him, and before she could tell herself not to she naturally and easily leaned over to kiss him one more time. Kiss number four, but she felt like she'd been doing it for her entire life. What surprised her was the hand he suddenly placed on the back of her neck and the small peck of a kiss that followed. Number five. It felt right, like they were always meant to be here together. Maybe they were and now they always would be...

Looking down at him, watching him look back at her, their hands on each other, their lips still within reach, suddenly the idea of sleep fled from her mind, replaced by the thought of just how much she trusted him, and the future they had together, the one she couldn't wait to start building so it could replace their past. Would that future begin sooner than she'd planned? Tonight?

They stared for a while, both giving nervous swallows that made her wonder if his mind was thinking exactly what hers was. Neither moved, they both seemed unsure of how to move from this spot, but someone would have to do something soon. Roll over and go to sleep? Or not? She did the only thing that felt right given the situation, and let her body decide for her. The result was another kiss the passed between them, this one slower and gentler, more a gentle rubbing of lips compared to the other five. It was a sigh, but still a kiss nonetheless. Number six. He pulled away from her with a shake of his head, gently pushing the hair that fell over her shoulder behind her ear.

"We can't. I don't want to hurt you," he whispered in a voice that was more begging, like the very thought of hurting her in any way tortured him. She smiled, they were both thinking the same thing! They were both feeling the same thing, a million different emotions at once, although she suspected his nerves were for another reason than hers were. She didn't want to upset him, but she didn't want to be far away either, so she rested her forehead against his own, feeling calmer just from being close to him as his thumb made gentle strokes over her cheek. Was it always this way? Could two people calm each other the way they did just by being close? And how much better would it be if they were closer? How could that ever be a bad thing? How could it ever be like she'd feared?

"You won't hurt me," she muttered, shocked at the words that came out of her mouth. Hadn't she just convinced herself only moments ago that she didn't want this to happen yet?! But when she looked down at him again, she found that just because she hadn't meant to say them, didn't mean that she didn't believe them. She'd been hurt enough in her life, in this relationship alone, that nothing he could ever do would hurt her like that again. And she had the strangest feeling that he wouldn't try to hurt her again, not like before, not after today. She'd warned him that he would regret letting her go, half hoping he would half hoping she was wrong and he wouldn't, but she knew he had, he wouldn't let history repeat itself, and she felt suddenly sure of what was passing between them in the silent space. "You can't," she concluded, a fact that she firmly believed. No pain, physical, emotional, or otherwise could ever compare to what had already been done.

Her words seemed to break his restraint and he moved, reaching up to kiss her again. Once, then twice, and again and again, deeper and more passionate each time. And she didn't stop it, with each kiss the voice in her head that told her to roll over and go to sleep got dimmer and dimmer, until it was gone completely when she felt herself being pushed back and the touch of his hands along her neck, arms, sides, then her hip; places that no one in her life but those she loved had ever touched. But this was a different type of touch, it wasn't the hip to hip bump her nurse had once given her with a laugh, or the way her mother had held her under the table the day she died, and it was far different than the time Gaston had covered her sleeveless arms with his jacket against the cold. It was a different type of touch for a different type of love: gentle and soft, tender and loving, wanting and needing, giving and receiving all at the same time. She didn't want him to stop, not until he knew every curve, every line, and every bit of her body just as if it was his own. Maybe it was. She certainly didn't feel like she belonged to herself right now. And she somehow felt like his body was an extension of her own. They weren't individuals any more, just a single being.

He had been married before; she knew that single fact and nothing more. She didn't know how it had ended, or how often he had done this, or if he might have loved her at one point, and she had to stop herself from thinking about it. She didn't want to think about it now. And she didn't want to think about where Gaston was or where her father was living in this small town. The space was perfect for two but too small for any others. She only wanted to think about him, his hands, and the lips that were kissing her, her neck, her collarbone, everywhere. The bed gave a groan and a small creek as their weight shifted again.

She wasn't prepared. She'd read dozens of books, overheard too many maids and servants, had talked with her nurse and her mother about the duties of being a Queen and what it meant to a Kingdom and a King, and still she felt unprepared for this moment. She didn't know that her heart would beat so fast that it felt like it was going to push out of her chest, or so loud she really thought he would hear it. She didn't know that she would lose her breath like she'd been running for hours without a break. She wasn't prepared for the waves of emotions, feelings, and sensations that wound up her body like snakes then burst like a firework in her head. It was distracting, she was so busy thinking about it that she didn't notice the light sleeping gown had been pushed up her body, over her head, and lay forgotten, in every sense of the word, on the floor. Or that her fingers had been unbuttoning and shoving without her brain ever having told them to do so. She had no idea what she was doing, but thankfully it appeared her body did.

Suddenly she let out a small gasp as something she had never felt before pushed against her...into her. He stilled immediately at the noise and she looked up at him, fear in his eyes as he looked back at her. She shook her head trying to correct what he thought, and managed to move her boneless arms up to stroke the soft graying hair that had fallen around his eyes. "Just surprised," she tried to explain, to find the words to tell him it didn't hurt as her nurse had told her it might. It didn't really, it was just shocking. "I wasn't expecting…" her voice trailed off as she realized she couldn't find the words for what she was feeling but could. There was no pain, not as she'd been warned, but it did feel different. In a good way, though! A very wonderful, good way!

But watching him stare at her with panic and concern was making the moment more awkward than she was willing to let it be. When she thought back on this moment she wanted the word "perfect" to come to mind, so she lifted her head and kissed him again, startled when she realized that she didn't just want to do it, she felt like she needed his mouth on hers. And thankfully, her kiss seemed to break the spell and her silly sound and feeble explanation were blissfully forgotten as they continued on.

They moved together perfectly in a dance that she had never learned but knew expertly, creating sensations and feelings that she'd never felt before and never even knew she was capable of having! He didn't say much. He didn't tell her how beautiful she was, or how much he loved her, like people in her books did. Instead, when he did speak it was her name, or darling, or sweetheart, words that she never thought she would hear pass from his lips, words she didn't even think he knew until today, but it was the perfect thing to say. She didn't want him to tell her she was beautiful. Maybe that was why they understood each other. They were both judged for what people saw on the outside and not for what was on the inside. He seemed to understand, she always thought he had. She wasn't perfect, her beauty was her flaw. She didn't want people to look at her and see hair, eyes, and a smile, she wanted them to see the beauty she kept contained within. It was the beauty that he saw on the inside that had made him love her and that was why she had fallen in love with him!

They kissed each other for a long time when they were finished, long after the new feelings he'd started peaked and began to fade. She didn't mind, she liked it, she'd liked everything! When he rolled them gently onto their sides he continued to hold her in a tight hug, one hand at her head and the other against her back, rubbing small shapes into her skin. She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way, before she dared glance up at him, but when she did she saw that his eyes were closed but she could tell he wasn't asleep. He looked different. There was a look on his face that she hadn't seen before: peace. Even though she'd never seen it on him before she knew it right away. It was too pure to be anything else. Did she do that? Did they? When she looked closer she could see wetness lining his eyes and had to swallow to keep herself from crying. She was beautiful to him, and he was beautiful to her. So, why would the two of them make anything less than beauty so great they could both be moved to tears?

She let herself be cradled in his arms, she tried to relax and just enjoy this quiet moment they had but it just felt...impossible! Her mind was calm as he held her but her body wasn't. She felt wonderful! Like she had more energy than when she had been a child and ran endless circles around the castle before bed to disperse it. She felt too excited to sleep but to happy to move and do something about it. A line had been crossed tonight, and though she was glad for it, she didn't know what came next! Would her body ever stop trembling?!

"What if I can't sleep?" she muttered looking up at him, suddenly aware they were sharing the same pillow as well. And to think they had worried about sharing a bed! It didn't seem to be a problem anymore...and she didn't think it ever would be again.

"You will..." he muttered positively, tightening his grip on her. She liked it, she felt safe, a feeling that she hadn't really felt since she'd left the castle decades ago. But sleep?! No. She felt too much for that right now. Her body was tingling, like she was an open nerve, except, instead of pain, every touch he made on her skin made her feel like she might start to explode all over again, a different kind of ache. Did he feel it too?

"I feel like I'm going to combust," she argued back in a whisper, watching his smirk grow.

"It'll pass," he assured her. He was still a man of few words, some things would never change. She hoped this wouldn't change. She took a deep breath and basked in the sensations running through her, surprised she wasn't actually glowing. She could get addicted to a feeling like this.

"What if I don't want it too?"

His smirk broke into a small smile, but still he didn't open his eyes. Instead he kissed her forehead softly and then released her from the death grip, rolling over onto his back again, with one arm still around her. She didn't mind, the last thing on earth she wanted was to stop touching him, or for him to stop touching her. So she made herself comfortable, placing her head against his chest and keeping an arm wrapped around his middle, clutching him like a stuffed bear she'd owned in her youth. He was better than any pillow or blanket, more comfortable than any bed she'd ever slept in. Still she felt him pull the blankets up over her bare shoulder, protecting her from the cold night air she could feel against her flushed skin.

"Just close your eyes," he told her, one hand trailing slowly up and down her back, soothing and relaxing, while the other gently stroked the skin on the arm she had around his waist. This felt perfect! "Sleep will come," he murmured as she realized that her eye lids were getting heavy again. Her breathing and her heartbeat had begun to slow and the energy they'd created was beginning to release itself into the air around them.

"I love you," she muttered making herself so close to him she thought she might actually climb into his skin.

"And I love you too," she heard him respond, the words rumbling within his chest.

She smiled, thinking back on when she'd first heard those words today, thinking about where the day had taken her, and how her life had already changed forever. Her final thought before sleep took her was that she had finally lost count of how many times they had kissed each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright Moments Controversy Part II. In Part I we covered why they're sleeping together. Now join us in Part II as we discuss why they are sleeping together. This is something that has been really left widely up to Rumbelle fans to decide for themselves and obviously as you can see from this chapter I would be in the select group that believes they were having sex during season 2. Why? Just the little things really. The way they touch each other, the way they look at each other, and oh yeah...the way they share a bed! Yes, I know the arguments. 1) She might have gone to him for help with nightmares. Yes, yes she could have. But why wouldn't they have had sex then either. 2) Belle's a lady she would want to wait until her wedding night...since when?! Since when has Belle ever been one to follow tradition? Did you miss the whole "No one decides my fate but me" thing about her? She reads, she goes on adventures, she makes her own mind, she does what she wants, by all accounts she's a fairly progressive girl. I don't see her saying "I will do this, this, this and this but oh! No touching until you put a ring on it!" Plus, this isn't exactly your typical romance where she has to wonder if he loves her or not. This is true love. For her at this moment there is no other way than with him. She assumes that they are going to be together forever married or not so why wouldn't she. 3) Rumple wouldn't have sex with her, he respects her too much. Listen, Moments aside, I am all for waiting until I'm married for my big day, but I know plenty of people who have had wonderful respectful relationships with their significant other before marrying and they slept together. Why is respect and virginity suddenly mutually exclusive? 4) Rumple wouldn't have sex with her because he would control himself...yeah...because he controls himself so well normally. This is a guy who is impulsive, who lets his emotions and feelings get the better of him. I wrote it this way because in a way yes I think you are right, he would have assumed that she wanted to wait for a wedding and not hurt her but I think once it had begun he would have been one to get caught up in the moment and happiness of having his once dead now living true love at his side and what's wrong with celebrating that? Impulsiveness is one of the flaws I tend to think both of them share so I want to make clear that I don't think Belle would ever have gone to bed with the intention to seduce him and I don't think he would ever have had the intention of being seduced or doing some seducing, but I think they both would have done what came naturally to them. They love each other, as against it as I am until my wedding night, I think this is something that would have come naturally.
> 
> Now, quick note, this is as raunchy as it'll get in Moments Series. I don't post anything that would be above T because I just can't bring myself to do it...however, I do possess the unedited versions of this chapter and the chapters to come. It's called Moments Exiled and after years of begging some of my readers have managed to convince me to release Moments Exiled to them but because those chapters are NC-17 or MA I won't release them to the public. If you are interested in becoming an Exile reader send me a PM or leave me a review and I'll tell you how to get what you need. 
> 
> Big, big, thank yous to Heart_of_a_oncer for the comments you left on the last chapter. Adorable right. I love that chapter and the way they are together. MS&U, even after all these years, remains one of my favorites in the Moments Series because it is so adorable the way they learn to be with each other and what it means to be in a relationship as well as in love! I'm glad you were pleased! Peace and Happy Reading!


	14. Loving and Tender

The first thing she was conscious of was the fact that she was alone and for a moment her mind played a trick on her, making her believe that the life in her head had all been part of a wonderful dream and she was back on her slab in the asylum with nothing. But then the second thing she became aware of was the blinding light touching her eye lids. Sunlight! Her padded room never let her awake to sunlight. She opened one eye and took in the new world around her. The light was coming in from the windows, which were now closed against the morning chill in the room, and it lit up the bedroom better than the strange candles had last night. She felt the smile break out over her face, as she looked around like it was the first time she was seeing the bedroom. She felt grateful and relieved to wake up in such a beautiful place, happy.

But then, having memories again, waking up and knowing who she was, didn't hurt her euphoria either.

She had a life now. It was all there like it had never gone away, like she hadn't spent years questioning her own sanity. It was all there again! Her name was Belle. She wasn't crazy and her life wasn't a dream. She loved a man named Rumpelstiltskin. They had been reunited yesterday. Last night had been better than anything she could ever have dreamt up and... and now something was wrong.

They'd been together last night but now it was morning...and he was gone. The blankets and sheets were a tangled mess thrown over her hastily, the space she had last seen him was empty, and the pillow he-they had been using had several indentations and lumps in it. But no Rumpelstiltskin! She panicked and pushed herself up on her elbows, looking around for any sign of where he had gone, any sign of danger! There was nothing. Everything was put in order and she couldn't hear any noise, not in the bathroom or the little sitting room she'd seen. Where had he gone?! Had someone taken him?! Had the Queen gotten her revenge?! She needed to get up, to leave, to find him, and-

Suddenly the door to his bedroom opened and he appeared in the frame, smiling at her. "Hey," he whispered in greeting.

She sank back into the soft mattress and put her hands over her face with a sigh of relief, waiting for her heart to stop racing, for her entire body to stop panicking. She didn't know why the sight of him brought tears to her eyes, but nevertheless there they were. Tears of happiness? Was it possible to cry tears of relief? What did it say about her if she always assumed the worst had happened? She wasn't an idiot and she didn't live in a world of optimism. A person could not go through what she'd been through, being kidnapped, held as prisoner, committed, and called crazy, without suffering some sort of after effect! But would it be this intense every time he left her? Every time she woke up and he wasn't there?

The panic was fading but just for a moment she had a terrible thought that maybe being in captivity was better. At least in captivity she had woken up every morning with the hope of freedom, while in freedom, it seemed, she was doomed to wake up with the fear of being held captive. And now that she had her memories, worrying about him came back to her just as naturally as blinking. Would she always feel this way? Was this what the rest of their life would be like? Terror at being parted again? Would they ever really have a normal life?! Would they ever be able to?!

"Belle?" she moved her hands off her eyes and saw him walking swiftly over to her, concern etched into the lines on his face. "Are you alright?" he asked. She blushed. He was smart and could also put two and two together. He would know there was bound to be some repercussion from her time in the asylum as well, but she didn't want to show it. If she did, it would only make him angrier and that had been what got them in trouble yesterday. So she nodded and watched as he sat down against her on the side of the bed, his cane perched between his knees. He reached out and moved the hand from her mouth before moving some of the hair out of her eyes. His movements were different around her now. Loving, almost tender. She liked it.

"I woke up and you were gone, I…" but the words sounded ridiculous even as she was saying them. She hoped he'd see it was just as ridiculous. "I was worried," she finished with a sigh. The closeness helped calm her, body and mind. She could feel him pressed lightly against her hip and it reminded her that it wasn't a hallucination, he was actually here, checking on her, and the look in his eyes wasn't just one of worry and concern, there was love there too. And it touched her heart in a way that banished all of the fear she had. No one had ever looked at her like that before. "What time is it?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Early," he muttered, placing an arm on the other side of her. She looked him up and down, just now noticing that he was dressed in the same thing he had worn yesterday. No, not the same, the colors were different, but it was identical in every other way. She swallowed taking in the sight, realizing that there was nothing covering her but a single sheet. But, surprisingly, she wasn't embarrassed and didn't feel the need to reach for a blanket or wherever her night gown had fallen, or ask him to leave. It was remarkable just how comfortable she felt around him already!

She'd never thought she could ever be alright with...well, this! Even when she'd read about it in her books she'd always blushed slightly and paged ahead to moments that weren't so intimate, thinking the characters deserved some kind of privacy. And she was brought up always to have her own bed chamber. Her nurse had explained how it would be her own space where no one would bother her and no matter what duties she had, returning to it night after night would give her peace. It was advice that had barely comforted her when she thought she was to marry Gaston but now it just seemed silly to her to ask Rumple to leave. From where she was now, the things that she was feeling...it just seemed so impersonal especially after what had happened last night. She didn't want that life, she didn't want to turn shamefully away from him, thinking so negatively of the feelings they'd created in each other, she wanted to embrace it, everything: him, their actions and emotions, and everything they did together. In fact, even with the dull ache she felt within her body, she wanted to try it again.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered almost tragically, looking down at her. "I woke early and you were sleeping soundly. I didn't want to wake you." Now that he mentioned it, she did have a drowsy memory of him muttering her name and telling her that he had to get out of bed.  _"Beautiful Belle,"_ he muttered somewhere in the back of her mind.  _"I love you, but I need you to roll over for me."_ She'd obeyed without thought because she wasn't used to being up so early, rolled over, and gone back to sleep immediately, barely conscious of the action. "I was just coming to give you a final glance before I left for town." He was still looking her over, nervously, perhaps making sure that she really was ok. She felt better than "okay", he'd seen to that himself.

"Town?" she questioned. They were leaving?

"To open the shop," he explained.

She nodded, that made sense, he had to work she supposed. And no doubt he was just as curious to see how much had happened over night. Was the town putting itself back together? Were families and lovers reunited as they had been? What about her father? Could she find him too? Was he even here? "I'll get dressed and come with you," she decided and tried to get up but the way he sat next to her and placed his hand against her neck held her firmly in place.

"No, no," he said shaking his head. "Stay here. There is no telling where Regina is lurking about and it'll be much safer for you in the house." Her heart beat against her chest at the thought of the Evil Queen coming to find her and take her revenge, for escaping, for whatever Rumple had set against her last night, for the curse breaking...the reasons were numerous. What was she suppose to do if she came by while he was out? Certainly it would be safer with him than without.

"I want to come with you," she countered, reaching up and pushing back the slightly damp hair that had fallen free. It was a poor excuse, but at the heart of it, she really just wanted to touch him. To enjoy the feel of her skin against his and not having to watch him shrink from it, it was still new and it surprised her each and every time. She liked this. He was hers and she was his and she didn't need an excuse to touch him, not like others would. She felt special, she felt unique, and she didn't want to give a second of that up. "I want to see the town, I want to help."

He only shook his head again. "The town is not safe at the moment," he insisted. His voice was mellow and gentle but also desperate in a way. "People are confused and they are out for blood. This really is the safest place in the world right now." No doubt because he had set some kind of spell or enchantment over the residence, but she didn't like the idea of him using magic and all the temptations it offered! But at least this was for something good, she supposed. Still she was worried and desperately wanted to go with him. Yet, even as they talked, she was also suddenly aware of how desperately tired she was, which didn't shock her at the early hour. The bed was warm and soft, a luxury she hadn't had in years, and it would be wonderful to just let it consume her as she fell back into peaceful slumber. What good could she be in the shop, or in a chaotic town if she was half asleep?

"Stay here, Sweetheart," he insisted again, gentler this time, making her think her resolve must have shown on her face. "Rest. Go back to sleep and I'm be home again soon, you have my word." She didn't even open her mouth to argue. Slowly, tenderly, he tucked the sheet in around her curves and pulled some of the blanket up over her to keep her warm. He was tucking her in like a parent would a child, but she found she didn't mind. It was surprising. It was sweet, a word she never thought would ever suitably describe him. He didn't show this face, this side of himself to the world. She hadn't even seen it completely in the castle! But now that she did, she felt privileged, honored that she was the only one that might ever see it. It made her feel loved and she surely hadn't felt that for years.

She did want to leave with him. She wanted to spend every spare moment that she had with him, but things were different now. She had an entire lifetime to spend with him. An entire lifetime of days when the town would be quiet and calm, when she would have energy, but for now she was tired, she was sore in strange places, and she felt like a foreigner in this new world. As much as she wanted to explore, even she had to admit that it probably wasn't the best situation to learn in, or the most normal. The house was calm and small. She could learn this place first, so that the larger world wasn't as intimidating when she ventured into it.

She nodded, giving into his request and freeing her arm to touch his cheek again, it seemed a crime not to when he was this close. "When the town is calmer?" she asked hopefully, making sure that she wasn't becoming a prisoner yet again, "you'll take me with you?" No matter the size or amount of luxury a prison was a prison, and she was tired of being held captive. She made a promise that she would never let that happen again; too much of her life had been wasted that way.

He looked at her and grabbed the hand she rested against him. With a smile he nodded. "When the town is put back together, less chaotic, we'll see every inch of it together," she smiled already feeling the excitement for the moment that day would come. Feeling assured she felt her eye lids grow heavy again. He leaned down and kissed her gently one last time, setting the hand that had been against him over her chest, and finally pulling the comforter up to cover her completely. "I'll be back in a few hours for lunch," he promised in a hushed whisper, "go back to sleep my darling Belle." She smiled at the name as she settled back into the soft bed and blankets and closed her eyes, losing her battle against sleep. The last thing that she felt was his lips against her forehead as he told her he loved her, sending her off into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daw...aren't they cute the morning after? I just loved getting to write this scene and seeing them all happy! Not that it'll last, but while I've got them together for this little lull from 2x01 to 2x04 I really wanted them to get the opportunity to grow as they hadn't before. They've never really been a couple before and they have this little bit of time to get to know what it feels like to be together almost like a married couple. They both have a lot of work to do, both together and apart though Belle may not know the exact nature of his work just yet. Belle has to learn this new world and obviously, for in Belle's mind Rumple has to work at being a better man and not using magic for mischievous means. Why do I separate using magic for good and for evil. Because she's not that learned with it yet and I don't know that she fully understands Dark versus Light magic. I think for her she thinks that if he's cursed and doesn't use the Dark magic then he'd be okay, certainly she understands that no magic would be best, but I think she'd be more likely to have him start small. No bad magic. She just doesn't understand that it's not something he can separate or differentiate yet.
> 
> Thank you to Oncer4Life69Dearie and Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter! I'm happy you liked it, thought it was tastefully done, and agree with my reasoning or can at least go along with it for the purpose of Moments! Thanks for your open mindedness! I appreciate it! Peace and Happy Reading!


	15. Standing On Her Own

When she finally and truly woke up that morning she felt for the first time since she left his castle really and truly rested. She was alone again and the house was still and silent, but at least she didn't panic this time. The memory of talking to him just before he left for town was still at the forefront of her mind. He'd be back later. But for now she had the morning to herself and hours ahead of her to explore this strange new world that she found herself in.

And this new life that she found herself in.

She'd forgotten the soreness that she'd felt earlier until she sat up and was forced to take stock of the rest of herself, but that ache seemed to be the only lasting effect from last night. Still, it was small and didn't matter, she felt like herself again, the strange tingling she'd felt in the aftermath was gone, though she still felt heat race to her cheeks as she replayed the memories over again in her head. It was done. Her father would have been disappointed and no doubt, when she managed to find him, he would be. If she ever saw Gaston again she imagined he might be shocked and repulsed as well. But she wasn't. Last night...being with him like that...it was everything and more she'd always wanted to believe that it could be. It was everything she'd never allowed herself to believe it would be because she'd feared she'd be with Gaston for the rest of her life. It had been a perfect and beautiful night and sharing it with anyone but Rumpelstiltskin wouldn't have felt as wonderful or right, she was sure of that.

From outside the closed door she heard a clock strike nine and startle her out of her thoughts. Her stomach grumbled, she needed a shower, and there was more to do in this place than just relive the memories of last night and day dream about the rest of her life. Timidly, trying not to make herself more uncomfortable than she already was, she slid out of the bed and collected the night gown from where it had fallen the night before. She waited for the water in the shower to warm and made the bed, feeling happy that she was just as capable of multitasking in this world just as she had in the other world. After she had showered and explored the closet she found a beautiful dress that looked like it was meant to be worn outside. Maybe she would sit outside today! She hadn't sat outside and read in decades! She couldn't wait to do that again, but before she got too excited she heard her stomach growled once more and she reminded herself that her hunger needed to be taken care of first.

So she hurried down into the kitchen where he had made her dinner yesterday hoping to find something to eat, but one look around the room and her heart began to sink. Nothing but the table and cooking pans were familiar to her. Nothing. Not the four coils organized in the square, not the strange silver box at the far side, and not the machine surrounding the pitcher that made it look more oval than pitcher. She made her way over to the coils and looked them over. There were knobs just below them with the words "low" and "high" written along with the numbers 1 through 9 written between the two words. Each knob had a small picture of four circles with a different one colored in. And then there were two others that were different. One of them had words like "Bake", "broil", and "keep warm". On the sixth knob numbers were written in intervals of fifty beginning with 150. What was this supposed to mean?

She sighed and turned her back to the object, only to have her body crash against something she hadn't noticed before. As she turned back she could see that there was a handle of some kind with a dishtowel draped over it. She placed her hand on it and gave a tug. With a heavy groan the handle gave way revealing that it was a door, and behind it was a large empty space with a metal rack inside. At the bottom of the strange object was yet another coil. She moved to shut the door and it slammed unexpectedly making her jump. Once again she turned her back on the confusing object, not wanting to break anything.

She folded her arms over her chest, feeling incompetent and stupid. Maybe this was hopeless, maybe she should just wait until he got back to eat something. If she understood correctly, he hadn't had to learn things like this, he had just been given the knowledge when he had been in his cursed state, Mr. Gold. But she hadn't been given a cursed personality like everyone else. She didn't have two lives in her head, just an endless punishment of nothing. What was worse, having two lifetimes, two people, sharing your head as he did, or having only one but paying for that with years of mindless oblivion? Yesterday she thought she might have been lucky for that, but now, with her stomach grumbling, she wasn't so sure.

She was just about to give up, to find something to do with herself for the morning that would take her mind off her hunger, when she looked over and saw a piece of paper laying on the table she hadn't noticed before. It hadn't been there last night. Curiously she picked it up, smiling when she saw her name scrawled across the top. A note! Addressed to her! He must have written it before he left, before he'd come up to check on her she realized as her eyes skimmed the first few lines. He obviously hadn't planned on finding her awake.

 _"Belle-_   _Forgive me. I had to depart early this morning. You were sleeping so soundly I couldn't bring myself to wake you._   _I am out on business, but I should be back just after noon to join you for lunch. I would prefer you not go out alone, as the town is much bigger than one might anticipate, but of course you are free to do so, should you wish. It is simply an advisement, neither a command nor request."_

She felt a rush of disappointment surge through her as she rubbed her hand down over her dress. She had chosen it because she could wear it outside, but if he truly didn't want her to go outside then it was probably for a good reason. If The Evil Queen knew that she was here, the last thing that she wanted was to step into a dangerous town and wind up imprisoned again. It was okay. She'd wait until he came back to go outside, to go into town. It was probably better that way. Her stomach gave another grumble and she looked down at the note in her hands again. What else was there?

_"Should you choose to remain indoors, there are several items around the house with which you may not be familiar. We will confront all of them in due time, but I hope to have covered the necessities here. I assume you will be hungry upon waking. I took the liberty of slicing you a bowl of plums. They are in the refrigerator: the large man-sized metal box next to the stove. Simply pull the handle (it will open towards you), and the bowl will be sitting on the second shelf from the top. Do not be alarmed: the air is much cooler inside. For this reason, please try to remember to shut the door once you have retrieved the fruit."_

She looked over at the silver box she had spotted earlier. It was hard to miss seeing as it was so big. She gave a tug on the handle with her free hand and the door gave way at her touch. "Refrigerator." It was remarkable. The air inside was incredibly cold. Whoever had invented something like this was a genius. No more salting food to keep them preserved. No more rooms full of smoked meats! Everything was in here: fresh milk, eggs, cream, and other items in strange packages made of foreign materials, including on the second shelf a bowl of plums. Her favorite, had he remembered from when she served them regularly in the castle? She plucked one of the slices out of the bowl and placed it into her mouth. It was the taste of true freedom, she hadn't had one probably since she'd left his castle, and she'd lived on scraps or whatever was served to her in the prisons. Having them now, cool and fresh from this contraption, this refrigerator, she thought they might taste even better than she remembered.

She pulled the bowl out of the refrigerator and used her elbow to shut the door as he'd requested in the note, the air around the open door began to warm instantly. Genius. She set it down on the counter and popped another piece in her mouth. Then looked down again at the note.

" _On the counter next to the refrigerator is a smaller, metal show-box type contraption. You will see two slices of bread protruding through slits in the top. Push down on the lever so the bread disappears, wait one minute until it pops up, then remove it and place it on the plate I have set out. This box is a toaster. It has, accordingly, made you toast. DO NOT put your hands inside the slits in attempt to pull the bread out before it has reemerged. It is VERY HOT inside the toaster. You WILL burn yourself._   _Butter is on the dish by the sink"._

She looked to her right and saw another metal box just as he had described, and inside just as he had stated there was bread. The only reason she hadn't seen it earlier was because she had been distracted by the other hallow box. She found the lever that he had told her about and pushed down. The opening didn't close but the small silver tendrils of metal suddenly started to glow red and she could feel the heat coming out of the small area. "Toaster." This was much more convenient than working with a fire, much less messy as she wasn't working around soot as well. A glance back over at the sink that she had used yesterday and she saw the butter in a covered dish that he had laid out for her, knowing it wouldn't spoil in the cool house. This world was much easier to live in than the theirs. Much more comfortable.

She jumped as suddenly the bread popped out of the box-toaster, looking like heaven for as hungry as she was. A bit of butter and it tasted better than she remembered toast ever tasting in her life. Toast was something she'd received regularly since leaving the castle. But she was certain that it wasn't the toaster but merely the ability to make it herself that made it taste so good. This world was different, but it seemed far less complex than theirs. And yet as she looked around the house their world also seemed more simple too…although she couldn't quite understand her thoughts behind that idea. How could this world be both simple and complex at once? Her toast finished, still pushing pieces of plum into her mouth she set the plate in the sink and turned to the remainder of the note in her hand.

_Tea is in the cupboard over the butter. I take it you have not forgotten how to use a kettle. It has been filled with water._

She glanced up to see the kettle sitting on top of the strange coil machine that she had examined earlier. With her hand on the top she gave it a wiggle and it indeed was filled with water. Of course she hadn't forgotten how to use a kettle, what she didn't know how to use was the coil machine, although she assumed that it could probably heat the water. She turned her eyes back to the note, hoping for instructions to the object, and maybe a name, but found only the end of the letter.

 _Should you need me, for any reason, please call. I will be upset if you do not. I know we broached the subject yesterday, but a refresher: the telephone is the "silly red upside-down hat with a curly tail" (as you aptly described it), on the table to your right when you wake up. My number is taped to the top._   _I love you. I could not wait for lunch to tell you._   _Please do try to remember to shut the refrigerator._   _Yours, R._

She was disappointed that he hadn't offered more instructions, but it was impossible to be upset with his last words. Not the part about shutting the refrigerator, which she nervously checked right away, but the printed words of " _I love you"_ and  _"yours"_ she could hear those words, or see them in this case, any time. She sighed and folded the letter. She'd be keeping it, probably forever just because of those words. It would be nice to have the reminder when he couldn't be around in the future.

She looked back over at the kettle, thinking about her task once again. She could call him. But it seemed like such a silly thing to call him about. Surely this couldn't be that hard, she just had to boil water…right? She examined the knobs that she had seen earlier and found the drawing that corresponded with the coil the kettle sat upon. She took a deep breath and turned the knob up to the "High" setting. It wasn't possible to burn water, but it might take too long if she set it on something other than "high". She didn't know how powerful the coils were or if it was possible to start a fire with them. She'd heard the phrase that suggested watching water boil was about as fun as watching grass grow but still she stared at the kettle, her mind filling with terrible thoughts and wondering what she would do if she set fire to his house, or if she had missed something that would be disastrous in the end. But instead she watched as the coil suddenly turned red, like what she had seen happening inside the toaster. She had the sense not to touch it but she could feel the heat coming from it and her eyes scanned the side of it making sure that nothing besides the metal kettle was touching it.

For a while nothing happened. Then she started to hear the slow whistle that came from the kettle. She eagerly turned the knob back to "off" and the red glow seemed to die down quickly. Still she didn't want to risk it and moved the kettle to one of the cooler unused coils. She looked in the cupboard over the butter, as he had told her and found a strange flexible box with the writing "Granny's Homebrew Tea" written across the top. She didn't know who this Granny was but she seemed to be important. She'd have to ask him about that later. She opened the box and realized that the tea was contained inside tiny thin bags. Once again it was a great convenience of this world. The tea would be able to soak through the bag without getting the dregs in the bottom. It was perfect. Now all she needed was a tea cup. It was probably a good thing he hadn't told her where to find them because it gave her a chance to open all the drawers, all the cupboards, to see where everything was stored and how. She found the cupboard in the same place that she found large glasses in. She smiled as she poured the hot water in and set the tea bag, finding a string to dangle it by, inside the cup and took her prize out into another room.

Clearing the clutter she sat down in a chair and let the sun touch her face as she sipped the tea from the cup and watched outside the window. This world was different. But sure as the drink she held in her hand she was going to figure out her place here and how it all worked. It was difficult now, especially since everyone seemed to have all the knowledge required to live here given to them without a second thought but she would get there. One morning she was going to wake up and find that she could stand on her own two feet again. And in the mean time, maybe there would be more cheerful, beautiful notes waiting for her until she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only take half of the credit for this chapter because it's not as non-canon as you think it is. In fact it's one of those half canon chapters. You see, some of you make remember that before season 2 premiered there was a campaign of love notes written for Once Upon a Time. Notes to and from certain characters. I think Snowing got one. Regina got one from Henry (although I'll admit my memory on that is kind of foggy because only two mattered to me). And finally Rumple wrote one to Belle. It wasn't this one. And it wasn't pretty. It was just after she left the castle in season 1, after she'd kissed him and that letter...it's pretty...let's say painful, to say the least. There was so much flack because of that note that A&E decided to release another, better Rumbelle letter and that is the one included in this chapter. It's nice, right? Much better than the first one (which you can find with a quick google search I am sure). So the letter isn't mine, but the rest of the scene is and I had SO much fun writing this chapter! It's cool to get to explore a fully grown and intelligent adult exploring our world for the first time. I hope that you'll think I did a decent job!
> 
> Thank you to Oncer4Life69Dearie and Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter. I'm glad that you liked the fluffiness of it all. We don't get nearly enough fluff if you ask me! Peace and Happy Reading!


	16. An Awkward Acknowledgement

She was jolted awake suddenly by a loud creaking sound and for a brief moment she wondered where she was and what she was doing. She was lying down in his bed. Their bed? The blanket she'd found before going back to sleep was still spread out over her so she didn't have to remake the bed as she slept. Yes, she could remember now. The surge of energy she felt upon waking up that morning had quickly dissipated after breakfast as she sat alone in the quiet still house. She'd been tired, so tired she felt like she could barely stand and after a few moments she wondered why she was fighting the call to sleep. That was why he'd left her in the house after all, to rest! She figured that between the medication still in her body and the events of last night still racing through her mind, sleep wasn't the worst idea in the world. So, she'd found a blanket and in his absence returned to their room and fallen asleep again almost instantly.

But she was still tired, so what had woken her just now? She followed the sound of the strange noise she'd heard and found herself glancing at the door. He was there. He was home and he was peering at her through the crack he'd made, just as he had this morning. "Hey," she muttered rubbing her eyes and sitting up. She could sleep later, if he was home now then she wanted to be with him, talk to him, and enjoy every minute they had together!

"You're still here," he said with shock in his voice as he opened the door all the way and hobbled in. He looked concerned again, worried, just as he had that morning. Was it because she was still in bed? Was he worried she was sick?

"I was tired," she yawned, "I couldn't keep my eyes open after breakfast so I went back to sleep." She pushed the blanket aside and tucked her legs under her so he had room to be close to her. He did sit, but not closely as he had that morning, not as she'd hoped. He stayed on the edge by the foot of the bed, a solid two feet away from her, and stared at the wall across from him refusing to meet her gaze.

"I imagine, being where you were all this time...you still have chemicals in your body that could be making you tired...then last night..." he muttered, giving a short explanation that she didn't need.

"I know," she insisted, confirming his guess. She knew that, she'd figured it out hours ago just before she went to sleep. After all these years she knew the effect those drugs had on her and what they felt like, there was no fighting it. Going to sleep like this, sad as it seemed, was normal for her. What was strange was how he was acting! He tapped his cane against the floor and she could see something was bothering him, torturing him, she just didn't know what! Why would he place himself so far away from her, especially after everything that had taken place in the past twenty-four hours? And why was he refusing to look at her?! It was unnerving!

"Is everything alright?" she asked, wondering if there was bad news from town, something he had seen or heard.

"Are you?!" he asked sharply, the words suddenly flying from his mouth.

His question shocked her. Of course she was fine, she'd just taken a nap! Why would he think something was wrong?! "Yes," she breathed, giving a reassuring smile he couldn't see because he was avoiding her eyes like she might turn him to stone. "I'm just tired," she explained.

His head turned a bit but not enough to look at her, just enough that he would be able to see her form in his peripheral vision. "Are you in pain?" he muttered softly through clenched teeth, like he was annoyed that he had to ask the question and was terrified of the answer.

Pain? Why would she be in pain? Nothing she'd done had been strenuous. He knew that! What would make him think that she'd been in pain?! The only different thing she'd done here was...

Suddenly she understood. The strange soreness she'd felt when she woke up, the small ache that had been dull but still present as she'd moved around the house that morning. Last night, before they'd done anything, he'd warned her that he didn't want to hurt her. Was that what he was worried about? That he'd hurt her? Did he regret what they'd done? He hadn't appeared to last night, or even this morning! But now he had time by himself, to think, to reflect! He was his own worst enemy she'd seen that first hand at the castle when he had time to himself to brood! And he'd been willing to kill the Evil Queen yesterday at the thought that she might have hurt her, what must he feel if he thought that he was the one to injure her in any way?! No wonder he looked as though he was guilty or ashamed...that was exactly how he felt.

"I'm a little sore," she admitted quietly, trying not to blush at the words. She was trained to be embarrassed and refuse to talk to him about such a private moment or feeling, but that was part of her old life. She didn't want that life to affect this one, if there was anyone that she wanted to talk to about what had happened between them, it was him! She wanted to understand what she felt inside and out and she wanted him to as well. She didn't want him to feel guilty! "But it's nothing I can't handle. I've barely noticed it today," she explained confidently, proudly even, but he said nothing, just stared down at the floor, looking angry. At himself?

"Is, uh, is that normal?" she asked, hoping it would get him to answer her, to admit what she suspected was really bothering him, to just look at her! "Being sore," she clarified, "is that normal?"

"From what I gather..." he muttered with a sigh and a small nod, "yes." It worked, but not like she'd hoped. It was normal. Good. Then it was nothing to worry about. And if it was normal, then he couldn't blame himself for it. It would be like blaming himself for the sun coming up just because his watch said it was time. It was just what had to happen. It would stop. Wouldn't it?

"Does it go away? The soreness?" she asked curiously purposefully choosing a word less torturous than 'pain'. It wasn't painful, she wanted him to understand that! And if it didn't go away, if it was something that just stayed, she'd gladly go through it a million more times to feel what she'd felt with him last night.

"I think so," he whispered, barely audible in the silent room. "Yes, with time," but there was no confidence behind his words. It appeared he didn't know much more about this than she did. Then again, why would he, he'd been married before, but he hadn't been a woman before. And what they'd done, well...it wasn't exactly something that was talked about between married couples in their land. In their land it wasn't even commonly done for pleasure. That required love. For most people, as it would have been for her, it would have been a marital duty used strictly to produce children.

But what they'd done was different. They couldn't help themselves, she'd felt like she needed him last night and more importantly she felt like he'd needed her! She was glad it had happened. And if the feeling was going to fade, she was more than happy it had happened. In fact, she was looking forward to the next time, hoping that it would be soon, maybe tonight even. She'd liked it. She like the way he'd touched her. She wanted him to touch her again. Like he had last night, or even just as he'd done this morning before he'd left. But for now all she wanted was for him to look at her again! To not second guess something that had seemed so beautifully right!

"I don't regret it, Rumple. Please, I don't want you to either," she begged.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to lose control-"

"I don't think you were the only one, last night," she interrupted. He still didn't look at her, just glanced sideways like he had a moment ago so he could see her without actually looking her in the eye. It was closer, but not completely what she wanted. With a determined sigh she moved a foot closer to him, happy that he didn't get up and run. It would have been like him. But he didn't, just stayed put, the only sign that he even noticed her move was the tightening of his hands on his cane.

"I'd do it all over again," she muttered. "In a heartbeat! It felt…it felt…" she had to pause, and try to come up with the words. But it was a useless attempt. She hadn't been able to find the words last night and thinking back on it she couldn't come up with them now. Maybe it was her ignorance of the subject, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe there weren't words for what she'd felt, for the feelings, emotional and physical, that had grown and encompassed her inside and out. She'd never felt anything like that! "It felt beyond words," she admitted, "indescribable! I've never felt anything like that before in my life. I've never felt so perfect, or...or complete!"

That was it! Complete! That was the only way she could think to describe it! But it was the right word she knew it was! That was how she wanted to remember last night, how she hoped he would remember it. She was certain when he left that morning he hadn't felt this way, but it appeared that not that much had changed. In the time he had alone, he'd also thought that it might have been a mistake. But it hadn't been and if he thought it was, then she didn't think she would be able to live with herself! He hadn't lost control. She'd started it. She'd kissed him! He'd tried to stop them and she hadn't listened. If anyone was to blame it was her...but they'd done nothing wrong, not in her eyes! There was no one at fault, no one to blame. It had been her choice! A courtesy she would not have been extended in a cold stone chamber with Gaston. Ignorant as she was, she knew it wouldn't have felt the same with Gaston, she needed him to make her feel what she'd felt. Did he need her for that too?

"Does it feel that way for you?" she asked, her words once again bursting out of her mouth without a second thought. She couldn't help it, she had to know! Did he get to feel the same thing that she did?! He looked at the wall again, his grip on the cane tightening. She was asking a lot of him, she knew, talking about his emotions wasn't something easily done for him, but this was different. It should be different with her! But would he see it that way?

Slowly, he began to nod and she released a breath. It was a response, a good response! But he still wouldn't look at her! She needed him to. He was building a wall up again and the last thing she wanted was to feel like there was distance of any kind between the two of them. So she did the only think she could think of to fix it. She tore the wall down.

She moved closer to him, so that her knee bumped into his leg, and she felt the muscle tense unexpectedly like he needed to move away from her or else he'd be burned...

Or else he'd burn her. Now she understood. He wasn't keeping his distance because he was ashamed. Well, that had something to do with it, but the physical distance was different. He didn't come close for fear he might do something he'd regret again. But didn't he see? That was exactly what she wanted! And she was pretty sure that his tense response meant that he was craving her just as much as she was him. It was normal wasn't it?

Yes. Yes it was. There was a memory somewhere in the back of her mind that told her it was, a phrase whispered and joked about among adults that she hadn't understood until she was older and engaged. "Honeymooning." That was what the people in courts called it-the months when a new couple couldn't seem to get enough of each other and frequently snuck off to meet without others knowing...which everyone always did. Of course "honeymooning" was never spoken of out in the open, it was always behind closed doors or in small groups when backs were turned, as she'd first heard of it, usually because the people they were "honeymooning" with was not the person they were married to out of political duty.

That was what they were doing. She didn't want it to be secret, as it would have been in the Enchanted Forest, but she knew they were honeymooning. They had love, they'd always have it, she was certain of that. The appeal of being together wouldn't fade for them, they were doomed to desire each other this much for an eternity and she couldn't be happier about that! There were worse fates than that in the world and she was ready and willing to give into it! She never thought she'd be able to experience anything like what they shared, but now that she had, she wanted to embrace it fully. It only made her more of who she was, who he'd helped to turn her into. Considering the alternative, it was a good thing! She just needed him to see that as well.

Boldly, she reached out, taking one of the hands that was on his cane and holding it between her own, giving contact whether or not he wanted it. "I love you," she informed him confidently. "I love you and I know you love me too. The people in my life have been saving me, trying to protect me, to stop me from what I felt last night with you. But now that I've felt it, I don't want to give it up. I love you and you love me, that is what matters to me more than anything! Please, Rumpelstiltskin, please don't ever be afraid to love me as you did last night."

She dared to be even bolder and laid the hand that she held against her leg, purposefully placing his fingertips just under the hem of the dress she was wearing, hoping it would communicate the idea better than her words could. Finally he turned his head to stare at where she'd placed his hand. Moments seemed to pass as he just stared, as a debate seemed to bounce back and forth in his mind and his face changed with each new emotion, good and bad. Almost.

She was still tired, she could feel it tugging at her subconscious, but the racing of her heart from their close proximity made it easy to ignore. He still wasn't really looking at her, so she reached forward, placed her hand against his cheek, and closed the distance between the two of them by placing her lips against his own. He was still for a moment, then gave a sharp intake of breath and she felt his hand at her neck as he gave in and kissed her deeply, just as he had last night, over and over. The hand she'd left at her leg, suddenly traveled further upwards and came to rest at her hip, pushing the fabric of her dress back and away from her skin. She drew him closer and wasn't aware of how much they'd been pushing and pulling until she felt the mattress against her back and his body pressing against hers delicately.

This.

This was what she wanted. This was what she needed. They were indeed "honeymooning" and she intended to enjoy it as long as it lasted...assuming it would end, but right now that just didn't seem possible. They both seemed to-

But suddenly he tore his mouth away from hers and when she opened her eyes she was happy to see his finally staring back into hers. That was a good sign. One that brought a smile to her face, but-

"We can't," he muttered softly, the opposite of what she wanted to hear.

"We can," she corrected desperately before she closed the distance and kissed him again. It was hardly any time at all before he responded again. She reveled in it, she held him closer and tangled her fingers in his hair-

Until he managed to wrench himself away again and shake his head like he was trying to clear it only a few moments later. "We can't," he repeated sadly, breathlessly. "I have to be in town again shortly," he explained quickly, before she could stop him again, she suspected.

She'd forgotten. His note said he would come back for lunch. She must have slept through the morning and he'd woken her when he'd come back that afternoon. He wasn't home for the day, just a little while. They couldn't then...but that didn't mean they couldn't ever again!

So she reached up and kissed him once more. "Later?" she asked between kisses, barely giving a thought to the question of whether or not it was alright to proposition him as she was; whether or not it was appropriate for her to want this as much as she did. "Tonight?"

He returned her advances before pulling away and dragging her back up to sit with him as they had been only this time allowing himself to be close as he rested his forehead against hers. His eyes were on her and finally in the way that she wanted them to be. "Tonight," he agreed.

She didn't know if it was right, she'd never had this or done anything even remotely resembling whatever this thing between the two of them was before. But she knew that it certainly felt more than any other "right" in her entire life. Tonight seemed far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not original to MS&U. Basically, before I wrote Lacey's Moments Missed or the 3A fiction Moments Shared and Unshared, I had put the three chapters that happened at the end of 2x22 when Belle was Belle again into this fiction. But with the arrival of MM and MH&U I removed those three chapters and made them the first chapters of MH&U for continuity purposes. Around this time I had also let slip about Moments Exile and something fell into place. There were three chapters in Moments Exiled that were not as raunchy as the rest of Exile. They featured an old plot arc, I like to call it the Sexual Education arc, that I had originally placed in Exile because I just didn't see a need to clutter Moments with it. But as time wore on, as Moments Lost came to fruition basically, I decided that the small arc couldn't hurt and in return for removing the last three chapters from MS&U I decided to show some love and read these three chapters to make up for what MS&U last. Honestly, only 2 of those chapters really have to do with the Sex Ed arc and the other chapter was removed for other reasons (you'll see why in the next chapter) but I really hope that these chapters are okay with ya'll and not too much.
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter. I love writing Moments. Someone once told me that you shouldn't write anything that you wouldn't read yourself and so far so good! Peace and Happy Reading!


	17. Practice Makes Perfect

Lunch was good for her...and not just because the food helped her feel awake again.

They made sandwiches, after he'd pulled out everything they needed and she watched him on one she was able to copy his motions easily enough. He moved flawlessly around the kitchen, making her jealous with how natural his actions were. There were things that she knew, knives, forks, plates, and cups, all that was familiar to her. But when she had a question she felt no shame in pointing to an object and asking what it was and what it did even if she didn't quite understand it yet. A microwave made food just as hot as the oven but in less time. However, according to him it never tasted the same. A coffee maker made a strange drink she'd never heard of called coffee. He merely told her it was a bad habit many people in this world had, if she could avoid it she should just stick to her tea. And the coil machine she'd fiddled with earlier was called a stove top, the controls she'd seen not only worked the stove but also the oven below it which was the same as an oven in the Enchanted Forest, but like everything else worked differently, more efficiently, he said.

They ate lunch together and when their hour was up she'd shaken her head at it all, feeling so overwhelmed by all the new words and items that did strange things...she wondered if she'd ever figure it all out. He seemed to have read her mind and after setting the dishes in the sink pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. "We'll get there," he promised, "trust me, soon enough, this will all be second nature. We'll make dinner together tonight, that will help. There is no better way to learn than through experience."

She nodded, trying to take hope in the words. She shouldn't trust him, not after what happened yesterday, but she did. History taught her that he was right. There was once a time she hadn't known how to cook or clean but she'd learned it all on her own with nothing but a few books as a guide. Certainly it would go faster with him here. Wouldn't it?

"I'll see you later then," she muttered, trying not to be too overjoyed at the way she felt when his fingers brushed against the hair at her neck.

"Indeed you will, though..." he pulled away from her a bit and look down concerned almost. "Try to rest, but don't sleep," he advised. "You'll feel better when things are normal. When days are days and nights are..."

She smiled. Nights weren't "normal" by her former standards. Not by his either she suspected, not anymore. But she understood what he was thinking. "When days are busy and nights are ours," she finished for him. He smirked, looking at her with that amazed stare that told her she was still capable of reading his mind without much effort. She liked that. He reached forward suddenly and held her in his arms, making her feel like she was living in a dream of some kind that she never wanted to wake up from. Was this real life?

"I have to go, but I'll be back before dinner," he muttered against her regretfully. She could understand that feeling well enough. "I love you," he sighed, another feeling she was becoming all to familiar with.

"I love you, too," she mimicked back, loving the way those words tasted. He kissed her only once and left quickly after that, she suspected because it was difficult to do it, but he managed all the same. She watched his car until she couldn't see it anymore then turned back to the house. Rest but don't sleep...now what?

 _There is no better way to learn than through experience._ That was what kept echoing through her head as she looked around her. Experience. What needed done that wouldn't make her anymore tired than she already was, but would give her "experience". When she wandered into the kitchen her eyes came to rest on the dishes in the sink and she remembered what he'd done with them last night after they'd had dinner. Yes! That seemed simple enough! Why not practice that? She scrubbed the plates, found a small brush to push the bits they hadn't eaten down the drain then found the switch that he'd used yesterday and flipped it on. She covered her ears as the same grinding noise she'd heard before suddenly filled the room and made the floor vibrate. She could only stand it for a minute before she turned it off again and the room was still and silent.

Was that it? Was it done? She looked down the little hole but couldn't really see anything beneath the black flaps covering it. He told her not to put her hand down while the grinder-the garbage disposal he'd called it-was running. But should she do it when it wasn't. No. The thought made her skin crawl. She'd done what she could for now, she'd ask later, when he came home.

Next, she spotted the dishwasher he'd mentioned. They were clean, she knew how to clean dishes, but then again he'd also cleaned the dishes before he'd put them in there last night. Maybe there was something special about it? She didn't know, but she copied the motions. Opening the door, pulling on the skeleton looking rack within it. She set the plates on their sides next to the others, and saw that the silverware went in a little basket. They didn't look any cleaner than they had been last night. Something else she was missing? More to ask later.

She explored for the rest of the day, walking through the house, taking in the small objects, the dust, the debris, in each room. He had a library, although it was much smaller than she expected it to be, and made even smaller by the desk and funny chair on wheels behind it. But there was an armchair there as well that looked like it might be comfy on a cold day if it was clean and she was wrapped in a thick blanket. She stored the idea away for later and moved on quickly.

As it turned out he did have guest bedrooms, but she wouldn't have wanted to sleep in them last night. They looked as though they hadn't been cleaned, hadn't been touched, in years. Besides, last night, sharing what they had, that was far better than sleeping in a bed on her own. She blushed at the thought and allowed herself to wander on, through room after room, taking it all in, wondering names of objects and their purposes in this weird world. Until she heard the door open and realized she'd lost hours walking the empty halls.

She liked to see him smile, she liked the way his face seemed to light up when he looked up and saw her coming down the stairs for him. They wrapped their arms around each other and he kissed her just as he had yesterday and this morning, but with enough restraint that it wasn't as passionate as it had been last night. But now that she knew what that was like, she was beginning to wonder how she was ever going to wait until tonight...

Practice. Practice and experience and learning to do something she once grew to love in a new setting, that was what would get her through.

He was right, helping with dinner did help. He had food, packaged and covered with strange materials, saying he got it from something called the grocery store. He brought them in with flimsy bags that were made of something called plastic. He showed her how to use the dials to turn the stove and oven on, not realizing she'd had to figure it out on her own that morning, and he also showed her where to find pots and pans made of clear glass and also metal and sprays so that nothing would stick and they would be easier to clean. Then of course, hot pads, so she could pull it out without burning herself. He showed her how to work the microwave by pulling out frozen vegetables from a bag and setting them in there on a timer. It was remarkable, stiff as ice one minute and hot and steaming the next. Although she had to agree with him, prepared that way there was just something missing!

But despite that, dinner was still a great experience! In her mind, anything that didn't resemble the mush she'd gotten at the hospital was a delicacy. And the company was even better than the meal. They put the extra food he'd bought away together, allowing her to learn more names like "cardboard", "cereal", and "freezer". He assured her that when she turned on the disposal she'd done it right, then showed her how to put soap in the dishwasher, promising that clean as they seemed now, when they were done in the morning, they would sparkle.

"Really?" she asked, excitedly.

"Well," he sighed, "not sparkle, not really, but they will be even cleaner than they are now."

"And it does it on its own? Throughout the night?"

"Yes, but it only takes a couple of hours. I just prefer to do it at night, when I awake the next morning it's easy to unload it and put everything back where it belongs-"

"Can I do it?" she asked eagerly. She wanted desperately to see what they would look like when it finished it's job!

"No, Belle..." he sighed and shook his head, looking almost frustrated. "You don't have to do that. Not anymore-"

"No, I want to!" she assured him. "Just...just until I learn my way around. Experience is the best way to learn, isn't that what you said."

He opened his mouth, to argue she supposed, but his face fell after a moment. He couldn't argue with his own logic. "It was indeed," he muttered, with a look that told her he suddenly wished he hadn't used those words at all. But it really wasn't an issue. She wanted to learn and he was gone for the day. Why shouldn't she do it? Taking care of a castle-a house was something familiar and right now, in a world that made about as much sense as the universe, familiar was a welcome thought.

"Please," she insisted gently. "I want to, it'll give me something to do while you're gone."

He didn't want to say she could, he didn't want to turn her into a caretaker once more. But after a few silent moments of internal debate, he gave a sigh of defeat. "I'll leave it for you then," he conceded unhappily. There was silence then, the same silence there had been between them last night when they'd been thinking about sleeping arrangements. Was this how it was going to be every night? Would every night be this...awkward?

"Do you normally go to bed now?" she asked, boldly daring to break the quiet.

He sighed and glanced at a clock that had numbers on it, instead of a clock face as she was accustomed. "It's a bit early, sometimes I do something else until I'm tired..."

She smiled. It sounded awkward, like something she'd never talk to someone about because she'd never really talked about it in her life, never really wanted it in her life. But how else were they supposed to do what they both wanted to do if they just awkwardly danced around it?! Someone had to say something! But what?!

"I, uh..." she swallowed nervously, hoping whatever words came out would be the right ones, "I wasn't exactly planning on going to sleep first." She knew she was blushing, but he appeared to turn the slightest shade of red as well. He looked scared, unsure, like he was surprised she'd actually said what she'd said! Maybe it wasn't appropriate. After all what did she know about it?! It wasn't like she ever read about this sort of thing in her books and even the bit that she had managed to absorb, it never seemed this tense!

"Are you sure?" he asked after a moment, looking her over skeptically. "Are you positive?!"

Sure? Yes. Positive? Absolutely, without a doubt. So why was he always so unsure? Always questioning it. She could have snapped back as she had before lunch, insisted, but instead she closed the distance between them, moved her hands over his chest, the fabric of the clothes he wore, before she folded her arms around his neck. "Why is it so hard for you to believe..." she questioned, placing her forehead against his lips for him to kiss before his arms came around her gently, "I just want to be as close to you as I can?"

There was silence as his hands roamed over her back as she let her head rest against his shoulder and he held her against him. Then, after a quiet moment, she felt him release her and pull away as he placed his hands against her neck and kissed her softly, tenderly. Once, then twice, then with so much passion she had to fight to catch her breath. Yes, that was the response that she wanted, that she felt like she needed.

"Then," he whispered against her after a final kiss, "we'll go to bed now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second of the three Exile chapters. "Uh...Treatian...are you sure? Maybe I missed something but this chapter isn't that bad? Why put it in Exile?" Excellent question my observant reader! This particular chapter was and to this day remains the tamest of tame chapters in Exile and you are right I probably wouldn't have ever removed it if it weren't for one thing...it felt repetitive to me. It just felt so similar to "Boundaries, Comforts, and Future Days" as well as "Standing On Her Own" I just didn't feel like it added anything more. But alas, as per our three for three deal, here it is. It liiiiiiiiives! And repetitive or not I do hope that you'll enjoy it because I am rather fond of it in a way. I was sad to see it go and no matter what I am happy that it is back.
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_Oncer for your comments on the last chapter. I know what you mean, it's one of those necessary evil conversations when you are in the kind of relationship that they are on. Peace and Happy Reading!


	18. Bits and Pieces

"Rest, but try not to sleep too much," he asked her again before he left the next morning.

It was still early, she was tired, and she just couldn't get herself to concentrate the right way when he was by her side like that, so she'd agreed, smiled when he kissed her good-bye, and gone back to sleep before he'd even left the room. But now that she was awake, now that she was alone and still tired, she had to wonder why she'd agreed with him so easily. Rest but don't sleep? All she wanted to do was sleep! Until she didn't feel the last of the effects of the tranquilizers pulling her down!

But she couldn't. As difficult as it was to admit, he was right and she needed to get up and keep moving. Besides, she shouldn't feel this way much longer. The drugs they always gave her were powerful, they'd always seemed to last an eternity, but it had been days since she'd last been dosed, it should be much longer before she came out of it for good this time. And maybe she could burn the drugs off faster if she moved and ate more. So she got out of bed, showered and ate breakfast as she had yesterday then unloaded the dishwasher, noting that while the dishes didn't "sparkle" there was something about them that was different, something that seemed cleaner than they had been when she'd put them in yesterday. And by the time she'd figured out where everything went, he'd returned again for lunch!

She liked when he was home, when they shared the kitchen and made lunch together. She liked it even better now that she felt like she could actually contribute to the process! Having him around, stolen kisses and gentle touches, it was heavenly! But he was gone too soon, only able to stay with her an hour before he had to return to the chaotic town. And it was becoming abundantly clear, if she wanted to stay awake as he requested, that she needed something more than dishes to do.

So she turned to the cluttered house. It was large and expansive, and looking around the dusty, dirty rooms she saw more to do...she saw plenty to do! The only rooms that showed signs of life were the kitchen and his bedroom and bathroom. There were a few chairs around the house that were less dusty and useable but the rest of the house showed signs of a man that lived alone and really didn't care about the state of the rest of it.

But she did care. The house itself was really quite beautiful and grand and if she could turn it into something else, clean out the rooms, create a good space, maybe she could turn it into something special. Somewhere he wouldn't mind coming home to, a place that she wouldn't mind spending time alone. Or maybe she could do better than that. Maybe they could change some of the spare bedrooms. Put a bigger library in one, maybe a little shop in another, a place to properly put the work he brought back with him, and sanitize one of them to be a room for guests. If she could put a little bit of her into it and a little bit of him then it wouldn't be Mr. Gold's house it would be their home.

The prospect excited her. It would be different than before, because they were different now. And besides, unlike everyone else in this town that might have been given houses, lives, and cherished belongings no matter how false they were, all she had to her name was a tea cup. Just staring at all of his clutter all day didn't make it feel like it was hers, it just reminded her that he had so much he could have clutter. Maybe if she spent time with it, developed some memories here, it would begin to feel like her clutter too. She sighed as she looked around the living room, the first lost cause that she felt she had to bring back to life. She really did have nothing if she was looking forward to owning junk.

And so she began by piling the things she found into "fixable", "non-fixable", and "possibly fixable" when she didn't recognize the object. She had been hoping to clear the room enough that she would be able to sweep and dust before he came home but with every chime of the clock she realized that was an impossible expectation. She'd be lucky if she got the clutter sorted and that was only if her body didn't betray her and force her to lie down for another nap!

She moved a large pillow off the couch and...

Her jaw dropped. There was something behind that pillow and she stared at the object in shock before she reached out timidly to pick it up, afraid it might be a hallucination that would disappear if she touched it. But it wasn't. The pillow was just as she remembered: soft and luxurious, tassels and all. It was dustier than she'd left it, but still, here it was. It was just a pillow, but still she felt her heart beat as she looked at it with loving tears forming in her eyes.

Did he know that he had this here? She couldn't imagine that he did, she would have liked to think that he would have treated it with a bit more respect if he'd known, rather than just shoving it under another pillow to gather dust. But then, was it possible that he didn't know the significance of it. He had conjured only a handful of things for her benefit while they'd been at the castle, this had been the first, she couldn't expect him to remember it or treasure it as he did the tea cup. She sat down on the couch and hugged the pillow against herself like it was an old friend.

So many nights she'd spent in her dungeon, clutching the pillow to her chest for a small bit of comfort in those terrible days, before she had actually used it for what it was meant for and slept with it under her head. She placed her nose to the fine fabric and inhaled. It smelled different, mustier, older, but there underneath it, was a faint trace of the smell she remembered. It smelled like his spinning wheel, not the smell that came from his golden thread but the smell when he had sat down to make wool thread. It smelled like home.

Suddenly she picked up her head as a thought raced through her mind. If this was here, did that mean there was more?! Her task forgotten she took off scouring the rest of the house. Looking for nothing in particular but still combing through each item in the house for anything that might be recognizable. It was always when it seemed like a lost cause that her eyes would fall on something unexpected.

A blanket that she had taken from one of the upper rooms to keep her warm at night had been shoved haphazardly into the closet.

The shoes that she'd first worn when he had taken her from her father's palace lay under one of the rusty iron bed frames upstairs.

The book she'd read from this world,  _The Screwtape Letters,_ was sitting on top of a bookshelf.

A shawl that she'd owned during the winter was there as well, it was hidden tight in between so many other clothes and coats and jackets so that she had to strain to pull it out.

She began to form another pile in the living room, all the stuff that she had found and belonged to her. All the bits and pieces of her broken life heaped together again, having no significance to anyone in the world except for her. There seemed to be at least one thing stashed in every room and soon enough a pair of gloves she'd used to garden, a basket she'd used for the wash, and a brush she had scrubbed dishes with were all added. She continued her scavenger hunt downstairs. And when she opened a small drawer in the dining room, expecting to find nothing but documents like the other two she gasped.

Her mother's necklace.

Her eyes did much more than water this time and she held her hands over her mouth when she saw it staring up at her, a small pearl among stones. She hadn't expected this surprise. Slowly and gently, like she was afraid it might break apart if she wasn't careful, she reached out and grasped the gold chain in her hands. It was real. It had found her! She'd worn it almost every day since she'd found it sitting in her mother's jewelry box after she'd died, right up until the day she had taken it off when she went off in search of the Yaoguai and placed it in her bag. The men had taken it, forgetting that it was hers when they pushed her off of the cart. She'd forgotten about it herself! But after a few days of sitting alone in the Queens tower she had realized just what had happened, what she'd carelessly lost, had a good cry, and resigned herself to the truth that she would never see it again. It appeared in the curse it had made its way back to him. Or had it been traded somehow in their land and made its way back long before she had. Did it matter? It was here now, in her hands again. And all she wanted was...

She clasped the tiny pearl in her hand and raced up the stairs, up to their bedroom, and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She watched herself with hawk like eyes as she undid the clasp then slid the jewelry up her chest and secured it back where it belonged around her neck. Only...did it belong there?

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, intrigued at the fact that she wasn't sure this person now would be recognizable to the person she was when she'd found the item and first put it on. So much was different then. She'd worn it first as a remembrance of her mother, then as a remembrance of herself, not wanting to strip away the final piece of who she was in his presence, but now...now she wasn't the same person, she didn't treasure the same things she had then, didn't value the same things. Sometimes she wasn't sure she ever had...

Would he love who she'd been? Would he love her if she had been like her mother? It had always seemed like a goal she'd had, private and secret to the rest of the world: to be like her mother, to be the Queen that her mother and father had wanted her to be, but to also be as different from them as they could be. She'd never quite figured out how to satisfy those two different desires and as time wore on she found she never had to. He'd spared her from ever having to make that transition...he'd spared her from a lot. And she was glad.

She'd become who she was always meant to be, taking the things that she liked from her mother, from the Queen, and letting them weld together with who she was now. Her mother had loved fiercely, but...she probably never would have loved a man like Rumpelstiltskin. That was her own doing. The Queen had exuded an air of confidence, but she'd seen that mask she wore vanish when no one was looking, and knew she'd never had the genuine confidence in herself to see a man under a beasts mask. Not the way she did. She was her own person. After all these years she'd finally managed to learn how to combine the two images she'd had of herself. And she found that their product was more beautiful that than the looks of the woman who stood before her, the one that had worn this necklace in an act of mourning and, later, rebellion. She'd outgrown it...

She reached up and removed the burden from her neck. She wouldn't get rid of it. She couldn't bring herself to do that, but she also didn't feel like she needed it any more. She carried it out into their room and looked on top of the dresser, expecting to see a jewelry box or some other precious container that she could store it away in. But there wasn't one. And why would there be? Until only a few days ago he'd been living in this house alone with no hope that she would ever be joining him. So, with a sigh, she perched the small item on the bedside table and thought that maybe she could ask him for a jewelry box to place it in sometime, just to be sure that it never wound up lost or found its way into the wrong hands again. Sitting there it looked right. It looked like it had found a new home, and made her feel like a bit of herself was finally really and truly in this house, just like she'd hoped.

From downstairs she heard the sound of the front door and his voice calling her name, wondering where she was. With happy excitement she ran from the room and down the stairs so fast that when she flung herself into his arms he looked at her with concern asking what was wrong and if she was alright. She'd merely smiled, and took his hand, pulling him into the living room to show him the pile of her belongings that she'd found throughout the day. She'd hoped that he'd share her excitement...but he stared at the items expressionless as she showed him.

"Did you know these were here?" she asked happily. "My things?"

He shook his head, a look of utter amazement in his eyes alone as he held the shawl in his hand. "In a way," he answered. "My cursed self knew they were here but didn't necessarily know what they were. I haven't thought of them since I got my memories back so I couldn't understand their significance until now." He had given her a typically complicated answer for a simple "yes" or "no" question, but she found herself smiling more at his words. The significance. She hadn't understood until this moment either. It wasn't that they were hers that made them truly significant. It was that they were hers  _and_  they were here! She beamed again as she set the white knit cloth down against the couch and placed her hands on his shoulders, coming to a realization that she needed him to know just as much as she did.

"I belong here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, welcome to controversial Moments things Part III...which, as I'm writing this is actually no longer controversial because in the end it's pretty dead on! (Excuse me for a moment while I do my happy dance.) Alright, let's talk about the timeline! At this moment we have received a bit of information about the Storybrooke timeline. During season 2 A&E had said that we should assume that an entire year passes with each season. I don't think any of us ever believed that was happening. It's pretty obvious that once we get closer to the end of season 2 that episodes are passing as days not weeks. However toward the beginning of season 2 I am not inclined to believe that. I don't know that I think an entire week has gone by between episodes but I don't think it's just a day either, I think it's probably somewhere between the two based on the episode. Later, before season 4 started A&E told us that they had worked the timeline and figured out that when 4 started they were in early 2013, before the first trailer for Frozen would hit theaters so that Emma and Henry would be unfamiliar with the story by the time season 4 began again. For the record, when you sit down and figure out the season 1 timeline it ends with February 29 (2012 was a leap year) and that also means season 2 starts on that day (dress aside, I know, it should be freezing but temps can be easily explained away). The first trailer for Frozen came out June 18, 2013. So...if you do the math, season 2 must start February 29th and then by the start of 3B we must be before then and if we continue on with the timeline I've fashioned, it'll be April of 2013 when all is said and done...
> 
> For 2x01 to 2x02 I have put a little bit bigger space of time. Why? Because of the behavior of the town, the personality of David, and the activities in the Enchanted Forest. A) In Storybrooke when we tune back in during 2x02, the town isn't settled by any stretch of the imagination but it's certainly starting to organize and that takes time. And (B)) David. Based on 4x01 it's pretty obvious if something is wrong with the town then first they will go to the Charmings. No Snow and no Emma means that David is on his own to organize the town and get it out of panic mode and I don't think that is something that can be fixed in a couple of days. I know he wants to find his family, but he's an honorable man with priorities and Henry...he's going to do what needs to be done first. C) The Enchanted Forest, Emma and Snow do a lot of traveling and I'm always weary when they are doing traveling in Enchanted Forest to give them a little extra time to travel around on foot. I hope this isn't too confusing. It blows my mind when I have to think about it, but it does make sense in the end. I hope it does for ya'll too!
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_oncer for your awesome comments on the last chapter. I'm so glad that you liked it! Got to get what we can out of these little chapters before it all gets complicated right. Peace and Happy Reading!


	19. The Power of Knowledge

She belonged with him. She was right where she needed to be, where she was meant to be! And she felt it, she just wished that it was reflected in their life! Going to bed was just so strange! They stared at each other for what felt like hours in the kitchen after dinner, shuffling, swallowing, taking deep breaths before he finally asked if she wanted to go to sleep.

"Sleep," she whispered, wishing she could stop blushing, "isn't exactly what I had in mind." No, she couldn't stop blushing, but she could make him stop looking at her like that. So without another thought she walked toward him and kissed him for several long blissful minutes before finally pulling away. Together they turned off the lights, locked the doors, and walked up the stairs hand in hand. They prepared as they had the last few nights. She rifled through the drawers and found a nightgown she knew she wouldn't need then pulled back the covers and sorted out pillows while he used the bathroom. She took a turn after him, brushing teeth and hair, pulling on the loose satin, and walking out to find him just as she had every night since she'd arrived; pressed against the side of the mattress, back to her, giving her all the privacy she needed and still wide awake.

Quietly she slid in between the sheets, placed a hand on his shoulder to turn him, and leaned down to kiss him and after a few moments, just as before, the world melted away again and every shy glance or awkward blush was erased from memory. He felt incredible, and made her feel...remarkable, outstanding, alive! She loved the way she felt when they were together like this, and even if she didn't really know where those feelings came from, what part of her body was responsible for them, she found that she didn't really care. For her, it was him. He was where they came from, he was what made her feel this way, he was everything, and afterwards, as they held each other close, she felt as though she could feel it. Where did she belong? Right here. Home.

The nights might always begin awkward but they never finished that way. She was pressed against his side, hugging him again, as he wrapped his arms around her. Skin to skin. He played with her hair, etched unknown figures into the skin on her back with his fingers, kissed her forehead tenderly, and though she couldn't see him from where she was settled against his chest she knew that he was happy and at peace. It felt as though there were tiny invisible chords leaping from her skin and latching onto his, binding them together as they never had been before with anyone. He kissed the top of her head again, for what seemed like the millionth time in the past few minutes, and she felt him heave a relaxed sigh against her. She liked when he felt peace, she liked knowing that she could give him something that precious. She wanted that for the rest of eternity.

"I could get used to this," she mumbled, not bothering to even try and sensor her thoughts as she traced her fingers over the panes of his chest. "I could get used to be being with you this way every night for the rest of my life."

From beneath her cheek she felt his muscles tense for a moment as he snorted. "Not every night," he muttered in a correcting voice.

Not every night? What did that mean? She turned her head to glance up at him curiously. "You don't think we could?" she asked.

"No...it's not that we couldn't..." he muttered after a moment. "I meant we shouldn't."

"Why?" she asked, sensing a small twinge of anger in her own voice. She had been feeling great until he'd mentioned that ending a happy dream she'd only just begun to allow herself to enjoy. They shouldn't be together like this? They couldn't be? Were they really back to this again? Or was it something more? "Why can't we?" she asked pushing herself up on an elbow. "Why 'shouldn't' we?"

The hand at her back suddenly paused in its long sweeps and as she looked into his eyes she saw the strangest thing. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell her, he was just shocked, surprised! Surprised about what? That he had to tell her something she didn't know? Why would that be surprising? He'd been doing it since the curse broke! He'd been married before he knew more about this than she did, without doubt! What was she missing?

"Because if we're not careful you'll be pregnant before we ever have any time to ourselves," he answered finally. Pregnant? Well she knew that! She knew it was a possibility, she wasn't stupid. But that hadn't stopped them so far. Did that mean they had no choice but to stop now that he'd mentioned it? She wasn't ready to have children yet, not for a good long time if she could help it, but she didn't want to give this up either! It was too amazing.

"So we have to stop?" she asked. "Permanently?"

"No, we just…" He must have seen something in her face, noticed her confusion as he paused and looked her up and down. "You don't know this..." he seemed to realize suddenly, a baffled look on his face. "Didn't anyone ever tell you? Prepare you for this or tell you about yourself?" he sounded confused but also angry! It wasn't directed at her though, she knew that. He was angry at the people that never "told her", as he'd said, those who had never "prepared" her. But it wasn't their fault…not entirely at least. They had tried, but she'd-

"I never wanted to know," she admitted softly falling back against the bed. Everything within her told her it wasn't proper to talk about these things with a man, they were meant to be whispered between women in cold dark rooms, but she didn't feel like that, not anymore. They were here, they were talking about it, the darkness hid her blush, why stop? She didn't want him to keep secrets from her, why should she keep the truth from him?

The tale wasn't pretty, she knew that, but it was high time he knew what he'd saved her from...what she'd been meant for. She was made to do nothing but bear children. To get married, to get pregnant, and become Queen. She was meant to be silent, to be the pretty face behind Gaston, to produce Kings or Queens...who would also be expected to be silent. No one ever said it that way, not to her face, they always made it sound like a grand honor! But she'd never agreed and despite what she was meant to be or what she was meant for, she was smart. Eventually she'd been able to read between the lines. Loved as she'd been, she'd been seen as breeding stock and nothing more.

Her mother had kept the truth from her as she'd grown, always trading romantic books for fairy tales and pulling her away from conversations when the discussion became too intimate or about marriage. She'd always told her she didn't need to know about it now, that she should enjoy being a child while she still could because one day, someday, the time would come when she wouldn't be able to go back and she'd been right. She'd been forced to promise herself to Gaston because of a war that was beyond her control and after her mother died and she was told her betrothal would become an engagement she'd felt like she wanted to cry, she wanted to be a hero like her mother, instead all she'd be doing after that was...well, her nurse had kindly tried to help, to gently explain what her mother had kept from her, to walk her through things so she'd feel better and comfortable but it had the opposite effect on her. Childish as it had been, her calm demeanor, the mask she felt she'd been taught to wear as a child had slipped away and she'd run back to her room, slammed the door shut, and cried, telling everyone she didn't want to hear anymore.

She'd tried to learn more on her own, secretly. She'd tried to read the books she'd never managed to sneak past her mother, but whenever she began to read she always gave into the urge to page ahead. With her marriage looming she just couldn't get through it even that way. The couples she read about were always madly and deeply in love. Knowing she wouldn't be, knowing she'd be marrying a boy that she'd grown up with but didn't love that way...she always ended up in tears. Finally she'd given up and accepted the inevitable. Why torture herself anymore than she had to? It was better not to know. It was better just to-

"Belle," the word cut off her choked words as she realized that at some point she'd begun to cry. She gasped for breath as he spoke, trying to remember it was long ago, a different life, a different world, a different man! She wasn't expected to do that anymore. To be that! The bed shifted and she felt him move closer to her, place his hand against her cheek and rest his forehead against hers. "Belle, you don't have to say any more," he informed her, his voice serious, comforting. "I understand."

"I just..." she went on feeling more in control than she did before with him close again. She wanted to finish, to get it all out, "I just never wanted to know after that. In everything that I'd ever read the couple had always been in love. I never wanted to know what I'd be missing because I never thought I would be in love, ever, let alone when I married. It was humiliating enough I didn't want it to be any worse than it was by knowing what I'd be missing!

"And then you came along and I was so happy with you, Rumple," she whispered, wondering why she was going on when she couldn't remember giving permission to do just that. But it was time, finally, to tell him as she should have that day in the castle before he'd freed her. "Even in the beginning when I wasn't, some part of me knew that at least I'd been spared that terrible thing and anything was better than experiencing that. And now we're here, together, like this," she rambled tangling their fingers together and taking the moment to feel him close by, to catch her breath and get control of herself.

"They never wanted me to have this, never even let me try to have it. They were saving me for something terrible, hoping I'd be ignorant and never know, so that on the day I finally did have sex for the first time I'd never know the difference and think it was perfectly normal.

"But it is different!" she concluded. "I might not have anything to compare it to but I know it's different! I don't feel used with you, I feel loved. And I don't think you've taken anything from me, I feel like I gave you something and you gave me something of equal value. I don't fear it with you, I want it, I feel like I need it…you! I never thought that I'd be in love, but I am! It's so different with you than what they wanted me to experience. I'm so glad you came for me, and I'm so glad I went with you, and I'm so glad that it was you I was meant for, you here with me now. I'm so happy that I'm with someone who truly loves me!"

"I do, Sweetheart," he muttered, his voice calming again. "I do love you, more than you could ever know," he hushed gently. She didn't know she'd started crying again until she finished, until she realized that his thumbs were busy swiping tears away from her eyes, and his lips were busy moving over her forehead and cheeks, in touching comforting gestures that were purposefully calming. He pulled her to him suddenly, rolling them so that his back was to the mattress and she was pressed flush against him, holding her tightly against his chest as ancient, long over-due tears fell. "You are safe here," he whispered against her. "I promise you are safe with me and you won't ever have to go back to that life. I won't allow it."

"I trust you," she managed to get out despite the fact that her throat felt like it was closing as she cried against him. "I believe you, but Rumple..." she moved herself up on her elbow and gazed down at him. She knew she was safe with him, safer than she'd ever been, not just in recent years! He made her feel safe. She didn't want that feeling, or this one, to go away. "Do we have to stop?" she asked, hoping for an answer that wasn't going to disappoint her.

No. They didn't have to stop and she was so happy she nearly cried again with joy. He explained that there were options, options they hadn't had in their world and options that they had. She liked that he told her that it was her decision, that she could be the one to choose what she wanted to do. She chose something simple from their world, one that appealed because it didn't involve doctors or hospitals or magic and would give her the opportunity to go back and explore what she'd never allowed herself to think about.

She had to learn about herself. She had to learn about her body about what it did, how it worked, and if she was successful she'd discover that there was a rhythm to life, days to avoid and days that were safe. "From what I understand," he assured her finally, "there are far more days that we can make love than the days we can't."

Make love. That was it. That was what made it different. They weren't just having sex, they were doing more, they were binding themselves to one another. They were making love, making it real, manifesting the feelings they created in each other. When they were like this the mental and emotional became physical. Now she just had to understand the physical so they could come back to it safely.

The next day, when he came back from lunch, she was pleased to see him carry books into the house. And he seemed pleased at the thought that she was going to stop cleaning right away in favor of reading. When he finally left her alone she began to explore, to soak in all the information that she could. And there was so much to take in!

He'd brought her all the books that she needed for a lifetime! Books on health and wellness, with diagrams of human anatomy, different bodily systems, and purposes and names to the organs inside of her that she didn't even know existed! A pancreas. An appendix. Spinal Cord. Brain stem. And yes, even an entire chapter dedicated to reproduction. She was thrilled! She spent the rest of the afternoon reading about what she'd never let herself know…about what she was certain no one in their land could ever have told her in this detail. He was right, it was always a risk, but if the timing was right the risk was significantly reduced and after finding a calendar in the upstairs bedroom, thinking, counting, checking and double checking, she was pleased with her discovery...

She had dinner nearly ready when he came home, not wanting to waste time and wanting to try cooking on her own again, happy that she was so good at it after only a few short days in this realm. She made pasta, something she'd found in a cook book upstairs that sounded absolutely delicious and let her get used to working with dairy products, seasoning, and the stove. She didn't want to mix it all together until he got home, but she was excited all the same to use her skills in the kitchen again...even if it was a different kind of kitchen than she was used to.

He came home just when he should have, right on time, just like he had since she'd arrived. This time she felt ready, prepared. Her mind automatically told her to lower the temperature on the burners before she left the kitchen, saw him standing in the hallway and happily moved toward him! They came together softly and perfectly, just as always. He placed his arms around her and she fit herself against him now without needing to adjust.

"You're happier than normal," he observed as they held each other. Only days had passed since she'd come back to him, only days since they'd begun this strange relationship and already she felt like they were already growing used to each other. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. She was happier than normal, or maybe just happiest she'd been all day. Before she'd read about herself she didn't know what to expect and feared she'd have to keep her distance. Now she knew she didn't have to. Now they could be together without fear.

So she kissed his neck and pulled away from him. She opened her mouth to explain but she heard the oven's timer beep at her, telling her the pasta was done boiling and pulled him back into the kitchen with her.

"The books you gave me were helpful and I read something today," she muttered, straining the noodles and mixing it in with the sauce she'd made. "Something important," she added, looking over her shoulder to see him looking at the calendars she'd laid out.

"What's that?" he asked, tearing his eyes away and moving around her. He opened a bottle of wine, poured, and began to set the table for the two of them. She liked the way they could work together like this but she also liked knowing she could touch him again without fearing where those touches would lead. So she moved away from the stove and wrapped her arms around his middle, resting her head between his shoulder blades, and smiled.

"The Rhythm Method," she whispered happily, knowing he'd understand what she meant.

His hands moved over her arms and he tangled their fingers together over his belly as he squeezed. "Tell me about it," he insisted.

From a world where men didn't care to him, to curiosity, to desire to know about her! She knew it wasn't proper, but she liked that he wanted to know, liked that he wanted to know about her. So she released him, served them their meal and talked as they ate. She used the new words she'd learned, explained what she'd been doing since he brought the books to her, and was thrilled to realize that neither of them seemed to shift awkwardly at their discussion as they had night ago.

"I found a calendar upstairs," she explained suddenly, reaching for the one she'd been using. "I charted and counted. I checked and double checked, remembered everything I could, even through the hazy memories, but I know I got it right. I'm certain about it!"

"And?" he asked eagerly. And tonight they could be with each other. Tonight they didn't have to be afraid or impose distance. There really was no good way to say it, but she didn't need words, not anymore. Now they could use more than words...they could use touches. Happily, she reached out, laid her hand against his own, and leaned over to kiss him.

She only meant it to be chaste, a quick confirmation and promise of what would come for tonight, but she couldn't stop herself from deepening it and making it longer. She didn't want chaste, she wanted to be close to him again. So she dared to try something more. She wanted to hold him, to wrap her arms around him, but he was sitting. The only way she could make it work was to push herself out of her seat, straddle his legs, and sit there on his lap as she put her arms around his neck. He didn't seem upset by the sudden move, in fact he pulled her closer to him as her hands tangled in his hair.

Dinner was on the table, only half consumed, but suddenly neither of them appeared to be hungry...or shy. After a few moments together like that his grip on her loosened and they broke apart, their breath ragged and uneven, their foreheads touching as they looked one another over.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. Hungry. Food. Nutrition. A few minutes ago, yes. An hour ago she'd been starving. But now?

"Not anymore," she answered honestly. Separating herself from him felt like agony and spending a few precious minutes in the kitchen to clean up what she'd rather just as soon forget took more restraint than she knew she had. But, despite the fact that the sun was still up, that it wasn't even close to an hour that was suitable for bed, the pair of them climbed the stairs and went through a routine that was quickly becoming second nature. Then, eventually, they tangled together again, as she knew they were meant to.

She wasn't exactly sure what happened next, wasn't sure what to call it. Her books didn't describe it and she was certain that it wasn't anything that could be quantified as easily as everything else. It was still early, too early to go to bed, not that either of them appeared to be able to sleep at the moment. Instead they held each other as they always did and watched out the window as the sky began to turn shades of purple, pink, and red before finally darkening. They were quiet for the longest time, completely silent, but then they began to talk. Without rhyme or reason or even meaning...and she liked it.

So she told him of her adventures with the washing and drying machine, the way they astounded and amazed her. He responded by telling her a particularly hilarious deal that he'd made with an Emperor for new clothes and she couldn't help but smile when she realized that he was laughing too. A genuine laugh that echoed through the room and her own entwined body, but he also admitted that the magic in this world was strange to him after he awoken from the curse even when he did have the knowledge of how to use it.

She asked him about the curse, about how it finally came to be broken as it was, how they got their memories back and how he'd had his longer than the rest. He explained to her about Emma Swan, the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming who here were called Mary Margaret and David. Described to her how she'd made her way to Storybrooke, through her son, Henry...but they didn't get much farther than that.

She was sprawled out on his chest, looking him over as he explained the curse to her, as he told her of the life he'd led in Storybrooke as Mr. Gold, the monotony of getting up morning after morning, running the pawn shop, doing chores, finding things to keep himself busy while he was cursed...while he was alone without even memories of her to keep him company. She hadn't been able to stop herself, or think of a reason why she shouldn't kiss his chest in a lazy sort of way, then prop herself up to kiss him for real. Deeply. One kiss became another, and another, and when they were finished, she finally felt tired enough, spent enough, to sleep.

"I love you," she whispered before sleep could take her away from him. "I never want you to leave my side!"

"I'll never be far," he promised as she fell asleep against him, taking in all that she could before she knew he would leave her side the next morning. She was happy that not everything she had to learn could be found in a book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this chapter seem a little weird to you? Good! I probably should! This is the the third of the Exile chapters that I owe you and I'm going to be honest here, it's not one chapter but three chapters that I combined from Exile because there were good elements in all three but neither of the three were kosher enough to show up in a "T" rated fiction on there own (again, if you want to be and Exile reader, PM me). I hope though that it should be pretty clear why I sentenced this arc to Exile initially. In my opinion: no one really needs to know their method of birth control. But I owed you a chapter, this is what you have and I'll admit, a year after it's publication, now that Moments Lost is written...it does fit into the series fairly well. I'm still not saying it was a hundred percent necessary, but to me Moments Lost makes it's appearance here better in some way.
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful Heart_of_a_oncer for the kind words that you left on the last chapter. I'm always happy to hear that people are enjoying this series and the fictions within! It's such a wonderful feeling. Peace and Happy Reading!


	20. Reflections of a Past Life

She didn't know who here had come up with the idea for a "weekend", but she wanted to thank them. Their weekend had been...heavenly? Perfect? Lazy and busy all at once? Beautiful? Yes, that was it. The weekend had been beautiful. Even if she hadn't expected it, or even known what it was until yesterday!

When she finally woke the day after they'd come together again, she expected to heave a happy sigh as she remembered the night before. Only something had been different. She hadn't had to remember anything because he had still been there! Even with the late hour of the day, she'd felt him breathing under her cheek as his hand stroked her spine, his body unmoving.

"You're still here," she'd breathed happily. She'd never woken up beside him like that, but she liked it. Loved it, really!

He smiled back at her and kneaded her back, tangling his fingers in the hair between her shoulder blades. He didn't make a single move to get out of bed or leave her side. "Well...it's Sunday, part of the weekend here...two days when people in this world don't have to work," he muttered. "But seeing as how I've opened the shop every day, every weekend, for the last twenty-eight years...I figure I'm due for a day off. I doubt anyone will notice I've gone until tomorrow." Until tomorrow? An entire day before he'd leave her alone in this house again! And this happened every week...for two whole days? She felt herself beaming at the thought that he was going to stay with her, that they'd wake up like this again next week! But today...what could they do with an entire day?!

Happy, she'd leaned down and kissed him, ecstatic when his arms moved around her and they moved together again. She'd known what she wanted of that one day and for the two days she'd be insisting he take "off" every week for the rest of their lives. When she'd pulled away from him she smiled, realizing that she no longer felt awkward, no longer felt a blush creeping up her neck or into her cheeks. Finally!

"I think I know what we could do with that time," she'd whispered. He didn't answer her, just reached up and kissed her again. It had been the start of what she thought might have been the best day of her life and she'd been sad to see it go when he'd asked her to roll over this morning so he could get up and change to go into town. Hard as it was, she managed to release him, as he requested, and quickly went back to what she'd started before their interlude...

Cleaning.

She knew he didn't like it, he didn't seem fond of her doing any of the house work since she'd arrived, but it was familiar and comforting and it gave her something to do while he was gone...while the town was too dangerous to visit. When she cleaned the hours passed quickly and she was certain that today would pass just as quickly if she worked hard...until she got unexpectedly sidetracked.

She found it hiding under a dresser in one of the unused rooms upstairs just after he left following lunch and her heart had rejoiced as she held the item in her hands. This was what made cleaning the house worth it, these moments when she found bits of her old life strewn about their new one.

It had been her favorite book at the castle, and here it was, another piece of her life stashed away like it had been waiting just for her. She had been so overwhelmed with joy that she instantly stopped her cleaning and went downstairs. The living room was one of the first rooms that she'd finished cleaning and she was immensely proud that she didn't have to move anything but could just plop down on the couch without raising a cloud of dust and start to read.

This book...she had liked it back then because she could relate to the girl who shared her name, but now that she was here, with him, well, now she saw that she had far less in common with the girl. Nevertheless she was enjoying it just as much as she had in the castle. In fact she was enjoying it so much she didn't hear the chime that told her he would be coming home soon. When the door opened and closed she found herself jumping for a second before he turned and found her there. He smiled, like he had every day, like he was genuinely surprised and happy to come home and still find her waiting there for him.

Usually she smiled back and launched herself eagerly into his arms but this time her face fell as the sight of him triggered a forgotten and useless reminder. She'd been busy reading...and she'd completely forgotten to make dinner. She let her head fall back against the cushion and the book lay open on her chest as she rubbed her forehead. How could she have so easily lost track of time? "Belle?" he asked moving into the room, concern lacing his voice. "What's wrong?"

She couldn't help it-she laughed. The amount of time that they spent asking each other that question was absurd really. "Nothing," she answered stifling her chuckle as she sat up and marked her place in the book. "I found my favorite book and I've been reading all afternoon," she explained happily, showing it to him. "But I lost track of time. I haven't made dinner yet," she admitted.

He gave a heavy frustrated sigh. "You know that's not a requirement anymore," he muttered darkly under his breath, more to himself then to her.

"Yes, I know," she answered stubbornly, "but I refuse to sit here all day and do nothing, especially when I need the practice! I am perfectly capable of making meals!"

She waited for his inevitable retort. It was a fight they'd had frequently over the last couple of days, one that had started with the house work, just after she'd shown him her things, it got worse when she prepared lunch, and now appeared to bleed into dinner as well. Next he would make a comment about her not being a servant anymore, she'd insist that someone had to do the housework and he obviously hadn't had time for it while she was away, he'd get a pained look on his face, she'd feel guilty and ask that they not fight with their time, he'd agree and they'd go about the rest of their night, pretending they hadn't fought before they would ease back into comfortable silence and forget about it until the next day. But his argument never came.

Tonight, instead of arguing back, he smirked at her answer. "Which book?" he asked grabbing it from where she had set it and taking the seat next to her on the couch. He looked the ragged hardcover book over, flipping it between his hands with interest.

" _La Belle et La Bete"_ she answered with a smile of surprise. This was better than fighting. Talking about books was something they'd grown over at his castle. She'd much rather do this than revisit their fight. She watched as he opened the book up to the place she had marked it, looking at the beautifully drawn illustration and hand written words. "That's my favorite part, where she meets prince charming," she commented unable to restrain herself, "but she won't discover that it's him until chapter three," she explained. But when she glanced up at him she found that he was smiling. Something about her words had amused him? "What?" she asked.

He shook his head, his smile looking like he was ready to break into a laugh, but for as much as he giggled in their world, he rarely did it here. "You know that everyone outside of Storybrooke thinks this woman is you?"

She gave an obnoxious snort and rolled her eyes. She might not have known much about the relationship between this world and their world, but yes she had managed to put that together. And she thought that it was silly. There were similarities and she loved that about the book, it made the character relatable, but their story, the truth and the power of it was so much more real than the story in his hands. "Well, um, I'm pretty sure  _that_  Belle wouldn't forget to make dinner, actually I'm pretty sure she would never make dinner or do any other chores. I didn't fall in love with a prince or a monster. And it would have taken me more than three chapters time to realize I loved you."

His face changed at her words and he stared at the closed book in his hands. She could see some thought turning over in his mind. Something prompted by her words again? "When did you?" he asked suddenly, his voice a light whisper. It was how she knew the question was important; he always said it like he hoped that she wouldn't hear it and could take it back. She had the feeling that the question had been on his mind for a while...he just didn't have the excuse to ask it until now.

She hadn't expected it, but years of being imprisoned had given her plenty of reflection time to sort it out and she knew the answer without hesitation, even if she didn't like it. "On the road, with the Queen," she answered honestly, but regretfully in a small voice. It was a terrible moment to have that realization, considering the woman she'd been with and what she had been planning, "but I loved you long before I actually knew that I did." That seemed to make it sound better, made it sound like the Evil Queen didn't have that big a role in it. She hoped he'd see it that way too.

Suddenly he set the book down on the table in front of him and turned to her. "When?" he asked with the enthusiasm of a small child. It surprised her, she rarely saw him this interested in anything and suddenly it made her grateful that she had forgotten all about dinner. But that question was harder to answer. She knew when she realized that she loved him, but she didn't know when she had started loving him. She thought back trying to figure it out, one more time, just as she had in the Queen's cell. She tried to find that moment that everything had changed, for her, for them...but she couldn't.

"A while," she finally stated with a shrug. She wished she could be more specific but it was the best she had ever been able to come up with.

"I thought you hated me for the longest time," he muttered a hint of sadness and regret in his voice.

"I did," she admitted, wishing she didn't have to say it. But she couldn't lie to him, she had hated him. She could remember that feeling clearly emerging from the respectful curiosity she'd had when she'd first met him. But when hate had gone to tolerance, tolerance to like, like to friendship, and friendship to love, she couldn't pinpoint those exact moments. They seemed to blend together so well. One fading away as the other one grew. But love was so different, and true love different than that. She had loved him, she suspected, even when she respected him, maybe even in some strange way when she tolerated and hated him, but how could she ever explain that to him.

"But I never feared you," she said trying to find the one bright spot. "You tried, to scare me, but I knew you would never hurt me. Well, I didn't  _know_ I suppose, it was just an instinct, the same one that told me there was more to you. I knew it even when I hated you, I was just too consumed to act on it, not until Robin Hood..." her voice trailed off and she realized that tears where forming in her eyes at the memories. She hadn't thought of those early days in so long, hadn't wanted to. Maybe that was it. The moment things changed, but then again feelings were so complicated! She couldn't sort them out and she didn't think she was supposed to. That was the beauty of love. "You know it's not like a light switch, that you can throw on one moment and off the next. The knowledge of it is I suppose. You know one minute what you didn't a minute before. But love, it's something that grows and builds over time. It's…" she paused and smiled at the word that came to mind, "layered," she concluded with a deep contented sigh.

"Where have I heard that before?" he muttered with a smile on his face as bright as hers. She couldn't imagine loving him more than she did now, but if it kept growing then she supposed one day she would. That thought was enough to make her feel suddenly dizzy. Was her heart big enough for that? Was his?

She shook her head and leaned in closer to him. "What about you?" she dared to ask. "When did you start to love me?"

His smile vanished. He was thinking. Hard. She could see him recede into his mind, trying to find the answers the same way that she had: replaying moments and memories of their past life over and over in his head. Obviously, he hadn't expected her to turn the question back on him. She hadn't either but now that she thought about it she was curious as well. When had he fallen in love with her? Did he realize it before she had? Or had he been just as shocked as she had when her kiss had begun to break his curse? After a moment he shrugged his shoulders, the same way she had, and sighed in defeat.

"I think I always did," he answered.

"Really?" she asked surprised. Out of all the memories they shared that hadn't been what she'd expected to hear and she moved closer to him, eager to understand. "Was it love at first sight?" she asked as if it might be a joke, but had to admit that the idea thrilled her. Had he loved her from the beginning, even when he claimed he wasn't looking for love?

"When I first saw you..." he shook his head then let it fall back against the sofa. He closed his eyes but the smile he wore on his face was the gentle one that he reserved only for her, as was the sigh of complete contentment that followed. The world overwhelmed him but one memory of her and he was at peace. It was fascinating. She had a sneaking suspicion that he was replaying the memory clear as day over in his head, probably recalling every detail perfectly, right down to the small castle he'd been playing with before they realized he was in the room.

"When we first met I admired you," he said after a moment, "for standing up to your father and that oaf you were engaged to. I thought you were courageous for talking to me. I don't think you realized, the moment I set foot in that room no one else wanted to be there. They were all afraid of me, and then there was you. This small meek Princess, willing to talk when no one had called upon you. No one expected you to to talk much less take my deal. It was admirable and heroic beyond belief. I was intrigued," he admitted. "You caught my attention in a way no one else ever has."

His words made her blush and move a little closer to him again. She didn't know they would ever have ended up talking about this, but she liked it. She liked knowing what he had been thinking. Especially these early memories, before she'd known him well enough to read the expressions on his face. "What about when I dropped my chipped cup?" she asked, reaching out and placing her hand over the one resting on his knee.

This time he smiled as their fingers entwined. "I was entertained. When you live as long as I have you learn that most things are unimportant, to see someone so worried about breaking something as silly as a tea cup was humorous," he explained with the smallest hint of a laugh in his voice. "And I was just glad for the company in the beginning. You were right, I was just as lonely as you suspected I imagine...maybe more, I just didn't know it."

"When I freed Robin Hood?"

"Oh, no!" he said immediately, his grip on her hand tightening, not angrily but protectively, like he wanted to go back and save her from himself, even then. "I was far too…upset…with you to feel anything else." From the way he said it, and the way she remembered it, it appeared "upset" was putting it lightly. His expression had gone from one of happiness to darkness. Obviously this period in their relationship upset him just as much as it did her. She wasn't so blinded by love to ignore all the slights he'd committed in the beginning. He'd been terribly cruel to her, said horrible things, but he'd stopped that behavior soon enough once he knew that she wouldn't bend so easily to the beast within. And besides, he'd gotten better. He'd softened around her, letting her get away with things no maid ever should have.

"But you didn't hurt me," she commented, trying to make him remember, trying once again to remind him of the happier thoughts. "You could have killed me, but you never raised more than your voice against me when others would have without a second thought."

"The thought to harm you..." he commented like it was the nastiest thing he'd ever heard, "never crossed my mind." The look on his face confirmed it, he was telling the truth. She had been right then, all those years ago.

"And you saved me from that terrible sheriff," this time the grip on her hand was bone crunching and he grit his teeth together, the anger toward the man and what he had suggested still fresh as the day the suggestion had been made.

"I wouldn't say that I 'saved' you so much as put you in that situation, but...he was lucky. If I had known that I loved you then, he most certainly wouldn't be alive today. As it is he should hope he never crosses my path again," she didn't like the turn this conversation had taken, but she wasn't willing to give it up just yet. It just needed a different path, one that didn't involve threats.

"But you spared Robin Hood," she reminded him. This time his face broke into a smile again as he opened his eyes and looked at her, gazing into her eyes with more emotion than she'd known he was capable of. He raised her hand to his mouth, his grip softening, and kissed the back of it. On the outside no one would guess that he could be romantic and tender, but he could be, she'd learned that and more this weekend. And now he touched her heart in a way that no one else had ever managed with just that look on his face.

"And you hugged me like you didn't care who I was or what I had done. Like what I had tried to do was nothing. It was as if you saw me as more than the beast that I was."

"That's because I did," she confirmed softly. She hadn't seen much of it then and it was more of a hunch until he'd let the man go, but she'd seen something for sure. And she could remember being so happy about it that she couldn't help herself, surprised when she found that hugging him had felt right. That feeling made perfect sense to her in hindsight.

He shook his head at her, like he couldn't quite process her information, like he was getting far too much of it at once. She knew the feeling. It was a good conversation, but it was a lot, even for her. "I couldn't remember the last time someone had touched me that purposefully before, with heart-felt gratitude, certainly without being repulsed by my appearance alone. And I knew-"

"That you loved me?"

"That you were different. That you made me feel and think things I hadn't for a long time. Things I never had felt or thought before. I thought it was guilt and that I could get rid of it by giving you a library-"

"My library was a bribe!" she asked shocked.

"Your library was created to make me feel better, or so I thought," he clarified. "But when I gave it to you and knew you saw me clearer than I saw myself, I realized it was more than that. I had an unexplainable urge to make you happy. I'd never had that feeling before in my life, that should have been my first hint."

"Is that why you let me start going to the market after I asked?"

He nodded. "The look on your face after I'd turned you down...watching you across my table, miserable as you were, it was too much for me to take. I didn't like saying 'no' to you and when I knew that I couldn't say 'no' any more...I knew we'd become something more than what we were supposed to be."

She sighed, this was far more interesting than the book she'd been reading, a far better story. "Did you love me when I found that blue dress?"

"Most certainly, I just didn't know it," he smiled. "And I was too stunned to even consider what I felt for you at that moment. I don't know if you realize how perfectly exquisite you looked in that plain dress. It suited you far better than your previous attire. You were…" his words trailed off, unable to find the words to describe her.

She blushed and changed the picture in their heads, "I thought I was going to die when those women kidnapped me...but you came! I was so worried you woudn't-"

"No, there was never a chance of that," he stated quickly, reaching up to touch her neck, the place that had been bruised, or would have been if he hadn't healed her. He hadn't actually touched her then, but he was now. He was touching her so gently, caressing her just as she knew he would have liked to years ago. "Even then you me..."

"Then you saved me when I fell off that ladder."

"I'd hardly say I saved you. You wouldn't have  _died_ ," he said in a tone meant to chastise her exaggeration, "but you were lucky I was there. I suspected then," he admitted to her suddenly, like he had just found the missing piece of a puzzle. "I suppose that was when I knew," he nodded to himself. "I would have been devastated if something had happened to you. I would have used any amount of magic, any means possible, to fix you. Then after I had to let you go to the market, after you brought that boy back and I saw you chase him away to keep me from a terrible fate...I knew. I didn't know if you did, but I knew we both cared for each other in a way that I couldn't allow. I knew you were more of a danger to me than some of my greatest enemies.

"I knew I had to send you away. If I was right and there was something there I couldn't risk the connection growing any deeper, but it was too late. It took me a long time, I selfishly kept delaying the inevitable because I liked having you close, but I finally managed to dismiss you, thinking that would be the end of it. But I should have known better. I knew you better than that even then. Still, when you came back to me..." he placed his hand over his chest, "my heart soared. It felt lighter than it had in centuries!" He glanced at her like he was seeing her again for the first time, it was how she imagined he looked when he first saw her coming back to the castle.

He reached out and brushed some of the hair behind her ear so he could place his hand over her cheek and look into her eyes with an intense gaze she'd never experienced before from him. "For the first time in my life I forgot about why I couldn't let you come back, about why you were a risk. The sight of you coming back on the road, when you didn't have to, when you could have just..." He stopped there, too overwhelmed to go on. She wanted to ask a million questions. Why he couldn't risk loving her was at the top of her list, but she didn't want to sully the moment they were making right now. It was something to be explored, but later, she'd save it for another time. It was probably best, the next chapter wasn't exactly a happy one.

But this chapter was. The fact that they were sitting together, hands joined, co-existing happily in one house, talking about something as intimate as each other's lives and feelings was a miracle all on its own. The fact that he had come to let her into his life spoke volumes about the depths of the "connection" he'd mentioned. Looking back on past chapters was fun, but she'd rather look ahead at what was to come. And the chapters they had yet to create.

Hearing the clock chime behind her, she was reminded of the rumbling in her stomach, they had to end this somewhere and she knew where. With a sigh she perched herself happily on her knees, leaned over, and kissed him slowly with an undoubtedly happier outcome than the one that they'd shared what felt like a lifetime ago. Instead of pulling away from her, his fingers tangled in the hair at the back of her neck and he gave a gentle but sharp tug, pulling her closer instead of pushing her away. She didn't resist, not anymore, instead she expertly straddled his lap and rested against him as they continued their passionate embrace and lost track of time again. It was a good way to end the conversation, here in the present.

When they finally broke apart, he smiled and after looking him over one last time, taking in the intensity of the emotions she saw in his eyes she put her arms around his neck and moved to hug him as tight as she could. "Thank you," she whispered, as he held her secure against him. She could feel his face pressed into her neck, taking in her scent, making her feel like the most important thing in the world. The most loved woman in the world.

"I love you," he muttered into her skin so quietly she didn't know if she was supposed to hear the words or not. "I love you so much more than I ever thought possible." She smiled at his words and pulled away, but not without placing another couple of quick kisses against his lips because she didn't know how else to respond. She felt the same way. From the moment he'd escorted her out of her father's palace she never would have guessed she'd be willing to share this much of her life with him, never would have guessed this was where their story would take them. But she couldn't think of anything she'd rather be doing. Nothing would ever be able to compare to those words.

"Dinner?" she asked, knowing they couldn't stay here forever, wishing they could.

"Dinner," he confirmed nodding happily, allowing them to move on hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Squee! True story...I've written a lot of Chapters for Moments (over 400 total but who's counting?!) and yet, throughout all of them this one remains my favorite. Just for...because...reasons! I just love the idea of the two of them sitting and talking about what they went through at the castle. It seems so perfect to me and I hope that ya'll will enjoy it as much as I do.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	21. When You Wake Up

She hadn't been looking forward to going to sleep tonight. How could she after what happened the night before? She thought she was doing fine, she was learning about this world, quickly, perhaps even quicker than he expected her to. They'd had a wonderful conversation about their past together, had a delicious dinner they'd made together, and then gone to bed and had a wonderful evening before truly falling to sleep. When she went to bed wrapped in his arms she would have thought that her past was behind her.

And then it was before her again, in a sudden maze of crystal clear pictures. Nightmares were a rarity for her, she didn't even dream normally, or if she did she didn't remember her dreams. But she always remembered her nightmares even before Rumpelstiltskin only now they'd changed when she least expected it.

Last night when she closed her eyes she found herself trapped inside a padded cell with bars on a window and a strong iron lock at the door. As she'd stared at the room it had started to shrink, closing in around her while she banged on the door begging for help, for mercy! Her hands started to blister and bleed but the room only continued to become smaller and smaller and smaller, until it was so tiny her head hit the ceiling! She felt trapped and struggled to breathe, and then from a small window at the door a black-haired woman stared smiling at her before breaking into a terrible laugh-

"No!" she'd gasped as she sat up in bed. Inevitably wrenching herself away from his protective grasp and curling into herself while she looked around the spacious quiet room, breathing in the air in great gulps. She had clutched her knees to her chest and started to tear up in the aftermath.

"Belle!" He was always there when she woke up. He was a light sleeper and he seemed to wake up the instant she had, just as surprised that it was her having the nightmare and not him. "Belle, what's wrong, what did you see?"

"I know my name," she insisted, trying to calm herself down as she felt his hand on her back. "I know my name, I know your name, I know who I am, I know...I know...I know my name..." she repeated, over and over again she said it, until her shock gave way to anger and frustration. She rested her forehead against the top of her arms, upset that this could still happen, that even in freedom the Evil Queen still wouldn't let her have peace, and couldn't let them live their life as she wanted.

His arm had snaked around her back and down to her waist as he attempted to comfort her. She knew it wasn't easy for him. Setting aside the seething anger that he would feel toward the Evil Queen in moments like this, his instinct in the past would have been to leave and kill. But he didn't. Instead he slid his hand up to her neck and pulled her against his shoulder. As she continued to cry he move his hand over her back and shoulders, letting his fingers etch small circles into her hip as he muttered reassurances against the top of her head. "You're safe, Sweetheart," he whispered. "You are here with me, you're perfectly safe, and I'll keep you safe for the rest of my life," he promised. "You'll be alright," he muttered when she finally started to uncurl and he was able to lay them back against the mattress. Still, he didn't let her go, just continued to hold her fiercely against his chest until she fell back into a dreamless sleep again.

As much as she hated it, as angry as it made him, she had to admit that it made for a nice change, having him soothe her nightmares instead of having to chase away his. That had been the norm since she got here, and each and every time it broke her heart to think of him having to deal with it on his own without her there as a comforting presence. Nightmares aside she was certain the only reason that she could deal with everything that had happened to her was because he was always there, constantly making her feel safe and secure.

Still, with that memory in her head she hadn't been as eager to go to sleep tonight, worrying that it would happen again. But he seemed to know that, and if she didn't know any better then she would think that he was purposefully trying to distract her. Running his hands up and down her when she climbed into bed and kissing her passionately as he got her to roll over for him. Lovemaking was a good distraction, wonderful really. And when she curled up next to him with a smile on her face, as she always did, she realized that he had done a wonderful job acting as her protector. He kept her safe from others but now it appeared he was also protecting her from herself, from her fears.

"Stay with me," she muttered stretching her arms around his waist and feeling so close to him she thought she might be welded to him. "Forever," she added. She wasn't sure what prompted the request, she knew that he'd stay with her, that he'd never leave her, it wasn't like it was before, they were closer now, she didn't think either of them would ever be able to go on and live without each other. But after last night she had to hear the words, had to know that she could count on him to be there when she woke up...no matter what.

He sighed deeply, just as happy she was in the moment. "I can't think of a better way to spend eternity, Sweetheart." She closed her eyes, still loving when he called her that. Yes, no matter what happened tonight, she could trust him to be there as she slept or if she awoke...forever.

There was no new norm. She was just the outlier in their sea of what was normal.

He didn't gasp when he awoke. He didn't pant or fling himself upright or even look around shocked trying to figure out where he was. Instead he just gave a violent jerk. She was never a light sleeper, not like he was, but even in sleep her body seemed to be hypersensitive to his emotions. They were both instantly awake. Although it had shocked her the first few times, now they both knew exactly what had happened without him needing to say the word. Nightmare. They didn't upset him like they seemed to do her. But they bothered him, enough that the first time he had gotten up and paced downstairs before returning to bed hours later. She hadn't liked that, because when she was honest with herself, she just couldn't get to sleep without him anymore and she'd spent those few hours alone wondering what he was doing and debating with herself over going down to urge him back to bed or letting him work through it one his own.

This time when it happened she glanced up at him, still in the same position that she had gone to sleep in, a glance at the clock confirmed that they hadn't been asleep very long before he had been startled awake. For a moment she felt a rush of relief that it was him and not her, and then immediately a stab of guilt for thinking it. But unlike dealing with her own erratic nightmares, his she could handle so well she knew the script by heart.

She pulled away from him, covering her chest with the sheet, so that he could sit up. "Are you alright?" she asked watching him rub his eyes, trying to pretend like she didn't know the answer about to come out of his mouth.

"Fine," he muttered predictably. Once she was certain that he had gotten his bearings, she sat up herself and hugged him around his middle, trying to be the same soothing presence that he had been for her.

"Do you know what it was about this time?"

He wouldn't. He never remembered his dreams either and the look on his face was always one of blankness. He seemed to know everything, so she could only imagine that not knowing what was in his own head was more disturbing than whatever he had actually dreamed about...

"No," he answered, again predictably.

She nodded and pressed her lips to his shoulder. Now was the hard part, he would give into her, he always did, but some nights were easier than others. "Come on," she whispered, "come back to bed." She gave his arm a tug, trying to get him to lay down again.

"No," he shook his head. "I need to go downstairs to-"

"You need sleep!" she interrupted.

"I don't want to keep you up," he argued, coming up with a typical excuse that she had explained away many times already. But if it meant keeping him by her side, she would do it again a million times over if that's what it took.

"The only way you can keep me up is by leaving," she insisted, "I can't sleep without you anymore." He considered this for a moment, staring straight ahead at the wall as she rubbed his back, trying to make his heart to slow down and his knotted muscles to ease, to calm his body. "Going downstairs to pace isn't going to make the memories come back, Rumple," she pointed out blandly. "Trust me I know," she reminded him. The words that she'd said seemed to have been enough to draw him out of his own mind and he finally glanced over at her. After a moment, he sighed and gave a small nod of his head.

So she smiled, gave the shoulder her chin had been perched upon a final kiss, and pulled away. "Come on," she urged, settling back down against the mattress and opening her arms for him. Every night she fell asleep with him holding her, but on these rare occasions it was her that got to hold him. He nestled himself down next to her mirroring her, clutched her hip, and rested his head on her chest, just under her chin. She brushed his hair back away from his eyes, and let the fine hairs filter through her fingers a few times.

She wished she could do more for him, wished she could stop the nightmares completely, but she knew she couldn't. Just like, close as he was, he couldn't stop hers. He could only help her when she was back in the real world. And it was the same for him. It was just harder for him, to admit that something as harmless as a dream could shake him as much as it did, but the fact that he could put his pride aside and let her bring him comfort was a big step for him. She smiled, trying to keep the tears of bliss out of her eyes as she moved her hand over his back. Moments like this were too beautiful for her not to shed a tear. How could she ever have thought this precious man a terrible beast?

"Just close your eyes," she muttered softly, "go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a chapter that probably would have gone to live in Exile if it wasn't for the fact that it shows an important point about them both. For Belle it demonstrates that learning about the real world is only part of what she has to work through. Her past is still there and it's haunting. Also, I told you I put in extra time between 2x01 and 2x02 for a number of reasons and the next chapter will officially begin the 2x02 chapters but I wanted it to be perfectly clear A) that Rumple is thinking about his son and B) that he's doing it behind Belle's back. He is making plans right now, I imagine that while David is trying to contain the town, before he comes to him, he is focused on finding Bae and getting a game plan together but not when he's around Belle. He's still hiding his past from her and that will change very soon.
> 
> Thank for the wonderful comments on the last chapter Heart_of_a_oncer. I'm glad there are others out there who love it as much as I do! Peace and Happy Reading!


	22. Broken Glass

She didn't know what to do. He was usually home by now. He was usually home hours ago! Every day had been the same so far! He left in the morning and she cleaned, he returned to share lunch with her in the afternoon, then left her alone to clean again until he returned again for dinner, he always promised that he'd be home before the sun set and he'd kept that promise every night, he'd appeared just before sundown, they'd had dinner, they'd relaxed as the sun set usually with a book for her while he cleaned one of the many knick knacks he kept in the house, or fixed one of the many objects she had placed in the "fixable" pile, then they'd go to bed before waking up the next morning and beginning all over again. But tonight he had broken their routine without so much as a word and she was so worried she felt like she was crawling out of her skin!

At first she had been fine. She'd watched the clock tick the minutes by thinking maybe he had just gotten held up in the shop. She'd asked about the town every day since she'd been freed, and every day he'd told her that it was in chaos and nothing was predictable. It seemed like a perfectly good explanation for missing dinner. But then the sun had started to set. And she started watching that object that he called a phone. He'd told her that it was for communication, that if she ever needed something she should punch the number in and talk into it. He could be home in a flash. With his magic she didn't doubt it. She'd tried the phone several times, but never heard his voice on the other end, just a constant shrill ringing. Now that it was dark out, she couldn't sit still. She'd paced the kitchen. She'd tried reading her book. She tried cleaning. Nothing settled her.

Finally she sat outside on the front steps, breaking his advisement not to leave the house in order, to keep a vigil on the black river that passed for a street here, hoping to see the lights of his car coming. She folded her legs up closer to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees, making herself as little as possible against the cold winter breeze that was blowing, unable to make herself go inside for a blanket or a coat.

If something was wrong, what could she do? Where could she go? She could walk to town, the trip here was short it wouldn't take long but she suspected it would take her too much time to find him and by then whatever danger or trouble he was caught in would be passed by then! Where was he? What was happening? Was he alright?!

Something bright suddenly caught her attention and she glanced up at it. The tension in her body seemed to melt away at the sight. It was his car! She watched as it turned into the space it occupied every night and the lights along with the low sound that it emit suddenly died and hr fear quickly gave way to a new emotion: anger. Where had he been? Obviously not town, since he'd come home in a different direction! And why couldn't he have taken two minutes to use the phone to call her?! To tell her that he wouldn't be home on time and that he was fine?! But then again, she was suddenly so relieved to see him step out of the car that she could have run down the stairs, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him until her lips bled. Anger and relief seemed to be fighting for their chance at him first. And she didn't know where to begin.

Happiness won out, at least for the moment. As soon as she heard the metallic slam of the door she was off the porch and hurrying toward him. He seemed to not be aware of her until she was nearly in front of him. A look of shock touched his features before she threw her arms around his neck and held on tight. Love first, anger later. "Belle?" he asked, his arms coming around her. "What's happened? Why are you outside?" he asked pulling away from her.

"Where were you?!" she asked wanting an answer to her own question first.

"I, uh," he looked strange, like he wasn't himself at all, like the rest of the world had melted away and something had planted itself in his head taking its place. Taking her place. He looked behind him, up and down the road. He looked like he couldn't remember how he had gotten back home, and he was concerned about her just being outside! "I got held up in town," he muttered finally but she knew he was lying. It was a matter of pride that she could tell. Something was wrong. Something was upsetting him. She moved her hands back onto his cheeks, forcing him to look at her, daring him to look her in the eye and lie.

"Rumple, what, what's happened?" she asked, confused by his behavior. He only looked down at her and smiled. But it wasn't his true smile, it was a fake one. One to make her feel better and reassured. It didn't.

"Nothing," he breathed, pulling away from her and removing his coat so he could wrap it around her. "Everything's fine. Let's go inside before you catch cold." She knew better, the look on his face was plain as day, it was not nothing. But experience told her that coaxing it out of him would be irritatingly difficult. She wished that he would just make life easy on her and tell her when she asked, but being honest and forthcoming was not in his nature, and that was not something easily changed. He shut the door behind them and moved around her like she wasn't even there. She tried not to feel hurt, she tried to remember that something was obviously not right and that earned him a free pass. But instead it only served to make her more frustrated with him. After everything that had happened between them, after how much had changed, he still wouldn't talk about himself! His deals, Emma Swan, the town, he readily gave her that information in short bursts...but he still refused to answer a simple question about where he'd been?

She hung up his coat and ran quickly after him, not willing to give up the subject. She wouldn't tip-toe around him, not like last time. She'd had to break down her walls for him, he needed to do the same! "Do you, uh, want dinner? I put some-"

"I'm just," he turned and faced her raising his hands to stop her from getting to close to him. "I'm just not that hungry at the moment," he stuttered before turning back and heading farther into the house. She could see that he was trying not to raise his voice at her. Something had happened today that had gotten on his nerves. But she wasn't going to let him hold it inside. She could help, she knew that she could.

She followed after him again as he made his way into the kitchen, and sat at their too large dining table with a sigh. He looked old. Old, and beaten down, like everything that was bright inside of him at been extinguished. It was a look of hopelessness. She just wished she knew why he wore it! He couldn't expect to wear an expression like that and have her believe that nothing was wrong! He wasn't even trying to hide it from her.

She could leave. She could give him some time with his thoughts and wait to see if he would come around on his own. But she already knew that he wouldn't, and she didn't wait all day for him to come home just so she could wander off into the house and leaver her alone all over again. With a sigh she retrieved a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water and set it in front of him before she sat down next to him. "What, uh..." maybe another approach? "What happened in town today? Is the chaos finally calming?" she asked gently, watching him take the glass of water and swallow a large gulp.

Maybe if she backed into it from somewhere else, something he would talk about. He had told her stories every day she'd come back. Now that people had their memories back the place that had once been a well-managed town was in shambles. Families that had been separated were looking for each other, the systems that this land had in place had been broken down in favor of searching for the lost, figuring out who was to blame, and now that they knew they didn't belong here, what came next. It seemed to get a little better every day. In fact she'd heard about a place where family members posted pictures of their loved ones, and in a few days she had hoped to send him with a picture of her father, and one or two of the friends she'd met from the other world. She had hoped he might bring her art supplies today, but clearly he hadn't. What was going on?!

"Something did happen today," she put forth, trying to get a response out of him, anything beyond the shock on his face. He still looked tired as he looked her over, contemplating something. She let out an irritated sigh. If he wasn't going to tell her then she would be reduced to guessing, to reading the emotion on his face and hoping she could figure it out. "Did someone come into the shop, or..." if basic questions didn't work then maybe a little shock of her own would get something from him. "It's the Evil Queen isn't it? She's looking for me again! Isn't she?! I knew-"

"No, no, no, nothing like that," he assured her sitting forward and placing a hand on her shoulder as he came to life at the very suggestion. "You are perfectly safe. She won't dare to come near you, now. Not as long as I'm around." Glad he'd finally broken his silence, she reached for the hand he had placed on her shoulder and held it securely between her own. She tried to give him the most reassuring, trusting smile that she possibly could. She wanted him to confide in her, to know that she was a safe place to keep his secrets, hopes, and his fears. She wanted him to tell her.

"Then what happened in town today?" she asked again. "Rumple, please, whatever it is, you can tell me." He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Instead of divulging his secrets to her, he pulled his hand away and stood up so quickly that she would have fallen off her chair if she hadn't grabbed onto the table.

"It's nothing," he repeated quietly, "just a little problem at the town line."

She knit her brows together in confusion. "The town line? What problem?" she asked a little too forcibly. But she was sick of playing around with him. Why would he be so upset about something at the town line?

He hunched over the sink and heaved a sigh. He was breaking down. She could tell by his posture. All she had to do was sit and wait. The clock ticked by the seconds as she watched him stare straight ahead, but she wasn't going to budge. He'd come home late, he hadn't given her any excuse, and something was clearly wrong with him! She wanted answers!

"It appears..." he finally said softly, like he was hoping that she wouldn't hear, "that the curse was only half broken."

"Half broken?" she questioned confused. Had she heard him right? How could something like this only be half undone?! She saw him nod then turn around to face her, rubbing his hand down his face. The tension was worsening. He looked like the more that he focused on it the more pain that it caused him. The last thing on earth that she wanted to do was to hurt him. Instead of focusing on it should she have distracted him from it? No, distraction and pushing a problem away didn't make it better. She couldn't help him if she didn't even know what to help.

"While everybody has their memories back it appears that the town is still shielded from the outside world," he explained robotically, as if he was numb, while his eyes seemed to look everywhere around the room but at her.

She wished she could understand better. The subject of the curse was something that she still only understood in bits and pieces. He'd explained some of it to her over the weekend as they'd laid about, but she didn't know what the town line had to do with anything!

"I'm, I'm sorry," she apologized, "what...what do you mean by 'shielded'?" He gave her a frustrated look again. It made her want to grit her teeth. It wasn't as if she had asked to be imprisoned for twenty-eight years without any knowledge of what was going on! And it wasn't as if the Queen had volunteered the information when she'd been held prisoner in a tower before then!

"The town has been shielded by magic for all these years. It prevents everyone from leaving and it's prevented others from finding us," he explained. "It appears those barriers are still in place. Anyone who tries to leave town..." he sighed and rubbed his forehead like the words were heavier than a hundred pound weight, "forgets their past life, and remembers only their life from Storybrooke."

"So..." she repeated his words over in her head, trying to make sure that she understood. "You would cease to be Rumpelstiltskin and only be Mr. Gold," she clarified.

He nodded, clearly upset at the idea. "No Dark One, no deals, no you, no…" his words trailed off and she glimpsed tears forming in the corners of his eyes. She wished that he hadn't stopped. She was struggling to understand, struggling to figure out why this was so bad. No one could leave the town, that was depressing but not the worst thing that could happen. It might force everyone to stay here and figure out their problems, figure out how to get the town back into working order, or how to return to their home. She didn't know much of this world beyond this house, but was the world outside of Storybrooke ready to know about magic? Were they ready to know that sometimes the things they feared went bump in the night did indeed exist? And what would happen if they ever did find out?

"But if no one can find the town that's good isn't it?" she asked confused, hoping that she was pointing out something that he hadn't figured out. "That means that we'll all be safe, won't we? They can't come after us and we can't go after them!" He stared at her for a long time, a certain amount of frustration and disappointment joining the anger on his face.

He shook his head and took another drink of water, then turned his attention to the empty glass, staring at it like it had all the answers that he sought. "That's just the problem isn't it..." he muttered, then he abruptly turned and threw the glass into the sink. The sound of the shattering glass made her jump. Tears stung her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock at the violent act, but he only strode out of the kitchen and out into the backyard, the door slamming behind him. He hadn't even glanced at her.

She didn't follow, didn't know what to do next! His outburst had surprised her. He had a temper, she knew that about him almost from the first moment they had met but she had hoped that it wouldn't show itself again for a long time.

Slowly, as her shock subsided, she rose to her feet and looked at the broken mess in the sink that had spilled out onto the floor. She hadn't imagined it. It really had happened! But why?! She honestly wasn't sure she was ready to address it yet, it had caught her so off guard and reminded her almost too much of the early days in the castle that she wasn't sure she wanted to dwell on the incident yet. All she wanted was it gone from existence.

With shaking hands, she picked a dish towel out of the drawer and began piling the broken shards into it. But a sharp pain across her finger made her stop. She glanced down at the broken skin and saw small drops of blood beading across the cut. It was the final break in this horrible day. She couldn't hold back her tears any longer and she sat back down in her chair and cried.

She felt angry but most of all she felt incompetent. Everything until now had been...perfect. They'd been perfect, right, normal, she'd learned how to live in this house and he hadn't been using magic for bad things...they'd changed. But maybe she was wrong, maybe she was only seeing what she wanted to. Maybe she wasn't good at this. Maybe she didn't fit into this world like she had the last one. The relationship that they had was so different from when they lived in the castle, she felt like there was no other place for her than besides him, but there was more to relationships than happiness, wasn't there?! And if he kept pushing her away from him, then how was she supposed learn how to respond to something other than happiness?

No, she didn't know how to do this job, not like she thought she did. She'd hoped it might have been alive in her all the time, that he'd make an instinct she didn't know come to life but...she had so many questions and no one to answer them for her, least of all him. How was she supposed to be there for him when he'd rather break glass?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yeah, right, let me take a minute to explain one other really random but important fact...the stuttering. A lot of time you'll see that I have Belle stutter or repeat a word...that's done for accuracy. In transcribing scenes I've found that EdR seems to stutter and repeat herself like that a lot during certain moments. When Belle is overwhelmed or confused or flabbergasted she tends to do it more. So, in my mission to be as accurate as possible I have written that stutter in. Sorry if it bugs ya'll, in a way it kinda bugs me too!
> 
> Thank you to the lovely Heart_of_a_oncer for your sweet comments on the previous chapter. I'm pleased that you are enjoying the section despite it's very purposeful length! Peace and Happy Reading!


	23. Honesty or Nothing

She had cried more after that broken glass and tiny cut on her finger than she thought she ever had in her life. Still, going to bed by herself for the first time since she'd arrived here, knowing that he wasn't there beside her, only seemed to cut deeper than all of it.

She couldn't sleep. Her tears had eventually given way to anger, a furrowed brow, and a clenched jaw. She knew that it wasn't her fault, she couldn't help his stubbornness, she'd known that since her days at the castle. But that stubbornness still made her furious. They weren't in the castle any more! Their relationship was different here. She wanted him to tell her things, to share his life in a way he couldn't when they'd been in the Enchanted Forrest…but she couldn't make him, and she didn't want to make him. She wanted him to do it because he wanted to, because he trusted her, because he loved her. She wanted him to want to tell her things about himself, to share his heart and past as she'd shared her own. So, why wouldn't he?! Why couldn't he?

Suddenly her heart jumped at the sound of a creak at the top step and the knob to their bedroom turn. She shut her eyes, trying her best to pretend like she was asleep because she just wasn't ready to face him yet. She didn't know what to say! And she really couldn't be sure if she could keep her anger in check and, no matter what happened in town today, she was certain he didn't need that. Anger wouldn't make him trust her. But then again, what did she know about what he needed and didn't need? What did she know about relationships? The only one she'd ever had was with Gaston and that was hardly a relationship that she needed to work at to keep together. Maybe she really just didn't know him like she thought she did. Maybe she just wasn't any good at this. Maybe that's why he didn't tell her things. Maybe it wasn't him at all...just her.

"Belle," he muttered softly as something light, his jacket perhaps, landed across her feet at the foot of the bed. "Beautiful Belle," he whispered, like he was testing whether she was actually awake. She kept her eyes closed, hoping he would just assume she was asleep and not bother to wake her. But instead of letting her lay there, she felt him sit next to her, pressing against her hip, his hand running gently through her hair and on her shoulder. "Sweetheart, will you wake up for me?" It seemed that he wasn't going to let her get away with sleeping. What did he want now? Was he finally going to tell her what happened in town today? Or was he just going to pretend like tonight had never happened?

With a frustrated sigh she opened her eyes and rolled over onto her back, "I never went to sleep," she admitted, meeting his eyes as she pushed herself up and hugged her knees to her chest. There was a long silence as they watched each other. He seemed to be struggling with what to say and kept staring at her legs like they were a barrier a great wall she'd set between them, like the kind that she often felt he constructed. In her spite she found herself thinking that it was good if he didn't like it, at least he knew how she felt when he did the same thing.

Finally, after what seemed like a silent eternity, he gestured to himself. "I'm sorry," he breathed. He said the words like they had been in his mouth for a long time but couldn't get them out, but now that they were gone he seemed to deflate a bit. His face was still pained and upset, but his shoulders eased and he let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry I lost my temper and left you like that," he explained further, "truly I am." Frankly the words surprised her. Not because he'd said them, he'd done it once before in his shop, but the words had been empty and hallow then. Now they were true and genuine. He really was sorry?!

She tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling her eyes water, wondering what to do and say. "It's fine," she muttered, half heartedly. It meant a lot to her that he would say that, but it didn't erase the moment, it didn't give her answers.

"No, it's not, I..." he insisted, "I shouldn't have taken out my anger on you," he said scooting a bit closer to her. But then paused and looked her up and down with confusion. "You're crying?!" he observed with shock, reaching out and touching the side of her cheek.

"I'm sorry," she muttered quickly wiping her cheek. Was she crying? Why? He'd apologized, was she simply happy about that? No, these didn't feel like tears of happiness or relief. They felt sad and even guilt ridden. He'd apologized but she still felt bad. The terrible thoughts she'd had earlier suddenly returned. No, his stubbornness wasn't his fault and she hadn't asked him to shatter that glass. But what about the next time this happened? What if she wasn't capable of saying the right things, what if she wasn't capable of holding their relationship together? She hadn't known what to do when he'd erupted downstairs. She hadn't known how to soothe or help him. She couldn't even manage to make him talk to her! She was an excellent caretaker, but this, what they had now, sometimes she felt herself truly doubting that she could ever be as good at this as she had been a maid.

She took a deep breath and swallowed, "I'm sorry, that I'm not good at this. I'm sorry..." she explained, the words falling out faster than she could contain them, "I'm sorry that I can't do or say what you need me to do and say. I'm sorry that I'm..." her voice broke as she really started to cry. Repulsed and embarrassed at her confession she concealed her tears from him by dropping her head into her raised knees. Being what he needed her to be should have been the easy part, it always had been, even in the castle. So why wasn't it now?!

"No, no, no, no," he hissed gently as she felt the depression on the bed move closer to her. His arms came around her small balled form and he pull her close against him as she sobbed, too ashamed to look him in his eyes. How could she not be what he needed, when he was everything she needed? Their relationship felt contaminated somehow, she just wished she knew where the problem was so she could pluck it out, roots and all. "My beautiful Belle..." he muttered, pulling her away from him and holding her head in his hands. His face bore traces of guilt and pain as he swiped the stray tears away from her cheeks.

"My beautiful, beautiful, darling Belle..." he sighed. "It is not something that you did or didn't do. It's…" his words trailed off as he swallowed, searching for the right words. He knocked his forehead against hers and sighed deeply, contentedly, it was as if being closer to her gave him courage and peace. "It's not you. You are the best thing in my life. I don't know what I did to deserve a heart like yours," but she didn't know if he was talking to himself or her anymore. To the trained eye, maybe only to hers, he wore his emotions on his sleeves and sometimes, like earlier, it was bad. Other times, like now, it allowed him to say some of the most beautiful words she'd ever heard in her life.

Her muscles seemed to relax and she unfurled from the little ball she'd been in as she scooted forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hoping she would receive the same strength and courage he had. "I can't get this right if you don't help me," she whispered. "I've never done anything like this before and I need you to tell me what to do, just be patient with me and-"

"Belle!" he interrupted, pulling her away from him and looking her in the eyes. "Love, true or otherwise, has never been something that I've been good at. I'm sorry that I forget to be patient with you, when _I_ forget that fact." His hand found his way to her cheek again. "Having anyone in my life that I love, but especially you, is new for me, too" he whispered, then drew her to him and kissed her forehead tenderly.

And as "new" as all this was, for both of them, there were some concepts that she was getting good at sensing. This one, for example, that deep desire that stirred from the depths of her soul and seemed to make her need to be as close to him as humanly possible. They'd made love too many times for her to count, each time becoming more and more natural, more and more wonderful. This time it was nearly powerful enough to undo this terrible night. It reaffirmed how perfect they were together. How much they really loved each other and all the good things that they could do together. It made her wonder how she could ever question the good in their relationship.

The feelings didn't dissipate after they'd reached that moment of unhinged bliss. They continued long after they remained glued to each other's sides, staring at the ceiling, and waiting for their breathing to share the same peace their minds felt. But he seemed to be determined to fix what he had done and she was taking in all the lovely things he was saying, storing it up so that she could come back to it in the days ahead and remember them when outbursts happened in the future. Because she was sure there would be more.

"You are perfect," he muttered as he kissed her head and held her close. "If there was a word for more than perfect, you would be that. You are everything I never knew I needed and more. I am comfortable when you're in the room and I feel happiness when I look at you. My mind goes blank with I'm with you and for the first time I can forget the past, forget who I am, and everything I've done. I'm alive in a way that I've never been in my life around you. I live in the moment, I sleep, I dream, I breathe! When I'm with you I'm not who I have to be, or who the world expects me to be, I'm just as I am. You make me this way. You make me good and real. You make me happy even in the darkest of times. You make me feel loved, something I've never really felt before in my life. You give me peace," he concluded finally. "No one has ever done that before."

She sighed, liking that thought. She hadn't been wrong. She was special, she was different. She was pillowed against his shoulder, his hand lightly trailing over her hip and stomach. It was comforting, but his words only reminded her of what had happened that night, why he'd needed to say them. If she made him "good" if she made him feel all that, why couldn't he talk to her? Why was he so afraid to be honest with her?! Why couldn't he have told her what was so terrible about not being able to leave town? Her unanswered question burned in her chest, lighting her nerves on fire. She couldn't just let them go to sleep and pretend tonight hadn't happened. They needed to talk about it.

Determined, she rolled over onto her stomach resting on her elbows as she looked down at him. "You can't keep everything to yourself, Rumple," she burst out, trying to make it as gentle as possible. "You can't be afraid to tell me things! You can trust me with anything!"

"I know that," he responded with an irritated sigh. "But Belle, I need you to understand...I'm not used to telling people what they want to hear. I've perfected doing the exact opposite for centuries and breaking that habit, doing what you ask...doesn't come easily any more. I've depended on no one but myself for as long as I can remember and I'm not used to having someone I can trust, someone who won't betray me."

She hung her head sadly. Yes, she understood, and she wished it wasn't true, but he had a valid point. It wouldn't be easy, but that wasn't an excuse not to even try! Not here, not between the two of them. She'd made changes in her life for him. He had to do the same for her...he had to try.

"I understand that," she muttered. "But you're also not used to this," she reached for his hand and held it between her own, kissing his palm. Neither of them were used to this, being close to someone, having a lover. But revealing secrets was something he could only get used to if he tried it. The last thing in the world that she wanted was to cause him more pain, but there had to be a way for both of them to get what they wanted. A way that he could ease gently into telling her about his past without feeling threatened and a way that she could get the answers that she sought. When two people both have something the other wants...

She swallowed, thinking an idea over in her mind. There was something that had worked with him twice before, maybe it could work for them again.

"Make me a deal," she insisted.

A smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth, he'd never been able to resist hearing terms of a deal before. "What is it that you want?" he asked, pulling his hand away and gently reaching out to brush her hair over her shoulder. She knew that a deal wasn't necessary, he would do anything for her, deal or no deal, but she wanted him to know that it would work out for him as well. If that meant she had to speak his language, then so be it.

"I want you to trust me."

He rolled his eyes and threw his hand in the air like her words insulted him and he was tired of this conversation. "I do trust you," he countered, the romantic nature of his words disappearing with a frustrated sigh.

She reached out and lay her hand on the side of his face, resting her thumb over his lips to silence him, "I wasn't finished." She knew he had said the words, and she believed him, but she wanted him to believe them. She wanted him to show her. "I want you to trust me, to tell me about your life and to answer me truthfully when I ask a question. Can you do that?"

His mouth opened and closed and he suddenly averted his eyes away from her, feigning interest in the corner of the ceiling. He wouldn't make a deal that he knew he couldn't keep and the fact that he wasn't answering proved that he truly did understand what was being asked of him and that gave her comfort. But the fact that he hadn't answered right away, that he had to think about it scared her. He would do it if she asked, he really just didn't know if he could. Was it possible to know a person better than they knew themselves? Looking at him, it seemed entirely plausible. She knew he could give her what she was asking, he just had to want to.

She waited patiently, surely tangled as they were he could only go for so long before he had to look at her again. But the stubborn man seemed determined and it wouldn't hurt if she pushed a little. She rolled her eyes at his absurdity, maneuvered herself up closer to him, and planted a kiss on his lips, forcing him to acknowledge her with a sharp intake of breath when he returned the embrace eagerly, holding her tighter as his hands roamed over her back and then lower. She had to fight the urge to let the world melt away again and leave them in blissful peace, but when she finally pulled away he was looking up at her, interested and serious again. Deals were never far from his mind, especially those unmade.

"Deals work both ways, dearie," he said, his voice was warning but his face showed that he saw the humor in his own words, even as he struggled to catch his breath. She had to admit, something about the situation was funny. "You can't get something for nothing. You have to have something that I want."

"I do," she answered quickly, playing with the hair around his ears. She'd already thought about it and had an answer from the beginning. And although it broke her heart to limit them it would help to protect him and to keep her curiosity contained.

"And what's that?" he asked interestedly.

"Privacy," she answered. His eye brows peaked with interest, urging her to continue. "You give me honesty, and in return, I promise not to bombard you with questions from your past, no more than three at a time," she suggested.

"One in a single day," he bartered automatically.

"Two," she compromised, trying to ignore the sad feeling that they'd had to negotiate something like this in the first place. Two questions a day didn't give her much room for information, but she hoped that in time he'd see that she was trustworthy, that she wouldn't betray him. Then, maybe one day, they'd look back on this night and realize that the parameters of this arrangement had died quickly.

"Honesty or nothing," he muttered, gesturing to himself, clarifying his end.

She nodded, trying to pretend that it wasn't as big a deal as she felt it was. She had already made up her mind. If he agreed she wouldn't ask him anything tonight, she'd save it for later. Making the deal was already asking him to be more vulnerable than he liked to be and she wouldn't use it to expose him like that. She wouldn't ask random questions just to get random answers, she wouldn't abuse it, and she wanted him to see that. It was how trust was built. "So...do we have a deal Rumpelstiltskin?" she asked gently, hovering over him, wanting nothing more than his assurance that they did, because she didn't know what would happen if he didn't agree to it.

She expected words but what she got was better. He reached up and put his lips against hers, drawing her down to him again. Yes, sealed with a kiss was much better than words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...does everyone see what he did? A) he changed the deal to his own advantage and she didn't catch it. "Honesty or nothing" doesn't mean he'll be forthcoming, it just means he'll be honest when he talks to her or else he'll tell her nothing at all. B) it's also arguable that he agreed to the deal. He kisses her instead of saying yes and in the heat of the moment she certainly takes that as a yes but does it really mean a deal was made? It's up for debate.
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_Oncer for your comments on the last chapter and noticing the bit about breaking glass in the shop and here in the shop. How astute of you! Peace and Happy Reading!


	24. Questionable Drawings

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. That was all she did and it was beginning to feel endless! Not to mention useless. He left in the morning and she cleaned. He came home for lunch and after he left again-she cleaned. They went to bed and she got up the next morning and she cleaned! She had never been this tired of cleaning before in her life, not even when she lived in the castle! Though that was probably because there was some variety to it. The castle was big, her work was never done but here...she'd been at it for a week and she was beginning to run out of things to do. Not to mention the desire to continue. When she'd lived inteh castle she'd been isolated. Now she could only too easily look out the windows during the day and see not-to-distant images of the town she was beginning to grow more and more curious about every day! She was restless, but still he insisted that the town she was seeing wasn't safe, that she needed to stay put.

But she needed something new to do, something fresh to spark her interest and keep her from feeling caged. And she knew exactly what that would be. The bulletin board! He'd told her about it only days ago. There was a bulletin board in town, where people were posting pictures of their loved ones in an attempt to try and locate them. She'd gotten the idea right away and asked him for art supplies incessantly, but he'd forgotten everyday. But not this time. She finally mastered the art of making a telephone call! And before he'd left the shop for lunch she'd successfully called and reminded him to bring home what she needed. He had returned promptly with paper, pencils to sketch with, and waxy utensils covered in paper he called crayons. It was a relief! Something to break the monotony of cleaning!

She had been sketching and drawing since he left her again, until he arrived home that night. Even now, after he was home she was happy to continue. She had cooked dinner and so, as per their unspoken agreement, he cleared away the dishes, washed and loaded them into the dishwasher, turned on the dreadful sounding garbage disposal, and was now finishing up by wiping the counters down. When she first arrived she never would have guessed that he was the domestic sort, it must have been the state of the house when she'd first come to stay. Initially she'd tried to help him, feeling bad for making him walk around with a bad leg, but at his insistence she'd stopped and soon found that he did in fact know how to do a lot of the work even with the cane in one hand.

Though she hated being waited upon, she knew that it gave her more time in the day as he cleaned up. Time for doing things like this actually. Finally she finished coloring in the sketch of her father and inspected it before she held it up proudly for him to see. "What do you think?" she asked eagerly. He wrung out the rag in his hands and turned to look at it over his shoulder. His face changed so dramatically it shocked her. For a second anger flared maybe even something like panic, but then there was nothing at all. It was like he was trying not to not feel anything, to hide his expression. What could possibly prompt that kind of response from him?

"I think it's surprisingly detailed," he finally muttered when she opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong. She looked the drawing over while he deposited the rag on the faucet, forgetting his reaction. It was detailed but she had wanted it that way. She figured the more detailed it was the more likely it was that someone would be able to recognize her father. "I didn't know you could draw," he said, coming to sit in the chair next to her.

"I was a Princess," she explained with an indifferent shrug. "It would have been improper not to learn how to draw. Besides," she glanced over at him with her eye brows raised, "I didn't know you could clean."

"There was a time long ago before you were born that I didn't have a caretaker to rely upon. And good help is always hard to find, no matter what realm you're in," he smirked at her. She laughed and shook her head, thinking about how much had changed since she'd last heard those words. She was about to make another careful retort of her own when she was suddenly aware of his hand reaching out across her to the other picture she had finished just before he'd arrived home. "I still don't understand why you need to find him," he muttered staring at the picture of Gaston with disgust.

"Well..." she sighed taking the picture from him, she'd had to think about it herself when she first started drawing, really considering why she'd started to draw his face and not her fathers, and if she really wanted to find him. She did, she realized, but only for her own peace of mind. "As vain as he was, I did know him. I didn't love him enough to want to be married to him, but he was part of my life for a long time and...I just want to know he's alright, Rumple, for me not for him," she informed him. Even if she did want to roll her eyes at the picture she'd drawn.

"I don't suppose you've seen either of them around town have you," she asked coyly, glancing at him under her eyelashes. But he didn't answer, in fact he acted like he hadn't even heard her, just kept staring at that picture in her hands with a certain amount of sadness in his eyes as the words bounced off him without ever being absorbed. Was that jealousy? She didn't know he was capable of that or why he should feel that way about Gaston when he knew how she felt about him…and how she felt about Gaston for that matter.

She put her pencil down, placed the picture of Gaston on the table face down, so they didn't have to look at it, but that only made his eyes turn to the picture of her father. This wasn't going at all how she'd imagined. So she set both pictures aside and took his hands in her own. "Love comes in different forms, Rumple. I love you differently than I love my father. Just like you don't love me the same way you loved your son."

He stared at her, his grip on her hands tightening at her words. The topic of his son had not been breached since that day back in his castle. Now that it was she wanted badly to know more about it, but the mention hadn't gone unnoticed by him and he responded quickly to the topic at hand, keeping her from asking. "I know," he answered sounding confident, but his face failed him.

He still didn't like that she was going to look for him, that much was clear and she felt guilty for causing that kind of pain and questioning, that kind of hurt she saw now in his eyes. What could she do? Should she give up? Should she tear the paper in two and not look for her father at all? She could, but somehow she thought that it might be too late. It wouldn't erase what had already been done and, at the end of the day, she really did want to know her father, and Gaston for that matter, were alright. But that was where her curiosity stopped. He knew that, didn't he?

An tired sigh escaped her mouth. She needed a break, they both did. She waited all day for him to come home, to spend a few precious hours in his company. Until the next weekend came this was the little time they had and she wanted to spend it with him, not the images of Gaston or her father.

"Come on, let's sit out back," she suggested, rising quickly without giving him a choice. He looked at her with questioning eyes, her sudden movement startling him, but nevertheless she pulled on the hand that she held and he stood, allowing her to lead him to the back patio.

It was a beautiful day. Still chilly of course, but the sun was out and she'd wanted to bask in it all day and now that he was home, now that she was sure she was safe with him, she took a deep breath and happily planted herself on the stone steps. After a few moments of awkward fumbling he sat down besides her, squinting against the sunset. Perfection. She beamed with comfort as she locked her arm through his and leaned against his shoulder, taking heat from him against the cold, knowing that it wouldn't be long until he complained it was too cold to sit out and enjoy it, content to let the bright sun touch her face and the cool wind lift the hair on the back of her neck as her dress fluttered around her while she still could. The smell of the earth and the trees and shrubs around them refreshed her mind and made her feel happy and renewed. It calmed her anxieties. Stilled her fears. Took her mind to a place where nothing but this moment mattered. She was happier right here than she could ever remember being.

But it didn't seem to have the same effect on him. "Why, exactly, are we sitting here while it's freezing?" he asked after a moment of silence, annoyance shinning through in his voice. She knew that somehow he wouldn't appreciate the perfection of the moment as much as she did. How could he? He got to go outside any time he wanted, now and for the past twenty-eight years. Not like she had.

"We are enjoying each other's company like we always do, we're just doing it outside this time," she informed him. "Since you prefer me to stay in the house while you're out, this is the only time I have." Still she could feel that he wasn't as relaxed as her. She knew why and it wasn't because they were sitting outside. His mind was still back at the table, and through her happiness a pang of guilt managed to work its way into her head. She hadn't known those silly drawings would bother him so much. She didn't know that he could be jealous. They were truly in love, how could he ever doubt that anyone, including someone like her father or Gaston would come between them?

"I love _you_ , Rumple," she insisted. "Whether or not I find my father and Gaston won't change that fact."

"I know," he repeated, but this time she could hear the stress in his voice. He knew. But clearly he didn't "know". If he did something wouldn't be bothering him now. "But you told me you didn't care for him," he whispered, tearing his eyes away from her questioning gaze and looked at the stone steps beneath him, "you said-"

"I don't care for him and never will," she insisted again. "I just need to be sure he's alright in this world. It's like...this strange feeling I have that he's not."

"And your father-"

"Whether or not he approves of this isn't something I care about," she interrupted with a sting in her voice. She was trying to remember that they weren't fighting, but her reassurances didn't seem to be working. He could be protective, she knew that, but this was different than his desire to simply keep her close. Just because she might find them didn't mean that she would leave him, not again. No, she didn't want to fight with him about finding her family, she wanted him to know that there was nothing on this earth that could ever separate them. He was good to her, he had promised her honesty and there was nothing more that she wanted from him than that. No one else would ever mean more to her than him and no one could make her feel as much as he did. When he appeared in her life, whether she had known it or not, he had taken with him the days when someone would make her do things she didn't want to do. No one would ever make her do anything she didn't want. And if he was what she wanted then no one could ever say anything to take her away...especially not her father. He'd promised her that himself.

She turned and rested her chin against his shoulder, smiling at him as she fought to keep the sun out of her eyes with a squint. He continued to avert his eyes, not looking at her. He tapped the tips of his fingers together, and she slid the hand locked at his elbow along his arm until their fingers were entwined. "I left them once for a reason," she pointed out. "Many reasons actually, but one of them was that they didn't understand me, they didn't see me, and I doubt they ever will. Not like you do, no one sees me like you do."

She sighed, still not seeing a change in his expression. How much longer would this continue? How much longer would it take for him to see that she wasn't going to walk away from him? "You were the better option once and you're not just the better option now," she tried again, "you're the only option, the best option." Finally he glanced down at her, the shadow he cast shading her eyes so that she could see him clearly. "I have no intention of returning to the life they planned for me. I just need to know that they're alright. That their life here is good...like mine is with you."

They stared for a while, exchanging deep glances that she hoped allowed him to see the truth of her words. Then, finally, a smile bloomed on his face. "I believe you," he whispered, sounding almost amazed. Relief reverberated off of her as the tension in his shoulders finally eased. She shifted ever so slightly pulling him closer so that she could kiss his cheek then laid her head back against his shoulder. He returned the favor by squeezing her hand and kissing the top of her head before turning back and resting his cheek gently against the top of her head. The feeling of perfect contentment fluttered in her belly again. How could he think that she'd ever want anything other than this?

They sat for a long while, until the sun went down, until it became dark to remain outside, until he rubbed the skin on her leg and muttered "you're cold," against her and she nodded, realizing it was true and they couldn't stay here any more. "Come on," he insisted picking up his cane, "let's go back inside."

"Rumple," she stated timidly, as she rose and brushed the dirt off of her. "will you take those drawings into town for me tomorrow morning? Put them on that bulletin board?" she asked, hoping that the question wouldn't cause any more trouble than it already had. She hadn't wanted to return to the subject too soon, but it was a minor detail, one that needed dealt with.

She watched him as he stared out at the lawn, avoiding her eyes, clearly upset that she'd asked again. But before she could shake her head and come back to it another day, he finally nodded. "I'll take care of it," he promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter arises out of a statement that Rumple made in 2x04 which is also one of my reasons for thinking that more than a day passes in between episodes. Moe makes a picture of Belle and when Rumple takes it to him as he looks for her he mentions that she made a similar one of him which Moe probably correctly assumes Rumple threw in the trash (which is true to their deal here as he only says he'll "take care of it" and in his mind he's being honest". Still, that means that Belle would need to learn about the curse, about the town, the bulletin board, have Rumple bring her supplies, and have time to take it back all in a day or two time...it's just too much for a couple that has been parted so long. And Belle...I'm sure she was worried about her father, but after what she had been through and knowing they've been away from each other for so long I figure she probably doesn't really have need to believe that he is hurt or in trouble and it wouldn't be that immediate of a need for her to find him. Also another reason which we will get to next chapter!
> 
> Many thanks to Heart_of_a_Oncer for your comments on the last chapter. You are so awesome, I'm so happy to see that nothing gets passed you! Peace and Happy Reading!


	25. Dreams of Another World

Why was this bothering her so much?! It never had when she cleaned in the castle! She never got bored, she never felt caged, she never felt used. But then again the work in the castle rarely ever ended. Big as it was there was always something that needed done. And, now that she thought about it, she wasn't ever alone there, not really. She might have spent large amounts of time by herself, but he'd always been around, they'd always spent time together...she'd never thought that she should be allowed to leave.

She was a servant then, whether she wanted to leave or not she knew she couldn't, but she wasn't a servant now, and though she desperately wanted to leave the house she knew that she shouldn't. They were coming up on her second weekend here and the town still wasn't put back together yet?! It was driving her mad to sit around all day and wait for him to come home, to wait for answers, to wait for...everything!

Behind her the clock struck, telling her that he would be home soon, distracting her. Automatically, without even a second thought, she pushed off the window ledge she'd been sitting on and walked into the kitchen with a sigh. They had a routine now, or at least she thought they did. Every day, at this time, she would make a cup of tea for herself and start dinner so that it was done when he came home. Over dinner they would have a small conversation, usually about the town or something she'd found in the house that day. The conversation would continue while he cleaned up afterward and then they'd get a few hours to spend in each other's company before they went upstairs for bed, woke up the next morning, and she waited again until he came home for lunch, left again, and she'd end up feeling like she was in the exact same place she was the night before. Morning, bored, lunch, bored, dinner, content, bed, peaceful. It was a routine and she imagined she should be happy about it...but she was just so...well...bored!

She filled the kettle and set it on the burner expertly turning the knob to heat the water like she'd been doing it her entire life. He hated that she did this every night; made dinner and cleaned during the day. It made him feel guilty, like he was treating her as nothing more than a glorified version of the caretaker that she had been to him before hand and he'd tried everything that he could think of to try and dissuade her from doing the house work and chores. But, as bored as she was with it, if she didn't do the housework then what else could she do?!

She'd slept off the drugs in her body and read  _La Belle et La Bete_ over and over again. She'd learned about her body and about when they could and couldn't make love. She'd finished the drawings of her father and Gaston and was still waiting eagerly for news on them. Finally, today, she had given the thing that he called a "television" a try and while it held her interest for a while, ultimately it was no use. She was bored. She'd finished the intensive cleaning only two days ago and while she'd initially felt happy and proud of that, now she only regretted it. If she didn't do the housework then there was nothing to do day by day, nothing to plan for, and nothing to look forward to. All she could think to do was sit. Sit and stare. Sit and wait. Sit and think. Sit and let her emotions run away with her.

Of course she wanted to do more than the housework! She could think of about a million other things that she wanted to do with her time! She'd rather go into town. She'd rather taste the food that was at this Grandmother's place that he called "Granny's". She would rather take a walk around the block. Explore the town. Go to the library. Read a book out on a lawn without supervision. Wander around his shop and every other shop she could find. Make a friend. Shop for the food herself. Learn to drive the car. Look for her father. Go swimming. Anything but spend another day in this house by herself!

Part of her felt terrible for it, for feeling so caged. Wasn't this what she had wanted? To be with him? She should just be content with that, not irritated and spending her days looking out the window at what seemed like a very calm world. She shouldn't care what lay in town, only here! And yet with every passing day she grew more and more curious, more and more anxious...more and more bored.

The kettle began to whistle and she poured it into a cup and set the tea bag inside to soak. Then walked over to the refrigerator, pulled out the pork roll she'd set there to defrost for the dinner tonight, and began to pull out the pans and vegetables that she would need. She'd mastered this kitchen. She'd only meant for it to be a place to start, until she could leave the house and then explore the world outside without being completely ignorant, but she had achieved this goal only days after moving in. In fact, he had commented nearly everyday on how fast she had learned. So why would he doubt she would learn the tricks of a town, safe or unsafe?

Yes, part of her felt terribly guilty for feeling caged, but another part, a growing feeling in the pit of her stomach only made her feel angry.

She just didn't understand! What was so bad about going into town?! If she was with him then nothing would be able to harm her so she wouldn't be in any danger! All she wanted was to do something different, just once! But she knew what he would say, what he would want her to do.  _"The town is unsafe, stay inside please,"_  he would say. _"It's not an order just a request."_  She shook her head at the words in her head. He'd repeated them so many times since she'd been here that not only had she memorized them, she could also pinpoint the exact day that he'd started using the word "request" instead of "advisement" as he had on her first day here.

She shoved the pan into the hot oven and closed it before washing her hands at the sink, maybe a little too forcefully as she felt her temper rising with her thoughts. She was trying so hard not to be angry or let herself feel frustrated, but she couldn't seem to help it anymore. As she shut the water off and dried her hands, she turned around absent-mindedly and leaned against the counter, looking out the window at the back door. Her mind wandered back to all those things that she'd rather be doing, losing her conscious thought to the brighter memories and activities.

It wasn't that she didn't want to stay safe and it wasn't that she thought that it wasn't a dangerous world! She just thought that he was taking her safety and the state of the town to an unhealthy extreme. The way he made it sound, anyone who stepped off his front porch was picked up by a dragon and carried away to their death. Surely it couldn't be that bad! She was much more capable of taking care of herself than he seemed to think. And it wasn't like she was asking to go outside by herself anyway! She wanted him to show her! To take her outside, to introduce her slowly to this world as he'd introduced her to this kitchen and the rest of his home! She wasn't asking for the world...just a small part of his.

A loud ding suddenly made her jump and she realized that she'd been staring out the window for almost an hour daydreaming. Enough time for the pork to cook. Enough time that he would be home any moment. She pulled the hot pads out of the drawer and set the pan on the counter to cool. Her tea had gone cold while she had been immersed in her thoughts and she dumped it down the sink before filling the kettle again to make a new pot. She ran around the kitchen as she waited for the water to boil, making herself busy again as she grabbed dishes and set the table for two, as always. But as she reached across the counter for another tea cup, she misjudged the distance and her forearm touched the side of the hot pan and-

"Ouch!" she shouted, pulling her arm back and dropping the cup to the floor where it shattered into a million small fragments. She fought back painful tears as she examined it. It wouldn't be the first time she'd burned herself, and it wasn't as bad as some of the others she'd had, but it still hurt! She tiptoed quickly around the remains of the cup she'd dropped, turned the cool water on at the sink, and felt relief as she let it flow over the angry red skin.

She heard the front door open and close and his voice call out her name, her heart dropped in frustration and disappointment. "In here!" she called back, shaking her head at herself. What a time for him to walk into the house! She wanted him to see her as competent not hurt with bits of tea cup laying everywhere! She prayed he wouldn't notice. But sure enough when he hobbled into the kitchen he took one look around and asked "What happened here?!"

She shook her head. "Burned myself," she mumbled trying to act like it was no big deal, like this happened all the time.

"Let me see," he said right away shutting off the water and holding out his hand for her arm.

"It's fine," she insisted, thinking that it wasn't now that the cool comforting water was gone. Fortunately at that moment the tea kettle chose to start whistling and he raised his head at the noise. He made his way over to the kettle, shut off the stove, and removed it from the heat.

"What broke?" he asked sternly, stepping over the pieces on the floor.

"A tea cup," she answered angrily. His voice irritated her. But it was the situation that truly irritated her; the house that had suddenly turned against her! She wanted him to know that this wasn't what it was like when he was gone. She hadn't burned herself since her first days at the castle and she hadn't broken a dish since she'd chipped her own tea cup. This wasn't what it was like all the time, he had to know that!

"Let me see," he repeated stepping up to her side. Before she could stop him and reach for some ice he held his hand over the burn. Before her eyes his hand glowed purple and the sensitive skin twitched and pain flared for a moment but then a feeling of cool spread outward from it and when he pulled his hand away she found that the red mark had disappeared. He'd healed her, just as he had healed her after she'd been kidnapped, but something about that made the smouldering cinders in the chest ignite. She didn't understand why, she just knew that she didn't like it. Magic...using it for anything was just too much of a temptation. First he did it for this the next minute he was doing bigger things like...

Like fixing the shattered tea cup in a puff of purple haze so that it reappeared completely on the counter as if nothing had ever happened. No, they hadn't agreed that he'd stop doing magic, but her opinion of it with him was very clear. He didn't need that temptation in his life in any form!

Frustrated, she turned away from the sink and crossed her arms over her chest. "You didn't have to do that," her voice was cool, something he seemed to pick up on as he shifted his weight and took a step back from her. It was as if he could tell that she was upset, that something was bothering her, and he looked panicked, like he was preparing for an attack. Something about the action stirred a pang of guilt from somewhere deep down but it didn't extinguish the irritation she felt.

"It's not a problem," he smiled nervously.

"You didn't need magic for a teacup! It's too much a temptation-"

"Too much a temptation to make sure you don't injure yourself on a shard of broken glass or stay in pain from a burn?!" he questioned, like her argument was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

"Ice, cool water, and a bandage would have worked just fine for that," she pointed out, desperately trying to get herself to relax. What was wrong with her?

"You would prefer to remain injured?" he asked with a sparkle in his eye. He was resorting to humor and by the look in his eyes she could see that he thought he had her. Logically he did. She couldn't say "yes" because who wanted to deal with a burn? But she couldn't say "no" either because what else was there but for him to heal her? But the world wasn't as simple as he thought it was...and neither was she!

"I would prefer not to have to rely on magic for the slightest things!" she countered. "You know how I feel about magic and you know better than to use it on anything...even the smallest of things! Before you know it it'll consume you again!" He hadn't been expecting her to answer in that way but then she wasn't really sure what he expected as he looked her over cautiously.

"Is something wrong?" he finally asked quietly. She could tell that he was curious but also weary of whatever answer she might give. Maybe he suspected what she was going to say. Maybe he knew what was "wrong." Or maybe it was because he didn't know how to fix it?

"I don't suppose things are better in town?" It was both a statement and a question because she really didn't expect the answer to be any different than it had been from the last million times she felt like she had asked it and she just wasn't in the mood to hear the answer for what felt like the millionth time!

"Unstable," he breathed, like he was so used to saying it that he didn't even have to think about it. He didn't even act like he was tired of saying it, but rather like he didn't know why she needed to keep asking. Maybe that was part of the problem.

"Still?" she asked pressing the subject further. "After all this time the town hasn't put itself back together yet, hasn't calmed down in the slightest?!"

"With Mary Margaret and Emma gone?! With David in charge and Regina running free?! No, Belle, what do you expect?!"

"And you've had no word on the whereabouts of my father or Gaston?"

"I told you at lunch I took care of it, didn't I?! It's going to take some time Belle, a few hours is nothing!" She let out a disappointed sigh. She didn't want to fight or be angry with him but part of her was beginning to wonder if he was telling through truth! No. No, he had to be telling her the truth. The look on his face told her that he wasn't lying and he'd never go back on a deal. He had promised her honesty and she had no reason to think that he wasn't upholding his end. Especially since she'd upheld hers so well. Since they'd made that deal she hadn't asked a single question of him because some part of her truly believed that eventually he'd tell her everything all on his own, that he'd come to trust her! Shouldn't that consideration have gotten her one trip into town!

"Belle," he sighed after a moment, shaking his head as if he could just fling their small fight out into the cosmos and forget about it. "Why don't you just tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's bothering you so I can fix it!" he insisted through gritted teeth.

The problem was she didn't know. She never acted this way, never raised her voice like her father, never used that haughty voice that her grandmother had, not until he'd come along. But then again, she'd never felt more trapped, more antsy, more useless in her entire life then she'd felt over the last couple of days.

"I'm bored, Rumple," she admitted sadly. It was a lousy reason, something that didn't seem capable of producing the angry words they'd just exchanged, but she knew, that was really at the heart of the issue. "I want to leave this place. I want to do something besides sit here all day, besides feel like I'm still just a caretaker!"

His face suddenly contorted like he was in pain. "I've never asked-"

"I know!" she interrupted louder than she meant to, but she couldn't help it she knew this argument backwards and forwards as well. "I know, you didn't ask me to do those things, but if I don't then what else am I supposed to do all day?!" He didn't answer; couldn't answer, she suspected, because he knew that he wouldn't like the suggestions he came up with.

The silence grew between them as they stared at each other, the distance suddenly seeming greater than it was, wondering what they wanted the other one to do. But strangely enough it was the silence that sobered her...or maybe it was just the sad helpless look in his eyes that allowed her guilt to overcome the anger she felt. She hated fighting with him. Whether it was a big fight or a smaller one she didn't like doing it. The only thing she felt like she truly had that made her happy every day was him. And she wasn't willing to sacrifice that one thing tonight just because she was restless.

So, with a heavy defeated sigh she stepped forward and put her arms around his neck and laid her head against his shoulder, the closest thing to an apology for shouting that she could manage at the moment. It took him a while to respond, to put his arms around her, and another moment for them to tighten as his back finally eased and he molded against her as she knew he could. No, she couldn't waste the precious little time they had together night after night fighting...she'd rather just do this.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered in her ear, nearly begging. "Tell me what to do to make you happy."

Never use magic again! Take her to town. Take her to Granny's. Take her to the shop. Then maybe...no. She wanted to. She wanted to go back to town more than anything. But she had to believe that he was telling her the truth about the town. She couldn't ask him to put her in danger. He might actually do it and he would be on his guard, tense and unhappy, the entire time. And knowing that he was uncomfortable would not make anything better. It would only make her feel worse than she did just sitting here day by day.

"Nothing," she answered with a small disappointed smile. There was no answer, there was no way out, until the town put itself back together...there was nothing to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But Treatian, their deal is that he has to answer two of her questions every day. Why isn't she asking?" How astute of you to notice fair reader. This will come up in a later chapter but for now the honest answer is because she doesn't want to ask the questions. She's hoping to naturally develop that trust between the two of them so that they can get to the point where they don't need that deal they made anymore. He promised her honesty and answers, or so she thinks, so for now she is happy just to settle for honesty and hope that the answers come on their own later. She's hoping...
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter. I always love hearing those thoughts and opinions of the chapter! I'm glad that it's so well received! Peace and Happy Reading!


	26. Thoughtful Surprises

She was disappointed.

There was nothing to be done about her boredom until the town settled down. Nothing to do but wait for weekends to arrive so that she could spend two days alone with him. But...

When she awoke this morning she found that he was gone already. In her grogginess he must have slipped away despite his promise he'd spend the weekend by her side again and that made her feel...just disappointed. And bored.

So there she sat, once again on her ledge, not bothering to find chores to do, not even bothering to read, just looking...just miserable that the world seemed so close to her and yet so far away, separated only by a single thin sheet of glass. She sighed and looked around the house for a moment as she considered doing something, anything, instead of sitting here and sulking, then decided that there was no point. Everything was as clean as it was going to get, the laundry was done, the dishwasher empty, her book read. There was nothing new to do until he got back for lunch and she could convince him to stay, so she turned back to the window and...

He was home! Her jaw dropped as she sat up and looked at the car stopping in the small section of road he called a driveway. She wasn't imagining things, he was home! But why?! He never came back until noon for lunch. He was like clockwork. But it was barely ten. What was he doing here now? She pushed herself off the ledge and ran for the door as she tried not to panic. But something must be wrong to draw him back here so soon! Right?!

"What's happened?" she asked him, before he could even get through the door. "What's wrong?"

He smiled and placed a hand at her back as he led her back into the safety of the house. Why was he smiling? "I don't want to get your hopes up," he muttered closing the door behind them. Her eye brows furrowed as she looked at him in confusion. What was he talking about? "We're not going into town, but there is somewhere I want to take you." Take her? Out of the house? Away from here?!

She felt her jaw drop and her heart race as she threw her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly in excitement. She was so happy she felt like she could barely contain it! He'd actually listened to her when she said that she wanted out of the house! What more could she ask? He could take her to the moon and back just so long as she wasn't going to be in the house alone any longer!

"When do we leave?" she asked eagerly as she pulled away from him.

"Right now, if you're ready," he answered with a smile.

"I am," she practically shouted with a smile so big it hurt her cheeks. "I mean..." she had to take a deep breath and remember to calm herself down. She was just going to leave the house, there was no promise that they were going anywhere spectacular but she was just so excited to get out that he could take her to a pile of compost and she would be happy! "I think I am. Do I need anything?" she asked, wondering where exactly he was going to take her if it wasn't into town.

"Not a thing. Unless, of course, there is something that you wish to bring." She shook her head. All she wanted was to leave as soon as possible. "Come with me," he nodded happily, appearing unfazed by her excitement.

He took hold of one of her hands and led her out of the house and into his car. It was a strange feeling, pulling away from the house, instead of watching the car roll away from it. They didn't go towards town, the way that came home from every night, instead they went the opposite direction. As they drove she watched the houses that they passed by. None seemed to be quite as big as his was but she enjoyed looking at all the shapes and sizes. They were beautiful, all of them different, all of them extraordinary. She'd never seen anything like them in their world. She'd seen and lived in castles, she'd seen and lived in tents and small cottages, but she'd never seen anything like these houses.

Then she watched as things began to change, the houses started to be fewer and smaller. The forest seemed to be growing up around them until she realized that they were overtaking the entire area and there were no more houses. Eventually he turned the car off of the black road and onto one made up completely of dirt. They were driving deeper into a forest.

It was away from civilization, certainly, but somehow she didn't mind that. It reminded her of home, of all the time she'd spent in the forests, of all the time she'd walked on roads like this, and of that beautiful moment that they'd shared when her memory had returned. So it wasn't in town, it was out of the house, it was in the wilderness, in the fresh air! And she was ecstatic! The only thing she wanted was to know what they were doing out here. Visiting a lake? Taking a walk to the well? Going on a Picnic?

Suddenly the car turned a corner and she could make something out through the trees, a clearing of some sort. But as they got closer, and the brush thinned, she could see very clearly. It was a wooden house. A plain, small wooden house sitting all by itself in the middle of the woods. It looked so much like something out of their world that if it wasn't for her clothes and the car she would have thought that they'd gone back to the Enchanted Forest! He stopped the car in front of it and she knew there was no mistaking it now. This was where he had meant to take her?

"Where are we?" she asked curiously, staring at the dark building.

"This is my cabin," he answered honestly a smile hiding behind his expression of calm. She looked at the house before her. No, not house! Cabin. At last, something new after days of endless repetition!

"Your cabin? Another house?" she asked skeptically. He nodded and she stared at it again, confused. He had two houses. Why did he need two houses? He was barely at the first house he owned. Was it like their world? Where powerful individuals had different houses for different seasons? "You live here too?" she asked.

"Well..." he sighed, "not really, but it is mine. I made a deal, a very long time ago, with Regina for wealth and comfort in this world when she enacted the curse," he explained. "This became part of it," he finished with a shrug.

She looked out the window at the house that stood dark and yet sturdy before her. It was beautiful. "I hope she got something decent out of it," she muttered with a smile before glancing over at him. He said nothing, but she didn't miss the smirk that started at the corner of his mouth.

"Come on, I'll show you around," he said opening his door. She got out of the car and followed him up to the house, cabin, as she looked around the exterior. The roof hung over the front part, a porch he called it, so that on rainy days he could comfortably drag a chair outside and watch the rain fall without getting wet. And there was a stack of logs piled on the far end so that on snowy days the logs wouldn't get wet and he could sit inside and make a fire. She looked at the forest around her, imagining what it would be like for the entire area to be covered with thick white snow and to sit inside reading a book by a nice warm fire as she watched the flakes drift down to the forest floor.

"Belle," she turned back to him and saw that he was holding the door open. She stopped staring and walked into the cabin, her shoes clicking oddly against the wood that made up the floor. It wasn't very big, at least not as big as his house, but it was still nice. In fact, she liked it more than the house. It had the same feel of his shop, warm and protective. In a way it almost seemed to suit him better than his house did. But it was obvious that he didn't come here that often, an inch of dust covered a lot of the plain wooden surfaces, there was no clutter here, and it smelled musty, like it didn't often have the windows open to air it out. She walked over to the one closest to her and opened it wide, letting the cool air flow into the stuffy cabin and leave her with the scent of dirt, foaming water, and pine needles.

This was wonderful.

Behind a small door, a little kitchen sat cozy in it's own nook. Cozy, and yet...a refrigerator, stove, dishwasher, and an oven. It was all the comforts that made this world great but with all the sounds, sights, and smells that she had been missing from their world. It was a glorious clashing of the two. And to top it all off, she was here with him. It wasn't town. But it was just as good in her mind. "The kitchen is well stocked," he commented as she closed the door. "The bedroom and bathroom are just through that door and I think you'll find everything you'll need is already here. I know it's not much, but-"

"It's perfect," she interrupted, looking over at him from her place by the window. She was suddenly sad that she hadn't brought her book with her.

"You can do anything you like here," he said to her with a happy tone, like he had been gauging her reaction to the cabin and now that it had been positive he was trying to hold back his relief and happiness. "No one knows we are here and very few know where this place is or that I own it. You can go outside any time you wish, go anywhere you desire, although I must ask of you to remain somewhat close by as I cannot make promises that you won't come across a few hikers. There's even a lake if you feel so inclined to swim although I doubt its warm enough. Weather in Maine rarely gets warm enough even in the summer time..."

She smiled to herself, he was rambling. He was still trying to make her happy, not realizing that he already had. It was something different and that was all she really wanted. She made her way slowly over to him and placed her hands against those on his cane. "You did this for me?" she asked, watching his face suddenly turn to one of sadness. She didn't know what caused that, she'd meant for him to be happy, to realize how grateful she was for such a thoughtful surprise, and for him to break into a pleased smile. But he didn't, instead his eyes just continued to look into hers. Questioning.

"I know it's not town," he whispered staring down at their hands entwined on the top of the cane. "And I know that I haven't been around as often as I should be, old habits..." he explained away with a sigh, "are hard to break. I just…" but words seemed to fail him suddenly and her heart beat against her chest as she watched his face, finally identifying the emotion on his face. Guilt. Was it her words? Was it what she had said yesterday when they'd fought?

"Rumple," she said sternly, making him meet her eyes. On the one hand she regretted those words but on the other hand they'd made him bring her here and she wasn't sure that she could feel bad about them after this. However she would admit that she would have to learn to use a better tone. Something that would allow her to share her thoughts and emotions with him, without making him feel terrible, one that wasn't so angry. Because it only made her feel guilty. "It's perfect," she assured him. "Thank you, for...for all this."

Finally he gave her a small smile, convinced that she really was happy about where he had brought her. "It's not forever," he insisted, making himself perfectly clear before she could get her hopes up. "It's only for the weekend, but after that we can plan trips to come back if it makes you happy." If it made her happy? She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck burying her nose against his shoulder as she fought off tears of gratitude. She liked this spot. She liked this cabin! But she loved him more. She'd be happy living under a bridge with trolls so long as he was there with her...but she would prefer the privacy of a cabin in the middle of the woods.

"You make me happy," she whispered. "That's all I need."

He smiled and let out a breath of relief as her words seemed to calm his nerves. "So..." he whispered holding her tight against him, "what would you like to do first, my darling, Belle?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daw...he took her to the cabin. Cute! Well...I had to come up with somewhere to send them since they weren't in 2x03. I figured the cabin was a good place to start. Belle would be getting antsy, after the whole "no one can leave Storybrooke" bomb I figured Rumple would need time to clear his head and figure out his next step and this just seemed like the logical next step for them. I hope that you enjoy it!
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a_oncer for your continued comments! They are vastly appreciated and make me so happy to hear that the fiction is going the way that I wanted it to! Peace and Happy Reading!


	27. Enough For Now

The cabin was a dream come true. Finally she got to do everything she'd wanted to do in this new land! She'd spent an entire day outside, reading a book that he had bought her just for this trip, _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe._ Her eyes had flooded with tears when she saw that it was by C.S. Lewis, the author of the book she'd read what seemed like ages ago in his castle, the author she'd asked him to look for more of because she'd liked him so much. He'd remembered! It may have taken a few decades but he'd kept his promise. She'd kissed him happily and set down then and there to read it. In fact, she'd already read it once since they'd been here and was making her way through it a second time when she realized she could read it again any time and there was more here to do than just read.

So she braved the cool air and gone swimming in the lake, only lasting a few minutes before she had to come back inside and shower in warm water to make herself stop shaking. She felt like a child again up here. But in a good way. She was finally able to play and explore, feeding her own curiosity while he watched from somewhere nearby soothing his own worry. He didn't wear a jacket, or the vest and tie as he did when he went to town every morning and she liked that he left the top few buttons of his shirt open around her, it made him look comfortable and relaxed.

In all honesty, half of her joy came from having him near her all the time. Not just at night when she slept. He was there when she woke up, he was there when she ate breakfast, he was there when she wanted to read, and when the sky darkened he was there to light a fire and make her soul come to life with touches and kisses that were just as desperate and passionate as they were gentle before they went to bed and he was right by her side...as always. He'd even made them lunch once and gone into the woods with her, far away from the sight of the cabin and had a picnic. They had their conversations, but sometimes they just spent time in each other's company. He had a spinning wheel here, of course, and her happiest hour might have been when the sky poured down rain and there was nothing but the squeak of the wheel, the water pounding against the roof, and the paper of the book as she turned each page. She found the solitude more than tolerable with him there. So long as she had the other half of her heart, she felt better than she did alone with nothing to do in the house by herself.

But soon enough it was over and when she woke up the next days later he told her as he made breakfast that they would have to go back tonight. The words felt like a lead weight in her stomach. She found herself sitting down onto the couch and letting the idea sink into her. She knew that they couldn't stay up here forever, alone and isolated from the rest of the world. But she'd been having such a good time! She hadn't been thinking about leaving, she'd been thinking about what she could do instead of what she couldn't do, about the time she had with him not the times when they would be separated again for hours at a time.

She felt suddenly as sad as she'd been before he'd brought her here. Knowing what she was going back to, long days by herself spent cleaning and reading in a quiet old house, didn't help that feeling. The house was big enough but she'd take this small cabin with him in it to the lonely existence of that house any day. How had their time passed by so quickly?!

"I told you when we first got here that we couldn't stay forever," he reminded her. She looked up at him hovering over the stove, examining her with sympathetic eyes. He hadn't read her mind, just her expression. It was the same talent that she had with him. Most of the time she liked it. But now...

"I know," she responded, unable to keep the sullen disappointed tone out of her voice. She was grateful, really she was, that he had brought her up here. She was happy to have had these few days with him, and at the time it had felt like the answer to all their problems. But now that she was faced with leaving these days behind she arrived at a startling conclusion: it just wasn't enough. And now the prospect of returning to the house was invading her mind again, making her just as angry as she had been the night before they came here.

She heard a click as he turned the burner that he'd been cooking over off and hunched himself against the counter. Tension flooded his shoulders and he stared at the counter but she knew that he wasn't really taking in the images before him. He'd receded deep into his mind, he was contemplating something. She didn't know what it was, but she knew that it was upsetting him, and she knew it had something to do with her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. Whatever this issue was she had to deal with it. She couldn't allow it to effect him like this. It was unfair. "I know we have to go back, I just...I wasn't prepared for it to come so fast," she admitted sadly.

He finally looked up at her with sad eyes, and she wished she'd never said the words. She wished he'd never reminded her that they couldn't stay out here together forever. She should have just nodded and eaten her breakfast and gone off into the forest to sulk on her own. "I know your life isn't perfect," he muttered, "but it's safe."

"I understand that," she said with that same argumentative tone in her voice that she'd had back at the house. "And I appreciate that I'm protected, I just-"

"Just what?!" he questioned with a dark tone. How did they get back to arguing? Things had been so perfect until this morning and they still had a day to themselves. She didn't want to spend that day arguing and fighting with him. Certainly there were better things to do. But then, if the words went unsaid, how was it ever going to get better? Was she just supposed to continue to suffer in silence? That was what he did and it only bothered her more when he didn't talk to her about why he did it! She hadn't wanted them to fight, hadn't wanted them to argue, but maybe they needed to. She knew that he might not like what she had to say, that he could get irritated if she pressed certain subjects, but she firmly believed in leading by example. And if these thoughts and feelings, these problems, were his then she would want him to tell her what was wrong.

Besides, what would not telling, not pressing the issue, fix? Nothing. Nothing would change if she held it inside. And how long would it last anyway?! What if the town never put itself together? Was he just going to keep her in that house for the rest of her life? The night before he had brought her here she had let it slip that she needed a change of scenery and he had listened. He'd brought her here! Maybe he would listen again. He always had an answer for everything, maybe together they could figure out a safe way for her to go into town that they could both be happy with.

"I'm just bored-"

"You've told me that!"

"-I wasn't finished," she insisted immediately. He had that look on his face again. The surprised look, shock. People didn't often stand up to him. In their world people didn't stand up to him and expect to live! Confrontation was hardest for him when he wasn't in control of the situation and that was when he got defensive, which was when he put up a wall and got aggressive. But things were different between them. She was probably the only one in the world who didn't fear him...the only one who could fight with him.

"I'm bored, Rumple," she insisted, doing her best to stay gentle, not argumentative just informative. "I sit at home all day long while you're gone with nothing to do but clean. And I know that you didn't ask me to do it, but that only makes it worse," she was vaguely aware of the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. She knew that she'd held the words in, but she didn't know that she'd needed to let them out this much. "It makes me feel useless and I want, I need, to feel like I have a purpose in life. I need to feel like I am important, that there is a reason I am in this world, with you! I need to know that there is something I can do besides sit at home and be a caretaker!"

As soon as she'd said the words it felt like a weight on her heart, that she hadn't known had been there, was lifted. That was it! That was what was really bothering her. She hated feeling useless! Before she had been taken by the Evil Queen she'd felt strong. She'd felt sure of herself. She felt like she had a purpose in the world, like she was a hero in some small way because she could break his curse. But now she felt like she was insignificant. She had him, and that was what she'd always wanted! She just imagined their life being more exciting and eventful than her sitting in a house all day long.

"I was useless once, a long time ago, before we met," she pointed out, recalling how she'd sat in the war room pretending to read books just so she could learn what was going on, remembering all the times that someone had patted her on the head and told her not to worry too much, and thinking about all those times the only purpose, the only thing she was supposed to look forward to, was marrying Gaston and having a child... She was happy she'd been spared from it, but right now, she didn't feel like the life she had in his house was much better.

"You saved me from that life. Please, don't ask me to go back to it now."

He looked at her for a long while. She braced herself for an angry Rumpelstiltskin, a defensive tone, maybe even for him to storm out of the house. Instead he stood before her, leaning against his cane with so much pressure that his knuckles had turned white. "You're not useless," he finally said in a small voice. It was a guilty voice, like he was sad that he didn't have anything better to say.

"If I'm not useless then what am I good for?" she asked in a harsh tone. "I'm no better than a prisoner in a luxurious cell."

"You are not being held prisoner!" he argued, offense at her words peppering his tone. "You are safe."

She shook her head. That excuse was nothing to her any more. She was tired of it. "I am capable of protecting myself. I know the town is chaotic, but I faced a Yaoguai I think I can handle a town of half-cursed human beings!"

His eyes widened at her words. "You faced a-" his face crinkled with anxiety. "No, that doesn't matter. Later." He rubbed his hand over his face, dismissing the story she had yet to tell him in their short time together. "You were still captured by Regina," he pointed out, a look of pride on his face that he was able to counter her argument.

"Do you really think that she's going to come after me again?!" she raised her eye brows at him. She doubted she would, he'd said it himself!

She expected his answer to be flustered, maybe even angry. She didn't expect that he would give her a confused sigh and gentle shake of the head. "I honestly don't know what to expect from her right now," he said, then stepped forward and took the seat next to her. It was a good sign, he'd come closer to her, not farther. Maybe fighting wasn't as bad as she'd thought it was.

"Well, I imagine that being trapped in a town full of the people that she cursed hasn't exactly put her in a place with time to come searching for me," she pointed out sternly. It was the best argument there was: truthful and his own. How could he possibly find fault in it?

"Do you really want to risk that?" he dared, matching her own sharp tone. There were too many emotions passing through his face as they talked. Fear, anger, guilt, even sadness, but the meaning behind them wasn't clear to her. Why was he so afraid to let her go into town? What was it that had him so spooked? She sensed it had something to do with his past and she could ask him about it, but she'd been refraining from doing that, even with their bargain in place. She knew that it made him uneasy and she wasn't going to ask him something just for the sake of asking him something. She wanted there to be a purpose behind it. Or, dare she even hope, one day he might want to share his past with her all on his own. Whatever it was behind the thoughts in his head and the expressions on his face, this wasn't the time to ask. He was tense as it was and she was surprised with how well, how calm, this conversation had turned out. She didn't want to change that, not on their last day.

She moved closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder as she threaded her hand through his arm. "I'm not asking for the world, Rumple. I'm not even asking for the town. I just don't see the harm in going with you to the store for the day. Even if I never leave the back room." It was a decent suggestion, at least it was in her mind. If she took too much of a leap he would get scared. The shop one day, the town another time. Just so long as she had something more to look forward to than a purposeless existence alone in his house, she'd be fine. His face was unmoving, refusing her request, and she feared that once again she would be reduced to deal making, but she wasn't going to settle any more. She couldn't just sweep these problems under a rug and ignore them. That wasn't how things were between them and it wasn't how she wanted them to be either.

"One week," she muttered against his shoulder. "I'll wait one more week for the town to collect itself and if it still hasn't by then we'll brave it together. To the shop for the day and back again," she explained. It was clear and simple. It was more than reasonable in her eyes.

His hands were balled together on his lap, the one twined with hers squeezing painfully tight. She reached forward with her one free hand and placed it gently over them but the tension in them didn't loosen like she'd hoped. This wasn't easy for him but she didn't expect it to be. After what had happened the last time she'd left she knew that losing her again scared him more than anything in the world. And that was the one reason that she couldn't be completely angry at him for making the request that kept her safe. But leaving the house, in her mind, was a necessary step they'd have to take. And it would be better to take it with him than without.

"Two weeks," he finally muttered lightly. She took a deep breath and laid her head against his shoulder. She felt like she could barely contain her jitters being locked up in that house. But one week or two, what did it matter? As long as there was a light at the end of the tunnel, as long as he kept coming back to her each and every night, as long as she had that, she could handle the rest.

"Two weeks and we spend next weekend here again," she countered, glancing around the cabin.

Finally a hint of a smile touched his mouth and he glanced down at her again. "That can be arranged," he muttered happily. She smiled and burrowed closer against his side. There was hope. She wasn't going back to an endless sentence. She could make something of herself again. She'd had to do it once without him; she could only imagine that it would be easier with him this time around.

Suddenly he kissed the top of her head in a way that made her feel like she was more precious than diamonds or fairy dust, that she did indeed mean more than magic or even power. "You aren't useless," he muttered firmly against her after a moment. "You make me better. You turn me into a man and that isn't an easy task. Isn't that enough?"

She opened her mouth to respond but found that she couldn't. She thought about the words and knew it would be a lie to give him the answer he sought. But she couldn't bear to speak the honest truth at a time like this. Who he was whenever she was around him was a great accomplishment, that was certain. It was something that she would be proud of for the rest of her life, something that she imagined she would be known for far and wide for one day. But just because it was her greatest accomplishment, didn't mean she wanted it to be her only accomplishment.

So, yes, it was enough.

But only for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody get excited because we are on to 2x04. Does it feel like it's been a long time? Good...that was done on purpose. But believe it or not only 12 days have passed since she was in town last, since the curse broke (at least according to my calculations). I tried to make this section feel long on purpose though because I wanted to really bring out what Belle would be feeling. She doesn't sit still well and needs to keep busy. Now she has nothing going on and I wanted you to feel just as antsy and she does, I wanted ya'll to send me reviews saying "can she please go back to town now?!" I hope it worked. And to answer your question, yes...she can go back now. Ladies and gentlemen...on to 2x04!
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your comments on the last chapter! I'm so pleased that you liked the turn that it took in the last chapter. It seemed like a logical place for them to go to me! Peace and Happy Reading!


	28. Best and Second Best

She only had two weeks left! That was the arrangement they'd made at the cabin: two more weeks here and if the town still wasn't safe he would take her any way, in the mean time she had a weekend in the cabin to look forward to...and, of course, their nights together. As dull and boring as these lonely days were it all ended the moment she placed her arms around him each evening.

But she couldn't deny that something had changed since they'd made their agreement yesterday morning, maybe even since before that. It had been small, hardly noticeable before they'd gone to the cabin, but since they'd returned home last night, she'd noticed something dark, gloomy even about him. She asked him if he was alright but he'd only smiled at her and said he was fine, he was tired. She'd believed him then and told him that it was alright because they needed to take a break for a few days anyway but...that couldn't be it because they'd slept peacefully throughout the night and yet when he returned home from town this evening he still had that same demeanor.

It wasn't as if he didn't enjoy their time every bit that she did. He was happy she was here with him, she could see it, she could feel it! But she felt like something else was there now as well, on the edge of his mind, keeping him from being wholly with her even when they were in the same room. She wished she knew what it was. The issue with the town line? The prospect of taking her to town? Something he hadn't shared with her yet? Something in his past? She could ask. But she was still hoping that she wouldn't have to, that he'd tell her on his own...but somewhere in the back of her mind, she was beginning to think not that he wouldn't, but that he couldn't. It was the only explanation. She was beginning to believe that he had kept secrets for so long that now he didn't know how not to be secretive. It bothered her, more than she wanted to admit.

And yet everything that he didn't say, everything that made her nerves sizzle and her hands ball into fists when she had to be patient, could be countered in one moment when he was true and genuine with her. Like this moment, the one that they didn't need words for, the moment every night when she came out of the bathroom and looked at his form, lying on his side of the bed they now shared happily and easily. He wasn't sleeping, he never slept until she got there, but he was turned on his side, to give her as much privacy as she wanted. She really liked that. He'd seen everything, touched everywhere, and was certain that he had kissed every inch of her skin but he still didn't want to make her feel like she was being watched and that made her feel like he was the best thing that had ever happened to her. They were perfect for one another and she suspected that even when she was finally able to make trips into town, it would always be quiet moments like this that she liked best of all...she'd always like the night time the best.

As a smile she couldn't help spread across her face, she gently slipped in between the covers and put her hand on his arm, giving him silent permission to roll over and settle in for the night. She leaned down and kissed him quickly, muttering a soft good-night before curling up against his side. His arm was familiar now, necessary for sleep as he held her securely against him and made wide strokes up and down her back in a comforting gesture before he finally kissed the top of her head and whispered "I love you" before falling into sleep with her.

She liked that going to bed with him was easy now, simpler and less awkward than it had been when she first moved in weeks ago. It was normal, natural now to sleep in his arms. And it didn't matter if she climbed into bed and went right to sleep, or if they spent a few more hours making love in the moonlight as they spent each other. She just wanted to be by his side, to fall asleep with her head on his chest so she could listen to the sound of his heart beat and feel the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. No matter how much time was left before she went to town, so long as she had him, so long as she had the night, she could live with it. This was the best moment of her day. It was perfection.

Until she was startled awake.

Until she sat bolt upright in bed and had to catch her breath and settle her pounding heart.

Nightmare.

Again.

Not from him, as usual, but her own!

Only this one wasn't normal, not for her. Ever since she'd come here her nightmares had all been of that dreaded prison cell the Queen had shut her up in. But not tonight. She was still trying to piece the fragments together but she knew...this was different. She strained her memory trying to remember what had happened before it faded completely.

A necklace, Rumpelstiltskin, something about an axe...and at the end, clear in comparison to the rest of the terrible event, the Rumpelstiltskin she had known before, strange skin, greasy hair, and reptile eyes. He issued her a warning, something that she had feared from the moment she'd gotten him back that day at the well, something that had been itching at the back of her mind since they got back from the cabin. "It's me, dearie," his high-pitched voice had mocked "always has been, always will be!"

No! No, she refused to believe that! It wasn't real, it was a dream. Only a dream! Wasn't it?

But as she struggled to calm down she realized something was missing.

Rumpelstiltskin.

He was a light sleeper, and whenever she woke up with nightmares he was always there to comfort her just as she did for him. So where was his familiar arm? The voice telling her it would be okay and she was safe? Where was he?

She glanced down to the space that he usually occupied only to find him gone, nothing but a small dent in the pillow where his head had once been. She furrowed her brows and looked around the dark room. The bathroom door was wide open, his blue pajamas had been thrown onto a chair in the corner, and while it wasn't open completely the door to their room had been left slightly ajar. She was positive she'd closed it before coming to bed! She glanced at the bedside clock, it was morning. And he was an early riser, but even this was too early for him to wake up and begin his day. So where was he?

She pushed the covers back. If something was bothering him, going downstairs to pace wouldn't be out of the ordinary, but she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep without him and if something was wrong she wanted him to be there, she wanted to let him tell her about it! Trying not to focus on the chill of the hard wood floors under her bare feet, she moved through the house. His car was still in the driveway. He was still here, somewhere, but as she looked around the rooms she couldn't find a single trace of life. It wasn't until she went to the kitchen that she discovered that the glass door leading outside was open. Outside? Why would he have gone outside? Confused, she followed his trail of bread crumbs. Out to the patio. No sign. Down to the back yard. Nothing.

Then she saw it. A light. Coming from a small window at the bottom of the house. The basement? He'd told her that door was broken, not to touch it! And the cellar doors, he'd told her they were too heavy for even him to open up so she'd never thought to investigate there before because she thought it was sealed! But now she crouched down and looked in the window to the strange room. Her jaw dropped.

The room wasn't empty, it didn't even appear sealed shut! There were bookshelves stocked full with old leather bound volumes, a work table, one that looked suspiciously like the one that she'd seen in his tower at the castle. And there was Rumpelstiltskin, sitting at yet another spinning wheel, doing what he had always done best, spinning. She watched as he suddenly reached for scissors and her heart dropped as she saw what he was doing clearly. He wasn't just spinning. He wasn't cutting off a loose end of thread. He was cutting off a strand of golden thread! Magic! He was doing magic! And it was clear that he wasn't just using simple magic...it was more than that. He dropped the gold thread into what looked like a vial and when the two substances combined they glowed the same color of purple that had come out of that well. Potions, spells, and power...temptation.

She couldn't watch any more. She had seen enough. Somehow her legs found the courage to pick her up off the ground and run quickly back into the house, closing the door softly so she wouldn't make a sound and he wouldn't know she had found him. Her heart was racing and she felt tears gathering in her eyes. Suddenly it was her that was pacing downstairs, trying to sort out the imagines in her cluttered mind. What had she just seen! No, she knew what she'd just seen, the question was why had she seen it?!

She hadn't known he was using magic again. Admittedly she hadn't asked him to stop but he knew how she felt about it, that she didn't want it anywhere near her. He knew what it did to him. Oh sure, she knew he was doing what he claimed was "simple magic", she didn't like it, but she knew he was doing it. It had been "simple magic" that had provided her with clothing the first time she'd been in the house, "simple magic" that had healed her arm when she'd burned it, "simple magic" that he "barely needed to think about". But sitting down in the basement, practicing potions and spells, things he quite obviously had to think about...that wasn't "simple magic." Which could only mean...he'd lied to her.

No. No, he hadn't. She'd asked him about magic within the first few days of being here, before they'd made their deal for honesty. For all she knew it had been the truth then, he hadn't been practicing magic, he hadn't lied. This could be a one time thing! Something he'd just gotten up to do in the night...but the room suggested otherwise. The bookshelves, the cluttered table, even the wheel. He was comfortable there. And that suggested he'd been using the room longer than just for tonight. It didn't make sense. If it was a one time thing why not spin in the living room, where she'd placed a wheel for him. If it was a one time thing why had he told her weeks ago that the doors were broken and too heavy?

She sank down into one of the chairs and covered her face with her hands, trying to silence her tragic sobs. This couldn't be happening. Not again. But she felt like her heart was breaking and from somewhere in the back of her mind a soft angry voice kept replaying damning words over and over again in her mind.  _"My power means more to me than you."_

Why had he done this? They were content! Everything between them had been perfect, but now it just felt like a lie! How often did he leave her side as she slept soundly to practice magic in the basement?! How often did he exchange her company for the company of his magic?! Why would he retreat to the basement, to his old habits when he had her, all of her!  _"My power means more to me than you,"_ the little voice echoed in her head again.

She sniffled and shook her head. No, she still didn't believe it! Refused to believe it after these past few weeks, after the number of times they'd both confessed their love...but that didn't mean anything if he didn't believe it. He had to know where his priorities were. She may have been high on his list but until he saw just how high she would continue to be only second best. She wasn't willing to have her best moment of the day be only his second best. Something he could sneak away from while she slept, thinking she'd never notice.

She glanced out the glass door, the sun was already beginning to lighten the sky. He'd be coming back in soon enough, to shower, to prepare to open the shop. He was predictable as ever, but what would become of today? What should she do about what she'd seen? About what he'd done?

Suddenly the answer popped into her head as it had always been there, maybe it had. He would know she had found him because she would tell him herself! She hadn't acted on their deal, but she would now. She was tired of waiting for him to come to her, to tell her things, but now it was abundantly clear that wasn't going to happen, not as long as he had that room! So now was the time, she would ask him a question, about the room and the magic...all of it. And in return he would tell her the truth about what she had seen...he had to!

And if he didn't?  _"My power means more to me than you!"_ The little voice in her head was shouting again. What if he didn't tell her? What if he refused? What if he broke their deal...she shook her head, silencing the voice. He wouldn't, he couldn't! He'd never broken a deal before, so she had to believe that he would tell her the truth. After everything that had happened since her return, everything they'd shared together, all the progress he'd made, she wanted to believe in the best part of him, the part that loved her, the part that knew she was more important than magic. She wanted answers and she was going to get them. Because on this one thing, when she came up against her old enemy, magic, she wouldn't settle for anything less than being his best thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we have arrived finally at 2x04. Awesome! Welcome! I wish you had a happier chapter to start it out on. Don't worry, things get better for them after 2x04, it's one of those necessary evil sections I suppose you could say. But first we've got to get through this. I'll admit that I did my best with this chapter but I fear it wasn't enough and I'm not very pleased with it. I tried to set it up so that it is a culmination of things that sparks Belle's anger and forces her to leave him, not just the lying (which is probably the biggest part of it) but also the fact that he is doing magic and what he said to her last time. I don't know...I hope you like it more than me!
> 
> Thanks to Heart_of_a_oncer for your amazing comments on the last chapter! I'm hopeful you'll feel the same about the rest of the fiction as you continue on! Peace and Happy Reading!


	29. The Final Straw

She felt hallow and alone. Her eyes were sore and she had felt like she had no tears left, not since first light. The sun had risen completely now. It had risen an hour ago, she'd heard the grandfather clock by the door chime, confirming it. And he still hadn't shown up. So she'd sat. She'd waited. At first she had only been determined, but, as the minutes ticked by, the emotions only grew, morphed, into the desperate and muted rage she felt now. She felt betrayed

But for as angry as she was she was surprised that she was able to sit so still, to breathe so calmly. She felt like she'd transcended to a higher level of pain and hurt that she'd never been to before. It wasn't boiling within her as it had when she'd first seen him, it was just simmering, just waiting. The only thing that she had managed to do since she saw him spinning his gold in the cellar was make herself some tea, in an attempt to truly calm herself and make the confrontation less angry.

It didn't work.

She was tired of knowing nothing about the man she slept beside every night. Tired of trying so hard to be part of the life of the town and being held back. Tired of the darkness that seemed to haunt him when he came home, of putting on a smile and pretending that it wasn't affecting their relationship. And most of all she was tired of asking if everything was okay and being told that nothing was wrong, he was "fine". Everything was not okay! He was not fine! She knew it, he knew it, and the fact that he was trying to cover it up only made her feel nauseous and insulted. Didn't he know by now that she could read him easier than the words in one of her books?!

All this time she had been able to push her frustrations aside, to pretend like it didn't bother her, but after what she had seen last night, she couldn't ignore it any more. If he was fine, if nothing was wrong, then he wouldn't be leaving her side in the middle of the night to practice magic in the basement! She wanted an explanation from him. She deserved an explanation, to know what was wrong. And she was going to get it. He'd promised her honesty when he answered her questions. Well now he was going to make good on that deal. She would get her answers.

The sound of the door opening didn't startle her. She'd been waiting to hear it for what felt like eternity and it was only a matter of time until he came back to her, to pretend like everything was "fine". She turned and watched him come in. He paused when he saw her, startled that she was out of bed, but he recovered quickly as his face broke into a happy smile. She hoped that hers didn't show any of the disappointment that she was feeling, but she suspected it wasn't possible, sitting there stewing in the early hours of the morning, disappointment had become too much a part of her to hide.

"Hey," he said happily but awkwardly. There was a twinge of fear there suddenly that she took note of. He was picking up on her expression, probably just as she always did his, but did he suspect that she knew where he'd been? Or was he worried she would question him about coming in from the garden this early in the morning?!

"Hi," she responded shortly, hearing the irritation in her voice. Apparently he heard it too, because he didn't shut the door, merely watched her like she so often found herself doing to him when she was trying to figure out what he was thinking. Did he really not know what was bothering her? Or did he know and just saw nothing wrong with it? He watched her move from the arm chair she had been sitting in over to the counter that divided one room from the other.

"What are you doing?" she asked, setting the lukewarm tea on the counter. She had wanted to be a little more discreet, to calmly remember that for all she knew there was a reasonable explanation for everything she'd seen...but that thought had faded with the coming of the morning light.

"I was, uh..." his shoulders tightened with tension at the strained sound of her voice, but if he only knew how much more hurt she felt, that would be enough to make him truly cower. "Going to make you breakfast," he finished with a forced smile, coming up with a quick excuse that he probably thought would work to distract her. It wasn't, it couldn't because she knew as well as he that he never did anything like that. This early in the morning she should still be in bed asleep and he'd be on his way upstairs to kiss her one more time before leaving her for town. Lies. He'd taken advantage of her sleep, assumed hat she wouldn't notice. But she had noticed. Enough

"No, in, in the basement," she clarified, trying not to leave room for excuses as he went to the refrigerator and pulled out the orange juice as if it was just an ordinary morning...but it wasn't! Whether or not he realized it, last night changed everything! Nothing was "fine" anymore. And it was growing worse with each passing second that he quietly ignored her question. "I saw you practicing magic," she accused, when he didn't respond.

The refrigerator door slammed shut with a bit more force than he usually gave it and he made his way over to her a little slower than he normally did. He was using caution. He knew that he was in trouble, so why wasn't he answering her question?! "How about some breakfast?"

"No, we need to talk about this!" she hadn't yelled, she'd managed to stop herself before she did. But her insistence left little room for anything else. She was going to get her answers! She was going to get the truth out of him! He had promised!

"It was just a couple of spells," he argued setting the bottle down, like it explained everything. But it didn't! It wasn't an explanation, it was an excuse. Couldn't he tell the difference?! "Nothing to be concerned about," he assured her gently.

She nodded, unsatisfied. "Okay, then be honest with me," she requested. If it was "nothing to be concerned about" then he wouldn't mind proving that to her. "Why did you bring magic here?" her heart leapt into her throat as she asked the question. It wasn't what she'd been planning on asking, but now that it hung here between them she realized it was the one she needed to understand most of all. She had a hunch that if she knew that, then a lot more of their life, of him, would make sense. And she desperately wanted to know that there was a reason for his actions, last night and at the well.

"I've told you," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like he was relieved that she hadn't asked something more difficult, "magic is power."

"Why do you  _need_  it?!" she demanded, trying to make herself as clear as possible. Was that the problem? Was she just not clear enough?! Apparently, because he was staring at her as if she was speaking the language of centaurs and suddenly it was like they'd gone back in time to their days at the castle.

He was guarded, so guarded that the words weren't even on the tip of his tongue! They were locked away somewhere so deep in his mind that he wasn't even thinking of the answer! And the only thing that she could clearly see written on his face, was disappointment. In who? Her? Himself? She'd been wondering recently if it was possible for a man not to be capable of telling the truth, if it was possible that he'd been forced to hide it away for so long that he no longer knew how to share his secrets. Suddenly she feared that she might have been right.

"Tell me!" she prodded, begged really, for something, anything! But the only response she got was that same blank stare. He was searching for something to say, some way to explain that would spare her feelings and let him go on keeping his secrets. He was afraid. And it was too late. He couldn't spare her, she already felt like he'd pulled the knife in her heart out and she was bleeding out before him but he wasn't doing anything to even try to save her. How was it possible that they could share the relationship, the feelings, the connection that they had, how could they share a house, a kitchen, a bed, and he still couldn't answer her questions honestly as she had requested? How could he break their deal...again?!

She sighed and shook her head feeling the full weight of her disappointment. "You don't need power Rumple," she concluded, "you need courage, to let me in." With that she grabbed the cooling tea and left him standing there, because it just hurt too much to look at him.

She went up to their room. His room? Such a simple act, seemed to suddenly have undone all the progress and growth they'd made since she'd returned. She'd done her best to make it belong to the both of them, but what difference would it make, if she had a drawer or the room or the entire house. She once thought it had been a miracle that he'd been able to share the room, the bed with her, but she would have traded all that in an instant just to know one of his secrets. To be the one that he shared his life with and not just his space and routine.

So what now? A bird chirped through the open window, drawing her attention to the happy world outside of the miserable house. Safe or not that world certainly seemed preferable to the atmosphere in here-

Suddenly a thought blossomed to life in her head...and she knew exactly what she was going to do.

He had broken a deal with her, the way she saw it that entitled her to break another. She didn't know what to expect, this wasn't the ideal situation, but what choice did she have? She didn't want to be separated from him, but she could see no other way to make him see just how important she was to him. Last time he'd kicked her out of the castle and hadn't come after her...this time he would.

She could do this, she'd done it once before and this wasn't as bad as it had been then. Last time she had expected never to see him again. This time she hoped, she knew, he would come after her. He wouldn't leave her out there alone, not when the town was dangerous, not after what had happened before. She just hoped that he would see that getting her back was more important than keeping his secrets, because secrets, trust, was exactly what it was going to take to make things right again.

She waited until she heard the slamming of the back door, when she knew he'd gone back to his safe place, where she suddenly realized he'd gone that night he'd disappeared to the night he'd broken glass, then she dressed quickly, not knowing how much time she had, grabbed a jacket, and left the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there she goes...out the door and into town! I wonder what could go wrong?
> 
> Thank you to Heart_of_a_oncer for your awesome comments on the last chapter! I'm so happy to hear that the pacing is right on track! Peace and Happy Reading!


	30. New Friends and Possibilities

After all her dreaming, after wanting nothing more than to be in town, here she was...with nowhere to go. It hadn't taken her long to get here, she would have thought that she didn't know how but all she did was retrace the buildings and landmarks she'd seen the first night that he'd taken her home and after an hour or so, she had managed to find the main street again! But now what was she supposed to do? She could see his shop just down the street, but she was determined not to go there and make it easy on him. Her father hadn't come forward yet to claim her and even if she saw Gaston she wouldn't want to go with him. Besides the two of them, she couldn't think of a single person that she should look for or anything to do! But that was the least of her worries at the moment, the least of her emotions!

She'd been upset when she left the house, but now, walking around the town...frankly, it made her downright furious.

The way Rumple had described it she half expected to find riots happening in the street, buildings toppled over, or fires spontaneously bursting to life. She didn't know what the town was like normally, but this did not look like the scene of chaos that he had been describing to her! All this time she'd thought that he hadn't broken their deal until this morning, but now it was becoming clear he had never kept it...or made it to begin with.

Her jaw dropped as the realization slammed into her and she thought back to that night, going over every little detail she could think of in her head. One thing stood out that she hadn't noticed before. One terrible little detail that changed everything! He'd never actually said they had a deal. She asked if they did, but instead of confirming they did...he'd kissed her. She'd thought that it meant the deal was done...she'd never considered that he might have only been distracting her so that he didn't have to make the deal and trick her into thinking that he had.

She felt like her heart was being torn in two. He'd manipulated her. Again! Just like at the well! Just like he would have any of his other deals! He'd kept her happy...and ignorant.

She tried not to burst into tears as his scheme unraveled before her eyes. Her only consolation, though she wouldn't call it that from what she was feeling, was that it hadn't worked as well as he'd hoped it would. As it turned out, he'd only bought himself more time, but not her compliance and not true happiness. She shook her head. Time had run out. Now she would get her answers and all the explanations she wanted. He'd come after and this time they'd fight for real. She'd probably scream, he'd yell, they'd get it out of their system, and they'd figure out what to do next. Whatever that may be...

She hadn't expected that he'd broken their deal this much when she'd left. She hadn't seen how he had manipulated her and toyed with her emotions and words yet again. No, this was much worse than she'd expected. And somehow she didn't think, as she had when she'd left his house, that it would really be as simple as going back with him. What exactly that meant she didn't know, part of her was too afraid to even speak the possible outcome. She'd survived leaving him once, but she didn't know if she was strong enough to go through it again. She didn't know if he was strong enough...

Suddenly her stomach gave a loud grumble, distracting her from her black thoughts and reminding her that she'd left before she had time to eat. She couldn't think about what would happen at the end of the day, she had to think about now. And right now she needed to eat something, or at least get something to fix her dry throat and hydrate her again after all the crying that she'd done. Looking around her she spotted a sign, it was for a diner...Granny's!

It wasn't just _a_ dinner, whatever that was to begin with, but _the_ diner! The one that he'd mentioned so often! Would he think to look there for her? Did she want to be found, yet?

A wind picked up around her, silently reminding her of her current situation. Spring was on it's way but still hadn't really arrived and thought she was wearing a jacket, it just wasn't strong enough to keep the chill at bay. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to find her yet or if he would think to look for her here, but at least she could get out of the cold while she figured it out.

So she walked up the stairs, trying not to be nervous or look suspicious and walked into the room that looked in some ways similar to a tavern in their land, only with less wood and more iron and plastic. It was also friendlier, she could tell that right away by the lack of drunk men laying around but also by the tall woman wearing a red shirt who greeted her right away. She absent-mindedly waved a hand around the near empty tavern-diner, and told her to sit anywhere.

"Can I get you something to drink?" she asked. The question caught her off guard and she automatically responded "tea" as she took a seat at a strange table sticking out of the side of the wall. The woman brought a tall glass over to her and asked if she wanted anything else with a smile. "We make great hamburgers!" she'd said in a tempting voice but she declined. She had no money for food.

The woman shrugged and walked away but when she glanced over at the glass she'd brought her she realized that something was wrong. The drink she'd brought her wasn't what she'd asked for. It was the brown color of tea but it was lighter, less dense...and in ice. And...with a strange tube thing sticking out of the glass?! She glanced around in confusion and her eyes landed on the only other couple in the diner. The man had a glass like hers and appeared to be sucking on the tube, drawing the liquid into his mouth easily instead of gulping it down like she expected of water from a glass...or brown water as she supposed.

She looked at the liquid in front of her and shrugged. Whatever it was, she would try anything once. Besides, she was here! She may as well try something new. Timidly she picked up the cold beverage put the tube to her lips and was greeted with a wonderful surprise! It _was_ tea! It was just chilled! And it tasted absolutely wonderful! Just as good as hot tea was, maybe even better. She smiled to herself and took another long refreshing pull.

Through the first one, she sat there patiently wondering in everything she could see outside of the window and in the diner. But by the second one her mind had lost its focus and traveled back to him. She'd taken care of her immediate need, her thirst, but her long term needs...what now?!

The situation was already worse than when she had left the house that morning. What if he didn't come? What if he chose his power over her again? Or worse, what if he came to find her, but still refused to give her answers? What would she do then? Was she just supposed to go back with him to give in? Her patience with him was wearing thin and experience had taught her that despite her best efforts he might actually be incapable of being honest with her! If she couldn't have that, if he couldn't trust her with his secrets, then what did that say about the two of them together? What hope did it hold for their future? What could she hope for her own if she didn't have him?

The tall woman came over to her again and set another cold tea down in front of her. It seemed to break the spell, reminding her not to panic until she had to. She could take things one step at a time, there was no use worrying when she didn't know if there really was anything to worry about, for all she knew he would find her, apologize, and divulge all his secrets to her like she always dreamt of. For all she knew this would be the one time that convinced him she was his most prized possession...but she doubted it.

"Thank you," she smiled politely at the woman.

"Are you okay?" the woman asked suddenly, in a sympathetic but curious tone. Her smile disappeared. She always thought that she was good at hiding her thoughts and expressions, of course she was only second best compared to her lover, but still she didn't think there was anything in her expression that would have given away her inner turmoil. "That's your third iced tea this morning," the woman pointed out with a smile leaning against the other seat, "wouldn't want to have to call you a cab," the woman laughed, but she didn't understand the joke and for the briefest of moments she had a fleeting thought to ask Rumpelstiltskin about it...but that only made her feel sad and panicked again. Not only did she not know if she would have the chance, but she was already referring to him as Rumpelstiltskin again, a sure sign of the very large step back they'd taken this morning.

"No," she smiled looking up at the girl, reminding herself to focus on what was happening right here and now in this room. "I've never had it iced before," she admitted to her, "it's, it's delicious!" And it was called "iced tea", she should have assumed...but she knew now. Maybe she didn't need him in this new land as much as she thought she did!

"I haven't seen you in here before," the woman stated, still smiling at her in a friendly way. But she could see the suspicion, hear the question hiding behind the words.

Suddenly she felt uncomfortable, nervous. This was the last thing that she wanted to talk about with a total stranger. After all, the last time she'd talked with a strange woman about Rumpelstiltskin she'd ended up kicked out of his castle! But she'd had a bad feeling about The Evil Queen from the beginning; she didn't get that feeling about this woman. Her smile was friendly, welcoming, trustworthy. If she chose her words carefully, what was the harm? So she shoved some hair away from her face and took a deep breath...she could do this, she could answer a simple question.

"Well, I..." she stumbled, "I've been a kept woman until recently." The words tasted sour in her mouth as she realized just how true they were. Kept. A kept woman. She's sworn she never wanted to be something like that. And yet...yes, she'd been kept...kept ignorant of this world around her and all for what? Secrets?!

"Let me guess..." the woman said sitting down in the seat across from her. "Bad break up?" She could feel the shock growing on her face. They were the wrong words...at least she hoped that they were the wrong words. But as she'd walked around the town this morning, she had to admit, her guess might not have been as far off as she thought. She didn't want that. She didn't want them to be separated like they had been before, but if he didn't muster up the strength to give her answers, what would happen then? And even if he did tell her, what about the next time she wanted answers, were they doomed to go through this every time?! Was a permanent break up the inevitable outcome of their relationship?

"I think I may be heading there," she admitted, her stomach dropping like lead into the pit of her stomach at the realization. It was the last thing she wanted, but she couldn't think of any way to get the message across to him. What was she supposed to do?

The woman leaned forward, her voice lowering as she looked at her with sympathy. "Do you have a place to stay?" she asked, worry lacing her face. "Any family here?"

"Ah, I'm..." the woman's kindness caught her off guard, but once again...the words felt wrong. They only reminded her of everything she didn't have. "I'm not sure. I'm still looking," she finally answered. She hoped she had family, she assumed that nothing bad would have happened to her father, but what if he wasn't around anymore? What if that was why he hadn't contacted her? No. She couldn't let herself think that way! As much as he'd lied to her he couldn't lie about logic and she knew he was right. The posters hadn't been up long enough yet and it would take time! She had to be patient and focus on now! She couldn't assume anything was wrong if she didn't truly know! "I'm on my own for now," she settled.

"I can ask Granny about a room here," she offered without hesitation.

"Really?" she asked, absolutely shocked. She didn't even know her name and she was just going to offer her a room in...a diner? It didn't matter! She couldn't afford to refuse anything with her future uncertain as it was. The woman nodded and she realized that she was smiling, flabbergasted by her sudden offer. She looked at the woman, wanting to thank her properly but then realized she didn't even know her name. She had offered her a lifeline and they hadn't even really met! "Thanks..."

"Ruby," she woman informed her, as if reading her mind.

"Belle," she replied happily. She'd never really had a friend before, not a genuine one! She had years of genuine friendship with Samuel but somehow it felt tainted by his deception in the castle and the way he'd used her, she felt as though she and Rumple, if they ever had been friends, had skipped it over quickly, and Mulan might have turned into one...but she just hadn't known her long enough. But Ruby, this wonderful kind woman sitting in front of her offering a room without even knowing her name...she liked her. She liked talking to this woman, she had a good feeling about it, unlike last time, she could tell this woman, this Ruby, was a good person. Maybe she could trust her with more than she thought. She wouldn't reveal anything about Rumpelstiltskin, but she didn't feel bad talking about her own problems.

"What I really need though is a life," she admitted, "a job!" Yes, that was it. She needed something to do besides sit around his house all day waiting for him to come home! She didn't know what would happen when he found her, but no matter what she had a place to sleep. Maybe if she also had a way to support herself, then she wouldn't have to worry as much about her situation...just about what would become of the two of them.

"Well," Ruby sighed, "uh, what do you like to do?" she asked interested.

What did she like to do? She didn't even know. She liked being with him, but that wouldn't help. She could cook and clean, but although it kept her busy she didn't particularly take joy in the busy work. What made it worth it was the feeling of accomplishment she got from it when she was done. So what did she like to do then?! Well...there was one thing she liked to do. She didn't know if she could make a job of sitting around all day reading but it was something! "I do like books," she admitted.

"The library!" Ruby exclaimed immediately. "It's been closed forever, but, uh, things are changing now," she said with hushed excitement. "Maybe they need a librarian."

She bit her lip and thought for a moment. An entire library to herself? A place where everyone would gather and could share her love for books, a place where she could put all of her learned skills to work?! That had possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you have noticed maybe you haven't but names are just as important to Belle as Rumple, though in a different way. In her mind, the way that she thinks of people says a lot about them. For now, the two to really look for are Regina, who she will continue to simply call "The Evil Queen" in this fiction and of course Rumple. A few chapters ago Rumple asked her to call him that so for her, the name Rumple is a sign of their relationship. It's shorter and more intimate and the fact that he asked had a big impression on her. Rumpelstiltskin is the man she knew in the Enchanted Forest, the boss she fell in love with, Rumple, for lack of a better term, is her lover.
> 
> Thank you Heart_of_a-Oncer for your ever faithful reviews! I love reading them! It's always nice to know what people are thinking! Peace and Happy Reading!


	31. From Good to Bad

A library! All to herself! That was something that she could do. She wanted to see it, right away, to make it real. Ruby told her that it was useless that the doors were locked and the windows boarded up...but she didn't care. A library was something familiar, something comforting, if all she could see was the building, that would be enough. And so Ruby directed her, telling her that it was as simple as walking down the street until she arrived at the clock tower, then made her promise to come back and let her know what she thought. She agreed but before she left she remembered something.

The library had been a great distraction, but it hadn't solved anything. It was an option to be explored and nothing more. He was out there and he might be looking for her this very moment. At first all she had wanted was for him to come and find her. But with all the lies he'd told she was still furious and she was much more inclined to see a library than him. She wanted something in her life that didn't revolve around him, something else she could depend on for happiness. She wasn't ready to face him yet.

"Ruby, you've been so wonderful and I can't thank you enough," she said leaning against the dividing counter separating them, "but could you do me one more favor?"

Ruby smiled confidently, "Name it."

"If Rumple…" she paused. Not here, that was only who she knew him to be, not who everyone knew him as. "If Mr. Gold," she corrected, "comes by, could you...not tell him I was here?"

She watched as Ruby's eyes widened in shock. "Mr. Gold?" she questioned.

She nodded, "I know I'll have to talk to him eventually but I'm not sure I'm ready just yet. And-"

"No, I, I get it, I just..." Ruby took a deep breath and shook her head, like she could clear her head easily with that motion. "He's the one?! You're breaking up with Rumpelstiltskin?" she asked with her eye brows raised in surprise. She had expected this, everyone to be afraid of him, and her by association. No one ever wanted to cross him in the other world, so why would they here? Ruby certainly wouldn't help her now...and she shouldn't have to the risk of angering him.

"You know, never, never mind," Belle insisted weakly. It was stupid to ask, to think that loving Rumple could ever make her normal. "It's alright-"

"No, I just..." Ruby took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and suddenly the shock she wore was gone! Replaced once again by the already friendly smile she knew well! "Consider it done," Ruby assured her.

"Really?" she asked raising her eyebrows in shocked confusion. She was really willing to help her? To lie to Rumpelstiltskin? Not many people were brave enough for that.

"Yeah, just promise you'll come back and let me know if you need that room."

She beamed at the woman, astonished. "Thanks Ruby, I…" she what? Was thankful? Was ecstatic? Felt lucky to have met her? "I…"

"Belle," Ruby reached out and touched her arm in a friendly gesture, "it's not a problem. Now go! You can tell me about it later!" she ordered with a smile that mimicked her own excitement. She smiled back and nodded then fled the diner, stopping outside to look at the world around her. It didn't seem as big or as terrifying as it had before she'd gone into the diner. Maybe it helped to have a friend.

She followed Ruby's instructions perfectly, not that they were difficult, the clock tower was already looming at her from down the street and one street later the sign "Storybrooke Public Library" could easily be made out. Rumpelstiltskin's shop was just across the street as it turned out, but she ignored it, noting that his car wasn't anywhere in sight, and walked confidently up to the white doors. They were locked. Tight. But that wasn't a problem, she'd known that, Ruby had told her. And besides she didn't need to get inside, she really just wanted a peek. But how?! Ruby had been right. A strange whitish paper with black writing covered all the windows. She walked around the side, but large wooden boards met her eyes, covering the larger windows. In her head she could imagine them casting depressing shadows over the place that was supposed to be happy and filled with good sunlight for proper reading.

Suddenly her heart leapt. There, ahead of her! It appeared that one of the boards had fallen off, maybe in the commotion after the curse had broken, and it had been replaced haphazardly with different sized boards. The window on the inside was also covered with the strange paper, but on one side, like it had been waiting for her, was a hole, just big enough for her to peek inside. She pressed her face close to the glass, finally able to glance within. She couldn't see much, but the small sight that met her eyes was enough to cause a small flutter of excitement in her stomach. Books. Racks and racks of books. At last, something she knew about! If she couldn't have him the way she wanted, this would certainly be the next best thing!

"Excuse me, miss?"

She jumped and spun around at the voice, ready to run, fearing the Evil Queen had caught up with her! But she was wrong. It wasn't the Queen, it was just a man with a high-pitched timid voice. He looked harmless really. "You startled me," she admitted trying to laugh it off like it was nothing. She had to get used to this, not every person in this town was out to get her. Just one, and she was certain that no matter what the state of her relationship with Rumple was, she wouldn't come after her any time soon.

"I, I was just wondering if you had any spare change?" the man asked. She looked him over at the odd request. Change? Was he homeless? Was she staring at what her future would have been if Ruby hadn't offered her that room? She supposed it was plausible. The man looked well fed but his clothes weren't exactly clean, a filthy black dust was showing up on his strange looking shirt and the old looking red hat he wore looked like something a grandmother would knit. She wished she could help him, it was the right thing to do, but unfortunately she wasn't much better off than he was at the moment.

"Oh, no sorry, I, I don't have any money," she responded.

The man looked nervously over his shoulder. "What...what about a friend?" he stuttered. "Are you meeting anyone here?"

She looked him over again, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Why would he need to know that? Was he homeless for a reason? There were plenty of homeless people in their world because they were insane and had been turned out by their families, maybe he was one of them?

"Uh, no, why?" she asked, preparing to run, to scream, anything. If this man worked for the Queen she had to get away as quickly as possible. But if there really was something wrong with his mind then she didn't want to frighten the already nervous looking man. She'd been there; she knew what it was like.

"I just wanted to make sure!" Suddenly the man reached out and grabbed her! And before she could do anything a hand was over her mouth as she was pulled back against him and dragged off! She tried hard to fight him off, but he was stronger than he looked! She did her best to make sounds, to be loud as she could, but no one was in sight, no one around to hear her! It was worse than her worst nightmare.

Her heart was pounding. What was she supposed to do? Who was he? And who was he working for? Could the Queen have really been waiting all this time, just for her to step outside to kidnap her again?! She fought, she struggled, she tried to gain enough footing that she could pull away from the man, but she couldn't get her feet under her long enough. He kept dragging her backward. She couldn't even see where she was going and she barely knew where she was in the first place!

Suddenly she found herself being loaded like cargo into what seemed like a car but was different than the one that belonged to Rumple, the only one she had been in. The only way she recognized it was from the four wheels. "What are you doing?!" she screamed when he finally released her inside of it. "Let me go!" she insisted as he pushed her across the driver's side to the spot reserved for her. So there were different kinds of cars, did they all work the same?! She pulled on the handle like she had in Rumpelstiltskin's car but the door didn't give way for her like his did. What good was it if it didn't work?!

"Sorry, that door's always been broken," he apologized sincerely. She glanced over at her captor, her mouth dropping in confusion at his genuine politeness. He made a poor henchman, pathetic really!

"What is going on? Please, tell me!" she half begged, half yelled as he reached across her and pulled the seat belt in place around her with a click.

"Don't worry," he said. "You're not in any danger. It'll all be clear soon."

"Why not make it clear now?" she snapped.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "I promised I wouldn't be the one to tell you. You'll find out soon enough." He started the car and took another nervous glance over at her, paying close attention to her hands. "Please don't make me tie you up," he requested. He really was a bad henchman. What kind of man kidnapped a woman and then politely requested that she not harm him?! Well, he was in luck, because she had no intention of attacking him, not now at least. But later he would discover that allowing her hands to be free was a tragic mistake on his part. She would sit patiently and wait, then, maybe, once the car stopped she would be able to get away. Then again maybe she wouldn't have to. The fleeting hope that Rumple wouldn't find her so quick was replaced with a hope that maybe by then he would have found her! He'd know what to do, this time he'd save her.

The man pulled away, taking her away from the good life she had only begun to imagine herself having. She knew it couldn't last, knew it wouldn't. But she wasn't stupid. This man wasn't as strong as he appeared. Once this car stopped she would get away, she would run, and she would figure a way out of this! She had to! She had gotten herself into this mess, Rumpelstiltskin or not she would get herself out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Belle made a friend. And then an enemy. Oh, I do hope that I got Smee alright. I felt like I had him down but I'm never really sure about the minor characters. There just isn't a whole lot to work with when it comes to them but...I hope what I have for him is fine. Ya'll be the judge and let me know!
> 
> Big, huge, ginormous thank yous to Oncer4Life69Dearie and Heart_of_a_Oncer for your comments on the last chapter. I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Hearing that just makes my day! Peace and Happy Reading!


	32. From Bad to Worse

She didn't want to fight the mysterious man, not now at least. He had left her hands untied and when he opened the door she'd made a move to bolt but he had his arms around her too quickly and she didn't even get the chance. So she'd remained compliant, allowing him to drag her into this little room that smelled like flowers and looked more like a shack than anything else. She would get out, she'd escape, she just had to look for the right opportunity to try again.

She took stock of the shack. There were shelves, a door that led into another room she assumed, a window...and a door behind her! That was it! That was her way out! All she needed was for the man to look away and she could run, or scream, and fight back, she didn't have to get anywhere specific just anywhere with people! Main Street, the shop, the diner, anywhere would do so long as there were people to help her!

"Who are you?!" she screamed again as the man forcibly sat her down into a chair. But then again, she was a pretty good judge of character, and so far the man had been doing his best to be gentle even against her struggles. As he sat her down she took the opportunity to keep asking the questions hoping he might actually answer them and then if she did run into anyone something could be done. "What, what do you want from me?!" she hoped it wasn't something to do with Rumpelstiltskin. It wouldn't be the first time someone had captured her or tried to use any information that she had against the Dark One. She wouldn't talk, she wouldn't tell him anything. They might not have been in a good place right now but she would never tell them anything that he had told her in confidence. Not that she had anything to say. He never told her anything important. She was just as clueless as all of his enemies. That was what had driven her into the situation in the first place. And it seemed that this morning, this plan she'd had to get the information from him, had gone much worse than she had ever thought it would.

"I'm just a man who procures hard to find objects, in this case..." the man paused and looked at her with wide eyes, "the object was you." Curiosity turned quickly to fear. She had been right, he wasn't the one she needed to be afraid of, he was only the henchmen. So who was he working for? She could only think of a few people who would want to find her and none of them were good.

"Who, who put you up to this?" she asked the man, hoping that he had a name to give her. She knew that the Queen had power here and she was more than capable of this. But she had thought that if the Evil Queen was going to come after her she would have done it herself like last time. And, frankly, she always figured it would be a lot more public. What good was taking her captive, again, if Rumple had no idea she'd taken her?

The man smirked, but she couldn't understand the joke that only he seemed to get. Suddenly the door behind him opened, and the man stepped back to accommodate the stranger's entrance. "Belle..."

She stared breathless at the man before her. No! Not a stranger, she realized as she felt her jaw drop and tears of shock and joy immediately sprang to her eyes! She pushed herself up out of her seat and wrapped her arms tightly around the man before her...her father.

"Oh I've missed you, Belle."

"Father!" she breathed. She couldn't contain her happiness as tears spilled out of her eyes and her father held her in the tightest hug she could ever remember receiving. The events of this morning were placed aside; nothing would get in the way of this happiness. The last moment that she had seen him was just after Rumple had come into her life, after she had volunteered to go. She had often thought in that castle that she would never see him again. After she had left, she had nowhere to go but she'd felt as though she couldn't go back to him, because she had no news of joy to give him, not when her heart was breaking! And besides, to go back to him then would have meant going back to Gaston, she hadn't been ready to take up the life that he had planned for her then. But once she had been freed and had found her place next to Rumple she had felt that it was time to finally find him again. To let him know what had become of her life.

"I'm so sorry this is how we had to be reunited," he muttered as if he had read her mind. She pulled away, placing her hands in his, and admired the face of her father. Through her tears she could tell that he was different, a far cry from the King of a small but proud Kingdom. His luxurious clothes were gone, his crown replaced with a funny looking hat, but he smelled sweeter than she ever remembered. His palms were rough and calloused, like the man that had never lifted a hand in his life and been doing nothing but work since they'd been separated. "Please understand," he begged. "I had no choice."

"Than to kidnap me?!" she questioned. She didn't understand why he had done it this way, she would have been easy to find. If he had seen the posters, then why did they have to be reunited this way? He must have seen the posters. Rumple had said that he would post them for her. She hoped that wasn't a lie!

"After the curse broke," he explained, rubbing his thumbs gently over the back of her hands. "I searched all over for you and discovered that the Dark One still had you captive."

She smiled and shook her head at his assumption. "He wasn't holding me captive," she corrected with a smile. Suddenly it all made sense. Of course he would come to that conclusion. Of course he would think that kidnapping her was the only way to get her back! He had no idea what had happened between the two of them, what had changed since she'd been taken away. There was nothing wrong, it was just a simple misunderstanding.

The question was would he ever be able to accept the truth? That she didn't care about Gaston and that at the time finding Rumpelstiltskin and being with him had meant more to her than finding anyone else from her life. He had to know and, frankly, he deserved to know. No matter what would happen after Rumple found her, he was a part of her life that she couldn't erase, and never would want to. As dishonest and secretive as he was, he did make her better and she was convinced that somehow she could make him better as well. And right now, that was the only thing keeping her from telling her father that she was never going to see him again. She wasn't sure if she could bear that. But he did deserve to know why she had been with him all this time.

"I chose to be with him," she informed him in the gentlest way she could, hoping to ease him into the news.

He stared at her, expressionless as ever, the only hint that he was shocked was a slight movement in his eyebrows. "Are you saying you fell in love with him?" he asked her in a hushed voice, the tone he had reserved for those times when she was certain she understood how things in the world worked and it was his responsibility to teach her reality. She couldn't blame him. How else was he supposed to react when his only memory of the Dark One was trading his only daughter for his Kingdom?

She nodded. Yes, she'd fallen in love with him, so deeply in love...but how was she supposed to feel about Rumpelstiltskin now? What was he supposed to tell her father about it? She still loved him and she knew that he did love her. But until he opened up to her she didn't know what they were.

"But I fear..." she breathed holding back tears, "it may be over now." The very words tasted bad coming out of her mouth. But they weren't final! Just truthful. She didn't know if it was over or not, but she did fear that it might be…and hoped it wouldn't be, that he'd figure out a way to salvage the beautiful thing they had when they were together.

"It must be!" her father insisted with desperation in his voice. No, he wasn't begging her, he was telling her, ordering her! And the words felt like a slap in the face. She needed comfort in this moment, gentle advisement, not chastisement. He placed his hands on her arms. "Promise me that you no longer love him, you will never see him again."

Her body reacted of its own accord, fighting her way out of his grasp and away from his reach. "I'm not, I'm not a child!" she screamed standing on the other end of the room. She couldn't be near him right now, not after what he'd just said! She didn't need this. Not now, not today of all days. She was not a little girl anymore and he had no right to tell her who to love! She had followed that path once before and it had led her straight into the arms of Rumpelstiltskin! Her father couldn't let her live her own life and Rumpelstiltskin wouldn't let her into his. They had called her crazy while she was locked up but now it seemed like she was the only one that was sane! Had no one in this little town changed at all during the curse?!

"You don't understand what that man will do to you," he said, attempting to reason with her. "What he's already done!"

"No, no, you don't understand!" she fought back, raising her voice to him for the first time in her memory. He didn't understand who the man she loved really was. Like everyone else, he was incapable of seeing what she saw in him. He didn't know what it felt like when he touched her, or how she felt complete every time that he was in the same room as her, he didn't know how many times he'd told her he'd loved her! He was a liar and secretive...but he did love her, and not because of what he wanted her to be as her father had, but because of who she was!

"It's my life!" she insisted, and if she wanted to spend that life with Rumpelstiltskin then that was how she would spend it...and if she'd had to live it without him, then she'd have to do that too. She realized, whether or not he saw it, that her father was doing it again, pushing her back to Rumpelstiltskin when she wasn't even sure if she wanted to be there. She felt like a dog, two people both calling her name and taking bets on who she would go to first. She didn't want either, not this way, and she had to get out before she would give in…to either of them.

Her father only stared at her, his gaze icy and disappointed, like she was a hopeless case, brainwashed. She wasn't. She just knew better now. "Then I don't have a choice," he said gravely. She had a bad feeling about those words. What choice? "I'm sorry." What was going on? What was he going to do? She watched as he turned to the man in the red hat, who had watched the entire scene from his place in the corner and told him sharply "do it," with the smallest hint of sadness in his voice. Do what? She watched the man come toward her again.

Do what?!

"Wait, Father!" she screamed as he wrapped his strong arms around her waist and hulled her out and away like a sack of flour before she could reach her father. "What are you doing! Stop!" she screamed at the man. She waited for her father to intervene, to order the man to take his hands off her, but he didn't move to help her.

"Good-Bye, Belle!" he called instead. "I love you!"

"Father!" she yelled as she was dragged out the door by the man. She had no answers, she didn't know where he was taking her or what her father had in place to make her bend to his whim, but she knew for certain that her day wasn't going to get any easier, it was about to get much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Belle, remember once how I told you that one of the goals of Moments was to explore Belle's flaws just as much as her perfections? This is one of those flaws that I think she has...well...two I suppose. She's hotheaded and impulsive and that leads her to make stupid decisions sometimes. For example, the idea that it's perfectly okay to wander into the dangerous town because he'll come after her. "But Treatian the town isn't dangerous. He was lying to her." Yes, but she doesn't know that. And, as it turned out, it was dangerous, she just wasn't expecting the danger to come in this particular way. Oh Belle, so gullible and naive sometimes. She really does grown as the series moves forward though so that's a good thing to look forward to, at least in my book.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you Heart_of_a_Oncer for your continued support! I'm always so happy to hear you are enjoying it! Peace and Happy Reading!


	33. Alone in the World

The man drove her to a place with a crater in the ground, like a lake had once been here but dried up long ago. No, it wasn't a crater or a lake. It had black dust and what looked like ash covering the ground and there was an entrance to something built into the side. She had a feeling that whatever was in that cave wouldn't kill her, this was something her father had sent her to after all and she didn't think that he would do anything to harm her, but she also had no idea just what he had planned to do. Whatever it was it couldn't be good. And just because she didn't think her father would hurt her didn't mean that she was willing to go along with it...or be a prisoner again.

She took her attention away from the cavern and looked at the world that surrounded her trying to find some way to escape! It appeared that there was forest all around them. If she could just get away, if she could just run into the forest, what was the chance that the unnamed man would be able to find her?

The man got out of the car and reached across to grab her. It was now or never. The second that her feet touched the ground, she pushed the door at him and he fell back onto the earth. She took her chance, moved out of the car and sprinted for the woods. But the ground wasn't as stable as it looked and the shoes she had on weren't exactly helping her. She hadn't gotten far before she felt a step give way beneath her and she lost her footing, crashing to the ground. She didn't feel hurt, but the ground wasn't as soft as the ash and she fell forward onto her hands and knees with her wrists bearing the brunt of her weight. They stung but were not injured. After the shock wore off she did her best to stand and move, but she'd barely pushed herself up when she felt the man's arms around her waist again. "No!" she screamed both begging and disappointed that she hadn't escaped.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "Please don't fight, I promise you'll be fine." She didn't listen, if her father was forcing her to do something then she wouldn't be "fine" and she wasn't going to give in and not do anything. She kicked, drug her feet clawed the man's hands and arms, anything she could think of, but he was stronger than he looked, or she wasn't as strong as she thought and he resisted all of her attempts to break free as he dragged her into the entrance she had seen earlier. It looked to be a mine of some sort, although what they mined in this world she couldn't be sure. There were signs that maybe there were people around, axes littered the ground around her, towels with blackish stains on them, even some water and food. Someone had been here recently, a bunch of people by the looks of it. Were they still here now?

"HELP!" she screamed. "Someone help me!"

"There's no one here, Princess," he said still roughly dragging her through the tunnel. "But trust me you are in no danger!"

"Then why not let me go?" she asked, trying to sound angry and fierce instead of desperate.

"Please, I don't get my payment until after the transaction is complete," he answered sounding alarmingly like Rumpelstiltskin.

"Where are you taking me?!" she shouted at him, still struggling against his body. The man held his ground and suddenly he felt his arm behind her knees lifting her off her feet. In the blink of an eye she was sitting in something. She looked feverishly around her, it was a metal cart. A mine cart, like the kind she'd heard they used to mine fairy dust. She could see that it was sitting on tracks that turned the corner to an unknown destination. But this made no sense, why would her father want her here?! What was he planning on doing to her?! She made an effort to jump out and make another run for it when he captured her arm and clamped a silver bracelet of some kind around it. "Please! Please stop!" Only this was no ordinary bracelet, it appeared attached to the cart, she gave her hand a few shakes and it didn't come lose like an ordinary bracelet. What was this? "What are you doing?!" she asked the man.

"Sending you on a little ride over the town line," she felt her heart plummet. The town line?! She may have been kept ignorant and in the dark over what was going on in the town since she'd gone to live with Rumple but she was certain that he had been telling her the truth about the town line. His rage that night had been too pure to be anything else. And if he was sending her over the town line…that meant. "Once you cross you'll forget who you were in the other realm and who you loved."

Her mouth dropped as he explained this as simply as Rumple had explained using the garbage disposal. So that was how her father was going to win her back, he wouldn't keep her locked away he was just going to erase her and replace her with who she had been here. But he didn't understand, he hadn't wanted to listen! Who she was before was no one! She wouldn't go back to that! She couldn't! But the fear was paralyzing, and she couldn't move, couldn't fight back, the words weren't even forming on her mouth. How was losing his only daughter just to get the man she loved out of her head worth it?! And hadn't he been listening when she said that it might actually be over?! No! He'd heard her, but he wasn't willing to take her if there was a chance that she might go back to him. This was far worse than she expected. She didn't even want to think of what would happen when Rumple found out what he had done. For certain he would kill her father. She would be left with no memories, no way to function, no family, this was the exact opposite of the way to solve this situation.

The man reached out and pulled out a strange looking handheld light. A flashlight, that was what it was called! He'd showed her one in the glove compartment of his car once. "This should help you find the key," he explained kindly placing it in her prison "I left it at the bottom of the cart." He was really going to do this! For what? Money? "Good luck!" he said almost cheerfully, like she would even remember this conversation after it was over, and pulled a handle next to him. The cart gave a lurch forward and she turned back to see the man running away.

"No!" she yelled at him. "I'm begging you. Please don't, don't do this!" she screamed desperation in her voice. This couldn't be happening! But as she rounded the corner and screamed "please!" one last time she realized that she really was alone.

Another yank on the bracelet told her that it wasn't going to give way and let her jump out. She had no idea how much space separated her from the town line, so she had to hurry. The key! She had to find the key! He'd said it was at the bottom of the cart. She used the light to search, how hard could it be to find a key?!

But it appeared it was harder than she thought. They weren't as big here as they were in the other realm, and the bumping and bouncing that the unstable cart only made it more difficult as the shifting dirt and debris at the bottom hid it well-

There! Something glinting by her foot, she reached down and pulled the small key into her palm. It was amazing how tense a person could be when they were trying to remind themselves to stay calm. Her heart pounded. Was that the shaky cart or were her hands trembling on their own? She found the small key hole on the bracelet and reached over trying to awkwardly free her wrist. There, she just about had it, all she needed to do was figure out the way to turn and-

She hit a bump and let out a gasp as she realized what had happened.

The key had fallen to the ground.

And the cart showed no signs of slowing.

She looked ahead of her silently begging for help, something, anything! But there was only more track down a road of-

Suddenly the cart squealed and she was thrown forward as it reversed and she let out another terrible scream. What now?! "What's happening?!" she screamed at the world around her like it might actually answer. How could this get much worse?! She watched behind her as the cart retraced its steps. She was still confused but somewhere her sensible mind reminded her that at least she was getting further and further away from the town line. Nothing could be worse than losing her memories. That was at least something to be grateful for.

She rounded the final corner and her eyes widened, relief flooded through her. There he stood with a look of determination and concentration on his face. Behind him was Ruby, her father, and a younger man she didn't know. Ruby was looking absolutely astounded and said something that she couldn't make out over the squeak and squeal the wheels were making, but suddenly the cart came to a stop and with a sharp gesture the bracelet released her. She gasped with shock. Her mind racing a mile a minute as the young man stepped forward and pulled her out of the cart to set her on her own two shaky feet. She felt relief rush through her the instant that she touched back down. She was safe, the ordeal was over. Or was it?

"Belle, are you alright?" Rumple asked concerned, stepping close to her timidly and searching her face, hoping that she was still herself. She took a few deep breaths, had this really happened? Had everything really turned out alright when it had come so close to utter devastation? She may very well have been the luckiest woman in the world.

"I, uh...I think so," she said her adrenaline still making her heart hammer.

"You remember who I am?" he asked, looking like her answer was possibly the most important thing on the face of the earth. That was the man she knew.

She smiled and gave a small nod, "I do, Rumpelstiltskin, I remember."

The wave of relief she felt was nothing compared to the look on his face as he stepped forward and pulled her against him. It would be easy to feel just as relieved as he did. He had done a very good thing, but it wasn't the right deed that she wanted or needed. As much as she wanted this one action to fix everything that had happened since the curse broke, it didn't fix anything at all and there was still a lot that he had to answer for. More than when she had left the house! And it wasn't going to be easy telling him this when he was as close to her as he was now, his very scent sending good thoughts into her head, making her forget how she got here in the first place...how they got here.

With all the strength that she had, she pushed gently away from him, allowing her mind to clear in the empty space. "What's wrong?" he asked with confusion.

Everything. Everything was wrong. But she couldn't think of a way to make it right again. He'd had his chance, he should have taken it. They could have avoided this whole mess in the first place. They could have been sitting in their living room talking right now about what really kept him up at night, about why he wanted magic, and why he had been so afraid to tell her all of this. No, nothing was right!

"Thank you for what you just did," her voice was cold, and that was what hurt her the most. That was what he had really forced her to become after there brief time together? Cold? It didn't seem fair, but so far neither had her treatment been fair. He should have told her the truth! "But that doesn't change that you're too cowardly to be honest with me."

"Belle, that's not-"

"I tried to tell you Belle," her father interjected, finally saying something and sounding happy at her words. It made her stomach turn over. After all he had done, all he had said, he was happy that he was right! Her heart was shriveling into a dried up prune and he was happy?! She felt like she was seeing her father for the first time as he really was. He was just as much a beast as Rumpelstiltskin could be. "Come with me darling-"

"After what you just tried to do to me?!" she yelled back, a small laugh of disbelief in her voice. Why did everybody think she was controllable? That with only the right words or the right actions she would be compliant? He was taking advantage of her situation just like Rumpelstiltskin had done and she was tired of it! "You're no better father! You don't get to decide what I do or how I feel. I do," she stated, feeling power and freedom in her words.

She cast a quick glance at Rumpelstiltskin, feeling terrible for what she was about to do to them, but knowing that it had to be done. She couldn't bear to truly look at him for too long though, fearing that he would see the regret and pain on her face. "If either of you cared about me," she explained, moving away from the pair of them, "you would have listened." And they wouldn't have treated her like she was a child that couldn't make up her own mind or decisions. And that was something she wouldn't tolerate in  _her_ life anymore. She turned and looked between the two of them, feeling a lump rise in her throat. "I don't want to see either of you again," she stated clearly, then cast a final glance at the man she loved, wishing that love really was something that she could turn on and off, because it would certainly make this much easier on the two of them.

"Ever," she said finally before turning to leave of her own free will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh it's happened, it's done, they're broken up again. Oh boy...the next chapter wasn't fun to write but it certainly was necessary and even if it is a sad chapter I hope that you will enjoy reading it in some way. If it makes you feel better...Ruby's in it!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	34. Broken Fragments

She wrapped her arms around herself, still feeling stunned she'd actually had the courage to do it, to say those words and leave. It appeared that the others had been just as shocked as she was, because no one argued, or tried to stop her, or came after her. Except for one. She heard hurried footsteps behind her and as the tears ran down her nose and cheeks she couldn't decide if she wanted it to be him or not. Only a great gesture, a miracle could fix this and she didn't know if he had the ability to perform an act that big or that good. Suddenly she felt a slender arm around her shoulder and looked up into the consoling face of the woman she'd met at the diner, Ruby.

"Come on," she said determinedly hurrying her away from the mine. "It looks like you'll be needing that room after all," she muttered before walking over to the car the stranger had brought her here in. He sat in the front seat yet again, looking confused as the two of them walked over to the car. The window was rolled down and Ruby peered in at the man across the seat. "Take us to town," she ordered.

"Oh, I don't think-"

"Take us..." Ruby gave him another firm look, one that told him not to argue with her, "to town," she finished almost gently, noting his compliance. She tried the handle of the door that the man had told her was broken and it didn't give.

"Oh, that door is brok-" but with one good yank, and the grinding of metal, the door popped out and Ruby ushered them into the front seat. Looking absolutely flabbergasted at the woman, the stranger started the car and moved them forward quietly and obediently taking them back to town. She felt silly, sitting between the two of them, trying her hardest not to cry. She felt empty, like a ghost. She was shocked that it had really come to this. Was it really only twenty-four hours ago that she was happy? That he was coming home and she was putting dinner on the table?

Tears threatened to leak from her eyes and she stared straight ahead as they drove, not really taking in any of her surroundings. In fact, she receded so far into herself that when the car finally did stop, she hadn't realized that they had arrived back in town. It was only when Ruby grabbed for her and took her into a large house that she realized they must have reached their destination. As soon as they were out of the car and the door slammed shut the strange man sped off down the street. Probably to hide, she thought. Not only had her fathers plans failed, but if Rumple ever figured out the role he'd played...

She couldn't think of it, of him, it was too painful. Instead she focused on where Ruby had taken her. Another large house, just another place to live, she didn't know how many people where here, but even with Ruby standing right next to her she really did feel alone. And part of her wanted to be. After everything that she'd been through today, and since she'd made that very first deal with him...she was not fit for company. Young as she was, she felt as though she had already lived a very long life.

Ruby talked to an old woman for a while in hushed tones, explaining the situation to her and grabbing what looked like a key from the behind the desk herself. Did she know the woman? She looked up just enough to see the woman's wide eyed expression turn to one of sympathy. She really didn't care, she was losing her grip on reality and when Ruby turned back to her and led her up some stairs she was just praying for a moment to break down on her own. Ruby unlocked a door on the far side of the house and gave her a small nudge inside. It was basic as could be: a bed, a nightstand, a desk, and a bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Ruby asked timidly.

No. She was nowhere near okay! Ruby was kind and she was thankful for the girl and for all her help, but, right now, it just didn't matter to her. "I, uh...I really just need sometime alone right now," her voice was hoarse, no more than a whisper, hoping she wouldn't offend her or belittle her kindness.

Ruby didn't appear offended. She only nodded. "Cries in the shower are always good," she suggested with a sympathetic smile. "I'll find you something to wear to bed and check on you in a little bit?" It was a statement but she said it with the inflection of a question, as if she wanted to make sure it would be alright if she came by again later. She nodded, unable to really do anything else, unable to think that far into the future. Ruby set the keys down on the desk. "Granny is downstairs if you need anything in the meantime. I'll be back," she muttered and with another little smile she left.

The door clicked closed and suddenly she felt like she was only half living. She was aware of everything around her, the flower pattern on the bed, the swirling grains on the wood of the nightstand, the curtains swaying in the small breeze that was coming from the small crack of the window that wasn't shut all the way. But on the inside, she felt numb. Like her body had decided that there was too much going on, too many emotions for her to feel all at once and it was protecting her by not letting her feel anything. She imagined that if she wasn't a ghost then she might have been thankful for that. The last time she had left him had nearly killed her, it wasn't until she had crashed and burned from lack of sleep and food that someone had set her straight and helped her back to life. But then, even when she had been well fed and rested, she still hadn't been whole. Not when she'd talked to Dreamy, not when she'd faced off with the Yaoguai, and certainly not when she was a prisoner first in the castle and then to her own mind. There was always something missing. Could she do this again? Could she voluntarily put herself back in that position?

Looking around the room, where nothing belonged to her and nothing felt familiar, she decided to take one step at a time. The shower she thought. At the very least it gave her a goal and something to do.  _I want to take a shower. I will survive that long,_ she thought to herself as she went into the bathroom and ran the warm water. It was a good idea, she had black dust coating her skin, and felt dirty from where the day had taken her. It would be good, to get clean, to start fresh. If there was anything that she had learned from the last time she'd gone through this it was that she needed to take care of herself, her body. It was the only thing about her right now that wasn't broken and she would need her strength to survive the days ahead. That mistake she could remember clearly.

As it turned out, she didn't cry. She tried but it seemed that she was even past sadness. And another problem confronted her, she had nothing to wear, nothing that was hers. He'd created it all for her and it was all back at his house, along with her toothbrush and hair brush. She reached for the blue dress she'd been wearing and towel dried her hair before stepping out again into the room and finding Ruby perched on the chair by the desk.

"Sorry to startle you," Ruby said with an apologetic look. It wasn't necessary. She hadn't been startled. She wasn't anything.

No!

Her mind gave a wisp of something like stubbornness, a reaction to that thought. She wasn't no one. She hadn't had a thought like that since she was imprisoned in the asylum. She wasn't going back to that life again. Not even this could make her that mindless person again. She had to fight it. "Ah..." her voice was dry and scratchy, but at least she had managed to talk. "It's alright," she choked out, with a voice devoid of any hope.

Ruby stood up, looked at her, then sighed and moved around her to a strange looking bag she'd set on the bed. "Ruby wasn't big on PJ's, something I'm still trying to work on, but this is a T-shirt from one of her ex-boyfriends. I figured you could sleep in it. It's clean!" she added suddenly with a reassuring smile. She took the piece of fabric that she was offering and held it in her hands. "T-shirt". The style was strange and unfamiliar but the feel of it was soft. She would be comfortable in it, maybe not as comfortable as she'd been in the nightgowns he'd given her but it would do and at least she could take the dirty clothes off.

"Um..." she was trying to think of something to say, something to talk about when she replayed the words that the girl had said over in her mind. She had referred to herself in the third person, only half embracing herself, her Storybrooke self. Who was the woman that she was with then? "You said 'Ruby'," she pointed out. "Who are you? Really?"

Ruby gave her a small smirk, a hint of regret or maybe nostalgia in her eyes for the days gone by. "I was called Red in our land," she found this somewhat funny, especially looking at the girls red blouse. The two names were so similar, but then again she could easily see the relation to Rumpelstiltskin and the name Mr. Gold. "And you..." Ruby went on, "you're Moe French's daughter?" She felt her chin tremble, yet another relationship she'd managed to ruin today. She'd barely been back with her father before she was telling him she never wanted to see him again.

But before regret could steal over her again she came to a startling conclusion. She had meant it, maybe more for him than for Rumple. What he had done, what he had tried to do, was inexcusable! She never wanted to see him again or ever be associated with him, not if he couldn't accept her for who she was, or who she still loved. "Not anymore," she muttered, feeling spite at her words. Well that was something, an emotion at least. Not one she wanted to have at the moment, but at least it was something.

Ruby only nodded and looked at her like she understood. "So that would make you Princess Belle, in our land. Right?" she asked, her eye brows perking up, encouraging her to answer.

"Not anymore," she repeated. She didn't want that life either. She was stuck again. Forever doomed to be coming back to the in between. A thin, lacy, frameless place that was neither here nor there. She was tired of it.

"Hey, you're secret's safe with me," Ruby smiled, reaching out and touching her shoulder reassuringly. "My best friend is a princess too," Ruby added. "Well...Queen technically. Snow White, have you heard of her?" She nodded. Who hadn't? Her celebrity was known far and wide, now even more so since the curse was an act of revenge against her. She was the reason the Evil Queen had cast it. He'd had no problem telling her about that while they were together, only himself. "She and her daughter, Emma, they're not here right now. They're, uh..." Ruby gave an awkward embarrassed sort of smile and wiped a tear from her eye, "well, I don't know exactly," she said all at once, like she was surprised that she had said it out loud, like she was wondering why she had. But it was her experience that people had a tendency to voice their feelings when they were barely hanging on by a thread. When they were desperate for someone to help them. Snow White, Mary Margaret here was her best friend, and she was gone. Maybe she wasn't the only one missing someone tonight.

"Do you know if they're okay?" she asked, sympathetically.

Ruby shook her head, and gave another awkward smile that hid her worry and sadness. "No..." she muttered. "Uh, so, anyway..." she turned back to the strange bag she had with her.

"What is that?" Belle asked timidly pointing at it.

Ruby looked at her, then back to the bag again like she wasn't sure what to make of her ignorance. "This...? It's a duffle bag..." she stated with as much confusion as she felt. Ruby raised her eye brows and had a look on her face like she was trying to contemplate asking a question. "How...how 'kept' were you, exactly?" she finally asked.

She sighed. No love, no family, nothing to her name, and not a clue what a duffle bag was. If anyone deserved to know, it was the girl that had rescued her. "It's a long story," she warned.

"I came prepared," Ruby smiled and pulled out a grocery bag that she'd seen him bring home numerous times from the depths of the duffle bag. "I brought rocky road," she said holding up the bag to reveal a strange cylinder within it, the words "Any Given Sundae" printed on one of the rounded sides. "I figured we could sit and talk about how much men suck or about our parents or even just about the weather. But long complicated stories work just as well."

She nodded. She didn't know what rocky road was but it sounded like a good plan. She changed into the strange, but comfy T-shirt and returned to the main room, sitting on the bed as Ruby had taken the only chair. She handed her a spoon and a bowl of the cold rocky road which turned out to be the best thing she had tasted in this world yet! And she talked. A lot. About everything, from who she was before to the deal she had made, her love and capture, her non-existent life here and finally arrived at the present. She only skipped the bits of information that she'd managed to learn about Rumpelstiltskin in their brief time together, refusing even in their current state to divulge any of it to anyone...and that shameful bit about Anna. She had the opportunity to make a new friend, there was no need to sully this friendship by explaining how she'd ruined her last one.

Ruby was a good listener, she nodded in all the right places and smiled when she was happy and furrowed her brow whenever the story turned sad. She didn't pry, she didn't ask her anything or question her motives. In fact the only thing she said the entire time came after she had finished the story. "So...Mr. Gold huh?" She had only nodded and taken another heaping spoonful into her mouth, still feeling protective of the few of the secrets she carried with her. Ruby seemed to understand, and instead of questioning her loyalty asked with a humorous tone "o...does he ever take the suit jacket off?"

She managed a smile and a little snort at that, the only type of laughter she could handle given her present situation. "Yes," she muttered remembering all the times she'd seen him without it, something he must not have done in town that often, otherwise Ruby wouldn't have asked. "Yes, he does take the jacket off."

After a few hours of sitting in each other's company Ruby gathered up the now empty cylinder, she briefly caught the words "ice cream" written on the side and Ruby unloaded the rest of what was in the duffle bag she had brought. "I figured you'd need me to cover the basics," she explained handing over a hair brush, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a bottle of scented soap. "I hate the generic stuff Granny has here." She looked at her again, like she wasn't positive leaving her alone was a good idea then nodded to herself. "You should try and get some sleep," she commented. "We'll do what we can in the morning." Ruby left a few minutes later, offering her a hug and telling her that her room was just down the hall if she needed anything.

And then she was alone again. It was in that dead space that all the broken pieces of her life began piling up around her again, threatening to suffocate her as they had before Ruby had come. Maybe Ruby's concerns were well founded. Maybe the worst enemy she had right now was herself.  _I will go to bed. I will survive this night._ It was another goal, something else she could look forward to, something that chased away her sorrow and grief. Maybe sleep would grant her some peace.

She shut off the light and crawled into the space the little bed offered, but as she tried to make herself comfortable she found that she couldn't. Her eyes fell on the empty spot to her right and she understood perfectly. She'd slept alone her entire life, but two weeks in his arms and suddenly she was ruined from ever sleeping alone again. She turned and looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing to do now but wait for the sun to rise and hope that with it she could begin to rearrange the broken fragments of her shattered world and form a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is such a good friend right. This may be a saddish chapter but I really have enjoyed being able to write the scenes with the pair of them together. The more I think about it the more I feel certain that Ruby needed a friend just as much as Belle did, especially with Snow and Emma gone. I hope that I got her character right. Personally I feel like she's fairly easy to write. She wears her emotions on her sleeves and with the exception of the werewolf thing doesn't seem to keep secrets. She's a good choice for a friend for Belle in my mind.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	35. Getting Better Already

To say she woke up would have implied that she had gone to sleep in the first place and she wasn't sure if she had. The sun was streaming through the window, birds were singing merrily, and she heard the strange sound of cars passing by the road below her. Storybrooke was awake and alive and moving on. The world continued despite the fact that to her it had ended yesterday. She pushed herself up and looked around the unfamiliar little room, down at the empty spot next to her and the unruffled blankets that had experienced no tossing and turning. Adjusting to sleeping alone again was going to take some getting used to, but she supposed she'd have to do it...eventually.

She was wondering what to do now, where to begin her life when suddenly a piece of paper lying on the floor caught her eye. It looked as though maybe it had been shoved under the door. Grateful for the distraction, she scooted off the bed and rushed over to it, straightening the strange T-shirt over herself as she went. She opened the folded piece of paper and read the strange unfamiliar writing.  _"You can borrow these for the day and when I get off work this afternoon we'll go shopping. Come down to the diner when you are ready for breakfast. –Ruby"._  She smiled at the words on paper, thankful that she had chosen to step inside the diner yesterday, it had been the one good thing that came out of that entire mess. But as she reread the note she looked around in confusion. Shopping? For clothes? What was that supposed to mean? Was there a place where she could get clothes like food at the open market back home? And what was she supposed to be borrowing in the first place?

From the crack under the door she noticed that the light was distorted and she rushed to open it. Hanging from the door knob was another plastic grocery bag that held something soft inside. She closed the door and set the bag on the bed, pulling the objects out one at a time. A warm looking red top without sleeves, chilly for this time of year but it would do and a pink skirt that seemed to complement the top. She smiled at the gift, grateful she didn't have to put on the dirty things she'd been wearing yesterday. The style was so clearly Ruby, right down to the color, but it wasn't much different than what he'd given her to wear. She'd never considered that she hadn't been given a choice at what kind of clothes to wear, what kind of styles she liked, they'd always been provided for her. Ruby said they'd go looking for clothes later, maybe she could pick something out on her own, figure out for herself what she wanted to wear.

She smiled at the idea, it was a type of freedom, a choice that she'd never had before, and it was something to get excited about. But as quickly as it came the smile vanished. It was a new freedom but it came with a high price, she only wished that she could be sure it was worth it, but she suspected that she wouldn't know that for a while. Only time would tell for sure if it ever would be.

She shook her head at the discouraging thought. She couldn't let herself think that way. She'd spent the entire night thinking about him and it was doing nothing but making her feel worse, she had to move on with life, even if that meant taking one agonizing step at a time.

She dressed quickly, the clothes were a tight fit but they worked in the end. Ruby was taller and more slender than she was, the skirt barely touched her knees and she didn't want to think of how short it probably looked on her, but she made it work as she slipped her red shoes from yesterday back on her feet. Then with a deep sigh she walked out the door, remembering to take the key with her and down the stairs.

The old woman she'd seen yesterday gave her a small smile and timid look over her glasses as she appeared in the front area of the large house, although she supposed it was an inn. "Ruby's at the diner, it's just through there," she said in a stern voice that made her think she didn't want to ever cross this woman. With a deep swallow and a nod that she followed the direction that the woman had nodded in, down a hallway that came out...into the diner! The diner was attached to the inn! How...convenient, as the growl in her stomach told her that she really was very hungry.

She stood there for a minute, looking around awkwardly because it was far busier than it had been the day before and she felt surrounded by faces she didn't know. The smells were different too. Where was she supposed to begin? "Belle!" she glanced up and saw Ruby behind the counter; she waved her to come over and pointed to a tall empty chair at the counter across from her. "Oh, good, those clothes fit!" she said looking her over. "We'll get you some of your own this afternoon since I don't have many that are loose enough," she commented.

"Thank you, I..." she commented, wondering how long smiling would hurt, wishing it could be genuine, "I really appreciate it." Ruby looked at her with sympathy like she knew that she really wasn't in the mood to chat about clothes and she wondered if the girl had only been trying to distract her. "Come and sit," Ruby said motioning to the seat before her. "I'll get you some breakfast. Do you like orange juice?" she asked. She nodded happy that there was something familiar in this new life.

She watched Ruby write something down and make herself busy before she brought her a glass of orange juice with the same tube she'd used yesterday in the iced tea. "Um, Ruby..." she called before she could flutter away again. She took a long pull of the drink and Ruby leaned across the counter. "What is this called?" she whispered, motioning to the tube she'd just used to take a drink with a blush.

Ruby gave her a friendly, thankfully non-condescending, smile. "Straw," she answered. She smiled and took another drink from the straw. One step at a time she would learn this land. "So..." Ruby whispered suddenly, loud enough for the two of them to hear but not enough for some of the others around her to eavesdrop, something she was incredibly grateful for. "How are you? Did you sleep?" she asked her brows furrowed with worry and sorrow for her. It was nice, knowing that someone genuinely cared about her like that. She didn't think she'd have survived yesterday without her.

"I didn't, actually," she admitted sadly, but it didn't matter, Ruby had already known that she was having a hard time with it all. "I just couldn't stop thinking."

Ruby nodded. "I figured, but it'll get better. You'll see," a bell chimed somewhere and Ruby held up a hand, stopping their conversation for a moment as she walked away. She felt bad, guilty even. Ruby had been so kind to her, so amazingly accepting of her. She'd lost a lot but she had gained a friend and she needed to be more grateful for that, act a little more thankful toward her, instead of always acting depressed and like her life was ending all over again every minute. This would get better. Ruby was willing to help her. Now she just needed to help herself. It was time to stop being ignorant of this world around her and she would need all the help that she could get with that.

Suddenly Ruby set a plate down before her: pancakes, eggs, and bacon. "This one is a classic," Ruby explained, "the syrup goes on the pancakes, the, um, brown things, but I kind of like when it gets on everything," she whispered to her, happy to make small talk.

She should really look on the bright side. She'd already had known what the foods were. She was well on her way already. But she'd never had syrup and something about her comment made her laugh, a true laugh, she didn't even know she'd had that much happiness in her to laugh. "You know, uh..." she looked across at her new friend, she really was grateful for her kindness, so much so that she didn't even have the words to describe how thankful she was. But Ruby should know, "thank you," she said settling on the easy simple words. "I mean, not, not just for this, but um..." she took a deep breath, her mind had gone to the place she didn't want it to go to again. "For everything," she said finally settling on the words.

"No worries," she said with a smile, "stay here until you're on your feet, Granny will be fine with it," she assured her. Granny. Granny's diner. Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Suddenly another piece to the puzzle fell into place. The old woman at the place she was staying. The way Ruby had moved around the house easily and quickly, snatching up keys like she owned the place, the reason her room was just down the hall, the way she worked comfortably here and no one disturbed her. "Granny" wasn't just an affectionate name for the old woman, it was her grandmother. And she was letting her stay as long as she needed. She was about to offer her thanks yet again when Ruby rolled her eyes in a way like she'd just remembered something.

"Oh! I almost forgot," she watched her reach into a pocket and pull out a small black box tied with white string. " _Someone_ dropped this off for you at the front desk," she said showing her the box and setting it down by her plate. But she didn't have time to ask who had left it for her because someone had called Ruby's name and she walked away.

She looked at the small box in her hand and, after looking around to see if anyone was watching, pulled the string off. She tossed the lid aside and inside she found...a key. A key? Curiously she pulled it out and read the strange paper tag attached to it. "Library," it read.

Library! Her heart pounded against her ribs and excitement began to fill up the space of sadness of her. Without thinking or offering an explanation she hopped off the tall chair and left out the door quickly, leaving her breakfast forgotten on the table behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but necessary. These little ones are always nice to read and of course wonderful to edit later. I hope you enjoy the friendship I'm trying to develop between Ruby and Belle and think that it's happening as naturally as I want it to. Ruby really is a good match for her and a perfect candidate to introduce the world to her, she's just so street smart!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	36. Taking Off the Mask

The second that she read the word on the key, she knew her luck was changing. She was proud of herself for not running all the way down the street and keeping her excitement contained enough that people didn't throw odd glances at her, but finally she stepped up to the white doors with strange paper covering the windows and fit the key into the lock. Her breath caught in her lungs as she swung them open and she breathed in that wonderfully familiar smell of old paper.

Books!

Smiling, she looked around the front room, taking it all in! Strange, large steel doors, a big wooden desk with the words "circulation desk" written on the front in silver, wide columns that seemed to go on forever, and all around her books and nothing but books! It needed a good dusting, the windows would need to be uncovered and cleaned, but it was nothing that a little bit of hard work couldn't do, and she had plenty of experience with cleaning. Everyone in Storybrooke seemed to have a place they belonged, if she couldn't belong with him, this would have to be the next best thing. She would make it her own, by the time she was ready to open it up to the world it would never be recognizable-

"We shall sit in our library...and yet be in all quarters of the world." She stilled at the sudden, but familiar voice echoing through the shelves. It didn't frighten her...he never could.

Still he took her breath away when he stepped out from between the bookshelves, as silently and mysteriously as he used to. How long it would take before her heart would stop skipping a beat every time she heard or saw him? How long until she lost the urge to run to him? Instinct told her to go to him. Between the difficult night she'd had and the naturally strong pull of true love screaming at her, she wanted desperately to move forward, wrap her arms around him as she cried, and never let go.

She had to remind herself to stay put, the time for that was over.

"You gave me the key?" she asked with eye brows raised. She should have guessed, a gift of books was not a new trick for him.

"I heard you were interested and I, uh..." he shrugged, "I made some inquiries."

She stopped in her tracks and stared down at the key in her hand with sorrow. She didn't want to take it, not like this. She wanted it, but not if it was going to be used as bribery, like he had admitted the other one had been.  _"Your library was given to make me feel better,"_ she recalled him saying _"but when I gave it to you and knew you saw me as more than I saw myself, I realized it was more than that. I had an unexplainable urge to make you happy."_  It wouldn't work this time. She wouldn't take it to ease his guilt, and it wasn't what would make her happy. There was only one thing that could do both. And she knew that he would never give it.

"There's an apartment for the caretaker if you want it," he added.

"If this is some way to win me back, after everything you've-"

"That's...that's not why I'm here," he winced at her words and cut her off with a wave of his hand. She opened her mouth to say something, shaking her head as she tried to find the right words in the mess of emotions running through her. She was confused about why else he would come but then remembered that she wasn't supposed to care anymore. It was too soon to be seeing him again, especially after everything that had happened. He needed to leave, this was going to be hard enough for both of them and there was no need to make it any worse.

But instead of leaving, she watched as he walked slowly towards her, closer to her. "I came because...your right," she was glad when he stopped walking, she didn't think she could handle it if he got any closer, she didn't think he could either. The look on his face held so much more pain than she'd ever seen but she couldn't find the words to tell him to stop talking though. "About me..." he paused and she brought herself back to what he was saying. She was right? Well, she knew she'd been right, but about which time was he referring to?

"I am a coward." The words sent her reeling. He said it like he'd never admitted it before and the words made him look almost smaller somehow, weaker, but behind that there was also relief, like they freed him, too. Maybe they did. The truth had that effect on people. "I have been my entire life," he continued with a false smile. She had to swallow to keep herself from frowning at the turmoil she could see taking place inside him, but she wouldn't give in. She wouldn't! Would she?

"I tried to make up for it by collecting power," he went on, looking as though he might cry, but somehow managing to contain the emotion. "The power became so important, that I couldn't let go. Not even...when that meant losing the most important person in my life." He wasn't looking at her any more, he was looking through her, focusing on a memory that she couldn't rescue him from. She wasn't so arrogant to think that she was the most important person in his life, she'd known who that was ever since she'd found the clothing stowed away in the castle and he'd admitted to her that he had a family. It was only natural.

So she took a deep breath and nodded with understanding finishing the tale for him, "Your son." The words brought him back to the world she was in and he looked at her like he'd forgotten she was there for a moment. It was supposed to be a somber moment but she had to fight to hold back a had finally told her what happened to his son. All the time they'd had together, all the secrecy and evasion, the lies, and now she finally had answers. Truthful ones. He looked shocked for a moment then glanced at the floor, as if he was contemplating something in his head.

"Baelfire..." his breath caught in his throat and came out too fast, as awkward and loud as the name he just shared. He said it like it was the hardest thing to say in the world to say, harder even than admitting he was a coward. Maybe it was, but when he looked back up at her he was wearing a smirk, and it was the closest thing she'd ever seen to a proud fatherly smile, "is his name." She couldn't help but feel her lips begin to curve in a smile with him. A sudden feeling of hope and amazement replacing the anger that she felt earlier. She had answers...and a name. "After he left I dedicated myself to finding him," he continued, "I went down many, many paths until I found a curse that could take me to the land that he'd escaped."

Her nerves gathered in her chest and she gave a little snort as suddenly things fell easily into place. Now she knew why he'd had that book in the castle all those years ago, why he'd always stated the boy was "lost" but not dead, now she knew where the Evil Queen got the idea for this curse from. She really shouldn't have been surprised. "Here," she muttered, startled that she hadn't realized it before now. The look on his face was confirmation enough. The Queen wasn't capable of inventing a curse this grandiose, not like he was. She should have seen it coming.

"And now I find myself in this little town..." he said, looking around the library as if he could see through the walls to the town...his prison. He didn't need to say the words, now she knew why he'd been so upset that he couldn't leave. "With only one thing left to do...wait for the curse to be broken, so that I can leave, and find him," he finally said with confidence but also hesitation.

She could feel happiness stirring inside of her all over again as she realized that in all the years he'd lived, he had probably never told this information to another soul. And he'd certainly never given away his master plans to anyone else in his life, if only because he'd never had anyone else in his life to give them to. He had finally taken off his mask. It hadn't slipped, she hadn't pried it away when he wasn't looking; he'd taken it off himself, willingly exposing himself to her in a way he'd never done before. He'd let her in, he'd been honest with her! And that was probably the bravest thing she had ever seen him do in their short time together.

But there was still one thing missing, the question she had asked yesterday morning was still unanswered and it didn't have an effect on anything that had happened since he got to this land, since that moment she got her memories back. And she still wanted an explanation! "But instead of looking for him you...you brought magic!" she accused. No sooner had the curse been broken and he'd brought magic, he hadn't even known he couldn't cross the town line and he hadn't gone looking for his son, he'd gone straight for the well! He had gone back to magic the first moment he could! Because-

"Because I'm still a coward," he insisted more confidently this time, like he was finally embracing what he'd been running from all along, like it made complete sense. And she supposed in a way it did. It wasn't an excuse, it was a reason, and it didn't make it better, but it explained a lot. He looked away from her, too ashamed to meet her gaze and that very fact was making it harder by the moment for her to stay away from him. "Magic has become a crutch," he added, finally looking up to face her, "that I can't walk without. And even if I could, I now know I could never leave this place."

She released another breath knowing that if she didn't do something now, she'd give in. Her heart was already telling her that it was okay to go to him and give comfort but her head was telling her that she couldn't yet, that it was too soon. She glanced at the bookshelf, it was closer, but it wasn't complete surrender. He'd taken a step forward and so would she.

"Because anyone who leaves forgets the people they love," she muttered aloud as she leaned against the hard bookshelf, not willing to let herself get any closer but still meeting his eyes, she wouldn't relinquish her hold on them. She understood now, and it was just as sad a tale as she always thought it would be, maybe even worse. It all made sense. Every last bit of it. "So when you go to look for Baelfire..." she had to take another deep breath to get control of her own emotions, "you won't know him."

Her control failed and her voice broke on the last word. His sadness was magnifying her own. It was the power and pull of true love, a bond, a connection, that still existed, that would always exist no matter where she lived or how far apart they were. She wished that he had told her, then, yesterday morning, that night at his castle, any of the moments that they'd been together! She could have helped, she could have helped carry his terrible burden of knowledge. She knew what it was like to be trapped! She was a princess who had seen the inside of more prison cells than she'd care to admit, but...she swallowed, at least he had told her. It had taken a long time and it had taken her leaving for him to do it, but there it was laid out on the table between them.

He glanced away from her again, still looking overwhelmed by his own words and actions, before shaking his head in an effort to collect himself and his emotions. She feared that he might not manage, that he might actually cry and she realized that if he did she wouldn't be able to stay away. Her instinct to comfort was stronger than her ability to be upset. "Magic comes with a price," he said sadly, more to himself than to her, like it was the reason behind all of this. He was waiting for her to respond, but she couldn't think of anything to say. Her anger had dissipated long ago, but she couldn't think of a single thing to tell him that would fix this. She had a hard time thinking that he could be so shocked by such a fact. She had heard him repeat it often to others and it was the first thing she had learned about magic. Had he really thought he was immune? Did he think that he alone could outrun the circumstances of such a thing? She wondered sometimes if he, or even people like the Evil Queen, really believed that magic was as controllable as it seemed.

"Belle, I have to break this new curse. That's why I was using magic, that night you saw me, down in the basement." She looked away quickly, upset that she had so quickly gone from anger to regret. "I have lost, so much that I have loved," he croaked out. "I didn't want to lose you,  _again,_ without you knowing...everything."

And suddenly, without knowing if he had meant to or not, she understood something else. She understood why he'd let her go in the first place, all those years ago in his castle. She'd been half right. It wasn't the power that meant more to him than her...it was Baelfire. As it should be. She couldn't stand between them now and she wouldn't have wanted to then. And he had needed his magic to find him. She wouldn't feel jealous of the boy, she was better than that, and besides she could understand the love of a parent and a child. She'd had it herself until recently. But she wished that he understood that their love was important too. It wasn't better and it wasn't worse. It wasn't more and it wasn't less. It was just different. And it meant that she needed to hear these things when she asked. If he loved her as he claimed then she deserved to know. She wanted to be the one that got to know everything about him. And she wanted him to know that she wouldn't share that knowledge with anyone. He needed to trust her, like she trusted him.

She still trusted him.

He took the last few steps toward her, closing the distance, and placed his fingertips so lightly against her cheek she wouldn't have known they were there if she didn't see it. She realized that she had started to cry, that she wouldn't be able to hold the sea of emotions in any more. "Good-bye, Belle" he said bravely, showing more of the man in him than she'd ever seen. And she knew it was hurting him just as much as it was killing her, as she watched him walk away.

She hadn't realized that he would actually let her go! She didn't think he would honor her request and leave her in peace. And she didn't want him to. He'd told her the truth, the library wouldn't have fixed this, it wouldn't have eased his guilt and it wouldn't have made her happy. The truth was the answer and he'd given it. That had to count for something. They had work to do, but when hadn't they had to fight and work to be together. She leaned her head back against the shelf, letting the books crash into her as she glanced up at the ceiling for a solution. She knew what she had to do and for a moment wondered if she would regret it somewhere down the line. Probably. They seemed to be stuck in this unending cycle, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't let him go; her heart wouldn't let him go. She had no choice, because she couldn't let it end like this.

She picked herself up off the bookshelf and stepped forward. "Do y…have you ever had a...hamburger?" she called after him, before he could reach the door. She didn't know if it was right or not, but it was the first thing that popped into her head and she swallowed hard, nervously as she watched him stop.

And when he finally looked back at her, the breath left his body in relief. "Yes, of course," he whispered, happily. Of course he had.

She rolled her eyes at her own ignorance, smiling at it so she'd feel less awkward. "Well, I haven't," she admitted, "but I hear that Granny's makes a great one. Maybe...maybe we could try it sometime?" she offered timidly. She watched his reaction, hoping that he received the message she'd been trying to convey. Things couldn't go back to the way they were, not yet. But with time, hopefully they'd get there. He smiled and this time he couldn't conceal the tears swimming in his eyes.

"I would like that," he nodded.

She knew, this had been to get her back. But she didn't feel like she'd been manipulated, like before. She felt successful. Leaving him had worked. He had seen that she was more important to him than his power, than his secrets, and he had figured out what it would take to get her back. It was a gamble, a last ditch effort that he had made hoping he could keep her in his life. Hard as it was for him she was glad it had worked. He had walls, and she knew exactly what she had to do to break them down. But she'd never before considered that she had some of her own, and maybe it was possible that he knew how to break them down just as precisely. Maybe he wasn't the only one that wore a mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay they're back together again! Oh my goodness, who didn't see that coming! Sorry for the wordiness of this chapter ya'll. Remember a few chapters back when I purposefully made things wordy because I felt like the scene called for it...this chapter is the same. I remember watching this scene and thinking they were talking too slowly, just wanting them to spit it out already! Alas...they did not and the wordiness is here to purposefully make you say "would you just let them spit it out already! Sorry, I'm a mean one...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	37. Complications

"Belle, you need to get out of this apartment." Ruby was pacing in front of her nervously like a caged animal. But she continued to sit on the couch watching her go back and forth. "Have some fun!"

She had left the apartment. In fact, these last few days had been some of the busiest in her life! Or at least the busiest in this land. Ruby had taken her to the bank, she'd opened an account and was learning about checks and money, how to support herself. Ruby had also showed her around town a bit and finally taken her to the grocery store and special shops for clothes. They'd done that a lot. She'd gotten a paycheck almost right away from the town, which Ruby told her was unusual but she had no doubt that he was the one behind it. With that first paycheck Ruby had taken her to clothing store after clothing store. They'd gotten everything: shoes, under things, skirts, dresses, jewelry, make-up, even strange items for the bathroom Ruby call hair dryer and curling iron.

And she had also been spending a lot of her time in the library as well. She wanted it to be open sometime in the near future, but there was just so much to learn and put together before that could happen. So she read. Every spare minute she had she read! She'd find one author she liked and devour all of their books before moving on to find something else. She figured if she was going to be a librarian in this land, she needed to know about the books and writers here so that she could do the job properly. But, after years of being closed off, the majority of the work wasn't anything new to her. All she did day after day, was clean and read in between the sweeping and dusting. In all honesty, she'd be happy to stay in and read more from the latest author she'd found, Jules Vern.

So, yes, in her mind she had left the apartment! But she knew Ruby wouldn't agree with her opinion on the matter. They both knew there was something more holding her back, from going out and "having fun". And they both knew what it was. If she was honest with herself, she was nervous that if she spent too much time outside, she might run into him. And she just wasn't ready to see him alone again. Eventually she'd have to. But not yet.

"I'm just not ready," she told Ruby honestly. Her friend knew the situation, knew what she had been through and what she was going through. She'd stayed by her side anyway, knowing that one wrong move and she very well might upset the worst person to make angry in town. In her mind, Ruby was either fearless or unaware of the danger she'd placed herself in just by being her friend.

Suddenly the girl stopped pacing at her admission and sat down next to her on the couch. "Belle," she reached across and grabbed her hand between her own, a comforting gesture. "No one will expect you to be ready. Whether or not they know what is going on, I doubt anyone is going to ever look at you like that ever again, trust me no one wants to upset Mr. Gold," she muttered almost sarcastically. "But that doesn't mean that you have to stay up here and sulk, or punish yourself! You wanted to have a life, so come out and have a life," she encouraged in a stern but sympathetic voice.

"The dwarves have discovered fairy dust, this is a good thing! Come celebrate with us! I'll be there the whole time, it's just a couple of drinks, and then you can come right back here," she released her hand and curled up tighter on the other end of the couch. "Please, I...I can't spend a lot of time out tonight and, to be honest...I could really use a friend right now."

She looked over at Ruby and saw something she hadn't noticed before. There was something dark behind her eyes, it was just a glimmer, but there was sadness there...and fear! She knew that expression, she'd lived with it every day for a long time. She was hiding a secret of some kind. She felt a stab of guilt as she looked over at her. Had she had that look the entire time she'd been here and she just hadn't noticed?!

"Ruby," she asked with a suspicious inflexion in her voice. "What's going on? Really?"

Ruby only shook her head. "Nothing," she smiled, another expert at hiding her emotions, "I could just use someone there that I know, a friend, you know since Mary Margaret..."

Her heart twisted in her chest as she glanced over at Ruby. Sometimes she was so consumed with thoughts of Rumpelstiltskin that she forgot what was right in front of her. Ruby been having a hard time with Mary Margaret and Emma missing. Though she didn't know the women personally, Ruby had told her so many stories in their time together that sometimes she felt like she did. They were Ruby's friends, just as Ruby was a friend to her, now. She had taken her in when she had nowhere to go, she'd helped her adjust to the world outside of his house, and most importantly she didn't judge her or look at her strangely like everyone else around town seemed to after word of who she was and where she'd been since the curse broke had gotten out. Her association with Rumpelstiltskin was almost as bad as being him in a lot of their eyes. Ruby was offering her a lifeline, something to do, a way to meet some new people. And if Ruby needed her, then she owed it to her to be there for her. If Ruby needed friendly company then she would be friendly company tonight, Rumpelstiltskin aside. So, after a few moments she nodded and went to change clothes.

She came out of the room in one of the new dresses that she and Ruby had bought at the woman's store across the street from Granny's and the pair of them walked down the street to the diner. But she couldn't help but steal a glance across the street to his shop before they left, curious if he was still there, if she might catch a glimpse of him leaving for the day, as she so often did from the window that looked out over his shop. Almost always she ended up ducking out of the way as he glanced regrettably in her direction as well. But not tonight. Tonight Ruby had come over and now she saw that the lights were off. He wasn't in town any more. He was alone. And she had missed him.

It wasn't as if she expected him to still be here. Or that she thought he would have gone to this celebration even if they were together. She knew that he was about as social as she felt right now. The thought of him sitting at home, by himself, or worse over in his shop because he didn't want to go home to an empty house broke her heart. They hadn't been separated that long but she already missed him more than she thought she would. It was good for her, she knew, to be gone. She should be exploring this world but being separated from a person's true love was wrong and most of the time she just felt too depressed to do anything but focus on the library below the small apartment. They needed a better way to do this. Not seeing each other at all was just not as rewarding as she had hoped it would be.

The diner was crowded, but not in its normal way. Instead of looking like it was packed for dinner it looked like there was a party going on. There were people at the tables eating but there was also a large group of people wandering around the open room talking to their friends and family members. Everyone seemed to have a mug of ale, or, as Ruby called it here, beer, but their smiles had nothing to do with any alcoholic stupor she'd ever seen. Ruby stood there and crossed her arms over her chest, there was a smile on her face as well but hers...it was different from the others. She was happy, she knew, but the smile was forced. She didn't expect that. What was going on?!

"Are you okay?" she asked placing a hand on her shoulder.

Ruby smiled and gave a nervous little nod. "Soon enough," she answered mysteriously. "Let's see, you already know David," she said pointing to the man that had come to her rescue that day at the mine. She hadn't met him before but she knew him as Mary Margaret's husband through Rumple and Ruby's stories, Emma's father...even if the curse did make him look more like he was only old enough to be her brother. "Archie over there is Jiminy Cricket. Mother Superior is the Blue Fairy," her jaw dropped in astonishment as she pointed out a woman dressed in blue, a woman she'd only every seen once before in her life. She was the fairy that had freed her when Rumple took the baby. Blue. She hadn't been upset or depressed. Blue was her name. She made a motion to go over and thank the woman but Ruby held her back. "And of course the dwarves they're-"

"Belle!" she glanced over at the familiar voice that had called her name and her eyes widened.

"Dreamy!" she called back stunned at the sudden reappearance of the dwarf!

But suddenly Dreamy didn't look happy to see her. In fact, his face seemed to have fallen instantly at the name. "It's Grumpy now. Leroy here," he added in what sounded like a dark grumble. Ruby gave her arm a squeeze and said something about grabbing them a couple of beers. She nodded absent-mindedly and continued to look at the dwarf standing in front of her.

"Grumpy?" she asked timidly, wondering what could cause such a drastic name change, especially given the prospect of what was going on in his life the last time that she had seen him.

He shuffled his feet awkwardly at the question. "It's a long story," he informed her, ignoring the question in her voice. "How about you?!" he asked eagerly. "I don't think I've seen you around town before. Where have you been hiding since the curse broke?"

Suddenly she understood the reaction that Grumpy had given her perfectly. Hadn't he heard the rumors spreading around town? She wished he had, because she wasn't ready to explain to others what had happened to her yet in her own words. "It's a long story," she responded after a while. They exchanged a smile, acknowledging their shared reluctance of sharing their pasts and what had happened to them after their brief meeting.

"Leroy!" someone called him and he turned his back on her responding to the voice. Wringing her hands awkwardly she walked to the other side of the counter where Ruby was working on getting beers refilled.

She smiled gently when she came over and placed a mug of the beer on the counter before her.

"Where's Granny?" she asked, looking around for the woman that had become just as familiar to her as Ruby had over the last few days. She'd been wrong about her, initially thinking that she was a woman not to be trifled with...well, she wasn't wrong, but the woman's hard exterior was countered by a soft interior. She'd had her over to dinner a few times, almost always gave her food for free whenever she came into the diner with Ruby, and seemed genuinely happy that they'd become friends. She'd never admit it, but Granny took care of her as if she was her granddaughter...and she respected her, maybe even loved her, just as much as she had her Grandmother in their land.

"Oh, she's lurking," Ruby explained, "getting some...things, together. How do you know Leroy?" she asked looking between her and the beer she was pouring into a mug. It was a harmless question, so why did she feel like she'd just used it to change the subject of their conversation?

"Ruby, what-"

"Friends!" David's voice suddenly called out over the voices of the crowd, cutting her off and causing everyone's eyes to turn and look at him with all the respect and honor due to royalty but not necessarily a Sheriff. Even she moved closer to the group. "It's because of the hard work of the dwarves down in those mines that we found fairy dust. It's because of them that Mary Margaret and Emma, my family, have the chance to come home again soon! We are one step closer to having them back to where they belong. And to that I can only say one thing...Thank you," he muttered with genuine appreciation. He paused for a moment, looking down into his mug like he was trying to contain his happy emotions, but then raised his mug to the ceiling. "To the dwarves!" he shouted. Everyone shouted joyfully and raised their mugs together with him. Ruby beamed at the news. She knew that she was looking forward to getting her best friend back, just as much as David was looking forward to getting his family back, just as much as she was looking forward to the day when she got the other half of her soul back.

David made a joke with Leroy, which pulled her out of her thoughts. But as everyone laughed she sought out Ruby and watched as her false smile dulled again and she took her tray to pick up some of the dishes off one of the other tables.

Something was wrong. She knew that much. She might not have known her long but she could tell when there was something wrong with her. She should be happy but it was like there was something going on, some thought in the back of her mind that kept dragging her down. She was about to walk over to Ruby when the woman suddenly jumped and looked at the area around her feet. "What?! Where?!" she exclaimed. Belle was almost to her when she realized there was a man talking to her. He'd been standing beside a wall and she hadn't seen him before. She stopped and hung back, not meaning to listen in, but unable to help it in a small room of people that didn't seem to want to talk with her.

"I meant me," he said pointing to himself, "I was a mouse." He sighed, "My name was Gus, I lived in Cinderella's pantry, I ate cheese, and gnawed on wood...but I preferred cheese." Ruby beamed again, only this time the smile was more one of confusion than happiness, although she could see the blush creeping up into her neck. She knew looks like that, she hadn't had one herself since the time in the castle but she remembered the random facts, the small blushes, the feelings that came with wanting to be with someone when there seemed like there was no reason for it. She missed that feeling, but was happy Ruby could have it.

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked with a shake of her head.

"I-we haven't had a chance to talk since things changed," he explained roughly, nervously looking for the right words. "I just wanted you to know who I was...back home," he added quickly, as if it wasn't completely obvious. Obviously he wasn't a mouse here. She smirked at his words and found herself thinking how nice it must be to meet a man who disclosed information readily rather than having to drag it out under pressure. She was excited for Ruby. Maybe this would make her feel better, whatever the problem, maybe this would be enough to take her mind off of it.

"I...can I...still call you Billy?" she asked with a nervous little giggle.

"You can call me whatever you want," he answered "as long as you let me buy you a drink after your shift?" he asked kindly. She expected Ruby to say yes right away, or agree now, telling him she wasn't working, but instead she said nothing, just looked overwhelmed at the offer. "I already know Ruby," Billy continued in her silence. "I want the chance to meet Red."

She was quiet for a while, and she couldn't understand why she wasn't responding to such a sweet and kind offer, but then she remembered her words from earlier: she couldn't spend a lot of time out tonight. Why? "Um..." Ruby stuttered, and she could hear the torture in just that small sound. She liked him, she wanted to go with him, desperately it seemed...but she couldn't. And she looked like she regretted it. She hadn't wanted to tell her what was wrong and it appeared it would be the same with Billy, but she didn't want to risk hurting his feelings. "Tonight's actually not great..." she attempted to explain. She set her drink down and turned back to Ruby. She needed a friend and since Mary Margaret wasn't here...she knew exactly how she could help with this problem. Besides, she owed her. "Because-"

"We, uh, we have, uh, plans!" she lied wrapping a supportive arm around her. It hadn't been the smoothest lie she'd ever told, but he didn't need details and it gave Ruby the excuse she had so badly needed.

"That's right, um, it's girl's night!" Ruby said happily. "And I'm bringing the cheese...which has nothing to do with you being a mouse! It has to do with..." she looked over at her for help and she offered a confused glance, not knowing how she was going to undo that little mix up. "The wine," she finished less than confidently.

"Okay, um...maybe next time," Billy said sadly before walking away, his shoulders slumped with disappointment.

"Thank you," Ruby offered as soon as he rounded the corner.

"I can spot a girl in trouble," she explained, how many times had she been cornered by Gaston that way at a ball or in a hallway and wished someone would have come to her aid, given her some excuse not to be around him? Although that was a completely different situation, Ruby liked Billy, she could see it, so what was going on in her life that she needed the excuse in the first place?! Why couldn't she stay out late tonight?! "He, he seems really nice," she added, hoping she would maybe tell her what was really going on tonight.

But Ruby only glanced up at the clock and her smile of gratefulness faded into a look of fear. "It's complicated," she stated before walking away again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So according to my calendar this is 5-6 days after the events of 2x04 (depending on how you look at it). Those days account for activities in Stroybrooke and in the Enchanted Forest for 2x05-2x06. Why didn't I write any of those chapters in? Eh...maybe I will some day, but for now I thought we'd had just enough "Belle explores things" chapters from the previous arc and what she's learned in the last few days could be easily summed up in only a few short paragraphs so...I don't know, maybe in the future I'll put one or two in there, but for now this is as it stands. Also, those days that Belle is learning about town, I figured they'd be pretty boring. I mean, she wanted a life true but I don't think she's the woman to say "I just kinda sorta broke up with my one true love so lets party!" Thus why this chapter is really the first time she's meeting everyone. I figured this little party was a great time for introductions and to bring Dreamy back.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	38. The Expert on Rehabilitation

It hadn't been the happiest day. Billy, the man that had attempted to ask Ruby out the night before had left the diner...and been murdered. She had been expecting Ruby to show up on her door, heartbroken, in need of consoling, she even had a carton of Rocky Road already in her freezer upstairs just for the occasion and was hoping that they might be able to talk about what happened last night; why she couldn't stay out long, why she'd turned down Billy in the first place, why she'd avoided her for the rest of the night and then disappeared in the middle of the party without letting her know. What she hadn't been prepared for was Ruby to show up on her doorstep with David carrying heavy chains and Granny holding a crossbow just before sunset, seeking not comfort but shelter.

The three of them had taken her into a back room and she'd listen to the story David told her. And an interesting story it was, one that answered all her questions and more!

It wasn't the craziest thing she'd ever heard of. And she believed it immediately because she could see the seriousness on all of their faces. It was also obvious from the looks that Ruby and Granny kept throwing her, during David's tale, that they all had expected her to shrink away from Ruby with fear and tell them to get out. But she didn't, merely nodded her head and told them that they could set the chains up. She'd be safe here.

They'd stared at her like she was a crazy person, baffled at how easily her acceptance had come. To that she could only roll her eyes. "Obviously you've all forgotten who I'm used to dealing with," she said, finding irony in her choice of words. She felt a stab of guilt as she remembered how long it had been since she'd last seen him, but she shook the thought away and reminded herself to focus on the situation at hand, there was a mob gathering...her relationship with Rumpelstiltskin was not the issue right now. She'd already lost one friend because she'd been too focused on herself, she wouldn't let that happen again! "There is very little that I would find surprising these days and compared to the Dark One...this is nothing," she finished crossing her arms over the bleeding heart within her chest.

With her permission Ruby had found a safe sturdy place in the library and started to reinforce the length of chains that she'd brought. She and David filled the time by going around the library and making sure the windows were covered and the doors were locked. They weren't so much worried about what would get out as they were what might get in. "These should work," she heard Ruby say as she and David came back into the secure room.

"Thanks for letting her hide here," David said, sounding more like a big brother than the husband of his wife's friend. "The sheriff station isn't safe."

"Of course, it's not every day you find out your friend's-"

"A monster?!" Ruby interrupted the hurt and suspicious look on her face upsetting. She smirked at her friend. She hated that word, probably because she had loved dearly every "monster" that she had ever met and in her opinion it was the beasts that didn't know they were monsters that posed the true threat.

"Hunted," she stated clearly, trying to let Ruby know that she was disappointed if she ever thought that she would see her that way. "I was going to say 'hunted'," she said a bit more gently when Ruby cast her eyes down at the floor.

"The crowd is six blocks from here," Granny said suddenly, a look of concentration on her face.

She looked at alarmed at the woman. "You...you have wolf hearing too?!"

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," Granny shrugged, "especially when you run a hotel." She didn't even want to begin to contemplate the meaning behind that statement. After a few weeks in this world she was more learned but still ignorant, and if it meant what she thought it meant...she'd rather be ignorant.

"The only way we're going to get the mob to stand down is if we can prove Ruby had nothing to do with Billy's death," David explained hunched over the table. She wanted to reach out and hug Ruby. She knew that she had liked Billy and that she wasn't a killer. But right now, Ruby didn't believe it and she didn't want to make her friend more afraid of herself then she already appeared to be. The entire situation made her want to cry. Ruby was one of the most confident people she'd ever met, she was almost jealous of her for it sometimes, but right now she looked nothing but sad and upset...broken. Suddenly David stood up, "I'm going to need your help," he said, pointing to Granny. He grabbed her own shoulder suddenly, "if the mob comes this way, call us! Come on," he ordered before leaving quickly with Granny.

She and Ruby watched them go, but when she looked over at poor Ruby she thought that she might be about to break into tears. As soon as the pair were out of the library, she heard her mutter, "I have to go to the bathroom," with a choked voice and hurried away from her in a sprint. She leaned against the closest bookshelf and waited, staring at the ceiling above her.

Ruby hadn't done this. She knew it! She only hoped that something that David and Granny would find would be able to provide proof that she wasn't guilty. Living with the thought that she had committed this horrible crime was torturing her and she just didn't know how to stop it. With a deep breath she moved from the shelf out to the front circulation desk to wait for her. It was a fact of life that people who thought they were monsters tended to push those that cared for them away, in an effort to protect them. She refused to let that happen. The only way to show the good people who thought they were monsters that they weren't was to stand by them and show them that it wasn't true, not just say it.

Finally, after a long while, longer than it took to really go to the bathroom, she heard a toilet flush and a sink running. She watched the door eagerly but it took another few moments before the door opened and Ruby faced her with a shallow impersonation of her usual confidence. "You need to leave," she insisted, predictably. "The moon's going to be up soon," she informed her, walking around the desk and putting as much distance between the two of them as possible.

"Well, will the chains hold?" she asked following after her. She wasn't just going to leave her alone through all of this, not after all Ruby had done for her!

"Hopefully," she said, sounding like she did this all the time. But she knew, David had told her, it had been 28 years since she had.

"Then I'm staying." Ruby spun around to face her at her words, fear flickering in her eyes. She gave her the biggest reassuring smile she could muster and reached out to grab her shoulders. "Think of it as girl's night," she said trying to make a joke. Ruby didn't find it funny. In fact she looked not just scared but also angry, like she didn't know why she was making this harder than it had to be. Ruby stepped away from her touch like she was contagious. "What's wrong?"

"I know David wants to believe the best," she explained backing away, looking like she might break into tears again, "but I've killed before, and I'll do it again!" she yelled, grabbing the chain like it was her only chance at safety. "Everyone in this town is right to be afraid of me,"

"Okay, well, I'm not!"

"You should be!" Ruby yelled, but it was the same old story. The monster was trying to scare her, but it wouldn't work. For whatever reason beasts weren't able to frighten her. He never had and she wouldn't now. People could change, she had seen it and she wanted her to understand it as well. It felt like déjà vu, telling someone that they were not the sum of their prior mistakes, but rather that they were who they chose to be. For a moment she half expected it to be a hallucination and the room and woman before her to melt away into his face and his castle. She had to shake her head to get rid of the thought. This wasn't about him, wasn't about them, it was about Ruby.

"No matter what you might have done in your past," she insisted. "David sees the good in you, and that tells me one thing..."

"What?" Ruby asked timidly.

She sighed, "That it's in there! So if we can all see it...why can't you?!"

Ruby just looked shocked, like she wanted to believe it, but something was in the way. Billy. "You really think so?"

"Trust me," she said, her mind wandering back to Rumple, she really did miss him. "I'm sort of an expert when it comes to rehabilitation." Ruby smirked, like something might have been funny. She'd never divulged any of Rumple's secrets to her, but she had told her about their life and how she felt with him, how hopelessly in love she was with him even now after all he'd done. Ruby was smart, she knew who Rumple was and who she was, she could put two and two together easily enough she imagined.

"Maybe," Ruby swallowed, like she was trying to hold back tears again, "maybe you're right." Ruby stepped forward and for a moment she thought that she was going to reach out and take a hug from her, but suddenly she found a cold heavy weight pressing against her wrist, biting into her skin between the metal and the bone. She looked down at the shackle, shocked and confused. What was she trying to do? And how had she managed to become a prisoner yet again?! "But the towns right too," Ruby insisted. "I am a monster and that's why I need to make sure that I don't ever hurt anyone again!"

"No, no!" But Ruby moved around her and out of the room. "What are you doing?"

"I can't let you stop me!" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It wasn't. What was she planning that Ruby thought she'd would stop?! "The mob wants a wolf I'm going to give them one. I have to pay for what I've done!"

She felt her jaw drop. "They'll kill you!" she said, realizing too late that Ruby already knew that and had planned on it.

"Isn't that what I deserve?" But it wasn't a question, it was a statement, like there was no other option for her but to pay for a crime she didn't even know she had commit. She wasn't going to wait for Granny and David to get back. She wasn't even going to hope they could prove her innocence! In her mind she was guilty. And without another word, Ruby turned and stormed out.

"Ruby!" she called uselessly. "Ruby don't! Don't do this!" But the heavy library door slammed after her last word and she realized that it was too late. It appeared that she had vastly misunderstood the depth of her guilt and self-hatred. It turned out that monsters were indeed different, but at least her beast had some sense of self-preservation that kept the guilt away, prevented him from destroying himself. Ruby didn't seem to be as lucky. She was going to sacrifice herself out of guilt! It was penitence for the life she thought she had taken. And Ruby was right, from where she was now she couldn't do anything to stop her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty straight forward chapter. Not too much to say about it other than I hope that you like it as I hope you do all the chapters!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	39. The Power to Cure the Monster

The clock on the wall across from her mocked her as time passed by. She'd only been stuck here for a couple of hours, but she felt every minute of it, her body hovering in a state of constant panic as she tried to get an idea of what was happening outside her small space. There wasn't a lot of information to learn from, mostly just sounds. Every now and then she heard a roar of angry voices, that she assumed was the mob Ruby had been running from. But the shouts didn't frighten her, at least not yet. The voices of the mob told her they hadn't gotten what they wanted. And every now and then she heard a long, high-pitched howl. Those cries gave her relief, they reminded her that Ruby was still alive...there was still hope.

But time seemed to endlessly tick on as seconds felt like minutes and minutes hours. There! Out the window! It was yet another howl! It had been an hour since she last heard anything, at least that one howl was something! Relief fought to engulf her and subdue the panic she felt, but she knew that the only way she would truly feel calm was if she knew that Ruby was okay. Not guessed, not suspected, not assumed, she needed to know everything was alright and she needed to be free from this prison!

She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to yell for help, for fear someone would hear her and realize Ruby was free on the off chance they hadn't already! And besides, she really didn't think anyone would hear her from her spot at the back. She couldn't call for David, or Granny, she was too far away from the phone. She couldn't break the shackles, they were meant to keep a powerful wolf under control, so there was no hope that she could break them! Not that that small fact had stopped her from trying and failing hours ago. There was nothing to do but wait, wait and hope. Hope that someone would liberate her. Hope that it would be Ruby and she would apologize saying everything was fine. Hope that someone would find her before she got hungry, or thirsty, or needed the bathroom. Hope that-

As if her thoughts had summoned it, she heard the door to the library open and slam shut. "Belle!" his voice echoed out over the wide expanse of the rooms, as he called for her. Despite the desperate situation she felt a wave of familiar relief wash over her. It wasn't who she was expecting, but she couldn't say she was surprised. Of course he knew she was here. Of course he would know when she was in distress. He knew everything. Which meant even if he hadn't been part of the problem at hand, he no doubt knew the fate of her friend.

"Here!" she yelled, leading him to the place Ruby had chained her up, "I'm here!" He followed her voice and she stood up from the one spot she was comfortable on the floor, more than ready to be released. He hurried over to her and his eyes quickly scanned her assessing her condition and the situation. He reached out and took her hand in his own then waved the other over the shackle. It popped immediately off her wrist, falling to the ground with a loud clatter. She let out a breath that she hadn't been aware she was holding: freedom. "Ruby," she said with a gasp, she couldn't allow herself to be distracted. "Is she okay? Is she alright?" she asked eagerly.

But when he looked up at her she saw that look in his eyes that scared everyone but her. It was the look that she knew only she could put a stop to. "She won't be when I'm done with her," he muttered darkly, quickly turning away from her to leave.

"No!" she cried, running after him and blocking his exit. She stopped him easily enough by placing her hands on his chest and applying gentle pressure. Dark as his words were, they confirmed one thing: Ruby was fine, she was alive. But now she had another problem to worry about and it was her worst fear made real. It was the risk they both knew Ruby had taken just by being her friend. He was angry with her for what she'd done to her, anger made him ready to kill, to avenge! She had to protect her, she had to once again stand between her and the beast within him. She'd have to trust David to tell the mob that they'd made the wrong conclusion about her and she had to make him understand that he had done the same.

"No," she cried desperately, "she did it to protect me otherwise I would have run off after her. She didn't hurt me." The angry expression didn't cease as he picked up her hand and held it in front of her and she noticed what had gotten him so angry. There were red bruises where the shackle and bone had pinched her skin. Small, so minuscule to her they didn't even hurt but to him...Ruby may as well have pushed her off the clock tower. She shook her head and placed the hand against his cheek. "She didn't want to hurt me, she didn't mean to," she corrected. "And I'm not! I'm fine." She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly in a final attempt to reassure him. "I'm fine," she repeated again in his ear.

She didn't know when she'd decided to touch him like this, when she'd wanted to hold him, but she didn't regret it. It felt good to be in that place again. And it felt even better when moments later he finally gave into her embrace and put his own arms around her gently and relaxed. In this moment, even if she shouldn't have been...she was more than fine. It was a few more moments before she remembered that she hadn't wanted to see him so soon after what had happened, let alone touch him, but now that she was in the same space she couldn't seem to help herself. It was what she had suspected would happen all along if she didn't stay away. She'd missed this. She'd missed him. And it was evident that even if it only had been a few days their separation had been too long, it caused them to linger together a little longer than they should have, reunions had that effect on people, but finally, she managed to pull back enough to rest her forehead against his own, to see in his eyes that she'd once again soothed the beast and she had him back, her Rumple. She could have stayed there with him forever, but a sudden and annoying pounding in her wrist reminded her of the situation at hand. Ruby was safe, so long as he remained here. And as long as he was here, she was happy.

"I have some ice up stairs," she commented, having a hard time letting go of him. "Come with me?"

He nodded. "I can-"

"Ice!" she interrupted sternly, "will work just fine," she assured him, remembering the last time she'd been injured and he'd healed her with magic. He'd used it to free her, but she still didn't want him to use it unnecessarily. She took his hand and they made their way slowly to the back of the library and up the stairs to the second floor. She unlocked the door to her tiny apartment and led them inside. He may have been hard for others to read but she could see the look of amusement on his face as he looked around. He'd only been up here one time while she'd lived here and that was to deliver her a couple of boxes of clothes and other items, which Ruby had graciously accepted for her, that made the small space more like her than whoever had previously lived here...if anyone. As much as she'd missed him she had enjoyed having her own private space since she'd left. If she couldn't be with him in his home, this was the second best thing...third, to being here with him instead of without.

"Sit," he pointed at the tiny couch with his cane and she fell into old habits, doing as he said without question. She watched him reach into the freezer, grab a few cubes of ice, and put them into a dish towel before hobbling over to where she sat. He made himself comfortable across from her on the wooden coffee table as she handed over her hand to him. "What happened?" he questioned, biting off the words as he examined her wrist then settled the ice over it as she told the story, his face tightening with each detail. She had hoped it would help to make him see that Ruby was only helping, but it seemed to be having the opposite effect.

"When are you going to see that you do not have the power to cure monsters..." he muttered, more to himself than to her, not once rising his gaze to meet her eyes.

The comment was eye opening. It wasn't Ruby he was upset with, it was her! For voluntarily placing herself in danger! She knew that he hadn't said it to hurt her or make her feel guilty. It had been said out of fear and hurt. He had said it to comfort himself, to build that wall that she hated back up between them. If it took the rest of her life she wasn't going to rest until she had torn it down brick by brick!

She pulled her hand from his grasp and placed it under his chin, forcing him to look up at her. "Don't I?" she questioned. Some of the tension left his face and she saw the small twitch on his lip that threatened to turn into a smile, before he hid it. But being the stubborn man that he was he took her hand in his again and set the ice back against her wrist, a simple excuse to avoid her eyes.

"That's different," he whispered quietly. It was different...and she knew why. Because she  _was_ more important than his power, didn't he see that yet?

"Because you love me?" she questioned, trying to look at him. But he didn't say anything, just kept staring at her stupid wrist, which surely didn't need this much attention! Determined, she slid forward, letting her knees bump into his own and placing both hands against his cheeks to brush away some of the hair that had fallen out of place. He wouldn't be able to avoid her this time, he was going to answer her whether he wanted to or not, it had been too long since she'd heard the words. "Because you love me?" she repeated.

He looked her up and down for a moment, before finally breathing "yes" like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like he couldn't believe she really needed to hear him say it to know his answer. She had known his answer, she just wanted to hear him say it. And she could return the favor, give him truth for truth.

"I miss you," she admitted honestly, suddenly wondering why they had waited so long to have that hamburger.

"I miss you too," he muttered gazing into her eyes. "Belle, you have to know..." one of his hands covered her own and he turned his head to kiss her palm so tenderly it nearly broke her. "I don't want to lose you," he muttered against her, "not again." She knew that too, not because he had told her but because she could feel it. She could see the pain etched into his face at the impossible thought. No wonder he'd been upset with her for helping Ruby. Sometimes she forgot, if something happened to either of them, it was as good a death sentence for the other. That was what had really bothered him. She would have done it again, helped Ruby. She knew that she wasn't dangerous, but he wasn't as optimistic about people as she was. Even if she hadn't really been dead, it had been real for him, and she couldn't bear the thought of ever making him go through that again, or doing it herself.

She knew she shouldn't, knew it was too soon after everything that had happened, but she couldn't help but be drawn to him. So she leaned in, closed the distance between them, and kissed him. She had meant for it only to be gentle, a comforting reassurance that she understood what he meant and would remember it. But she knew that she'd held on a little too long for that and knew by the second that it was too deep to let him go so soon. She really had missed him terribly and she hadn't known just how bad until now.

"Stay...with me...tonight," she requested, ignoring every sensible thought that she had that it was a bad idea. She could be sensible some other time, right now, she needed to be his again. Right now she needed to show him that separate homes or not she always would be his!

He looked at her, kept his forehead close to hers, just for the sake of staying close she imagined. Somehow she knew he was experiencing the same turmoil in his own mind. He wanted to be respectful of the space she'd insisted on...but he wanted her so bad. She could see it in his eyes. They had no choice, such was the simple complexity of true love, and after a moment he nodded. He took off the suit jacket, which Ruby had once told her he was never without and she smiled as she watch formal Mr. Gold dissolve into her Rumple. For her, and her alone, he was more than Mr. Gold and less than Rumpelstiltskin. It was that person that she craved more than life itself! It was that person that she wanted to hold her as she slept.

Maybe she didn't have the power to cure the monster, but then again maybe she didn't need to. Maybe she just needed to be able to find person that she knew he was, that she knew he could be, and bring him back to the surface. They'd been apart for too long but it was time to start to put them back together again, to tear down the wall separating them and put up one that surrounded them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know that after 2x07 aired there was a lot of smut that came out of this chapter, thinking Gold would go and be the one ot rescue Belle. I actually agreed with that theory. Not the chains and BDSM smut stuff of course, but the idea that Gold would rescue her seemed logical to me. After all, she's acquaintances with David now and after David and Gold worked together in 2x04 he obviously knows that they aren't in the best place right now. David is a fan of True Loves and justice and peace and happiness. In 2x07, when Ruby told him to go free God, it seemed only logical to me that he would pull a move that would enable Rumple to go rescue his damsel and get the party rolling. After all, David is a smart guy. Somewhere deep down he has got to know that a Rumple in love is a far better man to have walking around Storybrooke than a heartbroken man scorned kind of Rumple!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	40. Righting a Wrong

Sleep threatened to claim her every second, but she wouldn't give into it, she couldn't. It had been nearly a week since she'd seen him, more than a week since he'd last held her like this, and tired as she was she wasn't going to let unconsciousness take this beautiful and brief moment away from her. She wanted to enjoy every fleeting moment they had until it ended...because she knew that one way or another the sun would rise and it would end.

She still didn't know how he'd guessed she was trapped in the library, but she suspected that someone must have told him she was there, she just didn't know who. Ruby had her own problems tonight. Besides she would have known that telling the Dark One, in person, that she'd chained up his true love was a stupid move. She doubted that it had been her, but she couldn't rule out the possibility that she'd told someone else, Granny or David, and they had informed him. From beneath her, his chest heaved a peaceful sigh and she concluded that it really didn't matter to her. All she really cared about was that he'd come, that he was here, holding her again even if it was only for one night.

So she gave a contented sigh of her own, kissed his chest, and wrapped herself tighter around him. She was perched upon his chest, listening to the gentle hum of blood pulsing through his veins, to the rhythmic tap of his heart, and the beautiful sounds of air filling and escaping his lungs. He wasn't asleep. She couldn't see him but she knew that he wasn't. He rarely fell asleep before she did, always the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up, ever predictable. Besides, though he was quiet, the hand at her back making the trail that she loved, that she had missed since she'd left, over her skin. In all honesty, that was one of the reasons she suspected that she hadn't slept well since she'd left...sleeping alone in a large bed was just too uncomfortable next to feeling his skin pressed against her own.

There had to be a better way to do this. To prove this point to him that she was more important than his magic, that she was trustworthy, that he could change! She knew he could because she'd seen it already. At the heart of the matter it wasn't that he needed to change, precisely, she just wanted him to be the genuine true self that she saw in him and to let her into his world and not just his house. He could wear whatever mask all he wanted around others, be as secretive as he wanted, just so long as he didn't hide around her. That would be enough. She had tried everything she could think of and leaving, being away from him, hard as it was, seemed to be the last hope that she had, the last idea. And if it didn't work? If he still refused to open up...she'd fight for him. She was nearly as predictable as he was. She would always fight for him, give him a second chance, but she'd have to think of yet another idea. She had to believe her stubbornness would pay off, because it was the only way they would ever get to have more moments like these.

The silence encased them, wrapping them in a thick blanket, a bubble of "what next?". Happy as she was, she knew this probably shouldn't have happened, because neither of them knew where to go from here, what to do, what to say. She'd have to think for a long time about where tonight, their frantic kisses and desperate actions, had left them, but in the end she'd hoped it would be-

"I think you would have liked him," he muttered suddenly, his chest unexpectedly vibrating with every word. Half her consciousness was already asleep and the other half was being used to keep her awake, she didn't understand the meaning of his words, or what drove him to say them. Had he been talking all this time?

"Who?" she mumbled, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Bae."

Bae?

Baelfire?!

She was instantly awake, shock coursed through her at the word. He whispered the name softly, in the voice that told her that he was hoping she didn't hear him, the voice that told her the words were important. It was most unlike him, to tell her something about his past spontaneously. In fact, it wasn't like him at all! The only time he'd volunteered information had been the last time she'd seen him in the library. Then he'd told her what she needed to hear so that he could get her back, to appease her. It had worked, but there had been an ulterior motive behind those words, just like there always was with him. But this?! There was no explanation for what he'd just said, no prompting, no reason for it at all, at least none that she could see.

She remained still, not sure what to do with the sentence. If she asked questions, would he spook and stop talking about it? If she seemed uninterested, would he assume that she was and go to sleep? That was the opposite of what she wanted to happen. Baelfire was a part of him, a crucial part, just as she was. She wanted desperately to know about him. She wanted even more so for him to tell her about the boy because he wanted to, because he trusted her, not because she was forcing him to. Was that what was happening? Had he really and truly finally come to trust her while she'd been gone? Had her plan worked?

She picked her head up off his chest and risked a glance at him. He was looking down at her, examining her reaction to his words, wondering if they would have any effect on her, and what she thought now that he'd said them. "He was brave," he explained in a low rushed voice, "far more of a man at thirteen, than I ever was. He always wanted to do the right thing. He could see the value in others and in the world around him." The words seemed like they'd been stuck in his heart for centuries, unable to escape and desperate for freedom. Maybe they had been. "He was a lot like you," he added, squeezing her a little tighter than normal.

She wanted to smile, to feel relieved, and cry in joy! But she had heard something in his words that she didn't like, something that silenced all her happy thoughts...he'd referred to his son in the past tense. She swallowed as she picked herself up and settled beside him on her stomach, watching his curious expression as he continued to examine her reaction.

"I'm sure he still does," she said in the most reassuring tone she could muster. Baelfire-Bae was alive. She knew it, she could feel it somehow. And she knew that he knew it too. A man as powerful as he was did not chase after a person for centuries and across distant realms only to discover he'd died! No, he knew Bae was alive, he knew he was here, in this land somewhere. But it wasn't the boy's death he was afraid of now. It was the death of the soul he'd possessed. The death of the son he knew.

"All these years, everything I've done, everything I haven't done," he cast her a small glance before staring up at the ceiling again. She knew he was thinking about the moment that he'd let her go. The moment he'd had no choice but to lose her because he never would have made it this far in finding Baelfire if he hadn't. The moment he'd traded a relationship with her, for a future with his son. She wasn't sure what to think of that moment any more. Should she take it in as one of the worst moments of her life? Should she be happy he'd made it this far? Or should she just look on it now as she did most things that concerned him and their past, with understanding? "It has all been to find him! But I can't help but wonder if it's all been for naught. If I failed long before I even got the chance to try."

"You won't fail," she insisted, but couldn't be positive. She hoped Baelfire hadn't changed, hoped that he still had the courage his father had spoken of. It was the only thing that might allow the tattered and complex relationship to heal! And if he was different? If he had changed? What then?

"You don't know that-"

"I know you," she interrupted quickly. "I don't need to see the future, to see the sacrifices that you've made for your son. You'll find him, I know you will." He was silent. A small part of her took the opportunity to be completely astounded by their conversation. He was telling her about the two topics he kept guarded more than anything else, his son and his fears. And he was doing it without her begging him to tell her. Was this what it was like? Was this what other couples talked about under cover of darkness, when no one else was listening? Was this how secrets were confided? How hearts and souls seemed to be magically opened and bound for eternity? How relationships strengthened? This was what she felt she'd been waiting for! She knew that he'd had it in him...it had been there all along.

"You're a good man, Rumpelstiltskin," she assured him, "and a good father." He wasn't perfect, but no one was. He had made a mistake, that was clear. His devotion to his son now didn't undo that one instant that he had traded Bae for power, of course, but it also didn't make him the worst father that ever walked the face of the earth. The worst wouldn't have tried this hard to fix the situation.

"I can think of at least one person who would disagree with you," he muttered sadly. He was right. In fact, she was certain that if others knew he had a son, the number would be more than one person. But they didn't matter. Only one person did. It was how Baelfire saw him that would matter most of all. "The happiest moment of my life was when his mother placed him in my arms," he said, his voice sounding farther and farther away by the second, more and more strained. "And the worst was when I broke our deal and let go."

"Baelfire..." she sighed, trying to collect herself and swallow the lump in her throat. She was on the verge of tears, not only overwhelmed at the fact that he was divulging his precious thoughts to her, but also feeling low by the sadness and regret she heard in his voice and the tears in his eyes that a small beam of moonlight revealed in the dark. She didn't fully understand what he was talking about, deals and letting go, but she knew now wasn't the time to question it. He was already bearing more of himself than he ever had. The answers would come eventually, with time, but for now he didn't need her to question. He needed her for comfort and reassurance.

"Baelfire will see that," she finally managed to conclude. At least she hoped he'd see it. She knew how it felt to be betrayed by his greed for power. She knew what it was like for him to go back on a deal he'd made and she'd vowed never to make another one with him again because of it. It had hurt as an adult, as a child of only thirteen...she couldn't imagine the consequences of something like that! "You'll fix this," she said, trying to reassure herself just as much as him. She needed to believe that he would because she didn't know how he would make it through if he really did lose his son...again.

"Do you, uh..." she hesitated, knowing that she might not like the answer to the question she was about to ask, knowing that she was about to encourage him to do something she'd never wanted him to do again, but she wanted him to know she supported him. She wanted him to know he could talk to her about it, instead of purposefully hiding it from her or pretending it wasn't happening behind her back. She didn't want any more secrets between them. "Do you think you can break it? This curse I mean."

He glanced down at her, just as amazed as she was at the words coming out of her mouth. He knew as much as she did how she felt about his magic. It was a terrible temptation for him, a mistress that had driven her away, but if it was the only way to get Baelfire back, if he used it for something good and didn't hide it from her...she'd accept that. Finally he took a deep breath and let out what sounded like a sigh of relief. He and Baelfire were not easy topics for him to discuss, but magic was something he could go on and on about for days comfortably, and doing it in front of her...it was new and he was nervous but she could see he wanted to tell her, maybe had wanted to for a long time. That was what she wanted. So long as he didn't hide from her behind it, it wouldn't be the mistress it had been before.

"Perhaps, but I don't think that I have to," he answered mysteriously.

"What do you mean?" she asked with hesitation, her heart hammering in anticipation of his next words. In the past a veiled answer and a prod would have gotten her a change of subject. What would happen now? Would he answer her?

He looked her over, and for a moment she thought that maybe he hadn't changed as much as she'd hoped he had, but then he gave her a small smile. "Magic and spells, curses even, are really not that different from deals," he explained easily. "Magic isn't perfect, there are always flaws, loopholes. Simply find the weakest point and then look for a way to exploit it, the way to get what you want without breaking the laws or your end. That is how you get the better end of the deal."

She could have wept with joy and amazement! She hadn't been happy with that answer, with having the secrets to knowing how he'd crafted and manipulated all the people he made deals with in his lifetime. But it had been honest and freely given. She couldn't hold her reaction to his answers against him. She'd have to manage that on her own for now.

"And, uh, what...what's the weakness in this curse?"

He tapped the side of his temple with his index finger. "Memories," he whispered quickly. Now that he'd started talking it was as if he couldn't stop. That was perfectly fine with her, she didn't want him to. "I don't have to break the curse I just have to figure out how to get across the town line with my memories intact. It's a far easier and less time-consuming task, trust me."

She did. His brief story in the library weeks ago hadn't been much, but it had told her enough. And the bits and pieces that she'd gotten from Ruby over the last few days filled in more that she needed to know. She knew that it had probably taken him centuries to cast this curse and put the pieces in place for it to be broken, centuries to get everything just right. Anyone could see figuring a way around the town line would be easier. And if anyone could solve that, he could.

"You'll figure it out," she stated. "You'll cross the town line, you'll find Baelfire-"

"And what? We'll all live happily ever after?" he questioned sarcastically, voicing the same concern she'd had only moments ago. Could a happy ending really be that easy for them? The thought was laughable!

"No," she concluded with sad certainty. "There'll probably be another curse or a Yaoguai standing in our way!" He snorted at her poor excuse for a joke, but she could see some of the tension leave him and it made her smirk. "But you more than anyone should understand the value of taking things one step at a time. Figure out how to cross the town line and find your son. We'll worry about what comes next when we face it."

He didn't fight her, although she knew that was what came easiest for him. He wouldn't have allowed the use of the "we" in her sentence when she'd left. She hadn't even known Baelfire's name then and he probably would have told her that it was his problem and he was working on it. But the fact that he was willing to let her be a part of it, was more important than anything he'd told her tonight. And the fact that he was looking at her with new eyes, trusting eyes, made her fight to hold in her tears. Trust. She knew he could do it. She felt like it had been a long night, a difficult day, and the days without him had been harsh before that. But he was changing, that much was obvious, and it suddenly made all their suffering worth it.

Seeing the heaviness in his lids, feeling the shock of his revelation wearing off as exhaustion crept back over her, she pulled herself up and gave him the smallest of kisses. She wouldn't thank him for the information. It didn't seem right to thank him for something he should have done long ago. "Rest, Rumple," she whispered instead, kissing his forehead and settling down next to him as she would have if they were still at his house. As much fun as spontaneous surprises could be there was something soothing about the predictable. After tonight they both needed that comfort. "Go to sleep," she whispered, feeling his grip on her tighten as it never had before. How could it have been? Before it was just her, before she felt like the treasure, now, with the knowledge carefully stored and locked inside of her, she felt like the chest: something to be carefully guarded and protected. She much preferred that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter represents a couple of big steps not just for Rumple but also for Belle. Fr Rumple, opening up is obviously a big deal and this conversation was huge for him but it was also a big necessity for Belle. Before she hadn't wanted him to use magic, not even for he little things but with this chapter, with the knowledge that he is trying to break the curse and find Baelfire she is getting rid of that previous belief allowing him to use magic, she's trying to be alright with it so long as he is honest and open with her about it. I think what she really wants from him is to feel like they are a team, a single unit and not just Belle and Rumpelstiltskin and that is something that this chapter gives to them both.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	41. One Step Closer

"Belle," the name was whispered softly, too softly to truly rouse her from her dreams. In fact, she was already falling back to sleep when she heard him mutter "my darling Belle" slightly louder. It had been so long since she'd slept through the night, so long since she'd woken up to the sound of his voice that for a moment she thought she might actually have been dreaming. But then she felt his tight protective grasp around her back and waist and a gentle kiss on the top of her head. The events of yesterday and last night came racing back into her mind. It wasn't a dream! And it certainly explained why they were in her bed instead of his own. "Beautiful Belle," he whispered again against her hair.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The sun was only just barely beginning to rise and the room was still dark. It was early, even for him. When they had lived together at his house, he always rose first and he had to wake her so that he could move out from under her since she always seemed to sleep curled against him. In those days she would roll over and hover just on the edges of sleep, hardly conscious, while he walked around the room, showering and dressing. Then he always kissed the top of her head and wished her a good-bye for the day or at least until lunch. So this was normal, just not this early in the morning and she found herself automatically saying "What's wrong?" in a sleepy but frantic tone, preparing for the worst.

"I have to go," he whispered gently. Her heart sank, they were back to the same old story. Part of her knew that this had to happen. They couldn't just stay here forever, but she wished that it didn't have to end so soon. After days of separation, self-induced she readily acknowledged, she felt like she hadn't gotten enough of him yet. She didn't want him to leave, didn't want to be away from him again so soon.

"Why?" she asked selfishly trying to burrow deeper against his chest. She couldn't see his face, but she could feel the reluctance in his skin, in his muscles, and she knew that he didn't want to leave either. So why did he have to go? If they were at his house they would easily have another couple of hours before this moment would arrive. Why should it come any earlier just because they were at her apartment?

He didn't answer her for a long time. It was only after she realized that her breathing was starting to even out and sleep was threatening to claim her again that she allowed herself to believe that he might have done as she requested and decided to stay after all. But then after a moment his hand brushed against her back and he gave a deep sigh that startled her fully awake again. "Belle," he muttered again, obviously assuming that she had gone back to sleep.

"What?!" she whispered harshly against him. She didn't mean for it to sound so rude, but she couldn't help herself. She just wasn't ready for this to be over yet. Couldn't he understand that?

"I have to go," he repeated regretfully.

"Why?" she muttered again sharply, already closing her eyes. After everything that had happened to them after all that they'd been through, this moment was finally one of perfection. Why would he want to give that up now?

"I need to open the shop-"

"It's too early-"

"Belle..." he gave a deep frustrated sigh, like he was unhappy that she was making a difficult decision worse. He clearly wasn't in the mood to argue with her, surprising after the blissful night they'd had. "I need to drive home, I have to shower and change clothes before I can drive back here and open the shop," he pointed out in a voice that was suddenly more patient than it had been. For a moment she thought that this was the silliest excuse to interrupt their time in the world. Couldn't he just conjure whatever he needed, take a shower here? But then she realized what that asked of him. She didn't want him to use magic for a reason like that. He needed it to find Bae, a fact that made the use tolerable, but he didn't need it for this. As much as she wanted him to stay, she didn't want him to have to resort to magic for something so simple.

Finally seeing his logic she sighed, defeated, and nodded. Then with great reluctance pushed away, releasing him from her iron embrace. He moved out of the bed and she rolled back against the pillow and pulled the warm blankets up around her to replace the heat that he had taken from her. But it just wasn't the same though. She let her eyes fall shut as she listened to the sounds of him moving around the room.

She couldn't let herself sleep in these moments. Not when she could take in his presence right now. Not when she didn't know the next time they would get the opportunity to bask in it again. It was taking all of her strength not to reach out and grab him, not to call him back to her. She could make him stay, it would only take the right words said with the right tone and he would give into her, but she wanted him to want to be with her. She wanted him to want to stay, to choose her over everything else. She'd taken all the steps forward in this relationship and had been the one to enforce the steps backward, but she wanted him to do it too.

After only a few moments of gathering his belongings together, the little he had come with, she felt him predictably at the side of her bed. Their brief time was up. In just a moment she would feel him tuck the blankets tightly around her form and kiss her on her forehead. He would tell her that he loved her and then she would hear the sound of the door and he would be gone...again. The very thought of the door closing between them made her want to cry but she had to remember that this wouldn't last forever! Someday they would be together again completely, in the same house, in a room of their own. She had to keep repeating this over and over to herself in her head, it gave her hope.

"Beautiful Belle," he whispered gently, like he was trying to wake her. "Sweetheart," he whispered a little louder, laying his hand gently against her cheek and brushing hair way from her eyes. She could have laid there listening to him say warm beautiful things to her all morning, but she opened her eyes at the word and stared up at him confused. This wasn't right. He never woke her up again. He was just supposed to leave. What was wrong now? "I have to ask you something," he stated finally. There was a nervous look in his eyes, a look that she didn't understand. Why would he be scared of her? What could possibly have him so nervous?

"What?" she asked, dragging her hand out from under the sheet and reaching for the hand that had been caressing her face.

"I wondered..." he muttered, avoiding her eyes, holding her hand tightly in his own and looking down at their interlocking fingers. "I wondered if you would like to have lunch with me," he finally choked out. "Perhaps a couple of hamburgers at Granny's. Saturday, maybe?" He finally looked up to meet her eyes and she beamed at him. A step forward!

It was like he'd heard her broken tired thoughts and answered her prayers! But then again, she wondered if maybe he'd had the same feelings too. If it wasn't just her imagination and he really was reluctant to leave her again. Did he miss this too? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? Had he stopped waiting for her to act on those feelings and decided to act on them himself? It certainly seemed like it. It was nice not to have to be the one solely responsible for their relationship. First when he'd told her about his past in the library, then when he'd come to rescue her from the library, and when he had told her about Bae last night before they'd fallen asleep. Now he was asking her to lunch! He was making an effort. He was taking those steps toward her that she had needed so badly weeks ago. It was a dream come true! It had taken him a while, but if this was the result then moving out had the perfect effect on him, which had an amazing effect on her. There was no way that she could refuse an offer like that.

"I would love to," she muttered with a smile softened by sleep.

He beamed back at her, the nervous glare finally gone from his gaze. Had he really expected her to say no? "I'll pick you up at the library then, around noon?"

"I'm looking forward to it," she assured him.

Then, just as she had expected earlier, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I love you," he muttered against her skin.

"And I love you, too," she responded.

He pulled the blankets up around her, and added the extra one that she kept at the foot of her bed just for extra measure. "Go back to sleep," he whispered "I'll see you soon."

Moments later she heard the click of the door and the snick of a key turning in its lock. She was surprised that it didn't make her feel sad or depressed as she thought it would. Instead her feeling of hope persisted. They had come one step closer to happily ever after and she was hopeful!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter or not I couldn't resist the urge to write him asking her out on a date! Now seemed like the perfect time especially since at this point in the timeline things seem to begin happening faster and faster. So, just to be clear, the morning this takes place is a Thursday, March 22nd to be exact. Which means that in two days, Saturday will be there date, Regina will crash the date because Cora is coming and that means that so are Mary Margaret and Emma, and you know what happens next...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	42. Normal Interruptions

She smiled, when he came for her at noon, a beautiful sight to her eyes-and probably her eyes alone. She threw her arms around him happily and kissed him, but nothing too embarrassing for public. It hadn't been long since she had said good-bye to him the morning after Ruby had left her tied up in the library, it had only been two days, but it felt like an eternity. And once again standing in his firm embrace brought her a sense of calm that she never achieved when he was away.

When they finally separated she'd locked up the library and they walked slowly to the diner, arm in arm. She liked walking like this with him, it gave her that same sense of closeness that she craved in their separation, which only served to remind her that sometimes she was only half of a whole. There would be no denying it now, no hiding it from people in town, who she was associated with and where she had been after the curse broke. But she didn't care. She could live with the strange stares and fearful looks people gave them as they crossed the street so long as he was smiling at her like he was now and muttering unimportant facts and other bits of knowledge at her. It made her happy.

The diner was crowded and she could tell the instant they walked in that it made him far more uncomfortable than the questionable stares made her. Fortunately she'd been here so much with Ruby that it was beginning to feel like a second home and between the familiar setting, the people she recognized, and with him at her side, she felt perfectly fine. So she grabbed his hand and walked to the free booth that Granny had pointed out to them from across the room. They settled in, taking off their jackets, as Granny walked over and greeted her with a smile and a quick hug. Him she greeted less than enthusiastically, but she offered him a sweet smile of support. She knew it wasn't easy for him to be polite and kind, especially when it was so obvious that others were upset by his presence and spoke to him in short agitated sentences. But she could see how hard he was trying, she knew that it was for her and she hoped that he could see how happy it made her.

He ordered them a couple of iced teas and hamburgers before Granny walked off and some, but not all, of the tension dissipated. So she reached across the cool table and took the hand that he offered her, giving it a squeeze. "Thank you" she muttered barely above a whisper so that no one but he would hear. They sat in silence for a few moments and suddenly she realized that this probably wasn't a good setting for the pair of them. He wasn't going to talk about anything personal while they were surrounded by all these people and she didn't want to make him feel exposed like that. She only wished that she had thought of that before, maybe suggested somewhere quieter to really give them some time alone.

But suddenly he broke the silence between them and began teaching her a game. Something called Rock, Paper, Scissors that, according to him, was a popular and easy way to pass time in this land. It wasn't a personal discussion but at least it was something...at least they were touching. He eagerly leaned forward and explained the rules to her, keeping her hand in his own and forming the correct positions gently.

She couldn't help but smile at him. It wasn't the game, it was the normalcy of it. Here they sat, the pair of them, about to have a hamburger, playing a game, and just enjoying being in each other's company. It was so...ordinary! She felt no different than when they had been living together. There was something that had been so beautiful, so domestic, about curling up in the living room and talking about their day, of making lunch and dinner, sharing their nights together. This produced that same feeling. Being here with him on a "date" as Ruby called it, she felt like she was the luckiest person in the world, even if the rest of the room was currently imagining just how she would meet her fate if the relationship ended badly. She hoped he felt the same.

Then again, her winning streak might have also had something to do with her happy feeling as well. Her two fingers against his flattened hand. She won. Then her fisted hand against the two fingers he made. Despite her winning with it last time, she'd won again. Her flat hand over his fisted one. He placed her hand over his fisted and muttered something about paper covering rock. "Did I win?" she asked, eyes wide.

"You did," he answered with a smile.

"Oh?!" she smiled, happy to see his grin. Despite the crowd, he was enjoying himself, she could tell.

"Again," he added almost surprised, drawing her attention back to the game.

"Third time," she gloated with raised eye brows and a smile.

"Third time in a row," he reminded her. She smiled looking down at her hand still comfortably covering his. Perfectly normal. Suddenly he glanced over her shoulder and sat back, removing his hand, separating them to clear the table. Lunch. She smiled as Granny sat the plates of strange food before them. She'd eaten here dozens of times, but she'd been saving the hamburgers for this moment. Exploring it without him just wouldn't have been right.

"They smell delicious Granny," she told the old woman with affection.

"They are delicious," she smiled back at her in a sweet caring voice. "Didn't take any dark magic either..." the old woman muttered her voice now sounding cocky. Almost normal. She took her eyes off the plate long enough to glance at Rumpelstiltskin. He'd heard it, but he was opting to stare at something just above her head, silently refusing to strike back. All the affection that she had for Ruby's grandmother and she found herself wishing she would leave the two of them alone, leave him alone. He was trying, couldn't she see that? "Oh," Granny continued while she tried to distract herself by picking at her food. "And, uh, I charge extra for the pickles," she added, sounding like charging him extra was revenge for some past offense. He simply nodded and gave a noise that he knew as she walked away. She was proud he hadn't taken the bait, that he had remained calm. He was trying to be on his best behavior, she knew that...and she appreciated it.

"I've a complicated relationship with her," he commented, making the excuse for them both and telling her there was another story to be told. "As I do with most people," he added trying to laugh it off, but she could tell how much the comments really bothered him and how difficult it was not to react to them.

She gave a snort of her own and leaned forward, trying to give comfort even if they were separated by the table. "Well, it, uh, it did take me a little time to get to know you," she pointed out. "They will," she reassured him confidently. It would take time, but she would help him get there.

"You know," he suddenly exclaimed reaching for the red ketchup bottle, "you should try it with ketchup. Condiments are this world's most powerful magic."

She took the bottle, giving a small smirk at his joke. This really couldn't be any better!

"Gold!" But apparently it could get worse. Her smile disappeared. Her thoughts vanished. Her heart automatically began to race as she felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over her head. She knew that voice. She knew it too well! And suddenly she felt like the room was too small, like there wasn't enough space, like she couldn't breathe! And it only got worse. "We need to talk," the Evil Queen ordered, coming over to their table, standing right next to her! It was the closest that she'd come to her since she'd been freed and her heart seemed to stop. She was the last person that she wanted to be around.

"Do we?" he asked with an irritated voice that she barely heard. She was trying to make herself as small as possible. But it was impossible for her captor not to notice her prisoner. Breathe...she had to breathe...how did breathing work again?

"Folks, uh, I think I might need to close early," Granny called behind her, only making her panic even more. "Everybody out!"

"No, it's okay," the Queen corrected raising her voice at Granny's request. "We're civil," she assured her. Civil? Civil?! Did she even know the meaning of that word? Did she know that what she'd done to her was making it hard for her to even swallow?!

She tried to calm herself down, to ease her mind, to get control of her reactions and fight the urge to run. She looked around her, out the window, at the people, anything to stop feeling like she was about to be imprisoned again! Or killed. Or tortured. Or slaughtered. Or-

"Yeah, for now," she glanced across the table at him.

Him. He was there. As long as he was around she was perfectly safe, she just had to remember that! She tried to focus on him, on his eyes, hoping the sight would calm her. But he wasn't looking at her. He was looking through her, irritated but also on his guard. She couldn't take her away, he wouldn't allow it. "Belle, you remember the woman who locked you up for twenty-eight years?" She heard his angry comment but couldn't respond to it. Fear kept her still. She knew there was no way this could end well. She didn't want to be here. If the Evil Queen wanted to talk to him then she could run back to the library and lock herself safely inside until he came to tell her it was safe. Yes, that was a good idea! She could do that!

But her mind wasn't working. She had to force herself to remember what to do, how to move, how to stand, how to leave. She'd have to get closer to the Evil Queen to move around her and that thought made her body tingle but after that...yes...yes she could do it! Her jacket, she had to find her jacket and then she could go, maybe with at least some of her dignity. "I...I should probably...just..."

"No, no," Rumple insisted. "Stay where you are." She glanced up at the Evil Queen quickly and then back at him wishing that he would have just let her leave. "Whatever she has to say won't be a secret from you. Whatever she wants..." he paused, sending a glance at the Evil Queen, she supposed to make sure she was paying attention, "she won't get." The words should have comforted her. He wasn't keeping secrets. That's what she had wanted all along. But it was hard to remember this with the Queen throwing her glances and standing so close!

"I'm actually coming about the one thing that might unite us," she snapped.

"And what on earth can that be?!" he asked flabbergasted. She knew that voice. It was the voice that he used when he wasn't taking anything seriously, when he was hiding behind his mask. She didn't know if it gave her comfort or panicked her now. She was as confused by the Queens words as he appeared to be. What could these two have in common? It couldn't be anything good!

The Queen leaned down closer to him, as if she was about to share a terrible secret. "Cora," she whispered, her voice breaking at the name. She watched his face. He was hiding his emotions, but she could see that something about the name startled him. Of course she doubted the Queen would see this but she could. A muscle twitched in his jaw nervously. "She's coming from our land," the Queen explained. "I need your help to stop her."

"She was dead," his words made her stomach twist. "You told me you saw the body," he whispered. But the tone was what scared her, hurt and pain. Suddenly she realized that her fear as beginning to flee, replaced by intense curiosity. What could have caused a response like that? Who was Cora? Why was she coming from their land? How was that even possible?! And why did she need his help to stop her? Why did they need to stop her?

"Well, apparently you taught her well," the Queen whispered in an annoyed tone, but she was focusing on his reaction, it was startling. Something about the woman pained him. The possibility of her coming back scared him. He'd plotted in her death. And he had taught this woman magic?! Obviously this wasn't just a random person. Who was she? She glanced over at him, hoping that he could read her mind and explain what was happening. "She's not. She's on her way and I don't think I need to remind you how most unpleasant that would be for both of us," she said desperation in her voice. She really wanted his help, maybe even needed it. But she'd chosen the wrong words. Blackmail and insults wouldn't work with him and she watched as he registered the possible threat, assessed it, and dismissed it.

"Yeah, for you," he replied smartly, finally looking at the Queen. "I can handle Cora," he said confidently.

The Queen looked shocked by his answer but recovered quickly with a disbelieving smirk. "That's not how she tells her story."

"I won in the end!" he said, his words more punctuated, so that she heard every word clearly. They were beginning to fight and it was making her nervous. They didn't need this, not today.

"Maybe, but there's a big difference this time," the Queen pointed out. "This time..." she glanced over at her with a glare that caused her panic to set in again, "you have someone you care about." As soon as those eyes left her face she glanced over at Rumple, expecting to be comforted. But the look he wore now told her that there was something to worry about. There was something to her threat after all. "This time, you have a weakness..." she whispered harshly. She hated being used over him like that. But she knew by the look on his face that the Queen had spoken the truth. Was that why she wanted her all those years ago? And what was so bad about this woman that they were talking about? What had happened between them in the past that her own life was now in danger?

"I...I'm sorry," she stuttered managing to find her voice in front of the Queen. "Who, who is this woman?"

"Someone you'll never meet," he assured her with a smile she knew was meant to be comforting. But it wasn't comforting. It was terrifying! She knew that tone only too well. The Queen had him; nobody threatened her and lived to tell the tale, he was going to do something about this. She just hoped that it was ultimately going to be good and not spoil the little progress that they had made.

"So you say she'd coming," he inquired, leaning forward and getting down to business. "Where is she now?"

"With  _them_ ," she answered. She didn't need to know who the 'them' was. It was all the entire town had been talking about, and the amount of spite she had said the word with made it obvious who she was talking about. Mary Margaret and Emma.

He glanced over at her, looking at their untouched food and back at her. "Belle I've got to take care of this," he breathed, disappointed. She swallowed, trying to ignore the Queen watching their private interactions. She didn't want to share them with anyone, least of all her! But he seemed to understand that and after a quick kiss on her cheek the two of them left together.

The diner went back to normal the moment the door closed, only now there were people casting her curious glances instead of the disgusted or hateful ones and their topic of discussion now revolved around the scene they had all just witnessed. She didn't care. Even with the Evil Queen gone she couldn't relax. Ruby quickly took the seat across from her and the two of them talked about the encounter, but she was only half paying attention as she watched Ruby eat the hamburger he was supposed to be sharing with her.

She was in love with the most powerful man in the town, who had a past darker than her nurses ebony hair, and more secrets than the clerics that cut their own tongues out to prevent them from being stolen even under pain of death. Normalcy wasn't something that would ever be normal for them. Normalcy was a fleeting gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normalcy is a fleeting gift. Isn't that pretty much the Swan song (pun intended) for Rumbelle? Belle gets it in this chapter. Just when things start to settle down something else always happens and when it does their life is interrupted. Is a happy and peaceful ending for them ever possible? I don't know, I hope so certainly but for now, it's not in the near future. And I think that one of Belle's strengths, you know the kind A&E are always promising we'll see but rarely take time to explore, is that despite the fact that she wants the happy ending, she's patient in waiting for it.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	43. Strengths and Weaknesses

When she heard the knock on the apartment door that evening her stomach twisted at the noise. Her first thoughts were ones of terror. Had something happened to him? Had the Evil Queen come back for her? Had Cora succeeded?! So much seemed to have happened since their attempted lunch but she hadn't left the library, hadn't left her apartment! She'd been waiting because somehow she knew that when everything was over he would be back to tell her that it was safe again. Or someone else would come for her and she'd know that she would never feel safe again. So when the knock came, she timidly looked through the little hole in her door and her breath caught when she saw that it was him.

Her excited fingers fumbled with the lock on her door, but she finally pulled the door open and saw him standing there before her. She paused for a moment, looking him over, before giving a sigh of relief that he seemed to be okay. Then, like a moth to the flame, she threw her arms around his neck and held him tight against her. She loved being with him, loved their nights together, and loved their shared kisses, but when her arms were wrapped around him and they were holding each other like this, nothing could ever compare to it. She didn't like not knowing where he'd gone or what he was doing. She didn't like not knowing if he'd ever come back to her.

"Belle," he whispered after a few moments, letting her know that it was alright to release him, to move on.

So she pulled away from his shoulder and placed her forehead against his own. "Are you okay?" she asked, her voice only a whisper so she could fight off her sniffle. It was hard enough fighting the tears in her eyes. She had no idea what had happened, why Regina had needed him to help her, but she knew that it wouldn't have been for anything good. And if it hadn't been for her, hadn't been for the threat the Evil Queen had made against her, then he wouldn't have gone in the first place. If something had happened to him, physically or emotionally, she would have been beyond sadness and guilt.

He nodded slightly, continuing to gaze into her eyes. That look was the one that killed her. The look that made her want to never look away or leave his embrace. He might not ever say the words, but he didn't need to because that look said it all for him: he needed her. "But more importantly..." he muttered after a moment, "so are you." A small trace of a smile lined his mouth. Wrong as she felt the comment was, she couldn't help but smile. Everything was okay, he wouldn't have said it, wouldn't have been here if he wasn't sure of it.

"Come on," she whispered, "come talk to me." He didn't fight her, just let her lead him into the small apartment and over to the couch. He seemed shell-shocked, his actions were stiff and rigid, making him hard to read. There was a great amount of relief in his face, most of it for her, but there beneath was the guilt. It didn't frighten her, it didn't even surprise her! She knew the lengths that he would go to protect her, as he had once promised. So how far had he gone this time? "I'll, uh, I'll make some tea..." but as she stood up she found his grip on her hand tightening, holding her in place. It wasn't like the gentle squeezes he'd given her in the past, simply to let her know that he loved her, this time he really was refusing to let go.

"Stay," he said. His was voice barely more than a whisper, but it was insistent. "Please," he added, trying to soften the command. This was as desperate as he got. And with an ungraceful plop she settled down on the sofa next to him and waited for him to tell her whatever it was that he needed to say. Because it was obvious that he needed to say something to her.

"Rumple," she held his hand securely between her own, resting the mound of fingers and palms on her knee. "What happened?" she asked, urging him to tell her what had happened after he had left Granny's. He looked at her from where he had squeezed himself back into the corner of the couch with a few fingers pressed to his temple like he had a headache, or like the thoughts in his head were torturing him. There was a pained look on his face, and she had the sudden feeling that she wasn't going to like what he was going to tell her. But she'd listen, no matter what. She just wanted him to talk to her. "You can tell me anything, Rumple, really you can," she encouraged.

Finally, her pleading looks broke him down and with a painful sigh he began to tell her the tale. Everything that he and Regina had done since the moment that he left her. From an incident with Henry to one with David, everything up to the shocking news that Mary Margaret and Emma had returned! Then, finally, what she knew he'd been reluctant to tell her. Everything that had happened at the well…including what he'd intended to happen and what the Queen and her son, Henry, had stopped him from doing. It made her stomach clench uncomfortably, but it didn't make her want to run from him. He had told her and that had to mean something! And she knew that in the end he'd done it to protect her. From the way that he talked about her she suspected that he liked Emma Swan and really hadn't wanted to harm her or Mary Margaret, but preventing Cora from coming back had been more important to him. Why? He'd left out one very important detail!

She swallowed and tightened her grip on his hand, reminding him that she was still there, and would be no matter what he said. "And Cora?" she asked. "Who is she exactly?"

He sighed. "One day, I'm going to tell you that," he whispered, looking at her from under tired eye lids, "just not today." Her heart dropped, but she was surprised that it didn't break as she would have expected it to. He wasn't saying no, he was just tired, over worked, and passed his emotional capability. She could see that clearly! He would tell her eventually...just not now. After the day that he had, she could understand why he wanted some peace. It was why he needed her. She was his peace. And yet, as the Queen had pointed out, she was also more than that...or was it less?

She glanced at their hands, still entangled upon her knee, so joined she thought it would be heartbreaking to separate them. She wasn't angry, she felt guilty, felt like it was her fault that he had been forced to do what he'd done. After all, the Queen had used her against him. And the thought that she could be used like that, like a pawn in a chess game to sway him any way someone wanted, it made her sick.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out with a swallow. "I'm sorry that she used you like that...that she used me against you like that."

At her words he sat up a little straighter. "She didn't," he insisted. "One way or another I would have come to the same conclusion. I would have done it all over again to keep you safe. Whether she realized it first or I did, I would have done the same thing."

Somehow his words didn't make her feel better, they made her feel worse. Like she was somehow the center of all the trouble they had and would have. All the progress he'd made and it could all be undone with nothing more than the mention of her name coupled with a threat. She didn't know that would be the problem. She had never wanted to be his weakness, at least not now that they were like this! She thought that he was more vulnerable before, when they hadn't been involved, wasn't that why those three women had used her the way they did? Now that they were together, truly together in every way, she'd hoped that she would be the exact opposite of his weakness. And the look on his face, made her feel like she didn't deserve it. Like she didn't deserve all of these wonderful moments that they could have if it meant causing him this much pain and suffering. She didn't want him to resort to his old ways to protect her. But he couldn't let anything happen to her, because he would revert for sure if he didn't have her. He knew that just as much as she did.

"I don't want to cause you problems," she admitted to him, "I didn't know that I made you weak." Her voice cracked on the last word and his eyes widened as he stared at her, looking shocked at the words. "I never wanted to be your weakness, not with those women that took me and not with..." Cora, whoever she was...

But suddenly his hand seemed to clench around hers in an unbreakable grip. "You are," he muttered staring at her, looking like he had just swallowed a very large pill, like he'd just now realized how true those words were. "You are my weakness," he said slowly, the words coming easier to him this time. Then he sat up and moved forward touching his one free hand against her cheek. She leaned into that touch, trying to gain a little comfort from it, trying not to cry. She didn't like the idea of being his weakness, of being the one thing that people could use to abuse and control him-

"But you are also my greatest strength," he whispered quickly, "never doubt that my beautiful Belle. Never." She opened her eyes and looked at him, the truth of what he had just said was written all over his face, and the words calmed her. But after trying so hard to keep her tears in, she just couldn't any more. Sometimes it felt like she spent half her life crying because of things he said.

As tears began to slide down her cheeks she pulled her hand free from his grasp and wrapped both of her arms around his waist. He cocooned her against him. Stealing a quick kiss from her lips, then pressing one to her forehead, and guiding them back against her small couch. She buried her head in his chest and finally felt him really and truly relax in her arms. They didn't say anything; they didn't do anything, just basked in the comfortable feeling of holding each other. She didn't have all the answers that she had wanted, all the answers that she had needed, but she found that she didn't need them right now. And she wouldn't trade this moment for anything in this world, theirs, or even the next.

His strength. Maybe that was how it always was. Maybe a person's strength could often be found in their weakness. She, for one, thought it was true for her. He made her better, he made her the person that she wanted to be, he completed her. And when something between them wasn't right, when she couldn't see him or have him in her life, it had the power to break her. He was her greatest strength, and her most profound weakness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love being right. Pretentious, you might say, but come on you like being right too. Though...maybe "right" isn't the right word here, maybe what I mean to say is that I like confirmation that things are on track. One of the reasons I write this series is because I feel like I get Belle. I feel like I understand her character and have so much in common with her that I know what she's say and do. Rumple...he's a bit more of a mystery. But I do my best with him and as the season go on I feel like I'm getting a better understanding on him. When I opened this chapter up after 3x11 because I thought it might need a bit of editing I was pleased to find that it didn't need any. All of what he said in 3x11 matches up to this chapter and that makes me feel just so...awesome! And yes maybe a bit pretentious!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	44. Returning the Favor

She woke up the next morning with a deep sigh, not sure what had woken her so suddenly. But as conciousness claimed her she became more and more aware of the strange position that she was in and the foreign aches and pains she felt in her back, neck, and knees. She could feel something moving up and down her back and shoulder as her head rested against something soft. When she opened her eyes it took her a moment to remember where she was and how she had gotten here. She was curled up on the couch in her apartment, still in the clothes that she had worn yesterday. The fabric against her cheek belonged to one of his suits and that meant that it was his hand trailing up and down her back as he sat against the corner of her couch holding her as she rested against him.

They must have fallen asleep right here. She took another deep breath and glanced up at him. He met her gaze, offering her a gentle smile, as the hand at her back stopped its soothing motion. "Morning," she muttered, happy to see him there.

"Good morning," he confirmed in a voice that suggested he'd been up for a while longer than she had. She didn't want to think about how long she had kept him trapped there. Obviously sleeping like this on the couch wasn't the best way for the body to rest and suddenly the aches and pains made a lot more sense to her. But if it made her muscles this tense she couldn't imagine how bad his must be.

"You could have woken me," she suggested. "We could have gone to bed."

"I wasn't entirely uncomfortable," he admitted, his hand moving some of the hair out of her face, "or unhappy." She missed waking up next to him every morning, the tender way he always made sure she was warm under the covers and kissed her forehead before telling her that he loved her and he'd see her later. But waking up to find him just as happy to be the pillow that she rested upon was just as wonderful. She loved being reminded of how kind he really could be, how soft his heart really was.

She managed to stretch her joints and make her body move enough to reach up to reach up and kiss him before pushing herself off of him and letting her stiff knees unfold from beneath her to touch the floor. This must have been what bread felt like when it was stale. "Don't you have to go to the shop?" she asked.

"It can wait." She liked that, especially after the last time he'd stayed the night he'd woken and left quickly just as always. No. She was only partially right, he had left quickly but he'd also sat at the side of her bed and asked her timidly to lunch at Granny's, a memory that still made her beam with delight. "I have a spare suit in the shop," he commented as she rubbed her eyes, "but if I could use your shower…"

She smiled. What did he expect? That she would make him go home when he really didn't have to? That he could share her bed and her couch, but not put a spare suit in her closet and never use her shower? "Of course," she muttered squeezing the hand on his knee. "I'll make you some breakfast." They enjoyed one final silent glance before both springing into action. He moved off the couch grabbing his cane and disappearing into the small bathroom. She padded softly into the kitchen and took out the box of Granny's muffin mix that Ruby had gotten her as an apology for trapping her, but the way that night had worked out, when he'd come to her aid, she really should have been the one to thank Ruby.

She made the blueberry muffins and when he finally emerged from the bathroom, he was only half dressed, his jacket, vest, and tie slung over his arm, shoes in hand as he made his way over to her. He was smiling, but as he sat down to tie his shoes and finish dressing she could see that he wasn't as relaxed as he'd been when they woke up. It didn't take a genius to see he was torn. On the one hand he wanted to remain here and spend more time with her, but on the other hand he was also a creature of habit and she knew he wanted to get to the shop, see what had happened now that Emma and Mary Margaret had returned. She understood. It was in his nature to be inquisitive and know what was going on in the world around him, she loved that about him.

"Belle," she glanced up at him just in time to see him pull something black out of the pocket of his suit jacket. "I nearly forgot," he held the object out for her. A cell phone. She'd seen Ruby carrying one of these, she knew what it was and what it did, but she'd never really considered needing one before. The only people she might need to get in touch with she could easily walk to or use the public pay phones, or the one in the library. Nevertheless, he slipped it into her palm, "I want you to have this."

"I don't understand," she muttered, taking it and looking it over, confused.

"It's just a precaution," he explained, "in case Regina decides to come after you again, or if you should ever need anything. You can carry it with you and always get in touch with me, no matter where you are."

She glanced up at him, and smiled as she considered the kind implications of that statement. "Thank you," she muttered happily. So this was what it felt like to be pursued, to be wanted! It felt wonderful and she wished there was some way to let him know just how much she appreciated it. Then again, maybe there was. He'd taken a step, multiple steps, to be with her again. Why couldn't she take one as well? "Rumple, um..." she took a deep breath, "we didn't get to finish our lunch the other day," she pointed out trying to push the words nervously out of her words. "Maybe I could come over to the shop sometime?" she suggested. "I could...make us some lunch...maybe?"

She watched as his hurried expression turned to one of unexpected gratefulness. Maybe even a hint of accomplishment, like he had just achieved something he'd been working hard on. But then again, she supposed he had. Someone as powerful as him didn't have to work for much, and she was proud of him for the efforts that he had put into himself for her since she'd left. He smiled so deeply the corners of his gentle eyes crinkled and after a moment he finally collected himself and took a step closer to her.

"You are welcome in my shop, and my life, anytime you wish," he whispered with gentle certainty, words carefully chosen, letting her know that he wanted to share more than a shop, more than a physical space with her. He already shared his heart, now he just needed to open it up further, and she had no doubt that he would, he'd already told her the hardest part about his son. Everything else was easy compared to that.

"A couple of days, then?" she asked, giving enough of a time frame to keep a safe distance between them, but not so much that it would be too much time apart.

"I look forward to that day," he said with a nod.

There was a moment of hesitation between them, perfect stillness as they both decided what to do next. That was one of the things about this separation that killed her the most. It was so simple before she'd left, now every motion seemed over thought and cautious. She was done with that, with questioning everything when they were together. From now on, she wanted to do what felt right, no second thoughts or hesitation. So she stepped forward, let her fingers tangle in the hair at the back of his neck, and kissed him. Once. Then twice. Then a third time before pulling away and resting her forehead against his own as he continued to hold her there. They stood there for a long moment, both thinking of a million different things: regrets, desires, and thankfulness. The feelings of completeness they felt when they were together and how much they missed it when they were apart. Even if it was only for a short time. It was a miracle they'd found each other, and even more so that they'd kept each other.

"I have to go," he whispered suddenly, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I know," she nodded, letting her grip on him loosen so that she could turn and wrap a muffin up in a napkin for him to take with him. "I'll see you soon," she smiled as he took it and stole another kiss.

"Soon," he confirmed with a hopeful smile of his own. They were definitely heading in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course if I was going to write the chapter where he asked her out on a first date then I had to have the chapter where he gave her the cell phone. I think, in my personal Moments head canon he was planning on giving it to her after lunch at the diner, but of course...Regina. Well, doesn't matter. Now she has it. Now she is officially a girl of the twenty-first century, even with a dinosaur phone like mine, and in a few chapters when we are in 2x11, she'll have that way to call for help!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	45. A Taste of Magic

She had been looking forward to this all morning. All of yesterday really. Ever since she'd decided that she didn't want their encounters to be random or few anymore! She wanted to see his shop, to see him, to finally finish the lunch they'd started! And more than anything, she wanted him to explain what was so bad about the woman named Cora! She wanted to know why she had scared him. She didn't have her answers yet, but she was going to get them. Now that the terror seemed to be passed, she had every intention of asking him today, over lunch.

She made the pair of them some sandwiches so that they wouldn't have to go to Granny's and run the risk of being interrupted again, so that they could have some privacy and quiet to discuss what had happened. So she let herself into his shop, warmed more by his smile than the heat itself, and set the basket with their lunch on the counter between them. He reached for her hand and kissed her quickly before releasing her and taking a peek inside the basket as she removed her jacket and gloves.

"Ah well that looks delicious!" he beamed. "Thank you very much, Belle!" She smirked at the compliment, glancing down into the basket. It was just sandwiches, easy, but it was enough. Besides, she knew that it was the company that really mattered at the moment anyway.

But as she reached in to set the food out, the little bell over the door rang and instantly she regretted the fact that she'd forgotten to lock the door behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to find David and two other people that she didn't recognize marching into his shop with determination. Couldn't they have one lunch without interruption?!

"Ah! Nothing warms the heart more than a family reunited!" he said with a smirk, moving from his spot behind the counter, taking control of the situation, like he knew how to do so well. But she looked between the two parties, wondering what to do, how to respond. A family reunited? Emma and Mary Margaret. She hadn't met them yet, only heard the tale of their return days ago! Was this them then? Who else could it be? What would they want?! "You have your mothers chin, Ms. Swan!"

"We know that you killed him!" the blonde, Emma she assumed from the stories, interrupted suddenly.

"And your fathers tact..."

She looked over at him, shocked by the words, feeling like the bottom had just fallen out of her world. "Someone's dead?" she asked hearing her voice waiver for a moment. He'd killed someone? Really? He'd killed a person?! She felt tears gathering in her eyes as she fought back her panic. What had he neglected to tell her now?

"Dr. Hopper" Emma answered blandly, looking at her with suspicion. She didn't like that look. It was the one nearly everyone in town looked at her with. The one that screamed that if he was with her then she might very well be hiding something too! But she wasn't. How could she? She knew Archie Hopper, not very well but she knew him. He was one of the people that Ruby had introduced her to! She hadn't really gotten the opportunity to speak to him at length, but she knew that he was a good man, a kind man, one that was nearly as perceptive as she was. He'd known she was upset over being away from Rumpelstiltskin, he never once judged her for it, never once looked at her in the way that Emma was looking at her now. Archie Hopper was dead. And Rumple had killed him?

"Why on earth would you think I had anything to do with that?" It was a simple phrase, a simple question, but the curiosity behind it was genuine...and the look on his face was one of complete and utter astonishment. Relief flooded back into her body with that question. He'd been caught off guard by the news of Archie's death and the only way that was possible, was if he really had nothing to do with it! He hadn't killed the cricket!

"Because all the evidence points to Regina!" Emma pointed out angrily.

"And she's not possibly capable of doing something so vile?!" she spat, shaking her head at Emma's words! He hadn't done this, he wasn't guilty! She should never have allowed herself to believe that he was guilty in the first place! Now that she saw it her place was by his side. Besides, her logic was flawed. The evidence pointed to Regina, the Evil Queen, the woman who murdered just for fun and she automatically assumed that meant Rumpelstiltskin had done it?! Killed a cricket he had no quarrels with, for no personal gain, no reason at all?! If the evidence pointed to Regina then why not accuse Regina?!

"It's a frame job," Emma explained away with a harsh tone and another glare in her direction.

"It wouldn't be the first time you used someone to try to hurt her," Mary Margaret pointed out. She didn't like this; all she wanted was for them to fit into this world like normal people. But the expressions on their face, their stances, all said the same thing. They were incapable of trusting him. She didn't know if their prejudices were well founded, maybe they had given him one too many chances, maybe it was something else, there were hundreds of stories she had to learn from his past, but they were just that: they were the past! But what she couldn't understand was why they couldn't accept him as he was now? It seemed like ages had passed since he brought magic to town but she knew that the only thing he was working on now regarded Baelfire! Why couldn't they leave them in peace?!

"Nice to see your memory is still intact, dearie," he responded politely, with a sly smirk that told her there was more to that accusation than he was letting on, "but this time I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you; it wasn't me."

"Why should we believe you?" David asked skeptically, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Because I can prove it," he claimed. "Ask the witness."

"No one was there," Emma spat back at him

"Well that's not strictly true, now is it."

"Pongo!" Emma burst out after a moment, before glancing back at her parents. "Pongo was there!"

"Pongo's a dog, Emma," Mary Margaret reminded gently.

"And he has eyes doesn't he?" Rumple interrupted. "Let's put them to good use. Bring him to me." The family looked around at each other skeptically before Emma nodded in compliance and David left the shop in a hurry. Emma and Mary Margaret stayed behind, watching him, she assumed, to be sure that it wasn't a distraction so he could escape. But it was senseless really. He had magic if he was guilty, then he could only too easily leave this place. The fact that he wasn't only served to convince her more. She didn't know how he'd known about Pongo, Archie's dog, but she could see that he was confident the dog would vindicate him.

"Belle," he whispered, turning his back on his babysitters and glancing at the meal left on the countertop. He'd changed, in an instant she could see Rumpelstiltskin had faded away, and the man facing her now was only Rumple...an honest and guilt free man. "I'm sorry that we-"

But she only reached out and touched his arm, smiling as she shook her head at the inconvenience. "It's fine," she assured him. It was better than fine. He was innocent, he intended to help them catch the real culprit and prove his innocence, he hadn't lied to her. If they had to be interrupted, she was glad this was how it had turned out. Besides, he was innocent, as soon as he proved it, the family wouldn't stay long. "I'll stay," she muttered.

Another smile broke over his face at her insistence, but before he could say anything, Emma cleared her throat and he glanced over at their visitors, both watching their interaction with interest, shock, and confusion on Mary Margaret's part. It was an unfortunate reminder. They weren't alone yet and she could see that he knew it as well. "In the back," he muttered unhappily, before placing a hand at the small of her back and escorting the women with him back behind the curtain. It was crowded, and awkward, but the four of them waited quietly for David to return. When they finally heard the bell over the front door chime, she thought she could feel the stale air disappear into relief among them all.

David led the Dalmatian into the back room on a leash and she watched, fascinated as a gentle smile, the one she'd only ever seen him use for her, washed over his face. "Hey boy, good boy," he cooed, crouching down to actually pet the animal. His reaction surprised her. She would never have guessed that he liked animals, never have guessed he would have this kind of response to the creature. It was, dare she even think the thought, adorable! Would wonders never cease with this man in her life? "I ah…didn't know you were such a dog person!" she smiled, trying to hide her amusement. It was a hopeless cause.

"Well...a long time ago, in another life, I got to know a sheep dog or two," he commented mysteriously. Yet another story to ask when they were alone in private.

"That's fascinating," Emma said in a flat unimpressed tone. Whether or not Rumple cared she certainly resented the voice enough for the both of them. She had no idea just how protective of him she was until they stood before judgmental untrusting eyes. And Emma was certainly both. "But unless you can speak dog...how is Pongo gonna tell us anything?"

"With magic of course!" he pointed out like it was obvious. She supposed that it was. "It won't allow us to communicate but it will allow us to extract his memories."

"Extract?!" David said with concern.

"You don't have to worry he won't feel a thing," he reassured them gently, still admiring the dog that had found a soft spot in his heart.

"Why should we trust you?" Emma argued. "You could just as easily use magic to fool us."

"Because I'm not going to be the one using magic...you are."

"Me?" Emma questioned skeptically. "How?" But something about the way she questioned him made her want to back away from the girl. She was skeptical, but if she wasn't mistaken buried beneath the skepticism, the timidness, the fear, there was something else. Curiosity? Maybe even eagerness?

"You have it within you," he pointed out moving over to one of the many cabinets, "told me so yourself. You witnessed it didn't you?" She followed his gaze as he glared at the young mother standing in the corner. She didn't deny it, but she didn't exactly look thrilled with the pronouncement either. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She looked as if she knew it was true and wished it wasn't. She looked terrified.

"Emma, you don't have to do this," she pointed out timidly. Yes, that was certainly fear in her voice.

"If it tells us something about Archie's death, then so be it," she responded with determination. This time there was no mistaking it, barely a hint of hesitation, hardly a waver in her tone. Yes, she was certain now, that was curiosity. About magic? About seeing what she could do? As the curse's Savior? As the product of true love? Was her curiosity good or bad in this case? Magic could go either way all it took was a taste. Would this be a good one or a bad one? And really, in the end, which was worse?

The final decision made, she watched as Rumple removed a box from cabinet, opened it, and revealed...a dream catcher! She'd seen them in books but never up close. "Do you know what this is?" he asked Emma, holding it up and taking ginger steps toward her.

"A dream catcher," she responded. This time there was fear in her voice. No. Not fear. But something else. Amazement. Nerves? Too many emotions to contain. Was there something about dream catchers in this land that she wasn't familiar with? Or was it just the catcher itself that was making her uncomfortable?

Rumple chuckled as he moved closer to Pongo. "Well, it's capable of catching so much more," he muttered menacingly. He was in his element, she knew that. He liked knowing exactly what was going on when others were unsure and she couldn't very well complain because he was using the magic for good, but they were going to have to have a discussion about his tone of voice. Even if she knew it was a façade they might not. Did he have to make it sound terrifying? Was it terrifying?

She watched as he caught the dogs attention, took the catcher and dragged it down the canines skull and back. As he did, the object lit up with...something. Maybe she'd misunderstood, maybe it wasn't nearly as innocent as it looked. "What is that?" she asked taking a step closer to him.

"Memories," he answered immediately, even held it up and shifted his body so that she could see it better. It was comforting in a strange way. He wasn't lying, that much was obvious in his tone, and if he was showing it to her, allowing her to come closer to it, then it really wasn't nearly as wicked as she thought it might have been. Trust. She trusted him. No matter what she thought of Emma she knew that he wouldn't let anything happen to her or do anything that would endanger her. Maybe a taste of good magic was something he desperately needed in his life.

"Now Miss Swan," he went on, moving away from her and toward Emma, "you show us what happened?"

"How? It's just a jumble?" she questioned glancing down at it. She still looked curious, but now that she was face to face with the reality he presented her with, she finally looked nervous, a good sign in her eyes. That was how she should see it.

"Will it," he commanded. "Will it and we shall all see."

There was hesitation and curiosity on both sides. She took the slightest step closer to him, David and Mary Margaret stepped closer to each other and their daughter. Emma looked between him and the object that he held out to her, silently debating, wondering, face shifting from nervous fear to downright curious desire. Then, resigned, she took a breath and plucked the object from his hands. She held it in front of her and squinted her eyes at it, looking more like she had a headache or couldn't see right than anything.

"I can't," she responded, almost too quickly.

But instead of giving up, instead of handing it over, and allowing him to do it for them, instead of taking it from her and doing it himself he moved closer. "Yes, you can," he encouraged with an insistent nod of the head. She could. There was no doubt about that in her mind, now. The question was, would Emma know that?

Emma gave the smallest of nods and then, as she glanced away from him, closed her eyes tight. It wasn't as efficient as his own brand of magic was, but she watched as the dream catcher's light finally flared and revealed...images! Clear crisp images!

"Emma," David whispered amazed, "you're doing it!" She watched with the rest of them as the images played out before their eyes.

Archie, the doctor, answered his door. "Regina!" Emma gasped in surprise, as they all observed the man letting the Evil Queen into the room. The pair appeared to be having a conversation, though she couldn't make out words from the object. Then, suddenly, the Queen reached forward and put her hand around Archie Hoppers throat! She watched in horror as she choked the life out of him with magical strength and no remorse or hesitation at all! The result of a bad taste of magic.

Mary Margaret let out a heart wrenching noise and threw herself into the arms of David, clearly upset by the startling images of her friend's death. She was proud of herself for being subtle and turning away from the sickening sight despite the fact that she felt like she was about to start panicking again, the fact that she wanted nothing more than to dissolve into tears and wrap herself around him as Mary Margaret had David. But she was startled to find, only a second later, Rumple's hand enveloping her own, without making it obvious to everyone else. A subtle, but reassuring, gesture. One that would get her through until she could let him hold her.

"You were right all along!" Emma breathed astounded, as she heard something fall to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Emma," her father breathed.

"And now if you are quite satisfied that I am not the murder you're seeking-"

"We'll go," Emma interrupted quickly. "We have to find her! We have to catch Regina and make sure Henry is okay so she can't hurt him!" They wasted no time after that. David whispered something in Mary Margaret's ear that made her nod and pull away from his embrace, they gathered their things, and after grabbing Pongo's leash again, they hurried out of the shop, presumably to find the Evil Queen.

It was only after he watched them go and heard the tinkling of the bell that he turned to her, running a hand up her arm, quickly becoming once more the man that she loved instead of the Dark One. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he whispered, his eyes searching hers, asking without words if she was okay. "I'm so sorry you had to see that." She didn't want to overdo it, after all she had barely known the doctor, but there was something about watching him die by the hands of the woman who had held her captive and threatened her own life that set tears in her eyes. Unable to hold it in anymore, she threw her arms around his neck and held on tight, taking all the comfort that he had to offer as he rubbed her back.

It wasn't so much the death that had frightened her, but fear itself. She couldn't know what the doctor had done to anger the Evil Queen, if anything, but it meant for sure that she was still ready and willing to take lives. What would she do if she ever invaded her apartment late at night? Or stepped into her precious library during the day? Or used magic to sneak up on her when she wasn't paying attention?! She was beginning to see why he had given her that phone, why he'd worried about her being in town. There were risks here. Real dangers.

Somehow she became aware that he was speaking to her. Telling her she would be okay, pointing out that so far she hadn't come after her, and if she wanted to keep her life she wouldn't dare harm her again. No matter what she would be safe. She loosened her death grip and nodded against him, but was still unwilling to put space between them. She was safe. Right here, right now, she was safe. He was safety. And he was innocent. He'd helped to prove that he was innocent.

She swallowed her grief down on that thought alone, letting it be as much a comfort to her as he was. "I knew you hadn't done it" she admitted to him with a choked voice. He didn't say anything, just drew her to him again and held her tighter so that she could feel his relief and gratitude at the comment.

She didn't know what it was like to live a life where no one ever trusted you and, even worse, only ever thought bad things about you. But he did. He needed a supporter. He needed someone to believe that he could be good. Maybe more than someone who believed it, he needed someone to know it. She knew it; he'd tasted both sides of magic, good and bad, she knew what he was capable of, what he could do. He wasn't just darkness, he was light and goodness, too. She could feel it in the way that he was holding her now like his life depended on it, in the words that he whispered in her ear, even in the way that she automatically trusted him with her life without a second thought. She would be safe because he needed her to be safe. Because his life depended on her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the length of this chapter ya'll. I try to keep them short and split them in two when they get to be this big but the split wouldn't work here. It just wasn't natural and so this becomes a freakishly long chapter! "Oh Treatian, I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about how Belle says she's never seen Emma before when clearly 3x22 shows us that she has!" Yes, but if you'll go back to MK&U, oh devoted reader, you will notice that I tried to keep the focus in that chapter on Rumple. Belle hardly notices Emma or Hook and that preserves the first meetings with Hook, at the end of MK&U, and with Emma here.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	46. A Place to Hide

The day Archie died she couldn't have stayed away from Rumpelstiltskin if she wanted to. Not anymore. Not knowing that the Evil Queen was out there, killing again, willing to murder someone as innocent as Archie Hopper. It put her on edge. She'd only meant to spend an hour or so with him for lunch that day, but after the news she'd stayed with him nearly the rest of the day. The thought of being alone in a large library, with Regina missing and lots of places to hide, made her pulse race. So they talked for a while, she read a book she found in the back, and fell asleep on the cot, perfectly at peace with him working in the room beside her. He told her that she didn't have to go, that she could stay for as long as she wanted after the sun went down but eventually she'd gone back over to the library and spent a sleepless night, tossing and turning, wishing he was there, and startling at every little noise she heard.

But it didn't just seem to be her that was nervous. The day after, nearly the second she had gone downstairs to start cleaning, he'd knocked on the white doors, and she'd let him in happily. He kissed the place her shoulder met her neck and made up some excuse about needing something before spending the morning searching the place up and down for the "something" that she came to assume was the Evil Queen. If he found anything he didn't tell her, merely asked her to lunch when the time came and escorted her to Granny's, where Ruby promptly informed her that there would be a funeral for Archie in a few days, by the end of the week. There would also be a small gathering the night before and, if she wanted to, she would love for her to be there. She agreed and pair of them gathered up their order and wandered back over to the warmth of his shop where they shut the world out and finally ate their hamburgers.

He didn't seem to mind that she stayed again that afternoon. In fact, she secretly thought that he might have liked having her this close. He moved around her like she was no trouble at all, like she fit into this shop and his life just as perfectly as any of the other objects that dwelled there. She read her book again, felt at peace, and comfortable enough to lay out on the cot and finally get the sleep she'd missed the night before. It wasn't until it was dark outside that he woke her again by perching on the edge of the small cot, kissing her forehead, and whispering his predictable "Beautiful Belle" against her skin. It made her wake up with a smile as she reached up and covered the hand he had at her cheek with her own.

"Would you like to go to dinner?" he asked quietly. She smiled and nodded her head. Being with him in the shop was wonderful, but now that he mentioned it, now that she was awake, she was a little hungry. She sat up slowly, removing the blanket that he must have placed over her as she slept. "Belle," he muttered suddenly, moving slightly closer to her and looking at her with uncertainty. What had caused that so quickly? "There is something I have to ask you."

Another "date"? That was what he'd said the last time he'd asked? But they'd been out so many times since then...why did he look so nervous, so scared?! "Ask," she insisted, placing a hand against the one on his knee.

"There is something I must do tomorrow night, a task," he explained quietly. "I wondered if you would accompany me?" Accompany him? On an errand? To complete a task?! Of course she would! But what task would make him look like that?!

"What is it?" she asked, reaching forward and brushing the hair out of his face.

"I can't tell you that now," he said with a shake of his head. "But I promise, tomorrow night I will. I want you to know...everything." Everything. Everything! She wanted to know now, but a promise of everything?! A promise with nothing attached to it, a promise that wouldn't be broken...she could wait for that.

So she leaned forward, wrapped her arms around him, and whispered "I'll be there."

"Thank you," he whispered against her.

She was so excited that she could burst, but somewhere in her mind she heard the caretaker spring to life. "Do I need to bring anything?" she asked, wondering if she had shopping to do, if they were going somewhere far or dirty.

"Not a thing," he answered. "We'll be staying close to home, here in town."

At that utterance something she hadn't planned on burst out of her mouth, a suggestion and bold request. "I could make dinner for us afterward, at the apartment. You could stay the night..."

He paused for a bit at the request, knowing, just as she did, what she was requesting of him, what it meant. "If you'll have me?" he questioned.

She only smiled. They'd been together more than they'd been apart during their separation, but he seemed to understand that the invitation, not the unexpected arrival, not the instinctual visit, into her apartment meant that their "separation" was over. She was ready for it, ready for them to share more than a shop, or a library, a meal, or the occasional necessary night together. So she grabbed for his hand, held it secure in her own, and smiled at him. "You are welcome in my home, and my life, any time," she muttered, repeating the words that he'd said to her nearly a week ago. Maybe it was too soon, maybe she was giving in too easily. But she was ready to move on from the mistake he'd made weeks ago. She wanted him back in every way, they'd see where this would go from there.

So, the next morning, she was pleased when he brought a couple of suits over to her apartment and placed them in her closet. She was happy when he went to the store with her over lunch to buy groceries. And she was finally comfortable when they separated that afternoon, barely thinking of the Evil Queen, and counting down the hours until he'd asked her to show up at the shop and meet him.

When the time finally came, she ran across the street quickly and stepped into the now familiar shop, ignoring the "closed" sign. The door wasn't locked, in anticipation of her arrival, so she locked it up herself and lowered the shades for him, as they both prefered when she was over and didn't even bother to look for him. He was in the back. He was always in the back. And unsurprised by her prompt arrival. As always she walked around the table and kissed him swiftly, which he predictably returned to her, perfectly happy. "Thank you for coming," he murmured as she pulled away from him.

"Of course," she muttered. How could she not come? If he asked her to do something, if he wanted to take her somewhere, then it could only be a step in the right direction. She wouldn't pass that up for anything. Although, as she looked down at the objects in his hands she furrowed her brow in confusion, not understanding. A black scarf and paper with strange marks on it. "What, uh," she met his eyes again, "what are we doing?" she asked curiously.

He smiled gently and looked at her with excitement. "Belle...I'm getting closer everyday to my Baelfire," he explained to her happily. She knew he was working on it. She didn't know how close he was to accomplishing the goal though. "It could be any day now and things in town being what they are at the moment, there is something that I must do before I go." He said mysteriously, although she knew that he thought he made perfect sense. He reached out and grabbed the hand she'd set on her hip. "You already know, but I didn't want it to be a secret from you. I wanted you to know…everything," he said after a strained pause, just as he had when he'd told her of his plans. It was like even saying the words went against everything he believed in.

She still didn't know what they were going to do, but she liked it already. So she tightened the grip that he'd had on her hand and brought it to her lips. "You can tell me anything...everything. Your secrets are safe with me."

He smiled, then reached forward and touched her cheek. "I know that." Before she could move he reached forward and kissed her again quickly, then planted one against her forehead. "Come with me," he muttered suddenly, taking her hand again and leading her into the main room. She stood on the other side of the counter, watching him as he reached for a simple picture, but instead of removing it she was shocked to find that it swung forward, revealing something black behind it.

"What is that?" she asked looking at the out of place square.

"This is my safe. It's made of strong steel and it is impenetrable. Unless…" he glanced back at her, "you have a key." He reached across for her hand, which she gave and looked into her eyes, not with passion, as he so often did, but with serious desperation. Suddenly she felt something cold slide into her palm, the temperature made her jump and she looked down. A key now sat there. He was giving her the key to his safe! "You have the only copy," he informed her sternly. She was astounded at his words, at his actions. Part of her couldn't believe he was giving her the key, even as she stared at it. He really had meant that he was going to tell her everything, and having access to something so private and protected as the safe made her happy, but also utterly confused. Why was he giving this to her? What values did the box before her hold? And what could have prompted him to give this secret away? The Evil Queen? Archie? And surely he hadn't brought her over here just to learn about safes and locks. What were they really going to do?

"Keep it safe, Belle. Can you do that?" he asked finally with a look that left no room for jokes or light heartedness.

"Ye-yes" she stuttered, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by everything he'd told her, she had to shake herself to come back to reality. How long would it take for this shock to wear off? "Yes. But...but why-"

He held up his hand to silence her and turned back to the safe, but only after throwing a final look to all the windows and doors, making sure that no one could see into the shop. He turned his own small key in the lock of the square and she realized that the square was only a door. He pulled a lever, which opened the door completely to reveal a crevice behind it. Within she caught a glimpse of brown fabric and a flash of metal. He removed the metal object and closed the door, hiding it once more behind the picture, before finally facing her so that she could see the object in his hand clearly. Her jaw dropped.

It was a jagged dagger, with his name imprinted on one side. He laid the black scarf out on the table before him and placed the blade regally upon it.

"The Dark Ones Dagger," he muttered reverently staring down at it.

She knew that. Well...she hadn't  _known_ exactly, before now. She'd thought it was a myth! Of all the books she'd read in their kingdom, all the passages that she'd read about him, The Dark One, she'd only ever found one passage that featured the dagger. Two, if she counted the passage she'd found in that terrible book Samuel had been carrying around with him. She'd figured it wasn't real, that it was just a myth, the book she'd read had even said that no one really knew if it was real or not because if it was real it hadn't been seen in centuries. Now she knew why. He had it. It was real.

"This is the dagger that gave me my power," he explained answering the question she hadn't even gotten to ask...her attention was too focused on the object before her. "This is the only way the Dark One can be killed, the only way to acquire the powers." She was trying hard to remember if she knew that or not. If that one passage she'd read had stated those two things but she couldn't remember because a different kind of memory had just surfaced in her mind. A memory of a man in her cell in the Evil Queen's Palace, asking her about a weapon that could kill the Dark One. She tried not to show her shock as the connection suddenly made sense to her. The man had been right. There was a weapon that could destroy him! It wasn't a myth. And she was looking right at it.

Her heart was racing. She really didn't know what to think about all of this and she wished, more than anything in the world, that she'd taken what that book had said about this dagger to heart! According to him, he was tied to it. "Is there any way to reverse it?" she asked, glancing up at him, trying not to show her worry. "The powers I mean. Is there any way to reverse them or give them back or-"

He shook his head. "Not one that doesn't end in death." She glanced up at him, almost hoping that he was lying to her, but instead she could see the honesty of that written on his face. "Although we've seen true love's kiss is effective, but apparently not in this realm..." he added needlessly. Kiss after kiss after kiss and he still had the ability to use magic, although, she suspected the reason was more to do with him and less to do with this realm. She was certain there had to be a certain willingness involved to give up the curse as he had managed to undo true loves kiss even in their realm. But, still, she hadn't expected that answer. Death. She hadn't known that the only way he would ever be apart from his magic, was if she lost him completely. No, that couldn't happen! As much as she hated the monster that dwelled deep within him, she would happily deal with it time and time again so that she could keep him by her side.

"Why are you telling me all this?" she asked looking up at him. "Why now?"

He would have smiled if the situation wasn't so serious. She could tell that. But it was serious, and instead the only response that he gave was a slight softening to his eyes. "There are very few people who know about this dagger. And what they know is mostly myth and legend. But with the threat of Cora I began to worry that it might not be safe and after what Regina did to Archie...it needs a new hiding place," he concluded. "Somewhere no one can find it, where no one can use it against me."

"Use it against you?" she questioned. "You mean use it to kill you?"

"Yes and no. The Dark one can be killed with the dagger but whoever holds the dagger has power over the Dark One. Anyone who holds it could order me to do anything and I'd have to do it whether I wanted to or not." Yes. Yes, she remembered something like that being mentioned in the books she'd read. That was why it had supposedly been created. Supposedly. As he'd pointed out, that could just be a myth. "I could kill you without a moment of hesitation if it was commanded of me Belle and I won't let that happen! It needs to be safe as much for your sake as it is mine."

She shook her head. She understood, truly she did, she heard what he was saying but she didn't believe it entirely. He did, but she knew him better than that. Dagger or not he was more than the monster his curse turned him into. "You could never hurt me," she insisted.

"I could, Belle," he corrected with desperation, like he had to make her understand. "This dagger in the hands of the wrong person and I assure you I could. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen! It needs to be hidden away, protected."

"So why not the safe?" she questioned, looking at the painting that concealed the object he'd just described as impenetrable. She recognized a loosing battle when she saw it and now wasn't the time to have that fight with him. Now was the time to hide the dagger, then she could convince him of the goodness she knew was inside him, what she knew was strong enough to overcome his curse.

He shook his head. "It's too obvious, too much of a target."

Immediately she knew that she should have thought of that already. She agreed and was trying to think of a place that it would be safe when she looked up at him. But there was a familiar glint in his eye that she knew well. None of her suggestions were necessary; he already knew what he was going to do with it. "So...where are you going to hide it?"

"Oh, not just me!" he piqued, falling back into his high masked voice for a moment, a subtle reminder of exactly who and what they were protecting with this dagger. "We," he corrected, his voice dropping down again to the one she knew and loved, "we are going to hide it." Without warning he wrapped the dagger in the scarf, and slid it into a pocket within his jacket. He walked around the counter and checked the store to be sure that it was locked up tight for the night, and without another word or explanation, the two of them left the shop, locked the door, and she walked arm in arm with him across the street.

He looked normal. He looked calm! But she alone could see the way he scanned the darkened world around them as they walked, the way his eyes lingered on a few people down the street with suspicion, and the way his muscles tensed expecting an attack on him as he momentarily carried his one mortal weakness from one safe spot to the other.

Suddenly, after they crossed the street she realized that they weren't just going to pass the library to get to their destination, the library was their destination! He'd meant that they were staying "close to home" literally! He pulled the spare key, that he had never asked permission to make but she couldn't object to, out of his pocket and unlocked the building for them. She didn't dare say anything while they were on the streets, but the moment the door closed, the moment that he had locked it again, she stared at him wide eyed. "Here!" she hissed? This didn't seem like a safe plan at all! She didn't know much about hiding places but if he didn't have the dagger, wouldn't she be the next obvious choice for anyone searching for it?!

"Yes and no," he answered her, already moving around her to the inner sanctum of one of the reading rooms. He hadn't even bothered to turn the lights on, not wanting anyone to sense them here. She watched as he took the piece of paper that she'd seen him with in the shop when she'd first arrived out of his pocket. He hid it, placing it behind the books on a shelf then looked at the call numbers on the spines, and as prepared as ever, he withdrew from his pocket a pen and piece of paper. He scribbled something onto the paper then returned to her side.

"Keep this with you at all times!" he stressed, holding the paper between them. His voice had risen as if he was angry. But she wasn't fooled. She hadn't done anything to upset him. He was just scared for her. He knew that what he was going to ask her to do was something dangerous and it made him uncomfortable, it was his most precious secret, and sharing it with anyone, even her was only adding to that fear.

But she was determined, she wouldn't let him down. Without hesitation she plucked the paper from his fingers and his hand wrapped around her shoulder. She was reminded of that intense look Jefferson had given her when he'd freed her what seemed like a lifetime ago. As if she didn't realize before this moment, she knew that whatever he was going to tell her was of utmost importance. "If anyone should come to you, if anyone demands the location of the dagger, give them that paper and tell them that it is all you know about it." He raised his eye brows at her expecting a response of some kind. She nodded, letting him know she understood what he was asking of her, but not why. "It'll lead them here, which will lead them into the forest. Run away as fast as you can. You come to me. If I'm not here then as soon as they're gone, get the dagger and go somewhere safe: Ruby, Mary Margaret, anywhere that you can be hidden and protected. Do you understand? Do you-"

"Yes! Yes, Rumpelstiltskin, I understand," she stated clearly, leaving no doubt that she had any reserves about what exactly he was asking her to do. She did. She understood perfectly, he was laying a false trail, it was smart. This way she would know someone was after the dagger and be able to defend it, defend him, properly. It gave her a fighting chance. She tried not to think of it as protecting the power of the Dark One, just as protecting his life. It was precious to her.

"Belle...if it's not safe...if it is a choice between you and the dagger, promise me-"

"I won't promise what you're going to ask me to!" she interrupted, knowing that he would ask her to abandon the dagger and protect herself. "And we'll only waste time arguing," she pointed out. And a never-ending pointless argument it would be. He'd choose her, he would want her to be safe, but she would choose him. If it ever came down to it, she would get the dagger or die trying to get it. They both knew this was true.

He nodded, and let out a stressful disconcerting sigh. He knew what her words meant and he wasn't happy about it. But the look on his face told her that he'd known that was how she would respond since the moment that he'd said the words, maybe even before he'd said them. But he'd still said it, because it was important in another way. He was choosing her over magic, over his power. She knew he could change.

Putting their wordless conversation aside, he reached for her hand and led her out of the reading room. They weren't done yet. They'd merely laid a false trail, the dagger had yet to be truly hidden. He hobbled over to the strange doors that she hadn't been able to open by the circulation desk. She kept forgetting to ask him about them, and they never seemed that important, honestly. But he dropped her hand as he explained to her how to open them. An elevator, he called it, something that would take her up and down without using stairs. But she was never to use it to go down below the library. He made that very clear. It was unrelated and as he said it was a "story for another time."

The doors rattled open to reveal a shaky looking cage that she really wasn't convinced would hold their weight. But nevertheless he walked into it and beckoned her forward. With a deep breath she stepped inside. It rocked slightly and it made her heart jump but he paid it no mind. She threaded her arm through his again and listened as he told her how to close the doors from the inside. Fortunately there was a light within the shaft to see by and after yet another explanation on how to make it move the elevator rattled upward.

She swallowed hard and clutched his arm tighter as they went. Hiding a dagger people would easily kill her to get to was easy, but being in an elevator was what truly terrified her?! It was comical, or it would have been if she wasn't worrying about the cable pulling them up snapping and falling to her death. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, the rattling stopped and he opened the doors.

They were in the clock tower, the one that she could see from nearly everywhere in town. Once again he didn't reach for any lights, merely let it stay dark. It was a good thing there was a full moon tonight, then again maybe that was why he'd waited for tonight to do it, so that he had natural light to work by. He led them both up a small set of stairs to the clock face and removed a foggy glass panel exposing the inner hands of the clock. He took the dagger from its place within his jacket, pulled it out of the scarf it had been wrapped in, and fixed it onto the back of the minute hand. It was genius. When the panel was replaced the image blurred and it was perfectly concealed. In fact, if she hadn't known that it was there, she never would have suspected anything out of the ordinary. It was a clever and well chosen hiding place. But then again she was silly to suspect he would come up with anything less.

He stepped away and looked at the back of the clock face. It was done then. It had reached its new destination, the place that would conceal it, and keep him safe and alive. The weight of its importance finally felt like it was pressing down on her shoulders. She would guard it, she'd keep it safe, she'd sleep with it under her pillow if that's what he thought was necessary. She just hoped that she could meet his expectations. "Are you sure it'll be safe here?"

He continued to stare at the clock face, watching the shadowy image of the minute hand as it ticked along in its circle, as if nothing had changed. She suddenly found her hand warmed by his again. "With you?" he questioned, that serious look on his face unchanging. "It's in the safest place in the world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the biggest question that I know will come from this chapter: Does Belle know about the hiding spot? I say yes (obviously). I know the argument against it is that he wouldn't put her in that kind of danger but oddly enough that is kinda my argument for her knowing. Bad guys might try to get the dagger, if you want to keep your clueless girlfriend clueless and safe I'd think you'd put it as far away from her as humanly possible. And yet he doesn't. He hides it right above her head but also uses her as a false trail. When Regina goes into that room she has the paper on her persons. And it really is just a scramble of number. "Hey dear, can you hold this random piece of paper for me and never let it go. Thanks. Oh and if people come by looking for it, go ahead and give it to them, no worries." It just makes more sense that she knows. Plus, later, with all that happens to the dagger and Belle's knowledge of it...that's not jut knowledge that's experience. It comes first hand from Rumple himself, I'm convinced of it. And that makes a chapter like this necessary in my mind.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	47. Her Unique Power

They returned to her apartment as planned. She made the pair of them dinner while he poured wine and stuffed the paper he'd given her into her bag. He couldn't seem to stop touching her! They'd hidden the dagger and he'd reached for her hand. After they'd ridden back down the elevator, arm in arm, and walked up the stairs he'd placed his hand on the small of her back and around her waist. When she finally sat down for dinner she was aware of the way that his leg continued to bump against her own. She didn't know if he was conscious of his movements, if he was doing it on purpose, but she liked it. It made her feel like nothing had changed since those days they'd shared his home. Her apartment might have been smaller, but she was glad they were together again!

When they were finished she rose to collect their dishes and begin washing them in the sink. She knew it should have been his job, if they were in his home it would have been, but here they were in her space...and she didn't want to waste any of their time as he moved around her kitchen trying to find everything that he'd need. Even better...it appeared that he didn't want to wait either. No sooner had she begun the task, did she feel his hand around her waist as the other set his cane aside and moved her hair over her shoulder. He kissed her gently under the ear. Then down her neck, onto her shoulder, and finally stopped when the fabric of her shirt prevented him from continuing on further. So instead he worked his way back up again, and she felt helpless to do anything but let her heart pound as she smiled at the light caresses.

"This really won't take that long," she managed to utter, though it was half-hearted. She could already feel herself giving herself over to him...happily.

"It can be done later," he muttered against her skin. He was right, it could wait. They couldn't. So she turned in his arms and reached up to kiss him deeply, pulling him closer to her than he'd been before. She felt as though they'd accomplished so much more than she ever thought possible weeks ago when she'd left. The dishes could wait as they celebrated.

They'd gone to bed with barely another word to each other. They found they didn't need words, only each other, only their bodies and their kisses to express better than words what they felt for one another. She was at home, safe, and perfectly content lying in his arms minute by minute, hour after hour, time and time again. But late as it was, as tired as he'd left her, she still couldn't sleep. A problem he didn't appear to be having. His hand, the one that stroked up and down her bare spine, had stopped its continuous motion. Only every now and then would it start again for a minute or two, when consciousness threatened to interrupt his sleep, then slack again as he fell back into oblivion. She should have joined him there. She wished that her breathing could be as even as his was under her cheek, as peaceful as his heart beating into her ear, but every time she came close her eyes wandered up to the ceiling, looking in the direction that she now knew the dagger lay protected.

He'd told her so much, explained so much, even if it was in his own way. Secretive as he was for a man like Rumpelstiltskin even the few sentences of carefully chosen words was a novel compared to what he normally offered. And yet he hadn't told her why he'd had to move it. All he'd said was that he had doubted its safety. But that seemed silly! He said few people in the world knew about the dagger and it was only after the threat of having Cora arrive that he'd worried about it. It seemed to have taken him eons to disclose the information to her, so what had this woman been to him that she would know about it? Had he told her or had she figured it out on her own using those myths and legends he'd mentioned? And why, when the Queen had mentioned her name only days ago, had he gone to stop the woman from coming to Storybrooke? Why had his eyes flooded with anger...and hurt?

The questions filled her mind whether or not she wanted them to. She should be content with all she'd found out today, with all they'd accomplished, she should just go to sleep. But she just couldn't get the name off of her mind! Her eyes traveled back up to her ceiling. She'd asked him once before about the woman, just after he'd come back from preventing her return. He hadn't changed the subject, just told her that he would tell her someday. She hated to do it now, but she wouldn't sleep, wouldn't stop worrying unless she could hear the words from him.

"Rumple?" she muttered gently against his chest. Ever the light sleeper, he was instantly awake the moment she said his name, but she'd said it gently enough that he didn't panic for once.

"What?" he whispered sleepily, his hand automatically beginning its up and down motion on her back again. Sometimes she imagined that motion wasn't even one he thought about anymore, that it just came naturally to him, maybe even gave him as much peace as it did her. She wished that it could have tonight.

"I can't sleep," she informed him.

He sighed and she felt him lift his head and place a kiss gently against the top of her own. "Just close your eyes," he encouraged, "it'll come eventually." She had to fight not to roll her eyes. Sometimes it seemed like "just close your eyes and pretend" was his answer for everything. But he didn't understand that this was different. It wasn't the world or her body keeping her up, it was her mind.

"Rumple?" he made an indifferent noise, letting her know he was still awake but clearly ready to go back to sleep. She should drop it, she should just close her eyes like he suggested and hope sleep would come. Why couldn't it be that easy? "Who's Cora?" she asked. His hand instantly stopped the motion at her back, she felt his heart sped up, and his breath cease beneath her. She'd caught him completely off guard, not hard to do in sleep, but still surprising for someone like him. She felt the weight of the unanswered question between them. She didn't know she'd asked such a serious question. "Rumple?" she prompted after he remained silent.

"Belle..." he gave a sigh that almost sounded irritated. "You really don't need to know that right now," he whispered insistently, harshly even. She pulled away and looked down at him laying there. His eyes were wide, that flicker of fear and pain that she'd seen when the Queen announced the woman's intended arrival was back on his face. She just wanted to know what caused that look!

"You told me you wanted me to know everything," she reminded him. "You said you would tell me-"

"Yes, but not now!" he cut her off suddenly. "Why do you need to know now?!"

"She knew about the dagger Rumple, that's why you moved it!" she pointed out, before she just wanted to know, but now, his reluctance to tell her, made her need the information. "I want to understand why she knew about it. Tell me!" she urged. "Who's Cora?"

He looked at her for a few moments, she thought that she might have seen tears gathering in his eyes briefly, but then he pushed himself up a couple of inches, wincing as the pain flared in his ankle at the motion. "Cora..." he began, rubbing his hand nervously over his face as he fought to find the words, "is Regina's mother." She watched him carefully, but couldn't hide her surprise when she realized that he was telling the truth. Of all the things she'd expected to hear about the woman, that hadn't been one of them. It certainly explained why the Queen had been worried about her coming, but not why he had panicked. Not why he'd had to defeat her. And not why he had worried about the dagger.

"And how do you know her?" she asked, prompting him to tell her what he wasn't. He stared up at the ceiling with a look like he was being tortured by her questions. He wanted to answer her, to tell her the truth, but he was worried about what she would think about it, that much was clear. "Rumple," she prompted, reaching for his hand and held it between her own as she propped herself up on her elbows, ready to hear his explanation. "You can tell me anything."

He sighed again, deeply, with more than a lifetime of regret. She could see that he doubted her words on this particular issue, and it only made her more desperate for the answer. Finally met her gaze again complying with her request, although not happily. "Cora was the daughter of a miller when I met her," he explained. "She'd gotten herself into trouble, telling the king that she could spin straw into gold, which she couldn't-"

"Which you could," she blurted out.

He nodded. "She'd been given until morning to spin a room of straw into gold. She was desperate so I made a deal with her. I would spin the gold she required and she would give me her first born child."

She furrowed her brow at the remark, "A...a child?"

"I needed Regina to cast the curse. I knew the child she bore would be the one to do it," he explained away simply, his tone telling her, it wasn't an important part of the story. "But…" he took a deep breath, reminiscing about something in his head. "Cora was smart, she didn't want me to spin the gold she wanted me to teach her to spin the gold. She wanted me to teach her magic. She was very…independent. I agreed to her condition and when the king saw the gold that she had spun the next morning he gave her his son to marry."

The story should have ended there, just like all of his deals did. He had what he wanted and she had what she wanted. But the reaction he had to the woman's name told her that it wasn't as simple as that. "And?" she prodded, unfooled by the lull in his tale.

He looked at her, regret so thick on his face he seemed to be breathing it in as well as out. "She was intoxicating," he admitted with shame, an emotion that she'd never once seen him bear, "and clever, and greedy, and..." suddenly it all fell into place for her. Suddenly she understood perfectly how exactly he knew Cora. "She was a fair match for a monster like me," he concluded.

The "match" to which he was referring was not one for battle, or intelligence, or wits. It was worse, because it was all of the above. "You, uh..." she took a deep breath and swallowed, the words feeling like lead against her tongue. She'd once asked him if he'd ever loved anyone since he lost his son. It had never dawned on her that he hadn't answered. It was a long time ago, back before they'd shared true loves kiss, back before she knew about his life, back before she'd ever heard the name Cora. Now that there was a name, she found that she couldn't bring herself to ask him if he'd loved her. In the end she couldn't even bring herself to say the word. "You...you cared for her?" she clarified.

"Not like this," he spat back at her, a small pulse of anger, at her veiled suggestion, "Never like this." It was as if the very idea of comparing whatever he felt for Cora to what he felt with her was disgusting. The hand that she held in her own suddenly tightened, like he was afraid she might pull it away. She didn't, but she couldn't help but notice that he hadn't denied her words either and suddenly she realized the meaning behind his earlier statement. _"You really don't need to know that right now,"_  it wasn't the story...it was the setting. He didn't want to tell her about this while they had been wrapped up in each others embrace, like they still were now. She wished he'd explained it better, but she didn't dare move now, didn't dare take the conversation to a less intimate setting for fear he'd stop telling her everything.

Here or there, it didn't matter anymore. Now that he'd begun, she couldn't let him stop. She had to know more, she wanted to know more, she had made her bed and now she had to lay in it. But she couldn't help that gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach. Was this how he had felt when he questioned her about Gaston? She suddenly regretted brushing it off as casually as she did and being irritated that it had bothered him. Now that the tables were turned, she understood what a terrible feeling it was. She'd never been jealous before. Not of Bae or his mother, but she found herself suddenly feeling jealous of Cora and what he might have shared with her.

"So..." she took a deep breath, wishing she had just closed her eyes and gone back to sleep. "What happened?"

"She tricked me," he said through gritted teeth. "She used my own emotions against me," he looked at her, examining her face, judging whether or not it was safe to continue or not, but they were far past the point of no return by now. Whatever came out of his lips she was just going to have to live with. It was her own fault. "She convinced me that she wasn't satisfied with being a trophy, on the arm of the Prince forever, and would rather have me. I amended our previous agreement that she'd give me not her first born child but our first born child," she had to clench her teeth together to keep her jaw from dropping at the revelation.

"Cared" hadn't even begun to cover what he'd felt for her then. Everything that they had shared together and they'd never even breached the subject of children beyond the one that he already had. It wasn't a question for her, in her opinion they were nowhere close to being ready to have a child together, but the fact that he'd considered it with another woman, that he'd had a discussion that serious, that intimate, with her made the fire of jealousy flare inside her stomach. She hated it so much that she knew she would never even mention Gaston again in his presence.

After a few moments of silence, when he determined that she wasn't going to get up and storm away, or yell, or cry, he went on. "Obviously that never happened..." his voice trailed off and he turned his head away from her, staring at the ceiling again.

Her eyes widened, when she realized that he had stopped for good. He couldn't just end there! What happened next?! Why was it her that he was lying here with and not…she couldn't even finish the thought. But she needed him to finish this tale. "Why?" she urged once more.

"All she wanted was for her daughter to someday be Queen. All she wanted was power and she surely wouldn't have gotten that with me. She manipulated me to change the deal so that I would never receive the child for helping her because the child would never exist. She went on to become a bitter old woman incapable of feeling anything for anyone including Regina!" he explained it away so quickly that she knew it hadn't been as simple as he'd made it out to be.

He'd won in the end.

That was what he'd told the Queen when she had manipulated him into working with her and she'd reminded him that it wasn't how Cora told the tale. She could understand that now, how each could walk away from such an encounter thinking they were triumphant. Cora had gotten to keep her daughter and Regina had indeed gone on to be Queen. She'd gone on to do terrible things with her title but still, Regina was the Queen. "And you eventually got the Queen to cast the curse to this land," she concluded aloud.

Finally he met her eyes again and gave her a small guilty nod. She knew there was more to the story. After all, in their previous conversation there was mention of Cora's dead body. But after this, she wasn't sure she was ready to hear that bit of the story, not yet any way. And she would certainly never ask a question in this setting ever again, it was on the list right next to never make a deal with the dealmaker again. But her curiosity remained and she still needed to hear the answer now. "And she knew, about the dagger, about..." she sighed regretting that she had to ask this question when she wasn't sure she wanted to know or not, "about Baelfire?"

He sighed, and her heart dropped as she realized she wouldn't like the answer. "She knew..." he paused for a moment and glanced up at the ceiling, trying to find the words that would soften the blow. It was too late. "She knew certain aspects of my life before I was the Dark One, yes." All this time she'd thought she was special, she'd thought that she had a power no one else had ever possessed because he'd told her something no one else knew. She'd never considered that she wasn't the first love he'd had, or the first he'd entrusted to guard his secrets. But she understood now why it had been so hard for him to give them over to her.

She suddenly thought back to his outburst in the castle, just after she'd kissed him the first time, when he wouldn't believe that she had loved him.  _"Because no one, no one, can ever, ever, love me"_ he'd roared at her. It hadn't meant nothing. Those words had been a scar, a reaction left over from someone who had hurt him deeply long before she had ever known him. Sometimes it was no wonder that he found it so hard to trust her. It wasn't anything that she had done, it was something that everyone else had done: his family, Baelfire, the Queen, and yes, even Cora.

"But I've never disclosed as much to another soul as I have to you," he commented suddenly. She gazed down at him and realized he still wasn't looking at her, but he wasn't avoiding her eyes either. It was like he had just figured something else out for himself, had some private revelation that he was sharing with her. "I've lived a long time," he mused, "and there have been others, only a handful, here and there, that have managed to get some glimpse of my life and my plans. But no one has ever held so much of my past as you do. Cora knew I had a son...but she didn't even know his name!" his hissed, as if suddenly aware of just how much, just how precious, the information that she possessed was. "No one but you has ever known that."

She released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. The unexpected admission relaxed her, made her feel better about their conversation. He hadn't mentioned whether or not he told her about the dagger and frankly she didn't care. It was Bae that she cared about, that she knew about. She hadn't been wrong then: she was special. Baelfire, his story, the curse, it was a piece of information, a unique trait, one that belonged only to her. Well, that, and maybe one other.

"You kissed her?" she asked, the words tasting strange on her tongue.

At her accusation he finally looked over at her, but it was shocked, like he couldn't believe what she was asking him to answer. She responded silently, with a raise of her eye brows. She needed this answer, it was the only thing that might be able to undo the mess they'd both made of their quiet night. Or break it, if she didn't get the answer she expected. But somehow she knew what he would say, and she wanted him to see it just as much as she wanted him to say it.

Seeing her insistence, he gave another deep regretful sigh and nodded. "Yes," he answered, detest for both the question and the answer clear in his voice.

"While you were cursed," she clarified. "You kissed her while you were cursed?"

"Multiple times!" he added, his frustration growing.

"And you remained cursed," she questioned timidly. "After you kissed her...you were still cursed?"

He was silent for a while before she saw a small smirk on his lips. He gave a small snort as he realized the significance of her questioning and his irritation disappeared. "Yes," he muttered, honestly and without regret. "Yes, I remained cursed each and every time."

She smiled with relief. It was an inappropriate response for the hurt that he'd just described to her, but suddenly that fire of jealousy was extinguished and happiness flooded back into her. There had been others, but only one meant for him. "Good," she muttered, then leaned up and kissed him swiftly before she curled herself back up against him with her head on his chest. "Sounds like you won in the end," she commented with a smile as his arm automatically fell into place at her back again.

He settled back into the bed, laying down flat as she finally felt like she could sleep again. "Yes," he confirmed, placing a kiss upon her head. "For once in my life I was the lucky one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, two controversy's back to back. Awesome, you'd think that I plan it this way. So, does Belle know about Cora? Obviously I say yes and I say yes mostly because...why not? I used to worry about it and expect this was a chapter I might have to change but as time has gone on and it's appeared to be put behind us all I've seen no evidence that she wouldn't know. In fact, Regina mentioned it, Rumple didn't answer, after what happened afterwards...I think it would be out of character for her not to ask him until he told her who this woman was. And because he didn't care and put it behind him I do think he would tell her. If something comes up that we ever get any evidence to the contrary then I'll change it, but for now, it is what it is.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	48. Unwelcome

"Beautiful Belle," he whispered against her the next morning...no, not the next morning. When she opened her eyes to see the dull pink light coming in through her window it all came back to her perfectly. The dishes hadn't been washed the next day, as planned. In fact they barely moved the day after they hid the dagger. They'd been unable to tear themselves away from each other for anything more than a few minutes before they quietly slipped back into bed and found their way into one another's arms again. It didn't feel like a day had passed, because they hadn't really slept through the last two nights, only slumbered on and off between small unimportant conversations and lovemaking. But, whether it felt like it or not, she knew that it had. Today was the morning of the small gathering for Archie that Ruby had told her about. She knew she'd have to go eventually, but not yet. There was no reason to go this early in the morning.

So she responded to his alarm by curling against him tighter than she had been before, silently refusing his request. She felt him sigh, almost regretfully under her cheek as he held her tighter. "It's morning, Sweetheart," he finally stated sadly, as if he was trying to convince himself of that small fact as well.

"Don't leave yet," she begged. Yesterday had been exquisite, but they'd both spent themselves. Why not spend the time until the gathering like this? Resting? It was perfection!

He sighed against her again, this time the one that convinced her that he wanted to give into her, he wanted badly to nod his head, close his eyes, and go back to sleep until they had energy again...but he knew he couldn't do that. Instead, she felt him kiss the top of her head and whisper, "I don't want to go either. But want and need are two very different things and if I don't go now, I don't think I'll be able to leave you later."

Want and need. She admired his wisdom, but for once she found herself hating it. She wanted him to stay with her today, wanted him to go back to sleep, wanted to love him just one more time...but she needed to go to the dinner tonight. She needed to be well rested for it. She needed to acknowledge the world outside of their bedroom. So, with a heavy and reluctant sigh, she hugged him tight and kissed him one more time, something chaste that wouldn't draw either of them in any further, then released him by rolling over. Still, she couldn't sleep. She wouldn't! Instead, she listened as he showered, watched him as he fetched one of the suits that he'd dropped off, and admired him shamelessly as he got dressed.

"I'm happy you stayed," she informed him as he buttoned the clean shirt.

"Not as happy as I am," he muttered turning the collar up. She rolled over and grabbed the tie that she'd discarded nights ago. He had his own, but she thought this one matched better with the shirt he was wearing and by some miracle it hadn't wrinkled. He slid the vest on over his shoulders as he hobbled over to join her on the bed and she quietly sat up to place it around his neck herself before he knotted it and buttoned the vest over it expertly. She'd been resisting the urge to touch him again, afraid of what would happen if she felt his skin beneath her palm, but he was weaker than her, and when he'd finished he reached out to place his hand against her cheek then over her bare shoulder and arm before grabbing her hand.

She held it between her own and smiled at him, noting the sleepy look in his eyes, softening his look of admiration. "You still look tired," she pointed out.

"I am," he nodded, "but if I don't leave now-"

"I understand," she whispered, cutting him off. They'd already had that conversation.

"Can I see you tonight?"

She wanted to see him tonight, wanted so desperately to now that they'd started all this again, she didn't want to be away from him any longer than she had to. But things were never going to be that simple for them.

"I promised Ruby I'd meet her at the diner tonight," she muttered sadly. "Archie's funeral is tomorrow." He nodded, understanding. "But maybe..." she muttered. Maybe what?! She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to ask if he could go with her. He'd go if she begged him to, if she expressed false worry over the Queen or said he needed him there, but it would take time and in the end she knew he'd only be going for her and not for Archie, not for the right reasons. He wouldn't want to go...so what then? What else could be done? "Maybe, when all this madness with Archie and the Evil Queen is over...maybe the two of us could go up to the cabin again?"

She hadn't planned on the request, but now that she'd said it she found it was a good compromise. It hadn't been long since she'd left, since she'd stopped living in the house, but she found herself wanting to go back to it with him already, she wanted to start over, try one more time to be together in a house, in this relationship. She had friends now, a job, she knew the town, it wasn't perfect but it would work better this time around! Yet her mind wouldn't allow it. As much as her heart screamed "go home!" her head said "too soon!" But the cabin wasn't complete surrender to living with him again and it might be a good way to try and see if they could make work living together again.

"Maybe we could go for a long weekend?" she suggested.

"Maybe a week," he countered and she couldn't help but smile. Him! Take time off! Away from the world for so long! She had to be the only person in the world that could inspire that! She didn't care that it hadn't been that long of a separation, he really had changed in some way for her. She wasn't just welcome in his world, she was welcome in his life.

"I would enjoy that."

"As would I," he confirmed. "But we should talk about it later," he muttered reaching forward and running his hand along her cheek again. "You still look tired too."

"I had a busy day." They both broke into a smile at her comment before their lips met again, still drawn together after their long day. They didn't need a purpose, it just happened when they were close like this, sharing secrets, and having intimate conversations. But suddenly he found the strength to pull away from her and shaking his head, the meaning perfectly clear to her. No, they couldn't continue today.

"Later," he muttered, looking at her regretfully.

"Later," she confirmed with a nod.

"Lay back," he ordered gently. And with that she snuggled back against the mattress as he covered her layer by layer, with blanket after blanket, to keep her warm as he always did before he leaned down and kissed her one last time. "Sleep well, my darling Belle," he whispered.

And she did, she did sleep well, for most of the morning and into the afternoon before she finally got up and began to do her chores at the library, chores that she'd neglected since Archie had died because she'd been at the shop. Still she missed him, her eyes found their way out of the window and over to his shop, wishing that she could see him through the windows. It wasn't until the sun fell and she began to think about the get together at Granny's for Archie and thought it might not hurt to see him again tonight, despite what she'd said. And why couldn't he go with her? Why couldn't she ask him even if she knew that he wouldn't want to go? He'd made her feel welcome in his life this morning, maybe it was the least that she could do to make him feel welcome in the one that she'd formed without him? Even if he said no, she wanted him to know that he always had a place with her, no matter what.

So she'd left the library, dressed and ready to go, earlier than intended and hurried across the street towards the warm glow of his shop. She didn't see him when she let herself in, but she knew where to look and walk right back to the curtain that separated the private space from the public without a word. She didn't need permission, not anymore. Welcome. The word that kept echoing through her head, making her feel like a miracle had happened. She was the one that he didn't mind being in his territory. The only one he didn't mind sharing it with, who he never asked to leave. His life and his world, she was welcome to them both now. She liked it.

"Hi," she said pulling back the curtain. He was staring at something on the table in front of him with a magnifying glass, but the second he heard her voice he glanced up and a wide smile spread over his face.

"Hey!" he breathed, the surprise evident in his voice. "What are you doing here?" he asked as she hurried over to him and gave him a quick peck of a kiss.

"Looking for you," she answered.

His face changed from one of comfort to one of fear and he held onto her arms tight, searching her face for whatever he was afraid that she wasn't telling him. "No," she said with a shake of her head wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling his forehead down to touch her own. She hadn't meant to panic him. "No, no, no, everything is fine," she whispered. Well, it wasn't, but it wasn't exactly terrible for them either. She felt him sigh with relief and she couldn't decide if it was tragic or hysterical that panic was still the emotion they both went to when they surprised one another.

She took a deep breath and pulled away to look at him, trying to focus on why she had come in the first place. "I was on my way to Granny's and I realized I never asked if you wanted to come with me tonight?" she put a questioning inflection in her voice. A hopeful feeling rose in her stomach for a moment as she raised her eye brows at him, wondering if her earlier suspicions would be confirmed or denied.

But that feeling faded as she saw the look in his eyes. It was one of guilty disappointment, like he knew he was letting her down in some way. But she wasn't disappointed, not really. After all, she really hadn't expected him to say yes. He wasn't exactly a social man, but then again she had asked so that he knew he could come, so that he wouldn't feel like she'd purposefully shut him out after he'd gone to such great lengths to include her.

She expected him not to want to go. What he didn't expect was for him to pull quickly out of her embrace and grab his cane. "I don't think I have many friends there, Belle," he muttered leaving her standing there as he walked into the front room. It was a typical Rumpelstiltskin response for when he was uncomfortable with a topic, but she was so shocked at the sudden realization, the small truth that he'd shared, she hadn't been prepared for it. It wasn't her that had made him feel unwelcome in her life...it was them!

She followed him out into the main room, watched as he strode over to the door, flipped the sign on the front from "open" to "closed", then shut the shade. It gave them the privacy they both preferred, away from the prying eyes of any body walking by that might look in the windows. He turned back to her, his face still looking guilty and disappointed. She gave him a soft smile, hoping he would understand that she wasn't upset with him and he couldn't disappoint her.

He wasn't the one that should feel guilty. It was her. She enjoyed the company of the new friends she made, really she did, but she'd made a fatal mistake. She was an outcast around the town, to the people who knew who she was and gave her despicable looks of shame and anger because of who she loved. But her friends were different. Whenever they were together, they all pretended as if there was no Rumpelstiltskin, as if she wasn't bonded to him in a magical and unexplainable way. She'd thought that it was good, that it meant they didn't judge her as the others did, but she was wrong. It was worse than what the others did.

But they could change that, she could change that. He'd changed for her! David, Mary Margaret, and Emma had all seen it! It would take time, but she could show the rest of the town too! She knew she could. "They can't get to know you if you don't give them the chance," she informed him when he had come to stand before her again.

"That statement assumes that they want to get to know me," he countered.

"How do you know they don't?" she asked coyly, trying to make it a joke but knowing that it didn't come out that way.

He seemed to know, and turned away from her, admiring those two terrified looking dolls he kept. "I've done...terrible things in my life, Belle..." he reminded her regretfully, "unforgivable things."

That was true, she couldn't deny it. It was why she'd had such trouble with the citizens of Storybrooke in the first place. She hadn't taken to telling the few people she met, but hadn't heard of her, that she was involved with the notorious man simply because she quickly realized that whether she said Mr. Gold or Rumpelstiltskin it didn't seem to make a difference. They all looked at her with fear first, then, after a moment, anger seemed to flare behind their gaze, and finally amazement or fear again as they looked at her. Those that were amazed asked her questions. Sometimes the questions were harmless and innocent, other times they were embarrassing and intrusive. But no matter what they asked, she refused to answer and left quietly, always offended. Those that looked at her with fear, either took off running or began shouting at her. Usually they begged her never to come near them again, or not to mention even the smallest slight that they might have committed against her to him. A few of the brave ones managed to get out a yell of furious anger, like they were projecting everything they felt for him onto her and asked how she could ever love a man that had done all those terrible things.

The short answer was that she wasn't sure. She didn't know if it was fate and their love had been written down long before either one of them had been born or if true love just happened. Had she had a choice in loving him or had it just been as inevitable as the effects of a spell being cast? She might not ever know what it was that had drawn them together, what dictated who got to experience true love while others just love, but she did know why she loved him. The reason was standing before her now. She could see what the others couldn't. To them he was veiled, hidden, out of sight. To her, he had become an open book. He hadn't always been, but it was the fact that he was now that she loved the most. The fact that she had pried as hard as she could to pull back the cover of that book so that she could get to the words inside and in the end he had allowed them to open automatically. He was her greatest mystery. But his heart was true. Of course, it was only true to her, but a little spark was all it took to fan a flame.

"All magic comes with a price," he muttered. Did he really think that his isolation, the reason he was unwelcome among her friends? She hoped not. It wasn't the magic that had done those "terrible things", but then again, with all she had learned about Bae and why he truly did need it, sometimes she wasn't sure if there was really any fault committed. The people had agreed to the deals they made, they had gotten what they wanted in the end and so had he. If a deal backfired, if it turned out that what they really wanted wasn't what they needed, then as far as she was concerned he wasn't the only one to blame. Love could produce great things, but greatness had two sides. One of light and dark. Clearly the town people didn't see that.

She walked over and turned him away from the ugly dolls with a touch on the arm. "That's all in your past," she muttered. "This curse is a new life, a new chance. We've nothing else to do while we wait for the curse to be broken," she pointed out.

But she watched as all guilt seemed to fade from his face as he smirked. "Nothing to do but try and break it," he responded hopefully. She couldn't argue with him. He'd told her only a couple days ago that he was close to figuring it out and she could see the attraction now, to spend his days inside working on the curse rather than to go to a dinner where he would be an unwelcome sight. He'd already spent all day yesterday with her doing absolutely nothing, she'd had her lover, now she had to be fair and let him be a father.

She gave him another gentle smile and reached out to place her arms around his neck. "I understand," she said holding him tightly. There was a lot that had to wait until he found Baelfire. His acceptance in the town and their trip to the cabin might just have to be sacrificed so that he could get back to the one that mattered...and she could finally meet his son.

A chime rang out through the shop and she looked at the clock, her heart pounding as she realized the time. Tonight was not a time to be late or to test the water with them by bringing Rumpelstiltskin around. There were people who needed support and new friends that needed a shoulder to cry on. They could try later, after all this was over. And until then, they'd still have each other and the open invitation into their lives. "I want to hear about how far you're getting on the curse-" she began but he held a hand up between them, giving the hand he still held in his own a gentle squeeze.

"But, you have to go," he finished without a hint of regret in his voice. "We both have places to be tonight and there will be time to talk later," he assured her. And though he was smiling she could still see the disappointment in his eyes. He wanted her to stay with him where it was safest, but he had succeeded in fighting that particularly possessive urge. He hadn't used magic to continue to imprison her. Instead he'd given her a life outside of his own world that she craved so badly. Even though he knew it was a life he might not always be welcome in...she'd put an end to that. Immediately. Either her friends accepted her with him, or they weren't the kind of friends she thought they were.

"Lunch?" she questioned. "Tomorrow? After the funeral?" He nodded eagerly and she smiled at the treat that would await her after a morning that would surely be emotional. In the morning she would be a support to all who needed her and tomorrow she would see him again and he would be the one to hold her up. But for now, she was on her own. "We can talk then," she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek before wrapping her arms around his neck again and squeezing him tight against her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline update. I put of few days in between the discovery that Archie was dead and his funeral. Why? Because a funeral the day after someone dies, is pretty impossible. A casket needs to be arranged, the body needs to be embalmed, the headstone had to be set and carved, and yes I am aware that in this town magic is always a possibility for all of that but somehow, considering how important Archie was, I just don't see this particular group saying "we need to get this over with as fast as possible. I figured they'd want to take their time, to search for Regina/Cora and at the same time honor Archie by doing things right.
> 
> Thank you Oncer4Life69Dearie for your awesome comments on the last chapter! They are always vastly appreciated! Peace and Happy Reading!


	49. Understanding the Misunderstood

She could feel the weight of all the emotions pressing down on her the moment she walked into Granny's. Heads were hung low, it was so quiet she could hear a dog barking outside in the distance, and instead of hope, a feeling of defeat seemed to run through the room. But sadness wasn't the only thing she felt pressing down on her. It was the conversation that she'd just had with Rumpelstiltskin, and the fact that the moment she walked through the door, she was suddenly aware at how the people sitting in the booths, the ones that weren't normally part of this select group of friends, that had only turned out to honor the doctor, suddenly stared at her.

She was so used to expecting it that she shouldn't have been bothered by it, but as their conversation replayed in her head, she couldn't help but feel angry at the way their eyes roamed over her. She took an awkward swallow and nodded at a few of them who were looking at her like she was carrying around a vile disease and might infect them. Immediately they averted their eyes.

But she barely had time to think about the encounter, before Ruby crossed the diner and wrapped her arms around her. "Thank you for coming," she whispered in her ear.

"I wouldn't miss it," she assured her, offering a small sympathetic smile. Now that she was looking at her, she could see the pain hidden underneath Ruby's expression. She was smiling at her, and her eyes were bright, but she knew that it was only her method of coping with tragedy. The death of her friend was not a little thing. She was glad she'd made the choice to come. She might not have had an attachment to Archie, but she did to Ruby, to Grumpy, and to this group that had integrated her into them while she'd been separated from Rumpelstiltskin. She would never be able to pay them back for their generosity, but this was a good way to try.

She and Ruby took a seat at the bar, next to Mary Margaret and the rest of her family, husband, daughter, and a boy she'd heard of but never met before she assumed was her grandson, Henry. Granny gave her a mug of beer, just like everyone else had, but no one was drinking. The room was quiet, still. Everyone sat, paired off, or in small groups, but no one said anything. Occasionally the sound of a mug being aimlessly slid around a table, or a sniffle as someone broke down and turned into their neighbor as their cry intruded on the silence, but never a word. She watched as Granny stood hunched over the bar, looking down at her hands as she waited for someone to ask for a replacement that no one would ever need. She wasn't sure what exactly she'd thought would happen here tonight. Drinks? A dinner? A tribute to their fallen friend? But a silent vigil?! She hadn't expected this. It was hard to believe that the funeral was tomorrow, that Archie had been gone for nearly a week! In this room, it felt as though it had happened only yesterday.

She wasn't sure how long they sat there, in a mournful state of shock and contemplation, so fragile that a single word would surely shatter them all. But after a while something finally happened. One of the couples at a booth, a husband and wife, she assumed, that she had never met before, slid out of their seats. "To Archie!" the man said raising his mug, still full. No one moved in a joyous salute like they had the last time she'd been here. Instead the crowd nodded and the man and women raised their glasses to their lips and downed the contents alone in only a few brief seconds. Then he and his wife took hands and left out the door without another word, their tribute paid.

A few minutes later they were followed by another group of young men, this time who raised their glasses and said "To Jiminy, the voice of reason," before draining their mugs and leaving too. She was astounded. For five minutes there was a steady stream of people that copied this ritual. They raised their glass to the silent crowd and offered their respects to a man she was beginning to wish she'd known better. "A true friend," one said. "A conscious guide," another muttered with tears. "A wise man", "a good person", and finally when it was just the little group of people she'd come to know she saw Grumpy stand and smirk, "the loudest, friendliest, bug I've ever met!" The statement elicited a laugh out of the group, some loud, some only soft snorts.

The dwarves, moving as one, just as always, finished their drinks and set the mugs on the bar before heading out, Grumpy alone muttering that they'd see them tomorrow morning, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to name the place they would all have to meet. Mother Superior commented that she should probably get back herself, and after a short discussion, it was decided that Marco would take her, since it was on the way home, and tomorrow morning David would pick her up. "To the man that wished the loudest of them all," she said before departing.

And then it was just them. The Charming family, Ruby, Granny, and her all sat at their places, Henry's eyes drooping slightly over his mug of hot coco that she was sure had gone cold. "We should probably all get going," David concluded rubbing Mary Margaret's back encouragingly. "Tomorrow is going to be long day and we could all use the rest." Suddenly he glanced over at her as they all picked themselves up off the bar stools. He looked like he had just remembered she was still there. "You shouldn't walk home alone," he insisted, "we'll drive you."

"Oh, no!" she insisted a little too loudly, she didn't want to put them out, and it really was a very short walk down the street, surely it would be fine. "I'll be alright it's just down the street."

"David's right," Mary Margaret chimed in, "it's dark and with the current situation in town…"

"So..." she nodded, suddenly catching on to what they were talking about, what they were afraid of. "You, uh...you haven't caught her then, the Queen, ehm...Regina," she had to strain to think of the woman's name. After everything she'd been through it was hard for her to think of her as anything but the Evil Queen.

David sighed. "No, but we're hoping she'll turn up somewhere soon and we can-"

"David!" Emma shouted, jumping out of her seat and coming to stand beside her father, a strange thought considering they looked about the same age. But the look and the tone that she gave him was warning, like he had just openly divulged a private secret and she was telling him to stop. He responded with a questioning and confused look. "She doesn't need to know that!"

"Oh, Emma," Mary Margaret gave a frustrated sigh, one that showed how truly tired she was. "The whole town knows that she hasn't been caught yet."

"Well, apparently they don't," she threw her a suspicious glance, meant to acknowledge that she was still out of the ring of information. "And there are some people better off not knowing that kind of information," she added quietly, in a harsh whisper.

She swallowed as she processed the words that she'd just heard. It was better off she not know the Evil Queen was still free? It was better if she didn't know that the same woman who held her captive for decades was still on the loose? Why would that be? Did she think that she would go off on some fools mission to find her and extract her revenge. No-

But yes. That was exactly what she thought would happen, but it wasn't her that she was worried would enact the plan. It was Rumpelstiltskin.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, "but maybe you've forgotten...I am not Rumpelstiltskin!" she insisted, trying uselessly to remind herself to be pleasant, this was a solemn occasion, even if it was just them in the diner now. But she couldn't help it, after the conversation they'd just had, the words bothered her. She didn't know why Emma was the only one in this group that seemed not to trust her. She hadn't known her as long because of the trip to the Enchanted Forest she and Mary Margaret had taken after she'd been freed but still, Mary Margaret accepted her just fine! Why couldn't Emma? "I'm not going to interfere with your search! I don't want anything to do with that woman again!"

"No," Emma corrected. "But I also haven't forgotten what happened the last time Mr. Gold tried to 'take care' of Regina." Neither had she. Neither had the town, frankly, but that had been what seemed like a lifetime ago. He'd changed so much since then, he'd worked so hard, and had even helped to identify the Evil Queen as Archie's killer. Was she the only one that saw this?! "The last thing we need is for your boyfriend to go off on his own and try to 'take care' of Regina again."

She swallowed, keeping her temper in check. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted to come with her tonight, why he hadn't felt welcome. He'd done terrible things in the past but he hadn't once interfered with them in their attempt to capture the Evil Queen, despite the risk it was to her life. He'd spent his time watching her instead of taking revenge. Did she really not see that? "He won't do that," she insisted. She hadn't wanted to have this conversation until after the funeral, but it was called for now. She could stand up for him among her friends, prove her own devotion, she just has to be gentle.

"You don't know that," Emma rebutted fiercely.

"Yes," she stated confidently, "I do. Trust me, he's got more than Regina to worry about right now!"

Her words made Emma's eye brows raise with curiosity. "Really? And what might that be?"

"Emma, please," Mary Margaret sighed looking both embarrassed and frustrated. "Give it a rest, now is not the time," she begged with tired eyes.

"I'm sorry!" she whispered harshly at her mother. "But every time that man tries to do something it always seems to effect us somehow."

"What 'that man,'" she suddenly burst out, irritated at the woman's persistence, "is working on has nothing to do with you, or your family, or your town." She wouldn't tell them what it was, she wouldn't tell them about Bae, it didn't concern them. She'd never promised him, but it seemed to be a silent agreement they'd made to keep Baelfire to themselves. The only three people that would be affected by this was him, her, and his son. "But trust me, for the moment he is too occupied to spend his days chasing after the Evil Queen," she said in a reassuring tone. The only way he would was if she ever came after her again, and after how she'd barely escaped last time, with the careful way he was watching her, she didn't think she would be silly enough to try to do that.

"I can see you believe that," she muttered after a concentrated stare.

"And I can see you don't," she responded in a disappointed tone, her words meant nothing to her. "He's changed," she blurt out, the words leaving her mouth so quickly she didn't have any time to think about what she was saying, but she found herself smiling at them anyway. "You may not see it, you may not want to see it, but I do. He is a changed man. You can trust me when I say that you have nothing to worry about where he is concerned." The words were true. Emma, her family, Ruby, no body else in the room had to believe her, no one else had to know it, but she did. He had changed, she could see it.

"Thank you for your offer," she muttered glancing behind Emma, who had become strangely silent in the wake of her bold statements, to her parents who wore looks mixed with fear, embarrassment, and grief. "But it's fine," she insisted, "I can walk home from here. Ruby, you can still pick me up tomorrow?"

Ruby offered her a small, shy smile and nodded, looking too shocked at the conversation that had taken place before her to say the words. She glanced down at the mug of beer she'd left on the table, and picked it up. "To, uh..." To what? She hadn't known Archie well, they'd barely had a few words in the time they'd had together! But he had been a good man...she'd sensed that, he'd always been willing to listen to her and take her word for what it was. Even Rumple seemed to respect him for a reason she hadn't asked him about it yet, but that said more than enough about his personality than anything.

"To a man that understood the misunderstood," she muttered, before following tradition and drinking down her share. Then, after offering a final smile, hoping they understood she wouldn't harbor any ill will toward them, she turned and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I think I've probably got some 'splaning to do with this chapter right? "Duh Treatian, why did you make Emma such a bitch?!" I didn't. I kept her in character. Emma is not a trusting individual. She is not one to blindly take anyone else's word that someone can be trusted. She looks to the past and draws her experience from there. Here is what she knows about Belle so far. 1) she's a fairy tale creature. 2) she is dating the Dark One. 3) she readily defends the Dark One. 4) The Dark One is sketchy. Now, if we were talking about Mary Margaret she would be more willing to give Belle the benefit of the doubt and trust her. Emma...not so much. In my mind 2x10 spoke for that perfectly. The look she gave Belle when she began to defend Gold...that was not a "I trust you" look. That was a "I'll trust you if I can" look. So with this chapter, I really wanted Belle to stand up to her, to show her strength, her love for Rumple, but also her devotion to team work. And add in a little foreshadowing because unbeknownst to anyone, Rumple and Belle included, what Rumple is doing has everything to do with Emma and her family.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	50. Unimaginable Possibilities

For once she actually slept well without him there. Maybe it was the bit of beer she consumed at the strange vigil, the emotions she had running through her, or maybe it was the simple fact that she'd gotten so little sleep the last couple of nights that he was there with her! Whatever the reason, once she finally fell into sleep she rested well...until her alarm clock woke her the next morning and she remembered where she was about to go.

Ruby picked her up promptly, as promised, with a shy smile that she had come to know as a sign that she was trying not to be as sad as she felt inside. As she folded herself into the car she asked if she was alright. Ruby merely nodded and gave another quick smile when she realized that she had suddenly frowned again. "Yeah, fine," she breathed, glancing down at her hands, wringing in her lap. "Thanks for coming."

"It's no problem," she assured her, reaching out and grabbing a hand to comfort her. That was what she assumed she was there for after all. "Where-where are the others?" she asked looking around. The roads seemed empty, it was early she supposed, but she thought she would at least see a few people out on their way to the cemetery.

"There's not that many of us," Ruby informed her, "Marco wanted it small and quick so..." her voice trailed off as she stared out the window, still looking shocked even a week later. She couldn't really blame her, death was never easy for anyone to deal with. She squeezed her hand as Ruby collected herself for a moment and offered another comfortable smile. She couldn't lie to her friend, things weren't okay, they weren't going to ever go back to normal, but with time it would get easier. It would be a new normal, a new kind of life. She knew that first hand. Nothing every went back to normal after her mother died, but it had gotten...better. Over time, of course, the hurt had become less prevalent and she'd learned to life a life that her mother wasn't part of. It was possible to go on.

Suddenly Ruby took a deep breath, offered her that same small smile as she hid her tears, and they drove away in silence. A cemetery like this was new to her, like almost everything in this world. Ordinarily it would have been a beautiful morning. It was quiet and cool, fog clung to the grass and fallen leaves, hovering over the stones in a picturesque sight as they walked over the grass in silence, joining the dwarfs, Marco, who had brought Pongo, and Granny, who Ruby ran up to and hugged a little tighter than she normally did. In the empty time, the crowd milled around, no one really saying anything, just exchanging quiet, mournful, glances as they pretended not to look at the coffin prepared to go into the ground.

They continued to wait. Mother Superior arrived in David's truck and only a few minutes later the rest of the family pulled up and Snow, Emma, and Henry got out and walked toward the small crowd. With the arrival of the royals the group suddenly seemed to circle around the grave, an unspoken agreement that they could begin now.

Marco stepped forward and passed off Pongo's leash to Henry who took it without a word. "Thank you..." Marco muttered, "all of you...for coming," she could see the tears welling up in his eyes and hear the cracking of his voice. Ruby had told her about the long history Marco and Archie shared and she hurt for him. It was different than her relationship with her mother...but she knew that feeling of deep loss. The one person it seemed like he'd always had in his life, that he'd come to depend upon, was suddenly gone, and she knew the suffering that it was bound to cause. "I, uh...I didn't prepare anything," he said, his accent slurred, she guessed, from the tightening of his throat. "I'm not usually good at this sort of thing...knowing the right thing to say...that was always…" his voice trailed off as he gestured toward the black box in the ground and the tears fell free from his eyes.

It was painful to watch. Instinct told her to reach out for the man, to comfort him in some way, to tell him that he wasn't alone, but she wasn't the only one that had the urge. Mary Margaret stepped forward, putting her arms around the man who looked strangely frail and broken in the moment. She whispered something to him, he said something back, their exchange ended and Marco made his way back into the crowd, hanging off to the side, slightly away from the rest of them. She understood. She knew. None of them could help. None of them could fix this.

"Some of us," Mary Margaret began, looking down at the polished wood as she stood straight and tall, an echo of the Queen she truly was suddenly gleaming through despite her strained, unhappy voice, "knew him as Archie, others as Jiminy. But we all knew him as a true friend..." She paused for a moment and continue to look down sadly, avoiding their eyes as she did her best to make the beautiful eulogy up on the spot. But she'd been well-trained, just as she had in another life, and she managed to say the perfect thing. "And though, he may now be gone, he will always live on inside of us, reminding us to be our best selves." Pongo stood, impatient, also looking down at his masters coffin. She couldn't help but think that the dog understood what was happening, that somehow he understood he would never see his faithful companion again. He gave the smallest of whimper's and she reached forward to pet him, to comfort him, the only way she knew how to ease the dog. "To do the right thing, to always fight for what we believe in!" Mary Margaret stated, pausing to wipe a stray tear away from her cheek. "So, we shouldn't think of today as 'good-bye'...just as a way of saying: 'Archie, we'll be listening.'"

Finally Mary Margaret turned away from the box and fell into the waiting arms of her husband as she began to weep. The rightful Queen having spoken, it seemed to everyone that the solemn moment was over and it was time to move on with life again. Small and short, just as Ruby had said it would be. She felt Ruby's hand rub her back vigorously, but she was smart enough to know that the gesture was more to comfort Ruby than her. It was like if she could concentrate on someone else's sadness, then she wouldn't have to focus on her own. She recognized the gesture for what it was, but also knew that she couldn't allow her to pretend like she wasn't feeling anything, so reached over and hugged her friend. Just before her face disappeared over her shoulder she finally saw her smile falter and felt her chest give a sorrowful heave as she let out a breath of anguish. She hugged her tighter and rubbed her back as she cried against her shoulder. When she looked up she saw Mother Superior, standing there alone, looking, as the rest of them did, like she was only holding on by a thread. She opened her arm for the woman and enfolded her into their group's embrace.

This was why she had come. She hadn't known Archie well and although she was saddened by the loss she wasn't suffering like the others were. She'd come to be a comfort, she'd come to be the shoulder to cry on, she'd come to be the person that could be strong when no one else was. But...this was also the first funeral she'd been to since her mothers and she would be lying if she said that it didn't bring back some of her old memories. That first morning she'd woken up to find her mother in a coffin. Being dressed in black for a formal funeral. Wondering what had happened. Then that terrible trip she'd taken. And Anna...

No, she couldn't think about that. Not now... Now she was needed here. As she held the women against her she glanced around at the dispersing crowd, and saw Marco, holding Archie's umbrella, and squatting next to the new headstone. He was still clearly upset, but appeared to be in control as he carried on a private conversation with his fallen friend. She could imagine what it would be like to lose someone so close...

And she wasn't the only one. She knew what it was like to lose someone, and so did her Rumple, whether or not she was alive now didn't matter. He had gone through this, knowing the one person that loved him, the one that saw him was gone. Forever. How had Rumpelstiltskin reacted when he'd been told of her death? She'd never asked him about what happened after she'd left the castle. The little that she did know she'd put together on her own, the Queen had kidnapped her, locked her away, and told him that she was dead. He had thought nothing of the possibility that she might have been alive all that time.

Suddenly a terrible thought entered into her head and immediately tears sprung to her eyes. What if it was him? What would happen if she ever lost him like this? What would happen if she couldn't protect the dagger, if someone discovered it and killed him for the terrible beast inside of him? How would she feel knowing there was no hope of ever seeing him again, of never talking to him, never touching him, never hearing his voice? She gasped at the horribly depressing thought. The image of kneeling by his headstone, alone, knowing no one would ever arrive for a service like this, or the one they'd had for her mother, knowing no one would offer kind words if he died...it made her breath catch in her throat.

It was an easy answer. She wouldn't survive. Being away from him the two times that she'd left him already had nearly consumed her as it was. Then, she had the knowledge that he was alive, at least. If he was dead, if all hope was taken away from her...physically she might go on, but he would take the soul that he loved with him. And she couldn't bear to think of what she would be if she didn't have that essential part of her any more. No, if she ever did lose him, she surely wouldn't survive the blow. It was simply an unimaginable possibility.

The tears gathering in her eyes suddenly cascaded down her cheeks. He was fine. He was safe. Frail and weak as he looked in this world, she knew that his curse kept him sturdier than most people. So long as the dagger was safe, he was too...and so was she. But that didn't stop the feeling in the pit of her stomach, that the next time she saw him couldn't come soon enough. It simply made her want to retreat, bury herself against his shoulder, and let him hold her for a while as she reassured herself that she was luckier than she remembered sometimes.

After a few moments Ruby broke free of her embrace and ran for Mary Margaret and David reached out a reassuring hand for Mother Superior, leaving her standing all alone at the site as group by group people began to leave. "Are you going to come?" Ruby asked turning back to her and whipping a stray tear from her eye. "We're all getting together at Mary Margaret's," she explained still wrapped up in her friends arm's. "I completely forgot to tell you. Do you want to come?"

The offer was tempting. It would be easy to think that she could be another support for them all in this trying time, but somehow she knew she wasn't needed. They'd support each other, they would be there for each other, just like everyone in this group always had. And her? Well, she somehow felt that this just wasn't one of those moment's she could easily fit into. They needed each other and she needed someone completely different.

"Thank you," she smiled, shaking her head slightly and feeling guilty that the tears she was shedding were not for the man being lowered into the ground, but for the man safe and sound in his shop. "But, uh, there's someone I need to see," she muttered confidently.

Snow White and her husband smiled at her words and exchanged a glance that she knew only the two of them could translate. Mary Margaret quickly stepped forward and hugged her, "please know that you're always welcome among us," she whispered in her ear. But, kind as the gesture was, the words sounded forced, like she was trying to make up for what her daughter had said to her the previous night. At the thought her eyes immediately sought Emma, who stood to the side holding Henry tightly against her. She hadn't missed the conversation and she, just like everyone in the small circle, knew exactly where she was heading. But even if the look she was giving her was questioning, it was a far cry from the suspicious glances she had thrown her up until this moment. She may not agree that he'd changed, but she no longer saw the point in arguing with her about it, knowing that she'd never fold. She was glad for that.

Finally Mary Margaret released her, David muttered something about Mother Superior, and Emma walked toward the car with her son and mother in tow. She and Ruby followed them back to her own car with their arms around each others backs. "I'll drive you back to the library, before I head over. Unless..." she sighed and looked over at her timidly. "Is there somewhere else I should take you first?"

She shook her head, understanding what she was asking. "The library is fine," she responded. She needed to see him, truly she did, but he was safe where he was and she knew that. Right now she wanted to go back to the library, she wanted to change, and then maybe she would go over early to see him, to let him calm her before their planned lunch. After all this she needed a moment to herself in the apartment, to remind herself that she was being silly, thinking about things that didn't matter any more, things that were in the past, things that weren't an immediate concern, about things that really weren't even a "concern" yet. She'd let her mind get away from her and she needed to reel it back in.

The pair of them drove back into town in silence but Ruby seemed more at peace this time around. She was still upset, that much was clear, but she also couldn't help but wonder if perhaps the small good-bye had given her the closure they all so desperately sought. Funerals were difficult, she remembered that clearly, but she knew that they could also be healing in that way. They could open up new doors in the same way that they closed them. She'd learned that in a very unfortunate way before she met him.

Ruby finally stopped the car in front of the library, where she'd picked her up only a short while ago. Before they went their separate ways she reached over to hug her friend one last time. "I'm sorry I made plans," she muttered in her ear.

"I understand," Ruby said a little too quickly. "I just..." as they broke apart Ruby looked out the window, something clearly still on her mind. She waited, patiently, for Ruby to divulge what she could see she wanted to and looked at her expectantly, encouragingly. "I worry about you," she admitted finally. "I know what he's capable of and I don't want him to hurt you again!" she insisted, her voice suddenly fierce and determined.

She sighed. It was the same old story, the one that the townspeople whispered behind her back, the one Emma had confronted her with last night, but it was different coming from Ruby. It was a kind sentiment, born of true and genuine concern, not gossip. She had just lost one friend...she wasn't willing to lose another. But she felt confident, knowing, truly, that she wouldn't lose her, not to Rumpelstiltskin. He wouldn't hurt her, he couldn't! It wasn't even a possibility, not here or when she had been at the castle! She wasn't in danger being with him, she was as safe as she could be.

"Trust me," she muttered thinking only of that fact, "he'd die before he ever hurt me." Ruby's eyes examined her carefully, not finding the loophole in her words, the way of hiding that she had learned so well from him. Physically he'd never hurt her. Emotionally, well...he would never intend to hurt her, not again, not as he had when he dismissed her at the castle. But she wasn't ruling out that he would do it again unintentionally. That, she knew, was a very real possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously this chapter has been edited but probably not as much as you think, which actually makes it pretty eerie if you think about it. This chapter is pretty much original except for the two or three sentences I added into it in order to comply with the new information we received in 4x06. Which means, all the stuff about Rumple dying and how he'd die for her so that she wouldn't get hurt...that's all original from after season 2 and before season 3. So...go me! Talk about foreshadowing...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	51. Time to Go Home

She said good-bye to Ruby and stepped inside her library, trying to forget the conversation they'd had before she'd gone as she made her way up the steps to her small apartment. He was expecting her for lunch, as they'd agreed last night, but it had been a long morning, frankly last night hadn't been any easier. She needed him now, she needed a few comforting hours with him before beginning her chores or doing anything, she needed to sit with him in the silence as he held her for a bit, telling her everything was alright. Whether it was lunchtime or not she was going to go over first thing, but first she wanted to change, to rid herself of all that had happened in the last twelve hours. Not only the sadness of the funeral, but all the stares and all the comments from those that she knew.

Was there something to worry about? Or was it just Ruby looking out for her friend?. She would like to think she was just concerned, that he had truly changed this time that he would never hurt her again! But she knew that it was silly to believe in fairy tales. She was in love with the Dark One and she imagined that ever being absolutely positive about his loyalties was the price they would pay for the magic within him. But she would still pay it, over and over again if she had to. She would rather that than have someone kill him and steal his power. And, frankly, she wouldn't sacrifice all the good times they had together, all the wonderful feelings they created, just for the possibility of something going wrong. Whether she liked it or not they were bound together...they needed each other too much to be apart. Living in separate places after all that had changed since she'd left was nearly too much as it was.

She sighed as she shook her head and worked her gloves off her hand. She took off her hat and shook her coat from her body a little too furiously as she found a hanger to put it away. It was useless thinking about all this, dwelling on facts and emotions that she knew were never going to change. She should focus on what had changed, on what she knew could because he was different than when she'd left. He was a good man and he loved her, that was all she needed to be sure of, the rest would follow in time.

Suddenly a strange noise chirped from the pocket of the coat she'd just hung up. She jumped and stared at it in confusion for a moment, before clarity washed over her. The phone! She dug into the pocket and pulled out the little black cell phone that he had gotten her. The black box chirped again and she glanced uselessly, noting the name "Gold" written on the tiny screen in blocked text. Suddenly her nerves lit up. Why was he calling when they were so close to having lunch? Something must be wrong!

"Rumple?!" she answered anxiously, fearing the worst, already preparing to run next door.

"Belle! Can you come over to the shop? I need to tell you something, now. I..I…I am sorry but it's too important to tell you over the phone! I want to show you!" The words poured out of his mouth all at once. He sounded out of breath but she couldn't tell if it was out of excitement or worry. It made her nervous and everything that had happened, everything that she'd been feeling, suddenly vanished at his request.

"Yes," she agreed reaching for her keys. "Yes of course," she said closing the door behind her and hurrying down the stairs and into the library. She didn't even bother with her coat. "I'll be right over," she said before closing the phone.

She hurried across the street, suddenly happy that his shop was so close. Nothing seemed out of place, she assumed with the amount of excitement in his voice if something was wrong the world would appear like the world was ending and there would be fire in the sky not rain. She was fairly certain it was good news, he would have told her if something really was wrong, and he certainly wouldn't summon her if there was danger in the shop. But she just couldn't allow her mind to ease until she got to him.

Finally she crashed through the unlocked door of his shop, breathless, and found him waiting for her behind the counter. A book was out but he hadn't even made an attempt to open it and keep himself busy as he waited. He was beaming at her. "What, uh, what's wrong that you couldn't tell me on the phone?" she asked, as she tried to catch her breath and looked around the rest of the shop. Order. Why had he summoned her so quickly? What couldn't wait?!

"I did it," he whispered over the countertop, his smirk turning into a smile, "I can leave." The smile was contagious as she realized what he was telling her. It wasn't bad news, it was great news!

"You can cross the town line?!" she clarified, happy and amazed.

"Indeed I can!" he confirmed, with a certain amount of pride in his expression. Not the bad arrogance that he possessed and owned so well, but rather the type of pride that came from accomplishing something he had worked really hard at. She couldn't help it, she was proud of him too! Magic could be used for all kinds of things; a taste of what good magic could do was good for him!

Suddenly, he reached over and pulled a vial of clear liquid out of what looked like a literal black bag of tricks. "When I pour this potion onto the object that I hold most dear," he explained, showing it to her, "that object becomes a talisman. It allows me to cross the town line and still remember who I am!"

"And who you're looking for," she added.

"My boy!" he finished with a hint of relief in his voice. She wasn't surprised to find it etched into his face along with genuine happiness. His smile alone made a lump rise and catch in her throat. To say she was happy for him didn't even begin to describe what she felt. And his emotions?! They had to be overwhelming him! It had to feel strange, to have more than one lifetime of build up, years and decades of planning and scheming and now to finally have that within reach, it was finally real! It was unbelievable!

"What..." she asked, reaching for his hand as she tried to get her thoughts in order, "what will you enchant?"

"Well..." he immediately turned to the safe he kept hidden behind a painting and pulled out a tan piece of cloth that she'd caught only a glimpse of once before. "This shawl is all I have left of my Baelfire," he informed her sadly. She reached out and touched the delicate fabric in his hands and suddenly realized...it felt familiar! It looked familiar! She'd seen it before, not just that flash of it when they'd hidden the dagger! It was aged but well preserved, whether by magic or just by care she couldn't tell, but this was the cloth that he'd had in the castle! The time that he'd lit a candle for a mysterious "he" that had been lost. It had been Baelfire he was mourning alone that night! Alone...

A thought dawned on her suddenly, one she'd never considered before because they'd been focused on just getting across the town line, but now she couldn't help her curiosity. He could leave...what about her? "I don't suppose..." she began gently, "I could come with you...?" she asked hopefully, wondering if he didn't need to go through the rest of this journey by himself. But his face fell the moment she asked the question and she knew the answer before he gave it.

"No..." he shook his head, struggling to find the right words. "I truly wish you could...but I only have enough of this potion for one object." She nodded and understood. She'd seen the amount he had and trusted he was telling the truth, but she couldn't help but feel sad as she watched him lock the precious object way. She'd miss him, just like she missed him every day, every moment she wasn't with him. But this wasn't an ending...it was a beginning! And though he might be away for a while, she knew that he would come back! Bae wasn't the only important person in his life, not any more.

"Hey...this is my journey, Belle!" he said trying to lighten her spirits as he moved around the table so nothing would be between them. "This is my journey...and I'm afraid this is something I have to do alone." The look in his eye saddened her. She wanted to see him happy again and not looking like he was torn between the two people he loved most in the world. There would be time in the future, she reminded herself, to travel and see the world, but first he had to find Baelfire. For once it was him that was going to be the hero, and that took more bravery than he really knew!

So she smiled and wrapped her arms around him as she'd wanted to do since she'd left the night before. "I know," she squeezed, hoping this "journey" would be a quick one. He wasn't leaving for good, but it seemed like this becoming something of a habit that they'd fallen into. They were together for a short time and then separated, together and then apart. Were they forever doomed to have a few brief moments of happiness before always being separated? Was it this way for everyone? Or just them?

She pulled away as a clock behind them struck the half hour. No, she had him now. And now he knew how important she was to him. It wasn't like last time when he would have given her up for Bae, he wanted both of them and he would come back for her, she was certain. No matter what the cost they would always be together again, and until the moment they were apart, she just wanted to be by his side.

"We should celebrate," she insisted with a smile. "I'll finish my chores at the library early, you can drive us out to the town line and we'll test it...together." If she couldn't go with him she would at least do this with him. "Then we can go back to your house and we can talk about your plans over dinner."

He nodded eagerly at the altered plans and made arrangements to pick her up later that night, his smile unceasing. She kissed him and left the shop, sad to be away from him, but happy and looking forward to the rest of their day. But as she approached the library, as she turned the corner out of sight of the shop she suddenly found her heart sinking, and overwhelming fear pressing against her. It came so quickly that it stopped her in her tracks and stole the breath out of her lungs. She knew the reason Bae had left, it was the same reason she had left! But while she'd been around to work at their relationship, Baelfire hadn't. Rumpelstiltskin was looking forward to seeing his son, but she wondered if he had ever considered that his son wasn't looking forward to seeing him. She'd thought about the possibility before, but she'd never considered what would happen if she wasn't there to help him face it.

She sighed and leaned up against the white wall of her library, too consumed by her thoughts to move! What could she do? If she was going to be left behind, there had to be some way that she could help him through this! There had to be a way she could prepare for a happy outcome and an unhappy one as well. A way to show him that he wasn't alone no matter what happened...

The answer came to her clear as day and her future suddenly took shape fully formed in her head like it had been there for weeks, maybe it had been. She knew what she had to do, what she wanted to do. Even if she'd told herself only yesterday that it wasn't time.

She'd give him hope.

She'd give him something to look forward to.

She'd go home.

She'd return to his home tonight and stay until he left to find his son. She'd have to live here in town while he was gone, since she couldn't drive, but when he returned home, she would return to his home and...it would be theirs again! Maybe even more now than it ever had been the first time.

The reasons she had moved out no longer existed. He trusted her now, he told her things, and he knew how much she meant to him. There was no reason to be apart any more and she didn't want to! It was true, she couldn't trust that he'd never hurt her again in the future, but that was no reason to stay away from him forever. He'd worked hard, they'd worked hard, to make this a true relationship instead of just a bond and she was certain they had gone even farther than that in their separation. It was time to be with him again.

Excitement raced through her at the thought, drowning out all the fear and sorrow she'd felt only minutes ago. She'd tell him that night, after he crossed the town line, while they were having dinner! It was time. She was going home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh...but she's not. And we all know why. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, that's still a few chapters away. As for the idea of Belle going back to live with him that was just something that stuck in my head ever since I watched 2x11. When Belle told him at the town line that she'd be waiting for him when he returned it just seemed like it was more a declaration of moving forward than staying where they were and I automatically assumed that's what she meant. I know, to a lot of people that is a big leap to take. But it's something I've held on to and the more I edit this series and reread this fiction in particular I just feel like it fits. These two have a relationship that is either all in or all out. At this point they are together and the fact that they are stuck in this rut of together but not really together...I just figured this was in character for Belle.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	52. Calming the Terror

She was going home. He was going to get his son back. And together they would be able to finally start a chapter of life that she had only dreamed of having since she'd realized just how in love with him she was the first time she kissed him. There was nothing that could sully this wonderful feeling she had growing inside of her. Tonight couldn't come fast enough. It seemed like forever away, she would keep busy today, try and pass the creeping time by as fast as she could, try to contain her excitement...but it was going to be difficult.

When she walked back into her library she located the cart of books by the door, a few dozen so waiting to be shelved. Normally it was a tedious job, but it was perfect work for today! Her heart was fluttering and her mind was occupied with happy daydreams and the idea of getting lost in something mindless appealed to her. So she grabbed the stack off the top, checked their call numbers, and went back into the stacks of books to put them in their rightful place.

But as she made her way back, she paused at an unexpected sight. There was a man standing there! She was frightened for a moment, but then noticed he wasn't ransacking her apartment or looking for the dagger, he wasn't standing in a threatening posture or looking at her menacingly. He was simply looking at a book! In fact, as she looked him over she thought he didn't even realize she was there! It was as if he'd just seen the sign for the library and wandered in. Had she locked the door before she'd left?!

"Oh, I'm sorry...the-the library's not open yet."

He looked up slowly and she could finally see his face. Black clothes, short black hair, stubble where a beard should be, and his hands... No! Not hands! A hook for a hand. Her heart stopped. A smirk bloomed across his face as he closed the book and set it back on the rack. She knew him. "Oh, I'm not here for the books, love."

"You!" she remembered suddenly. Just the memory of their last encounter made her cheek sting where the bruise had sprung up after his last visit. It was a painful reminder that this man before her wasn't a friend and never had been. But who he was exactly she'd never figured out. After he'd slapped her the man who had tended to her cheek had laughed at her questions and said simply "you'll never see that pirate again". A pirate.

She took a timid step back, trying to keep her fear in check so that she could think. But she couldn't, it was clouding her judgment, making her feel like she was walking through a haze! "You're the one who broke into my cell at the Queens palace," she stated, the shadows were crossing his face and with that terrible smirk he looked more terrifying than she remembered.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw that she had a straight shot to the door. And through her fearful fog one word echoed in her mind.

_Run!_

She tore off through the library, each step bringing her closer to freedom, to help! But, just before she could get to the door the man suddenly reappeared. He cut her off, standing between her and the only way out. The only shield that she had was that cart of books.

She took a few deep breaths. Who was this man, this pirate? What did he want? Why was he here, looking for her, again?! The running was helping her clear her mind and the memory swam to the surface, allowing her to recall the reason for his last visit. "You wanted to kill Rumpelstiltskin," she accused.

"Oh I still do," he whispered with determination. "But right now I'll settle for you," he said as he pointed at her threateningly. He stepped aside, ready to make his move. Adrenaline raced through her body, giving her enough strength to act on instinct. Before he could make it any further she pushed the cart over, toppling the shelf of books onto the man as he fell to the floor underneath them. But it hadn't worked as well as she'd hoped, he was still free, just slowed down. She couldn't leave the front way, he'd catch her. The back was too far, he'd catch her that way too! There had to be another way out!

She glanced around and saw the elevator. She couldn't go up to where he'd hidden the weapon that would kill him, she knew that the man already knew about the myth of it. And she couldn't go down, as he'd warned her she wouldn't be able to without magic. But the small shielded space was her only option at the moment. Running over to it and copying his motions to open the doors. She didn't need to go anywhere, she only needed a safe place while she figured out what to do next. Once safely inside she saw the man had finally managed to free himself and was coming at her. She pressed the handle and instinctively backed herself against the far wall watching as he collided with the closed steel doors.

The doors banged against him and the hanging steel cage she was in vibrated and swayed with it. Now what?!

_Rumple!_

Through her terror the name came to her and she remembered that before going to see him she had pocketed the cell phone he had given her. She hadn't needed it until now, but she was certain this was the very reason that he'd wanted her to have it. If anyone would know what to do he would!

Her hands shaking, she pulled it out of her pocket and punched the buttons that would get the message to him. She held the device to her ear, listening to the strange warble before she finally heard his voice, "Hey Belle!"

"Rumple!" she said hoping he'd hear the desperation in her voice. Another bang wracked the elevator and she tried to catch her breath so she could speak to him. "I'm, I'm in the elevator," she stated, trying to get out everything that she could, to prepare him, to warn him. "There's a man here! He broke in and he wants to kill me!" There was suddenly strange crinkling sound coming from the device. He was saying something but she couldn't make out the words! It was getting worse by the second. Another bang. She had to say as much as she could before it was completely useless! "He's a pirate and he's missing a hand!" she exclaimed, before the crinkling stopped suddenly. "Hello?!" she called into the sudden dead silence.

She looked at the screen but it told her nothing and she closed the thing in frustration bracing herself against the unseen assault. She prayed he would know to come to her, that something was wrong, that she needed him. He always had in the past! She closed her eyes and tried to think, of something, of anything. But she had no weapons, no way out, there was nothing she could do! Then, just as she was close to sinking down into a ball and crying, it stopped.

She stared at the door, waiting for it to begin again. But just as suddenly as he had appeared, he seemed to have vanished. She couldn't move. Fear paralyzed her and held her in place. She didn't know how long she stayed there, the pattern of the elevator cage etching itself onto her back. Her heart didn't stop pounding. She still didn't feel like she could keep the air in her lungs as she debated her safety.

Suddenly a long clicking came from the doors. It was the mechanism. The one on the outside that opened the door. Her heart raced. He'd figured it out! He was going to come in here and kill her! She pressed herself flat against the surface, her fingers curled around the grate as she fought tears of painful regret, preparing for the worst! The doors rattled open-

Rumpelstiltskin stood before her with a look of relief on his face. "Belle-"

She ran to him without a second thought and threw her arms around him, holding onto him as tight as she could. He caught her, his hands settled against her back, and he was whispering to her in a gentle voice "It's okay, it's okay," as he rocked her side to side. She was upset to admit that for a moment, only minutes ago, she honestly didn't think she would live to see him again. His grip was a welcome feeling. "Here," she felt the large form of one of his jackets around her shoulders, and she released him, but couldn't stop her hands from trembling as she maintained her grip on his arms. He was here, standing before her...but where was the pirate?

She looked around the room like she might see the man standing in the corner over his shoulder. "Where...where is he?" she asked him. But he seemed to have disappeared. Somehow that didn't make her feel better. The clock told her she hadn't been in that elevator long, minutes only! He'd gotten her call and raced over just as she hoped. So where had he gone?! Why had he come in the first place?!

"I don't know," he muttered, looking her over with shocked concern. She wrapped the coat around her tighter, suddenly feeling very chilly, and tried to focus on his hands squeezing her arms securely, and his face...it held just a hint of fear looking back at her through the worry. Had he ever really seen her frightened before? Upset? Yes. Panicked? Sure. But petrified? No. It seemed to startle him almost as much as it did her.

"But you've nothing to fear," he said with sudden clarity, "I'm here now." He was right. As long as he was around, she was perfectly safe. Relief washed through her, as long as he was around no one would ever be able to harm her. She wrapped her arms back around him, seeking relief that he gave as he held her there but she knew from experience that it wouldn't last long. He was a smart, observant man who could hold a grudge better than anyone she'd ever met. And she knew that those who threatened her, often found themselves at the mercy of his wrath. It was only a matter of time until she'd need to soothe the beast within him, and save him from doing something foolish. She didn't want to lose him either, not after all that had happened.

"Belle," he said in her ear after a few moments. Then again, maybe it would be no time at all. "Take my keys, go back to the shop, and wait for me there so that I can look around and-"

"No, no, no, no" she interrupted not able to tear herself away from him. "Please! Please, don't leave me alone," she begged with naked honesty. She was half expecting the man to be waiting for her on the other side of the door. He wanted to kill both of them, why she wasn't sure, but until he was gone she didn't want to be out of his sight for a moment and she certainly didn't want him to walk out the door, never to be seen again. She didn't know what was going on, but she knew they couldn't be apart at a time like this. Had things really been better than good only moments ago? Had she really gotten back from his shop excited? It felt like their life had turned over. "Let's just go," she begged. "Please, let's leave, together, right now."

"Belle-"

"Please!" she cried pulling back to see his eyes. He could be anywhere, in any of the hidden nooks and crannies within the structure. She didn't want to be here and she didn't want him here alone either.

He gave a defeated sigh and unsatisfied nod. Then, without a second thought or glance behind, he placed a hand at her back, collected his cane from against the elevator wall, and on shaking legs they left the scene, with any luck they'd figure out what had gone so wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "But Treatian, Belle shouldn't just recognize Hook from the tower, she should recognize him from when he went back in time with Emma!" You are truly an observant one awesome reader, but my excuse for why she doesn't recognize Hook is pretty much the same reason why she also didn't recognize Emma a few chapters ago. She wasn't focusing on her. When Hook and Emma come to visit in Mutual Contentment I did my best to put her focus on Rumple and because of that she hardly takes notice of the two people in the room. She met them both one time, years ago, for only a few minutes before she left. She didn't really take note of them then and at a moment like tis it certainly isn't going to come to her.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	53. All That Mattered

She left the door unlocked. If the pirate was still in the library she wanted him to leave without trouble. She swallowed hard as she let the air around her invade her senses and calm her nerves. It was relaxing to her, but seemed to have the opposite effect on him. His senses were on high alert, she didn't know who the pirate with the hook for a hand was but he seemed to have done an adequate job frightening the both of them.

"Who was he?" she asked breathlessly. "The man?"

He shook his head and continued to scan the town passing around them. "No one you'll ever have to deal with, again." She didn't like the sound of his tone and he clearly didn't understand what was happening, what had already happened.

"I've already had to deal with him again!" Her words caught his attention and he grabbed her elbow suddenly, before they could go a step further. His eye brows raised in shock and confusion, a look that demanded she tell him what that meant right away. "He came to my cell in the Queen's palace. He thought I would know how to defeat you, but since I didn't at the time I was hardly worth his time," she explained quickly. "Who is he?!" she asked again, this time a little more insistent.

"One hand?" he asked her, seeking clarification. She nodded and Rumple suddenly continued to walk, his jaw suddenly clenched together. "Hook," he hissed with disgust. She'd purposefully left out the part about how he'd slapped her, but he seemed to have put together that he had hurt her in some way.

"Where..." she had to run to catch up with him, "where did he come from?" she asked. Obviously he'd been hunting Rumple even then, so why was he attacking now? Why not when the curse had broken?

He shook his head, continuing to move on, he seemed nearly as nervous as she was, like this man, this Hook, could be lurking around any corner. "I can't answer that," he responded, "until this moment I had it on good authority that Hook wasn't in Storybrooke, that the curse hadn't worked on him."

The news nearly knocked her backward. How was that even possible? "Are you sure?"

"Trust me," he snapped coming to a stop at the corner, "the information was reliable." She shook her head, wishing she hadn't asked the question. She believed him, of course, but she didn't want to know how he had gotten "the information", she knew from his tone that it wasn't good. "We should get you somewhere safe, get Ruby to take you to my house or stay at the diner for a while," he suggested walking swiftly down the sidewalk again. Alone? He wanted to leave her again?

"Where are you going?" she asked, trying to figure out what might be more important to him than protecting her. Why wasn't he taking her away? The man wanted to kill both of them they needed to go into hiding together!

"The shop," he said simply. He hurried her along, across the street and toward his shop faster than she had ever seen him move, flinching at the slightest noises and looking around, eyeing everyone with suspicion, even the kid across the street walking to school.

"Why?" she exclaimed, her heart racing. She didn't want to stay in town and she didn't want him to either. And she especially didn't want them to go somewhere so obvious, like a place that had his name right on the sign! Shouldn't they go somewhere else, together. Somewhere harder for him to get to, like Granny's or his house, or even the cabin?!

"Well...let's just say there are many wonderful things there that I could use to make sure that pirate never comes near you ever again." His voice was gentle but she could sense the protection and anger in it. She'd been expecting an answer like that. It was always his first response when something was wrong, especially when someone threatened her. He had a penchant for trying to take the world on all by himself and thinking that no one could help, but it was in those times that he made the rash decisions that usually wound up backfiring. Besides, he'd been doing so well, they'd been doing so well, and he couldn't risk anything now. Not when he was so close to leaving and finding his son. If she kept him from that she would never be able to forgive herself. And if he got hurt...she didn't even want to think of that possibility. No, this was not a situation he should handle on his own; it wasn't even one that they should handle together. It scared her too much. And besides, this wasn't their land where no one could be trusted. Here there were systems in place to handle this sort of thing appropriately.

"Rumple, no, we need to report this to the sheriff, they'll take care of him," she insisted, trying to remind him that justice wasn't always delivered by him personally. But she could tell that the suggestion upset him and that it wasn't something he was going to let go of that easily. "You're so close to finding your son, please..." she begged, trying to get him to see sense, "please, don't let your hatred for this man get in the way of that."

"But...he tried to harm you!" he countered. In her mind "try" was the important word. She was fine and safe now and that was all that mattered. But she knew it wasn't enough for him. He wouldn't stand for "try".

"But, why?" she blurted out. It didn't make any sense to her then and it didn't now. To go after her was to attack him personally, everyone in town knew it and that was why they stayed far away from her. Even if the pirate, Hook, hadn't been in town, he did know of the connection they shared! Coming after her was a death sentence, so why had he done it? What had he been fighting for that he was willing to risk everything just to get the attention of Rumpelstiltskin?! "What happened between you two?"

"Belle..." she could feel his hand at her back again, pushing her forward. "You know this is really not your concern." She tried not to be upset by his words, to show how she felt like they were a slap in the face, but it was hard not to be. She hated the tone that he had in his voice. It sounded like he was talking to a child, placing her in the corner and telling her to play quietly with her toys while the grown-ups took care of everything for her. She'd had that life once before, in her fathers castle, and she'd vowed never to live it again. She'd made that abundantly clear to him before and she surely wasn't going to let him do that to her, not again, not when it was her that this man was coming after! If her life was in danger then she wanted to know why...she deserved to know why.

"He attacked me, it most definitely is my concern!" she corrected as she turned to face him, cutting him off and stopping him in his tracks. He bounced his hand nervously at his side and looked her up and down, judging her stance and realizing that she wasn't going to let up. With any luck he would realize that she also had a point. But instead of understanding she saw fear in his eyes. He glanced around them again like he was nervous, like he was looking for a way out, and couldn't find one. She wouldn't move until he gave her the answer she was looking for.

With a sigh, he threw his hand up in the air, frustrated. His defenses came down only too easy against her own stubbornness. "Many years ago..." he began, obviously choosing his words with care, and looking around them nervously to be sure no one else was listening. "I was married to a woman named Milah, until Hook crossed our paths."

The wife that he had told her about, the one he had lost long before she ever came along, he'd finally given her a name after all this time."She was...Baelfire's mother?" she assumed correctly.

"Yeah..." he confirmed, looking beyond her and into his own past. "And because of that marauding cur, he grew up without her," he spat angrily with his teeth clenched tight. She'd often wondered what had happened between him and his wife. Ever since she had brought it up when they were living at his castle, she had sensed even then that he despised the woman but she hadn't known why, or what her crime against him had been. Now she saw that it wasn't something she had done to him, it was what she had done to his son. He paused, calming himself, and looking her over, like he was judging whether or not she could handle what came next. "He took my wife, he took Bae's mother..." he swallowed and clenched his teeth together again, "so I took his hand!"

A vague memory of a black and decaying hand resting upon a pillow as part of his collection worked its way into the front of her mind, turning her stomach. Had that been it?

He started walking again, satisfied that he had answered her question and that she would follow. She did, but she wasn't exactly "satisfied" with the answer. It was a shocking tale, a terrible deed, but she'd heard acts that were much worse than just taking a hand. And she wasn't sure what had motivated Hook, but she was sure that it hadn't just been the loss of the hand, it was a silly thing to risk your life to take revenge on. From the amount of shifting that he had done and from the way he had thought about which words he was going to use, she knew there was more than what he was telling her.

"That's why he came after me," she said writing it off and running to catch up with him. She would go along with his side of the story, but there was still an element missing...and she had a feeling she knew what it was. She hoped she was wrong. But, if the man had taken his wife, if he had lived this long, then why hadn't Milah? Where was she? "But, uh, what about...what about her?" she asked as they arrived at his shop. "What did he do?" she asked, hoping that it was the man who had done something and not him. She could forgive him for his past, she had before and she would again and probably again after that. But believing it was Hook would certainly make it a lot easier.

Unfortunately he gave her that look again. The look a parent gave a child that asked one too many questions, or when the question that they asked didn't have an easy answer. There was fear in his eyes again and it was never a good thing when he pulled away and refused to look at her like he was now. With a shake of his head, he finally faced her again. He would never beg, but he didn't have to, it was written on his face plain as day. He really didn't want her to ask that question, because he really didn't want to answer it. In the past she might have stepped away. She might have taken what she had been given and saved the rest for another time. But she'd also never been attacked before in an effort to get to him. He was still running scared and there was simply no need to...not with her.

She stepped forward with a sigh and grabbed the hand wrapped around his cane, giving her support the only way she knew how. "Rumple, you can...you can tell me anything," she assured him, trying to put an end to his fearful look, hoping that he remembered how she'd stayed after he'd told her about Cora. More than anything, she wanted him to know that it was true.

Relief coursed through her body as some of the tension left his face at her assurance, and he smiled down at her, nodding when he finally looked her in the eyes again. "She died," he whispered, "that's all that matters." He pulled away from her and turned to unlock the shop for them. She was disappointed by his answer. He hadn't lied to her, she would have known if he had. But he hadn't been completely honest with her either. It wasn't all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another wonderful and lovely straight forward chapter that required almost no work at all! I hope that you'll enjoy it because I know I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	54. Suspicious Motivations

He unlocked the door to the shop for the pair of them and stepped inside.

Then stopped so quickly that she nearly ran into him after she shut the door behind them!

The shop was in shambles! The glass cases were shattered, the artifacts lay shrew across the floor, and anything that could be broken was destroyed. She knew he had a temper on him but it wasn't bad enough to cause this! Besides, she couldn't think about what would have upset him this much in the time between when she'd left the shop and the moment he'd come to save her that would have set him off!

"What happened here?" she asked, but she had a feeling she knew what had caused this...and she hoped that she was wrong.

"Hook," he muttered darkly, confirming her fear. "This is why he attacked you!" he explained as he strode forward.

"To get you out of the store!" she exclaimed, as it all fell into place. He hadn't really wanted to kill her. Well...he might have, but that wasn't his goal today. This had been. She didn't know how thick the elevator doors were, but he might have been able to hear her call him for help and leave the moment he knew she'd drawn him out of the shop. It would certainly explain why the banging had ceased shortly after. "What did he want?" she asked looking at the damage around her and feeling guilty. She'd played right into his hands. He knew that she would summon him for help and knew that he would come after her. He knew just like everyone else in town seemed to know, he wouldn't risk her life for anything! He would leave everything unprotected to come after her if she was in danger-

Unprotected.

Suddenly her stomach seemed to plummet. There was only one thing in this shop that was really important to him right now, one irreplaceable thing that would have been left vulnerable, that could hurt him to lose more than life itself. She looked up at him, but, he had already put two and two together and was behind the counter. She hurried to his side, hoping that it had been protected in the safe. He pulled the picture back and revealed the safe door swinging open...it was empty.

Bae's shawl was gone!

Holding back her tears of shock and grief she glanced over and Rumpelstiltskin, waiting for what would come. He had moved away from her and stood holding his hand to his mouth like he couldn't decide what had happened. When he started swinging his cane at the few things Hook left untouched she wasn't surprised. He couldn't hold himself together in this kind of situation, he couldn't restrain himself or think logically to control what she was sure was rage and disappointment! And she couldn't be angry or upset with him for it. In fact she let him go for a moment, let him release his frustration before she couldn't stand watching it consume him anymore.

"Rumple!" she yelled trying to get him to look at her again to see things straight, to have hope again. "We can get the shawl back!" she urged, but he didn't seem to hear her. "Rumple!" They had to think about this with clear heads. Hook would be stuck in Storybrooke too he had to be around somewhere which meant that the shawl wasn't gone it was just lost. They could find it. They had to! If they didn't and Rumple lost his son again because of a poor decision on her part she would never be able to live with herself and she wasn't sure how he was ever going to look at her the same again.

"Rumple stop it!" she yelled as he turned his attention to a pirate ship left intact and crushed it until it and the box it sat upon had crashed to the floor in pieces. "Stop!" she said gently this time reaching out for him. "Please!" she begged as the moment suddenly passed. She ran her hands over him, checking to be sure the flying bits of glass and wood hadn't injured him. He calmed, physically, but she could still see the anger blazing behind his eyes.

"You're right..." he whispered with a small voice before pulling away from her, "I have to retrieve what is mine." But her gut twisted as she realized, for just a moment, the face she saw wasn't his, it was the face of the beast she'd seen so long ago. It was a terrifying thought, all they'd been through all they'd been working on and this man had the power to revert him so drastically in just a small amount of time! Her own anger flared again. No, she wasn't going to let that happen, she wouldn't!

She chased after him and cut him off, stopping him before he could get to the door. She grabbed his hand, trying to do something, anything, to pull him back to her. "Let me, let me help you," she insisted, not just thinking about getting the shawl back. She couldn't stop fighting for this man and that meant that she wouldn't let Bae go easily either. She hoped he would see that. But he only looked upset that she had halted his progress.

"This is my fight!" he yelled at her, pain in the anger his face now sported. It only served to twist the knife in her heart harder.

"And this is my fault!" she shouted back. "If Hook had never attacked me," she pointed out trying not to let her voice show signs of the heart breaking guilt she felt, "you would never have left the shop." If she hadn't made that stupid phone call, or suggested he bring the shawl with him, or called Ruby...if she hadn't done what Hook expected her to do this would have never happened.

"How do you propose that we get the shawl back!" he asked her angrily. "Have you dueled with a pirate before?! How exactly are you going to help me?!"

"Well I'm not just going to sit here and do nothing!" she insisted.

"No! You're going to go back to the library, lock the door, and wait for me to dispense with this problem!" he informed her. He sounded like himself again, like the man that she knew wanted to protect her, but still the tone of his voice angered her. He wasn't suggesting anything, he was ordering her to do as he said.

"And if I don't?" she asked, her eye brows raised, irritated that they were having this fight again at a time like this. This was what had chased her away from him weeks ago in the first place. Maybe she was wrong, maybe it wasn't time to move back in with him so soon. "You'll, you'll cast some spell that gives me no choice?!"

"No," he hissed, his eyes still wide with fury. "I trust you'll do as I wish!"

She crossed her arms angrily over her chest standing defiantly against his orders and "wishes". She wasn't his servant any more, she didn't have to listen. She didn't have to-

"Just as you trust me to be a better man!" Trust. A mutual display of trust. She hadn't thought of it like that. "Belle please!" he said, grabbing her elbow. It was the closest to begging she had ever heard him get. "Hook has maybe cost me the chance of finding my son! I don't want to lose you to!" he urged, his voice breaking along with his bitter heart.

This wasn't the voice of the beast, the mind of the creature that she'd faced so long ago. This was him. And the look of desperation he was giving her now was enough to see the reason in his argument. To lose her and his son really would destroy him. She still didn't like the idea of him going off alone, because who knew what would happen if the beast managed to break free, but she couldn't hover over him for the rest of their lives, making sure that he was being the man she knew he was. She had to trust him at some point. And, as much as she hated to admit it, Rumple had a point. Hook had come after her once already threatening to kill her and she hadn't been able to defend herself without calling for help and causing all this trouble. What could she do if they managed to find him?

"Here, look..." he wandered off into the ruins of his store and she followed with disappointment sinking into her bones. She'd made a mess that he was going to have to clean up, it wasn't that she didn't want to but she knew that he just wouldn't let her. She'd have to wait to find out the repercussions until after he returned. "I want you to take this," he said, holding an object out to her that she'd never seen before. Something about it's shiney metal and strange smell made her want to shiver. She had a bad feeling about it. "Just in case Hook is stupid enough to come after you again, point this, pull the trigger and the gun will do the rest for you, alright?" he explained handing it over to her as she nodded. At least he was giving her something that wouldn't make her just an ordinary damsel in distress again. At least she had some type of defense. It just wasn't what she wanted to be doing considering the situation. "Alright?!" he asked again frantically, his nerves still on fire.

"Y- Yes, yes" she stuttered taking it. She looked down at the item supported by her hands. It even felt wrong. He pulled away from her and made a dash for the door. "Rumple wait!" she called after him, barely catching him by the arm just before he could leave. He looked down at her, the hurt and confusion on his face was enough to break her heart. He wasn't angry at her, she'd seen that look before and this wasn't it, but he was clearly upset with her, nearing irritation, for holding him back and not allowing him to leave right this moment, for wasting precious seconds. But she had to know, she couldn't let him leave without an assurance.

"Promise me," she insisted, "that you going after Hook is just about getting the shawl back." She wanted a look of confirmation, a look that told her she could trust him. She didn't get what she wanted

Instead of reassurance, he merely gave his head the slightest of shakes before he hurried out of the store and shut the door behind him, leaving her standing alone. He didn't speak a word, but he didn't have to, that look said everything. It was a look of utter disbelief and astonishment. It was a look that accused her of being ignorant. That he couldn't believe she would even ask such a thing, when she didn't understand, didn't know what had happened in the past, or what was happening now! But there was turmoil on his face too. He knew what she wanted to hear but he couldn't make her that promise, couldn't even speak the words, and wasn't even going to try to lie to her. Fear passed through her and she pulled the jacket tighter around her. He hadn't said the words but he'd told her all she needed to know.

This was not just about getting the shawl back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easy chapter, sometimes the most difficult thing I have to do for these is fill in the smallest of blanks. For this one it was the cut away, from Rumple in his shop, to Hook on the roof watching him open the safe, back to Rumple destroying the pirates ship. I hope I did a decent job of feeling that in.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	55. Pieces of the Puzzle

She did as he said. Against every instinct and every insistence from the voice in her head, she went back to the library and as she crossed the street she hid the thing he called a gun inside his large jacket pocket. She had no idea what it would do but somehow came to the conclusion that she really didn't want anyone to know that she had it.

When she closed the door, a wave of residual panic washed over her. Chances were that Hook wasn't here. If he was smart, after he stole the shawl he would waste no time getting to a safe place to hide from Rumple and threatening her in the library again wasn't the best way to do that. But she didn't know where the pirate had come from and that meant as long as his presence was unaccounted for in Storybrooke she couldn't be sure of where the pirate would be. She wouldn't leave her life to chance.

So, she reached into the pocket and pulled out the gun, fitting it into her palm as he'd held it. No matter how she felt about it, she knew that it would keep her safe. He wouldn't have entrusted it to her if it didn't. Slowly, she walked room to room, looking carefully under every desk, checking the closets, locking the back doors and windows, and searching among the rows and rows of books for someone hiding away, making herself one hundred percent sure that she was alone. Finally she returned back to the front desk, after checking every room twice, she was content to resign herself to believing that she was alone. With eagerness she walked over to the door and locked herself safely inside the library, as he had requested. Now she would stay alone, or at least have time to escape if anyone tried to come in the front door.

Library secure, she turned her attention to the elevator that she'd hidden in and thought about the dagger. She didn't want to check it when she'd first arrived, thinking that if he was there she didn't want to risk leading him straight to the weapon, but now that she was confident she was alone, she traveled up into the clock tower on her own. She never went up to the clock face, for fear someone might look up and see her blurred image and suspect something, but she did locate the hand he'd attached the dagger to and watched it closely for a few moments. Finally her eyes were able to trace the hazy outline of the knife, and she let out a deep sigh. It was safe, which meant, wherever he was right now, Rumple was safe too. Hook hadn't succeeded in killing her and, as long as the dagger was here, he wouldn't succeed in killing him. Confident that everything in the library was in order she traveled back down to the circulation desk and began the task of cleaning up. There was nothing more she could do but wait for him to tell her everything was okay again as she'd unhappily agreed.

She gave a disappointed and frustrated sigh, then looked around the sanctuary, trying to find a place to start, to keep her occupied. Her eyes inevitably landed upon the fallen cart and piles of books around it from her earlier escape attempt. She may as well start there. She heaved the cart back into place on its wheels and hung his jacket, which was now making her too warm, on the end. She had a moment to think that she would give it back to him later, when she saw him again after all of this was over, but the thought of where he was now and what he was doing snuck into her head. She didn't want to think about it, because she knew that the second she did she would be unable not to think about why he was going after him.

She was smart and she knew that he would be angry on principle that someone stolen his possession, but she also knew, from the look of disappointment in his eyes, that he wasn't going after Hook just to get the shawl back. It was about revenge, for stealing Milah, for taking away Bae's mother, and whatever Hook had done to the woman. At least he hadn't lied to her. She tried to focus on that one positive thing. He hadn't promised her it was about the shawl because he knew that it was a lie. It was horrible excuse for a hopeful thought, but she'd have to take it.

She sat on the ground among the books she'd spilt and began stacking them into piles before placing them back onto the cart, trying her best to return order to at least part of her life, and giving her hands something to do in the mean time. She wished there was more that she could have done, more that he would have let her do. He was worried, she understood, about what would happen to her if she went with him and placed herself in danger, but she was worried about him! Nothing had irritated him this much in a long time. It was his anger, his temper, especially over issues that concerned her and his son that made him do things that he regretted later. Or that she would regret later for him, if she had to...

Then again if she could have one wish at this moment she would just erase everything that had happened this morning, it had all been going so well before she walked back in here. Why hadn't she just stayed with him at the shop?! This all could have been avoided if she had just stayed there and continued to talk to him about the possibilities of the upcoming journey with hushed excitement! Instead of coming back here to find Hook waiting for her, waiting to make their life miserable. If only-

Something didn't belong here!

There was something on the floor that wasn't hers, that didn't look like it belonged in her library at all! It had been lying underneath the book that she'd just moved and her heart hammered as she picked it up and examined it. What was this?! It was very simple really, in fact it looked like a babies rattle. It was made of scratchy rope with a strange ball on one end and a loop on the other. It was a knot. A very distinctive knot, one that she felt like she had remembered seeing in her life before but she couldn't quite pin point it. How had this gotten here? Had it come from Hook? Could it have?! As she stared at the object a thought came back to her, a memory, of going overseas as a child, one of the sailors had been trying to impress her by making knots and one of them...one of them had looked just like this! He had explained its uses to her, for why it was necessary to know this knot on a ship...

On a ship? Was she remembering that correctly?

Her mind started to put the pieces together. She pushed herself up and raced back into the stacks of her books. Finally after a moment of browsing she found the one that she needed to answer this puzzle for her. She carried it back to the circulation desk paged through it until she found the one that she needed: a picture of a knot, like the one in her hand, called a Monkey's fist. A knot used on ships. Why hadn't she thought of this before?

She didn't know how he'd gotten here, Rumple had said he had it on good authority he wasn't in Storybrooke, and she was inclined to believe him. After all, if he'd been here before why hadn't he been in their lives before now. But if he hadn't been...if he'd somehow come from another land, well it certainly explained his manner of dress. Maybe he'd had this knot because he still had a daily use for it. He was a pirate wasn't he? If he still dressed like a pirate captain, if they had no idea what he'd been doing before now, maybe he'd still been a pirate captain!

"Hook came here on his ship," she muttered to herself, smiling proudly at the fact that she had figured it out based on so little information. The ship was the answer to everything. If he knew that he needed a safe place to hide the shawl and himself from the angry Rumpelstiltskin then he would go to a place the captain felt safe at: his ship! And there was only one place that the ship could be in Storybrooke. The docks.

"That's where I'll find Bae's shawl!" she concluded. Where else would a pirate hide treasure? Ruby had taken her there once, showed her where the place was just after she'd left Rumpelstiltskin! She had seen strange metalic ship after ship but none that looked like a pirate ship, at least not in her mind. But it had been a while since she was there last time and it was her only solid clue to go on! How he had gotten here and where he had been if he hadn't been cursed she wasn't sure, but that wasn't important right now. Baelfire was important and she certainly wasn't just going to sit here letting the curiosity roll around in her head like she was helpless! She was going to do something about this, she had to. Would Rumple have put all this together yet? She would just have to find out.

And just like that, forgetting her chores, forgetting his wishes and requests, forgetting even his coat, and the cell phone in its pocket, she left the library. She turned back only to grab the small gun he had given her as her only measure of protection. She hated the idea of using it, but it was better to be safe. If something did happen to her, even if she was the one responsible for it, he would never forgive himself and she couldn't stand the thought of causing him pain like that. And so with a deep sigh and a nod of determination, she left the library again and made her way toward the docks and hopefully toward Baelfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh...this chapter...I just...I just can't even. This is one of the difficult things about this series. Sometimes they jump to conclusions as if they make sense when really...they don't make any sense at all. A knot...that's all that she's basing her guess that Hook got there on his ship on. A single, solitary knot. This is one of those chapters then that I'm forced to say "I did my best with the little I was given". I hope that as you read it it'll sound a little more believable than just, "oh look a knot, Hook must have come here on a ship!" if not, I am sorry. I gave it my all!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	56. Knowing Magic

She hurried down to the docks as quickly as she could. It was a fair distance to walk on foot, but she let her eagerness urge her on and when she arrived...she saw nothing. For a moment her heart dropped and she thought she might have been wrong, maybe even had played into another trap, and she had a strong urge to run back to the library and hide just as he had told her. If it was a trap, then every moment outside the safety of that locked door meant her life was in danger and that meant that his life was as well.

But then she heard something: a creak. And not just any creak, it was like the sound shifting wood made when it was being tossed around by the ocean. She hadn't done a lot of sailing in her time as a Princess, mostly she'd been left behind, but she'd been on the water often enough to know that sound. She looked around again, wondering if she'd missed something, but still she saw nothing! And yet, there again was the creaking sound! She knew that she wasn't crazy, she really was hearing the sounds! So why couldn't she see anything! Where was it coming from? She held the gun tight in her hand and walked down the ramp to the dock the sounds growing louder with every step. It sounded as if she was right next to it, but there was nothing there! Why were strange noises were coming out of thin air? Why couldn't she figure this out?!

"Where is it?" she asked herself aloud. It couldn't be far she was certain of that. Another groan and she looked over to her left. It had to be here. And if she couldn't see it then there had to be a reason for it. Was it possible that there was magic at work?

She paused at the thought. Yes, that would make sense. She didn't know how he had gotten magic, but she'd been with Rumple long enough to know that magic could do all sorts of things, even hide a giant pirate ship. She might not know anything about pirates, but magic she was beginning to know intimately enough and could deal with. If it was magic, then she already knew what to look for.

She had to find the flaw.

Other than a ship that couldn't be seen, what else didn't make sense? What else wasn't right?

She looked around, then above her, and focused. The dock looked normal. The tide riffed gently like it should. And then she spotted it! Loud as the sound of the groans was the cry of seagulls. They flew overhead, then, one of them, suddenly landed and perched itself…on nothing!

She blinked, wondering if she was seeing things, but she wasn't! There was nothing for the eye to see but clearly the gull was sitting on a post or mast of some kind. It was here, right next to her, just as she suspected. She was right! She just had to figure out how to get on a ship when she couldn't see it. The last thing she wanted was to fall between the invisible side of the ship and into the water only to be crushed beneath a giant hull of nothing!

She looked around again, she needed wood or something long to poke the side with, maybe she could at least get a feel for where it was, or...she looked at the box of sand sitting conveniently to her right, maybe there was a flaw in the magic it was using. If she could see the gulls, maybe she'd be able to see something else. She took a handful of grains and threw them to her left. She didn't find the side of the boat. It was better. She found the ramp that would allow her entrance to the ship. "Found you!" she smiled happily, impressed with her own ingenuity. It appeared that some good had come from Rumple's magic after all.

With a wave of excitement and anticipation at how happy he'd be when he realized she had the shawl back safe and sound she put her foot delicately onto the invisible ramp. She felt wood bend pliant beneath her foot. It felt strange, but she tried to ignore the unnatural sensation of walking sturdy on nothing. One foot, then two, and then she felt like she was walking through a thick, dry, waterfall made of syrup. She moved onward, and when the feeling passed, she looked up. The sight that greeted her was amazing.

It was a pirate ship! Just like the kind that she would have encountered in her books! She was on the pirate ship! Hook's ship! She'd done it! She was on Hook's ship!

But suddenly a different feeling washed over her. She was on Hook's ship. Was Hook around? The thought that he might be near hadn't even crossed her mind and now she realized that it had been pure luck that he hadn't been here on deck, lying in wait for her. Timidly she looked around and saw that he was nowhere in sight. Did that mean he wasn't here? Or that he was only somewhere below deck, thinking he was safely hidden away? And where was the shawl?! Looking around now she felt like there were a million places that it could be hidden. But for sure, it wasn't lying somewhere on deck, she would have seen it, she was sure of that. It would stick out like a sore thumb to her, just like her tea cup did.

She didn't know how much time she had. All she knew was that she had to search the ship and she had to do it quickly. Concluding that the deck was empty, she found a set of stairs and walked down them nervously, trying not to hit her head on the low ceiling and constantly scanning her surroundings for any sign of Hook as well. At the bottom of the stairs was a door. She couldn't tell what was behind it, but she had to start somewhere. With a strangely steady hand she reached out and turned the knob, ready to run at the first sight of Hook on the other side, with luck and the gun at her side maybe she stood a chance at getting out alive first. The room was empty and she sighed with relief. It looked like nothing more than a bunk room of sorts. So she opened the door all the way, ignoring the loud squeak of the hinges, in favor of a clear shot to the stairs should something go wrong. Now, where to-

"Hello!" a strange and distant voice called to her from somewhere below. She was proud of herself for not jumping. She didn't know the voice, but it certainly wasn't Hooks. She would recognize that accent immediately. So who did the voice belong to? Was there someone in here? Would that person know where the shawl was?

She looked across to the strange caged bench on the far side of the wall, from where the voice had sounded. "He…hello?" she muttered trying to keep her voice down. She wasn't worried, somehow the voice made her feel strangely calm. Was it just the sixth sense she had about people? Or was it someone using more magic? Friend or foe?

"Down here!" the voice called out for her.

She approached the bench and saw a hinge on it, like it opened to a room below. It wasn't a bench, it was a door and through the cage she could see the space. Sitting there below was a man bound by ropes! She lifted the grate as fast as she could and her jaw dropped as she suddenly realized she knew the man.

"Belle!" he said with a voice of relief, "Oh thank God!"

"Archie! You...you...you're okay!" she stuttered, she couldn't seem to help it! To say she was shocked would have been an understatment! It was Archie! The man who had died a week ago! The man that they'd buried this very morning! He was tied up but he was very much so alive! But...but she'd seen the dog's memories with her own eyes! He'd been killed! By the Evil Queen! How did he get here? How was he alive?!

"Yes...yes I...I am," he answered, looking confused at her words and glancing to the ring that held him to the ship. "Can, can you uh..." he motioned to the ropes binding him.

Her mind snapped out of the past and into the present. Could she free him?! Of course! Who cared how he was alive, it only mattered that he was and that as long as they were on this ship they were both in danger. She'd come to rescue the shawl and ended up saving the doctor instead, it was just as important. But as long as he stayed there he wasn't exactly safe. Get to safety first, figure out what happened later!

She looked around for something to cut him free with and found a pirates sword. Quickly, she grabbed it and sliced through the thick but brittle rope easily. He acted fast, untying his bonds and lifting himself out of his prison. She very much wanted to escort him to safety, to show her friends that he was alive again, but that wasn't why she had come, someone needed to be alerted to whatever was going on here, but she couldn't risk losing the shawl. She had to find it.

"Go," she told the doctor. "Find Mr. Gold, tell him I'm here, bring him to the ship," she said making up the plan as she went. He'd come if he knew where she was and if anyone could sort out the dark magic happening on the ship, it was him.

Still the doctor looked at her shocked as ever. "Wait, you're not coming with me?!" he asked confused.

From somewhere above them the floorboards gave a sharp groan. But this wasn't the creaking that came with shifting wood, this was from shifting weight. Someone was on board the ship. Her heart hammered as she realized what that meant. Time was up. It was only a matter of minutes before he found her, she wanted to leave but she knew that both of them couldn't get away, maybe if she stayed, took those few precious minutes to look for the shawl she could allow the doctor to get away safely. He would come for her, Rumple would save her.

"Go!" she said making the split second decision and shoving Archie toward the door she had come from. "Go, go, go!" she said harshly, but he looked back at her and she could see that he felt guilty over the prospect of leaving her behind. "There's no time to argue!" she shouted. And with that he ran up the stairs at her command. She took a glance around the room; if she only had minutes maybe even seconds then she had to chose her next move carefully.

Now what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another straight forward scene that I dissect because I don't know about you but I think that failure makes things a little bit more realistic. Sometimes with Belle it just seems like she always gets it right and I get that she's smart and all, but the things that she gets right rarely appear to have anything to do with logic. Instead they seem to focus more on guesses. "Oh a knot-he must have his ship! Oh look I'm right." "Oh a sound, that must be his ship! Oh look I'm right!" "Oh look a perfectly placed bag of sand right near the sand so that I can throw it and it just so happens to land on the ramp that I need to get on the ship on the first try..." I just...can we have five seconds of her looking? Just to make it look a little better?
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	57. His True Heart

She looked around the small room, checking the beds, the drawers, the rafters, anywhere that Hook might have hidden the shawl. She tried to be silent, thinking that maybe if she was quiet she might buy herself more time. She wasn't sure where he would go downstairs but he hadn't turned up yet, and the lack of a scuffle gave her hope that Archie had made it out without confrontation. She just had to stall and be smart, maybe then they would both make it out of this alive. Maybe she would even make it out with the shawl...if she could only find it!

She was afraid to leave this room, afraid to reveal her position or change it, until this room had been thoroughly searched, until she was certain it wasn't here.

There! The cabinet! Why hadn't she seen it before? A locked box! That was a perfect place for the shawl. She set the gun down and desperately pulled it out of its niche. She tried to open it, fumbling with the lock, but it wouldn't budge. There had to be a key around here somewhere! She looked frantically around the cabinet.

A bowl, on the top shelf, if she was going to keep a key that was where she'd put it! Close by and easy to get in case of an emergency! It was-

No, it wasn't there.

Maybe the chalice below, it was a little less conspicuous and-

There! She felt a small metal object and when she pulled it out she saw the key. She put it in the lock, felt the mechanism give way and with anticipation lifted the lid.

Nothing! Nothing but gold and pirates treasure. Disappointment poured into her. The shawl wasn't here. So then-

"Looking for this?"

She spun around on her heel at the familiar voice, her heart automatically hammering against her ribs. Hook. He was there, leaning against the door perfectly relaxed, like he caught people ransacking his ship all the time. But then she realized that his hand was fingering the delicate fabric of Baelfire's shawl as it hung from his hook. How could she have been so stupid?! She should have realized that he would keep it with him instead of hiding it. She'd been on a fools errand and now...

What would would happen to her?! How long had he been standing there? How long since the doctor had left? Could he have found Rumple already? Could he be on his way right now? She needed time, she needed to keep him talking so he wouldn't kill her.

Now she looked at the precious item he held captive in his clutches. "Uh, that, doesn't belong to you!" she said trying to sound braver than she felt.

"Oh it does now," he said confidently, sneering at her. His voice was threatening as his body blocked her only way out. She wasn't very intimidating, but she didn't have to be she only needed time. Why had she set that gun down?!

The gun! The thought popped into her head like magic. She didn't want to use it, but if it was the difference between life and death, the difference between making it back to Rumple dead or alive, then she was going to take it. He needed her to take it. She glanced over to the object on the table then and back to him, but she'd made the mistake. He saw it now too. Taking a deep breath and summoning all her strength she dove for it at the exact same time that Hook did and-

He was faster and before she knew it the gun was in his hand and he was laughing to himself as he snatched the object away from her like she was a child and it was for her own good. Did he know how it worked? Did he know what it did? "Oh my dear Belle," he taunted, making her blood turn to ice. "You should have stayed with your books," he commented fiddling and examining it. Suddenly he seemed to understand it and he fitted it to his hand the way he had and she had to fight the urge not to cry. "Real life can get so…messy." And suddenly the strange silver tube meant to protect her was pointed between her eyes, the hole at the end staring her down like a Cyclops eye.

She swallowed, suddenly aware of every noise she heard, every heavy heave of her chest and beat of her heart. He had the gun, but she couldn't let it affect her, she wouldn't! She wasn't going to die cowering before him and he needed to know that. "I'm not afraid of you," she said taking a step back, making the gun seem less daunting. "And I'm not leaving without that," she informed him, pointing at the shawl.

"I admire your loyalty," he admitted with honesty. "When helping Rumpelstiltskin...I'm afraid you're fighting a lost cause," he explained. It was like he thought that if he just explained who the man was then she would give up, but he didn't know the man, he only knew the monster. The real man, her Rumple, was not a lost cause! And neither was all his hard work.

"He needs that shawl to find his son," she pleaded.

"And what makes you think his son wants to be found?!" he asked examining the gun further. Hook had a point, she knew that. She'd thought the very same thing this morning. The honest answer was that she didn't know and she feared it might be the case considering what had happened in their past. But no matter what, nothing would be better until the situation was put to rest. And besides, maybe Baelfire needed a second chance too. Maybe he did want his father to come after him. They wouldn't know until he found him. "I'm doing that boy a favor," Hook concluded with pride. But she could see past his oily demeanor. He could claim that he was doing it to help Baelfire, but at the end of the day there was really only one thing motivating him...revenge.

"Have you not hurt Rumple enough?" she asked, disappointed. Was she the only one that thought straight in this world?

"Oh, I've hurt him?!" Hook commented shaking the metal hook that stood in place of where his hand should be. He looked down at her like he was reprimanding her for saying something inappropriate. But how could he have expected to get away from Rumple unscathed after what he had done. The monster he'd been before she met him, well, she knew that he was lucky to be alive!

"You stole his wife!" she reminded him.

Hook paused at her words and something flickered across his face for the briefest moment. Grief, sadness, pain. Yes, pain! She'd seen Rumple wear a face similar enough to recognize it on him. These two men really had much more in common than they liked to think they did. "Tell me love..." he said, casting his eyes down and moving closer and closer to her, "if a woman comes to you," he said in a low whisper, "begs you to take her away, is that theft?"

They were sharing the same breath and the way he was looking at her, the way he was speaking to her, reminded her of Gaston in a way. She knew what he wanted, what he was trying to do, and it made her clench her jaw together. Clearly this man had never heard the word "no" before from a woman and expected she would fall prey to his charms just as easily as the other women he'd met. She would gladly be the first that didn't. The first to say "no". There wasn't an inkling of temptation in her body for the dreaded pirate. Every man paled in comparison to the one that held her heart.

But she couldn't answer his question. She hadn't known Milah, hadn't known if they were in love or had shared true love although from what she gathered she really doubted that. "Why would she leave him?" she asked. If Milah had wanted to go, as Hook suggested, she didn't know if it was theft or not. But she knew it was the wrong thing to do. If she'd known him before he was cursed, what could have been worse than Rumpelstiltskin when he had power?

"Because he was a coward," Hook spat through clenched teeth, "because she loved me!" Because Milah was the opposite of who she was, and Hook the opposite of who Rumple had been before he'd been the dark one...

It made sense. She wanted for him to find strength outside of his power, Milah had wanted him to possess power for strength. She hadn't been willing to settle for the coward. Is that what drew her to Hook? A woman looking for power found a Pirate Captain and figured she'd just trade up?! How cruel! How wrong!

Hook suddenly pulled himself away from her and she allowed herself to breathe again as he walked over to the shawl and pawed it with his hook. "I should have burned this the moment I acquired it," he muttered.

"Why didn't you?" she inquired automatically, grateful he hadn't.

"Because she made it..." he answered sadly. He hadn't just stolen Milah from him, Milah hadn't just left for power. He'd loved her. In fact, he looked as though he still did. Who was at fault here? Who was innocent and who was guilty? She wasn't sure anymore. Maybe there was no right or wrong. Maybe sometimes a mess was just a mess and there was no way to clean it up entirely. Perhaps the best way to sort it out was to just let it rest, and for both Hook and Rumple to go on with their lives, put the past behind them, and move on...

"I'm sorry she died..." she began truly sorry for what the pirate had suffered, but it didn't excuse his current actions. It didn't change the fact that he held the key to Rumpelstiltskin's happiness in his hand. She had to get the shawl back. If not by force, then maybe something else. "But vengeance? Vengeance won't bring her back!"

"Back!" Hook yelled at her, like the thought was preposterous! His tragic expression faded, quickly giving way to a crazed smile that made her aware once more of the gun in his hand. "Like it was some kind of accident! Is that what he told you?!" he asked stepping up to her threateningly again.

"Well..." she felt that same feeling of fear grip her again. Not the one she associated with feeling unsafe, but the one she associated with disappointment, the one she felt when he lied to her and she lost hope that he could ever be a changed man. "He, he didn't say-"

"Oh, of course not!" Hook said his anger beginning to boil over. "Of course he would leave out the most important detail of her passing!"

She stared at him for a moment, not wanting to ask the question, but not being able to stop the words from leaving her mouth either. "And, uh, what would that be?" What now?

Hook sneered. "He killed her..." the gun was suddenly visible again out of the corner of her eye as she shook her head at the news. No! "He ripped out her heart," he pointed the tip of the gun at her chest, "and crushed it, right in front of me." No, no, no!

No! Her breath caught in her chest and the world seemed to blur at his words. She shook her head. "No," she insisted, her voice breaking on the word as she fought back tears.

"Oh yes..." No! Surely Hook was lying, trying to drive a wedge between the two of them! Could he have been that terrible even that long ago?! She'd wouldn't believe it. It couldn't be true!

"No!" The deed was something he would do but it was impulsive and emotional. He was none of those things before she came along. He was rational and had a plan for everything. He would never let something like that get the best of him. Would he?

"Yes," Hook insisted. And then she saw what she feared most as she looked into his eyes. Wicked as Hook was, he was telling her the truth. Her heart fell at the realization. It was something that he would do. And it was cruel, even for him, even for who he had been before. "He would do anything," he spat pointing the gun at her chin, distracting her suddenly from the news she'd just learned. She tilted her head back, trying to get away from it, but the more she pulled the more he pushed. Would he take his revenge on Rumple by killing his true love? It would seem a fair trade to either of them. One true love for the death of the other. "Anything to hold onto his power!" he finished. "Why do you think," he pulled away from her suddenly and the gun left her skin as he suddenly seemed to gain better control of himself and his senses, letting his voice rise with every word. "Anyone who's ever been close to him has either run away...or been killed!" her heart lifted suddenly.

The gun had sobered her emotionally enough to think, to realize what he'd done. He walked around her, not in front of her, and the knowledge seemed to douse her brain in cold water. She forgot what he had said, put the knowledge of how Milah had died aside, and only focused on one thing.

She could leave! He'd moved out of her path and given her a clear shot of the door as he paced to the back of the room!

Now all she needed was to grab the shawl and run!

Although, a distraction wouldn't hurt either. She stopped and turned around to face him as the gun gave a strange click. It was pointed at her again, but she wasn't worried, or at least not as much as she suspected she should be.

She was only half thinking about him, about the words he was saying. Her mind was searching, running through different scenarios trying to figure out what she could do to give herself a head start.

Could she slam the door and lock it? No, it was too heavy and he was stronger than her. He'd push it away and catch her before she could even close the door.

Could she topple the shelves beside her onto him? No, she didn't know how heavy they were and he'd be prepared for something like that after what she had done at the library. And, frankly, that didn't seem to hold him much even when she'd caught him by surprise!

Her eyes continued the search of the cabin, looking for something, for anything that could be helpful.

The sword, the bed, the rafters-

There! Above him, it looked like a spare oar hanging from some kind of hinge. It was a long shot. But it might just have been the best chance she had.

"Now, what makes you think you're any different?" he muttered.

This time his words made her pause. They were just insulting enough to make her want to have the last word in all this. She was different! She may not have known him then, may not have known Milah, or even Cora for that matter, but she knew that their love was different. It was true. She saw him for who he was, not who he tried to be or what others wanted him to be. That was the difference between true love and love! It was stronger. A bond, a connection! It was powerful all on its own. It was genuine. He'd never do anything to hurt her. She'd told Ruby the truth, he would die before he let anyone harm her in anyway, and that included himself!

"Tell me something darling," Hook continued, with an almost sympathetic look on his face. "Why would you want to fight for a man like that?"

"Because I still see good in him," she answered, realizing that there were tears in her eyes again, although she couldn't tell if they had come from fright, desperation, or from any number of the emotions she had during this conversation. "Because I believe he's changed. Because his heart...is true!" She still believed that, even knowing what he had done to his wife in anger. The only way to illicit a response like that, something emotional and irrational, from the man she knew was if they had hurt him beyond what she could even comprehend. And though it wasn't right, it was in the past, and he was different now! Unlike Hook, who was still on a vendetta to take away his future in exchange for the past. Now that was pure evil.

"And yours..." she shook her head and gauged the distance of the oar preparing herself to run as fast as she could. She had one chance and one chance only to get this right! "Your's is rotten!" With that, she reached up, grabbed the oar and with all the force she could muster and swung it at his head, hard.

She heard the thud and felt the impact in her hand, he gave a cry of surprise and disappeared into the open belly of the ship. She didn't stay to see what happened next, to lock him in, or to trap him further. She simply grabbed the shawl and ran as fast as she could out of the room. She only hoped she'd hit him hard enough that she wouldn't be seeing him for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know, this scene just doesn't translate from screen to paper...er...computer screen? That happens sometimes. There are just too many gestures and thoughts and little details to pick up that it slows the scene down and this time it is not on purpose. You have my apology, I wish I could craft it better for you!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	58. Proof of His Change

Her heart was pounding as she raced up the steps. She had gotten away, Bea's shawl was in her hand, and she could see the ramp! She was home free! She was-

Staring at Hook again, who had appeared before her as if by magic, sturdy on two feet. He surprised her as he cut her off from her destination, once again he standing between her and safety. Now her heart was pounding for a different reason. Where had he come from? She was certain that he wouldn't have been able to get up and come after her that quick!

"How-how'd you-"

"Oh, I know this ship like the back of my ha…" he stopped and gestured toward the hook that substituted for a hand. "Well, you know..." he smirked like it was the funniest joke in the world. It wasn't. Any other day she might have seen the irony in the words he had chosen but not now. She backed up, taking small steps and trying to at least take herself out of arms, and hooks, reach. There was no question about it now. She was in trouble. She had escaped him twice before, but it had been sheer luck. And now she suspected that her luck was running out, as were her options of escape. Surely he wouldn't let her get away for a third time! "I suggest you give that back to me now," he said advancing on her, the threat in his voice coming through clear as day.

"Or what?" The familiar voice drew her attention and his away from each other. As if her very fear itself had summoned him, Rumpelstiltskin stood before them. Her hope flared but didn't last long. He had found her. Rather, he had found Hook, just as he had said he would, but she had seen that Hook could bring out the worst in him before. And he seemed to make the already confident captain even more prideful than he already was. She very much wanted the Captain to shrink at the sight of him, for Rumple to wrap an arm around her, and for the two of them to leave the ship unharmed. But watching the two men glare at each other, she knew that it wouldn't be as simple as that.

"You look different in this world crocodile...like the coward that I met so long ago...limp and old," Hook jested, ignoring her and giving him his full attention. It gave her a moment to look around the ship. She should leave, take Bae's shawl and run while he was distracted, she doubted that either one of them would notice if she did. But she couldn't. She wouldn't leave without him.

"Yet...you still can't kill me!" He'd tried to kill him once before?! She should have known! It was just another crime, another reason that he'd been all too willing to go after the pirate. The shawl, Milah, and murder...it was bad. The gleam in his eyes was intense. She didn't think he saw her at all, which was a problem, because right now the only thing standing between him and the monster within him was her.

"Let's have it Dark One, what magic are you going to hide behind today?"

She knew the moment he'd sealed his own fate, it was as though every last ounce of the man she'd fallen in love with had been taken out and replaced by that beast. His smile, his walk, his eyes, they weren't his! They belonged to something far more sinister. "Oh no, not magic," he chuckled suddenly and brought the cane up swinging it so it hit the side of the man's skull. Hook collapsed against one of the ships surfaces and he brought the cane down on him again.

"Rumple!" she shouted, instinctively running for him. Not to save Hook, but to save her Rumple. She couldn't let him revert, she couldn't let the monster consume him again. He was better than that. She knew he was. "Hey!" she called trying to get his attention. It hadn't been her imagination, in the Pirates presence he really had forgotten that she was there. The sooner he remembered the sooner she could get him back. "Let's go! Let's go!" It wasn't a suggestion and she wasn't begging him. It was an order. She wanted to leave and he was going to come with her. Whether he wanted to or not he was going to leave Hook here, alive. "Let's go!"

He took a deep breath, never taking his eyes off the pirate. "Not yet Belle," the monster breathed. He heard her voice but he still wasn't seeing her. The monster was consuming too much of his heart. It was the place that she and Baelfire took up and she wouldn't have that sacred spot invaded. Not then, not now, and not ever!

She winced as he brought the cane down again, harder this time and Hook gave a small noise of pain. "This! This is what you came for," she insisted loudly, shaking the shawl in front of him, hoping that the precious item would be enough to bring him back to her. "This is what's going to get you back to Bae!" At the boys name he finally glanced at it, at her, his eyes were...emotional. He was coming back. But the fight wasn't over yet, she couldn't imagine what was going on inside his head: a battle between the man she loved and the monster that hid in the shadows. It was painful for her, what was it like for him. He stared a while longer, then, finally set the cane down. They needed to go. Now, before-

"Oh, you're wasting your breath, love," the pirate sighed, blood pouring from his nose. "He can't resist, he has to prove he's not a coward!"

"You might want to turn away, Belle, this isn't going to be pretty," he snapped before bringing the cane back down on the pirate again, another cry of pain piercing the silence. She couldn't blame him. Frankly, she wanted to hit the man herself! The moron was signing his own painful death certificate and although she still didn't wish that death on him, even after everything that he had done, she had to remember that it wasn't Hooks life she was fighting for, it was his. She watched one blow after another come again and again and again, and she turned her nose up at the violence, still unable to stand it after all she'd seen and lived through in her life.

"Do it!" the pirate finally yelled, Rumple stopped and looked down on the man's form. "Do it, kill me! He has to show you how powerful he is!" He wasn't just taunting him now, that jest was aimed at her, but she wasn't going to give in to it as easily as he had. She was better than that and so was the man in front of her. She couldn't let him do this! He was the bright spot in her life, the one thing that she loved above all else, to kill Hook would be to destroy him in the process. It was a tug of war, Hook cheering on the monster while she was trying to cage it. She didn't need to see how powerful the monster was, she knew. But she also knew how powerful the love she carried around for him was, and whether it was a childish notion or not she knew that the love they shared was powerful enough to tame the beast, and then some.

"No!" she yelled more at the pirate than anything else. "Rumple, this...this is what he wants," she realized, "to destroy every bit of good in you," her voice was breaking but she could see that she was winning. He looked at her, the look of the beast fading, slower than she would have liked, but fading just the same. She hoped the pirate would keep his mouth shut, would have enough sense to know that his next insult would be his last.

"Rip my heart out," she glanced at the suicidal pirate just as he did. "Kill me like you did Milah and I'll finally be reunited with her!"

Fool. This couldn't be happening after everything they went through, after everything they'd accomplished, their love, his words of truth, stolen kisses in the daylight, and making love by moonlight. He was going to let a few well-chosen phrases of revenge tear that away from them! It wasn't just Hooks life on the line, or Rumple's goodness, if Hook died and took the good in him then she would die too. Just like the day when he had chosen power over her before.

Rumple dropped his cane and gave her a terrible smile. "He has to die, Belle!" he shrugged before pouncing on him and placing his hand over the man's chest.

"NO! No, he doesn't!" she begged, hope reigniting within her. It was in the smile she saw. He was there! It wasn't the monster that was angry and being pushed to the brink. It was Rumple! The last comment had brought him back to her, but he wasn't himself. He was hurt, the memory of what the man had done in his past life stinging and hurting his pride. She nearly had him. She just needed to show him that he was loved, that he had her and Bae to live for, and throwing them away for the pirates life wasn't worth it.

"There's still good in you," she promised, happy to see him still at her words and looked up at her. "I see it, I've always seen it. Please. Please show me I'm not wrong!"

He glanced away from her and back at the pirate. If there was any doubt that the monster lingered it was fading fast. The look on his face nearly broke her heart. The pain and anguish of her request. It was unfair, she knew that. But they'd been to this place before, too many times to count. And each time he had given in and chosen his power, magic, and revenge over her. And he knew that as well as she did. She hoped he would do what she always knew he could do. And she tried to put every ounce of that pleading into her eyes.

After what seemed like an eternity, he quickly removed his hand from Hooks chest, like it burned him. She sighed with relief. It was over. She was so happy she could have cried. He loved her. He had chosen her over his power, over Hook, and even Milah. He belonged to her! And she was going to make sure it stayed that way.

"You take your little ship," he muttered, sounding like himself again, "and sail, until you fall off the edge of the world. I never want to see you again." Finally he gave the man a half-hearted slap before backing off slowly, and she knew he was thinking about how easy it would be to finish him off right then. But instead she watched as he reached down to pick up his cane, and muttered "let's go" beckoning her to him.

She stepped forward quickly placing herself between the two men. She pulled him away, even had to tug on his arm when he didn't move quick enough because he was looking at the man with regret. Bae in one hand and him in the other. It was right where she was going to stay. There would be other times like this, she knew. But she was always going to be there. She would chase the demons away, one-handed if she must, and be living breathing proof of the changes that had happened within him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another difficult chapter to translate. I hope that it didn't come out as bad as I feared it would.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	59. Moving Forward

It was a long quiet walk back to the shop. They hadn't said a word to each other since he'd let her drag him off that ship, she hadn't given him reason to, simply slipped her arm around his elbow, placed the shawl in his hand, and led them both back to his shop. She'd stared straight ahead, focusing on where she was going, too many thoughts in her head for her to properly comprehend them all. She didn't need to have a fight with him at the moment; she was having one with herself, trying to remember the one good thing out of all she had seen and learned today. He'd separated himself from his son, he'd killed his wife, taken the pirates hand, and he would have beaten him to death today...

But he'd stopped.

He had stopped for her. And right now that fact was the only thing that kept her from letting him go and running back to her apartment to cry. He'd let Bae go in favor of his power. And he'd spent every minute since searching for him. He had killed his wife. But he hadn't killed Hook. He had taken Hook's hand. But he hadn't taken his life. The monster had emerged from its hibernation today. But she had somehow managed to quiet it away again. And that was the one thing that she kept repeating over and over again in her head. She couldn't look at him, couldn't think of everything that had happened today. If she did she knew she would drown in her own sorrow. Or worse, act on her feelings too suddenly and not once had that ever worked in their favor. They were their own worst enemies.

When they finally got back to the shop, a long walk but still too short to help much, he unlocked the door and her heart dropped again as she looked around. She forgot that they had left it in shambles. Rumple closed the door and moved around her walking swiftly to the other side of the room and setting the shawl back in the safe. Not that it mattered, the locking mechanism looked damaged beyond repair. Besides, if Hook had gotten it once then he could get it again. But she suspected that he wouldn't try again, not today at least. She was suddenly very happy they had moved that dagger when they did. But it did leave her worried for what would happen if Rumple left town as he was planning. Would he try to come after her again? Hook was determined to get revenge and if he couldn't go after Bae the next closest thing to his son was her.

She banished the frightening thought from her head. Hook had been injured badly and wouldn't be in any shape to come after her any time soon. At least that's what she was going to tell herself until she had reason to believe otherwise. She would take extra precautions while he was away to make sure that she was safe. If she had to, she could always move into Granny's...

She shook her head. She couldn't think about that right now, either. Not when there was so much dead space between the pair of them. Not when there was so much that she could be doing.

But before she could decide what to sweep up first, he snapped his fingers and purple smoke filled the room. When it cleared the shop had been put in place, every artifact healed and filled its proper space, every spec of broken glass knit back together, and yes even the lock on the safe was bright and gleaming again, allowing him to finally shut and lock the shawl within it. She was disappointed, not because he'd used magic, but rather because he had taken away the task she had planned to assign herself for the rest of the afternoon. She could always clear her mind when she had busy work to do; now it appeared she had none. She couldn't go back to the library, she wasn't going to leave him alone right now. She didn't believe that he wouldn't go back to kill Hook, not the way he had goaded him on. If she had to stay here and babysit him she was going to make sure that at least one of them kept calm and didn't do something they would regret.

He was hunched over the counter, watching her like a little boy that knew he was in trouble and was waiting for his punishment. But she wouldn't do that. Or at least she didn't think she would. There was too much going on; she needed some time to herself, to her own thoughts. "I'm uh, going to lay down for a bit" she muttered pointing at the curtain that separated the back from the front. She didn't wait for him to respond. The silence was deafening. And when she was certain that she could walk without having her legs fail her she went into the back of the shop, spread a blanket out on the cot, but didn't lay down. She just sat there, her head against the wall, legs hanging off the edge, trying to sort out the emotions that she felt like her body couldn't contain.

The entire situation reeked of sadness, anger, and fear. Everyone was at fault in this situation, but it had gone around in so many circles she didn't even know where to begin to sort it out. It only proved to show that one bad deed did not fix another bad deed. And revenge only worked to produce more revenge.

She was angry at him for what he had done. But could she blame him? Hook, hadn't exactly been helping himself. He had practically begged Rumple to kill him, making it harder for her to talk some sense into the stubborn man. But she couldn't blame Hook either. One possessive man's wife, and a pirate's lover. If what he had told her about Milah was right then he had killed his own wife right in front of Hook. She couldn't say that she was surprised. A part of her had known it all along, since the moment he had told her that she died. But she could only image what watching the one you loved die did to a person. The images of her mothers death were gone from her memory, but she'd made peace with that long ago. The thought of watching her die now, the thought of watching him die...!

She couldn't and wouldn't imagine that!

Then there was the hurt. And he was responsible for that emotion. She shouldn't have learned about Milah from Hook, he should have told her himself that morning when she had asked! Had she ever given him any reason to think she'd turn her back on him?! He'd done so much in his past and she had never once held it against him, never seen him as anything less than the man she loved now! She'd forgiven him over and over, time and time, again. It was the present man than stood before her that she cared about. It was amazing to her how they could experience something like they had this morning, and how she could be so lucky to feel like she had his trust completely, and then barely an hour later realize that there was still so much he was keeping to himself. She was sick of asking, she just wanted him to tell her! Not because he had to, or anyone was making him, but because he realized that he had an ally. She knew the concept was new to him, but that didn't excuse him.

And the way he had yelled at her! She dismissed it at the time because she knew that he had been under stress and had been in a desperate hurry to get the shawl back. Hook had just stolen his only chance at ever finding his son and she wouldn't have expected him to maintain his temper. She didn't even want to ever compare herself to the importance Bae held in his heart. It was two different loves, and she accepted that there was room for both of them. But she was not an object. She was not his possession. She was not a pretty little accessory to his life that could be set upon a shelf and added to his collection. She could have helped him. She  _had_  helped him! In more ways than one. It was her who had found Hook's ship first, her who had gotten Bae's shawl back, and she'd even managed to find and save Archie!

And she'd stopped him! She had to take a deep breath and let that fact fill her mind again. It was the one thing keeping her calm her at the moment. If she hadn't found Hook first, if she hadn't been there to stop him, he would have killed him. And that was what hurt the most. It wouldn't have been about getting the shawl back, it would have been about Milah. It would have been about getting revenge for taking his wife. Revenge for his curse. Revenge for Bae, and probably for every bad thing that had ever happened in his life.

She knew so little about this woman but the knowledge she had gained today had been too much! She couldn't be angry at Rumple, she couldn't be angry at Hook, she wasn't even angry at herself for the incident this morning. When it came right down to it, she was angry at Milah, and maybe even, embarrassingly, a little jealous. It seemed like everything that happened seemed related to that woman, because of that one choice that she had made. She was the source of all the hurt and pain in his life, for planting the first seed of darkness, and creating a fear of betrayal and cowardice. It was that fear that kept coming between the two of them. He collected power to keep the cowardice at bay, and he kept her at arm's length in order to protect himself against the betrayal he feared would come. Milah may not have created the demon, but she had surely helped to summon it. And it left her feeling a lot of anger, and, yes, a small twinge of jealousy. She sighed as she realized how ridiculous it really was. She was jealous of a ghost! But-

Outside the curtains she heard the floorboards squeak with his weight and she let herself fall back against the cot, quietly, closing her eyes when she heard him walk in. She didn't want to talk to him yet. She was afraid he would see her thoughts painted across her expression and she didn't think that it would make the situation any better. She was barely ready to admit it to herself. She surly didn't want to admit it to him! She heard the sound of his footsteps and cane as he walked around for a bit then the creak of a stool and the gentle groan of life as his spinning wheel whirled into motion. She opened her eyes to make sure his back was turned then continued to watch him.

Today had gone horribly wrong. To think only this morning she had been excited to move back in with him. Was that even a possibility now? Where did the events of today leave them? Tears that she couldn't hold in slipped slowly down the bridge of her nose to land on the pillow she was pretending to sleep on. She didn't dare sniffle and let on that she was awake, instead she let them fall and stain the fabric as she watched him spin, not straw into gold, just cotton into thread.

That was the one sobering thought. With the exception of cleaning the shop, he hadn't used magic. He hadn't killed him with magic, it hadn't been done for power, or as a strategic move for some plan he had, he'd been provoked. That one thought that she'd suppressed because it kept her from feeling her anger and hurt suddenly surfaced...

But he'd stopped!

He had stopped at her desperate plea to show her he had good in him. Did that mean he was finally ready to admit to himself that he was good? Not a monster! Suddenly she found the corners of her mouth fighting to smile as a new thought entered her mind.

He would have killed Hook for Milah and what the pair of them had done to his life...but he let him live for her.

It had taken a while, but he had let her help him. He didn't fight as she'd led him away. He didn't leave the shop even when he thought she was sleeping. He hadn't said anything about the fact that she had not honored his request when she'd gone after Hook. It wasn't much, but when had she had anything more stable than hope? He had stopped for her, and the man who would do that, that would offer her his hand like she was his only lifeline in a deadly storm, that was a man worth fighting for! She turned her face into the pillow, remembering her words the moment the Evil Queen had captured her. She couldn't stop now, not when he had proved something so great with even the smallest of actions.

The shawl was safe, the potion was safe, and he was the closest he had ever come to finding his son. She meant it that morning when she said that she didn't want anything to get in the way of that. Nothing was going to get better until he got Baelfire back. He needed to go and he needed her to be okay with him before he could go, or else he might not leave. And she couldn't stand the thought of coming between him and Baelfire. Milah and Hook had ruined enough of his life, she wasn't going to let them come between the two of them as well. If she was the last good thing left for him on this earth, she wouldn't let a ghost keep him from having her. And she wouldn't let Milah tint the way she saw him. If she had to fight all the ghosts and demons in his past single-handedly, then so be it.

She glanced out the window and noticed the night was beginning to take the light out of the sky. It was time to move on, just as they'd planned before all this had happened. Just as she'd planned.

"What time is it?" she asked, gently from her place on the cot, hoping he wouldn't notice the wetness on the pillow. He wouldn't, he couldn't. He stilled his hand and turned his head but still wouldn't look her in the eye. She didn't like to know that he was hurting, but if he felt ashamed or embarrassed it only proved to show her that there was some sense of right and wrong in him.

"Nearly sundown," he whispered. He kept her in his peripheral vision, at arm's length, his safe distance. He was building his wall up again, and she wouldn't have it, not after all she'd done to tear it down. So she rose from her place at the cot, dusted off her skirt, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, destroying it once again.

"We should probably head out to the town line," she suggested. He paused for a moment letting those words sink into him, then turned at his place to glance at where she stood behind him, finally meeting her gaze in shock. She liked when he looked at her like that, like she still surprised him.

Nothing was fixed and it probably never would be, they couldn't erase the events of today, but there would be time to talk, maybe even fight, about it later. Tonight wasn't about her. Tonight was about Baelfire. He was going to cross the line, and she didn't want him to do it alone.

A knot tightened in her belly, she had a bad feeling about going to the town line. It hadn't dawned on her until now that to cross the town line was to lose your memories. If anything failed tonight...

She shivered at the thought. It had to be done. He had to test it. So she tried to find the feelings she'd had that morning when she'd first met with him and they'd both been excited. Letting that fill her up she managed to push her anxiety and confused anger aside, stoop down and wrap her arms around his neck.

"You need to find your son," she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love getting us from one place to another. It was important to me to put this chapter in here because honestly I just couldn't see them leaving the ship and going right to the town line as they were. For one, Belle looked...well...let's say that she looked less tense by that point and unless a chapter like this happened I just didn't think that she would get to that point fast enough. So...I hope you like this chapter. Personally I like the idea of Belle realizing that he'd kill for Milah but save others for her. To me that would register as a keeper for our girl! And now...on to what we know must be...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	60. Magic Comes With A Price

He pulled the shawl out of the safe and they left the shop together. He locked the door behind him and she noted the twinge of nervous energy that she could see in him. He knew the risks too; and he was just as worried as she was. But despite the events of the day she found the courage to shove them from her mind and focus on this moment. She set her hand against the one he held the cane with and offered him a supportive smile. He sighed as he looked at her, regret still lingering, like he expected her to run away any moment now. She only wrapped her hand around his elbow tighter and accepted the shawl he handed to her wordlessly.

They walked arm in arm to his car, separating only to get in. They drove in silence through the streets of Storybrooke, down roads and through forests she'd never passed before but they held no interest for her. She was was watching him...carefully. It was strange, but for the first time that she could remember, he was a blank slate to her. She couldn't read his emotions, couldn't even begin to decipher the look on his face or guess what was going through his mind. But she knew that whatever it was wasn't the excitement that she hoped this moment would bring. He looked tortured, just like he had since she'd pulled him off the ship. She just wished she could understand what was behind it!

It was dark by the time she saw the "Now Leaving Storybrooke" sign and a bright orange line that she could only guess separated the town from the rest of the world. But she paid it no heed, she was on edge. The feeling in the pit of her stomach, her nerves had only grown the closer they'd gotten to this place and now that they were here she didn't know what to think of it. She tried to tell herself that she was simply excited for him, that nothing bad was going to happen...but no matter what she told herself the feeling wouldn't go away.

He pulled slowly over to the side of the road and stopped the car, dousing the light in the small area, but he didn't get out. She watched him, confused, and waited for him to explain, to make the first move. He knew the risks and she knew that he wouldn't risk this unless he was certain. So why was he dragging his feet then?

Suddenly he reached between them and picked up Bae's shawl from the place she had laid it. "This would have been lost if it wasn't for you Belle," he stated, admiring the object and looking purposefully away from her. " _I_  would have been lost," he whispered harshly. She smiled sadly at the compliment, not wanting to interrupt him and not knowing what to say. In her heart of hearts, she knew that what he was saying was true. The thought of what he would have done if she hadn't been there still scared her more than anything else that had happened today. He needed her, and this might be the closest she'd ever get to hearing the words.

"After everything you've learned about me, after everything I've done, why haven't you given up on me?" he asked suddenly, finally glancing over at her with curiosity. She smiled at his comment, it wasn't all useless! She'd often wondered if he realized just how much she loved him. How could he know when every day she learned a little more about it herself? Sometimes she didn't know how far she was willing to go until she'd gone the mile and then realized that she'd gladly do it again, as well as go the next extra mile just for the same results. She knew who he was, even if he didn't. And she knew who he could be, even when he refused to acknowledge it.

She reached across the divide and held his hand within her own for a moment. "I learned a long time ago that when you find something that's worth fighting for...you never give up!" she explained her voice breaking on the last word as tears threatened to pour out of her eyes. She couldn't give up. She wouldn't. After everything that had happened, he was worth fighting for! Someday he would see that.

As she watched the smile blossom over his face, she slid over quickly, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head against his chest, listening to the heartbeat she knew better than her own. It took him a while before she felt his arms close around her, maybe a little tighter than they normally did. It would have been a perfect moment if it wasn't for that persistent feeling in her stomach. It was going to be okay, it had to be!

After a few moments they finally slid out of the car, Bae's shawl in one hand and his elbow in the other. If Baelfire was important to him, then he was important to her as well. She wanted nothing more than for this to work! And if it didn't? If that thing that could go horribly wrong in the end did? Then he'd still have her, just as he always had. She'd fight for what was worth it and if it took a lifetime of trying over and over, then she would never give up. It simply wasn't in the nature of brave heroes, and it wasn't in hers either.

When they reached the bright orange line he uncorked the bottle of potion and she held out the shawl for him. She glanced between him and the fabric as he poured the watery substance over it. Suddenly, in her hands, the shawl took on a bluish hue and looked like it held the waters reflections before fading back to a normal piece of scrap cloth. He tossed the bottle away and she glanced at him, making sure it looked like everything was normal. His face was concentrated and formal, and she smiled as she realized that he was ready to put it on; ready, but still hesitant. Whatever had happened in that car, their conversation had restored her ability to read his emotions and thoughts, the only hidden talent she ever really cared about. She let out a sigh of relief as he bowed before her and she placed it delicately around his neck.

She held on to the ends as they looked at each other, both preparing for the worst, hoping for the best...and too scared to say it out loud. "Okay," she felt a smile on her face, but fear still boiled in her belly. She wouldn't say good-bye, she didn't need to, and this was going to work. It would be okay.

"Here we go," he confirmed only a small hint of uncertainty detectable in his voice. He believed it would work. He gave her hand a final squeeze and she found herself holding her breath as he let go. It would be okay.

Gingerly, he placed his cane across the line, then one foot, then the other. Suddenly the same blue tint she'd seen on the cloth covered him head to toe and a non-existent wind blew his hair back. She watched him nervously, keeping herself behind the line and resisting the urge to pull him back over. It was then that she realized if something was wrong she couldn't go after him, she couldn't cross the line and forget herself! If she did, and forgot, then who would help him to know who he was?! How would she get him back to her though? How would they-

The tint faded and she waited with bated breath for him to turn and let her know it was okay. She was too afraid to speak, to have her fears confirmed. Her heart felt like it had jumped into her throat as he finally faced her after what felt like a thousand years, a look of shock and disbelief on his face as he looked around at his surroundings. Was it shock at where he was? Or shock that it had worked? His gaze met hers and she realized that tears were building in her eyes, blurring his features. What would she do without him? She knew he needed her, but she'd never told him just how much she needed him too! What if this failed? What if he wasn't okay? What if-

He raised his hand and pointed at her, a smile spreading across his face. "Belle."

She laughed, it was the most beautiful word she'd ever heard in her life and she had to fight to keep her fearful tears of joy from running down her cheeks as her panic dispersed. "It worked!" she smiled reaching out for him as far as she could.

He was laughing too, overjoyed as he took that extra step closer to her. "It did, it did!"

She took a deep breath, pushing the strange fear that she still felt away. There was no more need for it. It was okay. This meant more than just a simple crossing of the line. This was what his life was leading up to. This was it! Everything was okay! "Now you can find your son," she reminded him aloud. She knew he didn't need it, but she wanted him to know that she was just as happy and excited as he was.

He nodded, but looked at her regretfully. "Belle, I so wish you were coming with me!" Yes, there was that.

"As do I," she admitted, after everything that had happened she never wanted to be apart from him again. They were better together than they were apart, but she wouldn't argue and she couldn't. Logistically they'd just used the last of his potion and even if they hadn't she doubted a porcelain tea cup would travel well. Besides what he had said earlier was true. Baelfire was his son, this was his journey! He had to do this part alone. Bae needed to see his father without the pressure of having her there. They needed to work out whatever issues they had between the two of them privately. And as much as she wanted to she couldn't help that process. But she could do one thing. She could be his support. She could hold him throughout the process, just like whoever Baelfire would turn to help him.

She couldn't do anything out there, but she could certainly do something here. Before the world came crashing in on them today she had thought that it was time to move back in, it was after this trip that he would need her most. She'd worried about doing that only hours ago, wondered if she could after everything that had happened. But she knew, the day's events, what had happened between him and Milah, between him and Bae, separation would get them nowhere. But what they could do together?! The possibilities were so endless they were overwhelming!

"But, it doesn't matter," she insisted, shaking her head.

"Why not?" he questioned. She'd been planning on telling him over dinner tonight, but the look on his face told her now was as good a time as any.

"Because you'll find him and when you do...I'll be here waiting for you when you get back." It wasn't exactly a detailed answer, but one look at him, at his smile, and she knew...he understood. The meaning and the hope buried within her statement was clear and it seemed to spread across his face like wildfire. They were going to be together again, as they had been before. And it might not be easy, it might not be flawless, or perfect...but they'd make it just as beautiful as it had been.

She watched him lean forward to kiss her and she reached for him as far as she could. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted him to know how much she loved and believed in him. She wanted him to know that nothing had been lost and everything was back to the way it should have been!

Behind her she heard the sound of a loud blast and a sharp pain in her shoulder threw her suddenly off balance, making her stumble to catch her own weight! She barely had a moment to think that she couldn't fall over that line, or else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...it's happened...it is what it is. We all wish it wasn't true but this fiction is about keeping it close to canon so this is what happens. We're about to enter into the last arc of this fiction, the memoriless arc. It will take us from here up to the point where Regina visits Belle to give her Lacey's memories. Lacey's tale will be in the next fiction so sit tight, relax, and let's do this thing!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	61. Strangers

_"Belle!"_

_All she knew was pain. She wasn't sure who she was, where she was, how she'd gotten here, or why she'd come...but she knew her shoulder hurt badly and for a moment she felt the most horrific headache! But it left almost as soon as it had come, so fast she didn't even have a chance to cry out at it. The world around her was dark and felt blurred, but through waves of agony she was vaguely aware that something soft was holding her, helping her gently to the ground so that she didn't fall and injure herself more._

_"Belle!" the soft thing yelled. She looked up at the stranger before her, the stranger that was yelling for someone in the night. It was a man, he was hovering over her, touching her, and she realized that he was watching her intently, focusing on her and nothing but her. Why? Who was he? She didn't know him, so why was he here with her now?! Why was she here?! Who was she?_

_Panic flooded into her as she searched her mind but it came up blank! What was happening? Who was she? Where was she? What was happening?_

_"Belle!" the man screamed again, calling for someone...no! Not calling for someone. He was looking at her! Was she Belle? No, that wasn't her name. It was..._

_Her name was..._

_Why couldn't she remember?! Who was he? Why was he here? Who did he think he was calling for?!_

_"Who-who's Belle?!" she yelled back at him, hoping that he would move away from her. She didn't like to be touched, she didn't want to be touched not by this stranger! What was happening? Why didn't she understand? Why didn't she remember?! Why was he so close to her?! She cried and tried to move away from him but the pain in her shoulder paralyzed her. She glanced at the man above her, he looked heartbroken at her then pulled away and looked at his own shaking hands. They were stained with red. Blood._

_"Oh no," the man cried out "oh, no, no, no!"_ _Blood?! Was that her blood? Was she bleeding? Was that why her shoulder hurt so much? What had happened to her?! Why was she here?!_

_"Oh, fear not, she'll live," said another voice. Over her shoulder she saw another man standing there, covered head to toe in black, blood covering the side of his face. He was holding a gun! Had she been shot? Why had someone shot her? What had she been doing that she had gotten shot? Was she a criminal? Was she a bad person? Tears gathered in her eyes. This was all a bad dream it had to be. In a few minutes she was going to wake up and this nightmare would be over. She'd know who she was. She had to! "She'll just have no idea who you are!" the man-in-black said menacingly. Was he talking about her? No, he couldn't have been, the words didn't make sense! She hadn't been shot in the head and bullets couldn't make you forget yourself. What was happening?!_

_"What you've done cannot be undone!" the stranger by her side cried, gesturing to her. She wanted to scream. They were talking about her. They had to be talking about her, who else would they be talking about?! Why couldn't they just talk to her, just give her answers?! Who was she! Why was she here?! Why had she been shot?! Who were they?! What was her name?!_

_"Now you finally know how it feels!" the man-in-black yelled. "Go ahead Crocodile do your worst!"_

_The man over her glanced up at the man in black. Then, in a strange gesture she couldn't understand, gathered her up and moved her ever so slightly, she wasn't sure where and she wasn't sure why, only that it made the pain in her shoulder spike and she closed her eyes blinking away tears. She needed help! In so many ways..._

_The man gritted his teeth together as he stood up. "Oh, I intend to," he whispered. Her heart pounded as she watched the scene around her play out and for a second she forgot all the pain in her shoulder when she saw...fire?! Was that fire she was seeing?! How was this possible?! The man was holding a ball of flame in his hand! It was impossible! Her breath caught in her chest and for a moment she forgot her pain as she watched him rise his arm like he was going to throw it. At who? Her? The man-in-black?_

_But before she could cry out for help, before she could yell at the men, she saw a shadow caused by unnatural light penetrate the darkness around her. The stranger glanced behind him, gave a small cry of surprise and panic, then dove for her, the flames vanishing from sight. He wrapped himself around her and the two of them tumbled for a moment coming to rest by the side of the road. It was only after they stopped that she was aware of how much had happened. All the pain, the fire, the sounds of honking and thunder crashing!_

_What was happening?! Wouldn't someone tell her?!_

_She looked up and felt weight on her legs and against her hips. It was him! He had shielded her from whatever had come barreling at them with his own body but it just felt wrong having a stranger pressed up against her like that._

_"Are you okay?!" he asked her hoarsely. "Are you hurt?" She jumped away from him as best she could. But it felt like every time she moved away he only moved closer. She moved one inch back and he moved two forward. He was touching her like he knew her, like he knew her well. Her legs, her hip, her sides, places strangers didn't touch other strangers! It was gentle, she would admit that, he wasn't hurting her, but she didn't like it! She didn't know him they were strangers! It was making her uneasy and she wanted him to stop and leave her alone! Why was he here? She didn't know him so why was he staying with her? Why was he touching her?_

_"Who are you?!" she asked, answering his only question with one of her own. She wanted answers, she needed answers! "What's going on?" she shouted trying to slide away further out of his reach, but the motion made the feeling in her shoulder intensify and she cried out clutching it automatically._

_"Here, let me, let me!" the stranger insisted, reaching forward to grab her arm. She opened her mouth to tell him to let her go but stopped when she realized that his hand was glowing unnaturally purple. She stared breathless at him as he moved it over her injury...and it vanished instantly. The pain disappeared, the blood was gone, and her skin and clothes were knit back together perfectly as if nothing had ever happened. But that wasn't the case. Something had just happened, she'd seen it! What was going on? Who was he? What was he?!_

_"How did you do that?" she asked fearfully, trying to hold her tears back._

_"It's nothing to be afraid of," he whispered gently, desperately. But the words didn't help. She was afraid, she was clueless, and empty, and confused, and feeling too many emotions to count...and she just wanted answers! But he only hushed her again. "Belle please!"_

_That name again! Who was she and who was he?! How had he held fire in his hand and how had he healed her? That wasn't normal! Nothing about any of this was normal!_

_"What are you?!" she half asked, half screamed. Finally she managed to pull away from him only to see that someone else had approached him...them! But she didn't know him either! There was a cop car behind him, was he a police officer? She had no idea. And there were more of them coming by the minute. She drew her knees up to her chest feeling like she was breaking. Who were all these people? How had they gotten here so fast? Why couldn't she just be alone? Why couldn't she just be allowed to curl up somewhere and melt down in private? She felt like she had appeared out of nowhere. Maybe, if she was lucky, she would dissolve back into nothing._

_He was gone, pulled away from her by the man but had been replaced by a woman who also started touching her. "She crossed the town line and doesn't remember!" she heard the man cry in explanation, but it meant nothing to her, she couldn't understand! And someone else was yelling over top of them, angry and furious. That was what finally made him leave her and she was grateful as the man and woman helped her to her feet-_

_Until a commotion broke out across the street and the other man left her side quickly as well. What was happening? What was going on?! Who was he and why was he fighting the Man-in-Black?! How had he been able to...to...heal her?!_

_The black haired woman stayed by her side, whispering comforting words in her ear but they weren't helping. She just wanted to cry. The world around her had fallen away. No words, no matter how delicately whispered, were going to put it back together! She seemed to understand that, and took her over to the_ _flashing police car and left her there, telling her to stay put, and that she would be back soon before wandering away in a hurry, maybe to do something that would actually help someone else._

_There was so much happening she couldn't figure out what had happened or why they were here in the first place. She wrapped her arms around her middle and rocked back and forth as she waited, trying to clear her mind, to get it to work, to tell her who she was! But nothing came to her. She was a blank, she was nothing. She dared a look over at another car parked off to the side of the road. He was there. Staring at her. She knew it was rude, but she couldn't take her eyes off the stranger. He hadn't dealt with her like she was nothing. He'd caught her, he'd touched her, he'd helped her, and healed her. But he had also held fire in the palm of his hand. She shook her head slightly and looked away, thinking of the million other questions in her head._

_He wasn't familiar, maybe something else would be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confusing? (Hint...this is a trick question.) I secretly hope that you answered yes to that question. I wrote it so that it would be confusing. I wanted the attention everywhere all at once, I wanted it to seem disorienting, and I really really really wanted her to ask the same questions at least ten times by the end of this chapter because I really wanted us to see how living without memories could make a person crazy after a while. Some of her thoughts here...they aren't exactly sane right. Done on purpose.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	62. Insanity

_She didn't know where she was, she didn't know who she was or what was happening. She was a blank, a doll, listening helplessly to orders, and following instructions as the strange people around her passed her off to be babysat. They didn't answer her questions, her desperate pleas for an explanation or for her name. At first she thought they might not have known it, might not have known her, or maybe she really didn't have a name! But then she observed the look on their faces and realized that they did act like they knew her, they just didn't know how to answer her._

_Finally the black-haired woman placed her into the back of the police car with two other people sitting in the front, and rode with her behind the ambulance. The strange man had followed them in his car, but she alone seemed to notice this. It made her uncomfortable. Who was he?!_

_"Why is that man following us?" she asked the woman sitting next to her, desperate for an answer. Tears were still streaming down her eyes and she was still shaking, getting a headache from fighting so hard to understand what was happening. She needed answers, she was barely hanging on by a thread, and worried that if things didn't start to become clear soon she would lose her calm, just like she had lost herself._

_The woman turned in the seat and looked back. "Don't worry," she assured her in a strained breathless voice. "It's just...it's just Mr. Gold. It's okay, he's just worried about you."_

_Instead of comfort, the words bothered her, because she just couldn't understand them. "Why? Why does he care? Who am I?! Please just tell me how I got here? Please..." she wailed, feeling the last tendril of strength drain out of her. She leaned down and put her head between her knees and her hands over her head trying to shut out the world around her as she cried. Why was this happening to her?!_

_"Shhh," the woman cooed, rubbing a hand down her back. "We're going to figure this out. We'll find out why you were out there. I'm sure there's a reason-"_

_"We have bigger things to worry about right now," the blonde haired woman sitting up front pointed out coldly._

_"Emma!" the woman next to her said harshly._

_"I'm sorry but we do," she argued back._

_"What kind of problems?" the man asked her with brave determination in his voice._

_"Think about it," Emma spat feverishly to the man. It was as if she was making an effort to keep her voice down so she wouldn't hear her, but was unsuccessful. She could hear every terrifying word. "Hook is in that ambulance weak and injured, she's..." she paused for a moment like she could find the right words to describe the person, until she realized that it wasn't just anyone she was talking about. The "she" to which she was referring was her. And at the moment, she was perfectly fine to have them talking like she wasn't there, because it made her feel like she wasn't. Although the woman continued to rub her back she was doing it absent-mindedly. It was as if she was a ghost, she just wished she could disappear completely. "Like that!" Emma finally burst out, using only two words to describe her unfortunate state. "Gold's behind us. He's already tried to kill Hook once tonight that we know about-"_

_"I got it..." the man said confidently. "We need to get to that hospital before Gold. We'll have to hide Hook otherwise he won't last an hour. Hold on I know a short cut," she felt a jolt as the car sped up suddenly and swerved, she assumed down a different road in an attempt to avoid the man called "Gold". The car fell into discussion on what to do once they arrived and how they could hide the one they referred to as Hook as well as some other person that they simply referred to as "the other guy"._

_She didn't know what she was hearing, didn't know who all these people were, but they couldn't seem to get their story straight. On the one hand the man that had held fire, Mr. Gold, had tried to kill the Man-in-Black, who she had managed to put together was the "Hook" that they kept talking about. He was a murderer then, dangerous! But on the other hand the woman had assured her that he was just worried, and Gold, her unknown stranger, had told her himself that he wouldn't hurt her! How could someone be dangerous and safe all at once. She wasn't sure who the man was and didn't know what to believe. Was he dangerous or not?_

_"Do you see Gold?" the girl, Emma, asked harshly as the car made a slow giant swerve and came to a stop. He'd parked it, they'd arrived to where ever they were going._

_"No," the man said. They opened their doors and the dark-haired woman tried to coax her out of the car. She picked up her head and looked out the window. "Storybrooke Hospital" was written on the top of the building. They'd taken her to the hospital?_

_"Why-why am I here?!" she cried, she didn't want to be here. She wanted to go home. Wherever that was maybe there would be something familiar there. Maybe there would be something that would spark her memory, that would explain who she was, why they were here, what was going on, and explain the presence of the strange man! "Please! Please, I just want to go home! I don't understand why I'm here!"_

_"Come on, it'll be okay I promise, come on," the woman said pulling her out of the car and wrapping her arms around her, in what, she was sure, was meant to be a comforting gesture. But it wasn't. She just felt confined and trapped. She didn't want to be around any of these people any more, she just wanted to run, and hope that her family or a friend would find her. Tell her what was going on. "They're going to help you, they know what they're doing," the woman kept telling her._

_"I don't know what's going on!" she cried. She just wanted the world to stop, to sit down at a table with one person, any person, and calmly talk about what was happening. Was that too much to ask? Suddenly someone else came up to her as they rounded the corner. The arms of the dark-haired woman vanished and were replaced by someone else, a nurse, who instead of using gentle words to urge her on seemed to push her around the corner. "Please stop! Tell me what's going on! Where am I?! Who am I?!" she screamed at the woman her temper rising with each sentence._

_"Belle!" she glanced behind her and saw the man had finally arrived. "What's going on? Belle!" he shouted as the turned the corner._

_"Please, please let me go. Please let me go home, that man is dangerous!"_ _Suddenly she felt a sting in her arm and glanced down. In all the rushing around she hadn't seen the second nurse come over to her and place a syringe into the crook of her elbow. The world around her started to blur and the man yelling "Belle" suddenly sounded dull somehow. In only a moment her eye lids became heavy and her legs weren't strong enough to support her weight. "What's happening?" she whispered, hearing her voice slur the words together._

_"This will make you feel…" but the words were thick and slow, like the nurse had honey in her mouth. She felt arms close over her before she hit the floor. And then…_

_Nothing…_

_Nothing…_

_Nothing…_

_Nothing…._

_There wasn't even enough of a memory for her to dream. Her mind was a vast ocean of darkness without even a brief flicker of light to point her in the right direction. She wished there was something subconscious that could trigger something, but it never came._

_But then._

_There was something._

_She was dreaming right now!_

_It had happened so fast that she wasn't ready for it. Was this the hint, the light, that she'd been waiting for? She held her breath hoping for a picture to form in her mind, but this dream wasn't coming in images, it was coming in touches._

_There was a sensation that something was pressed against her mouth. No, not her mouth, just her lips. A kiss? Someone was kissing her? And there! Another one! She could feel a gentle hand against her arm. The dream was so clear she could even feel a rough thumb rubbing comforting circles against it._

_She knew she had been loved! She knew that there was someone that cared about her! Someone good. She just needed an image. Maybe if she could have her dream self open her eyes, then she would get the picture of this person who loved her._

_The pressure on her lips vanished and she willed her eyes to open, so she could see the face of her invisible lover. Her eyes fluttered and to her astonishment, it wasn't the hazy image of a dream that met her eyes, but the crisp clear chaos of reality...and hovering over her, staring at her, again, was the man: Mr. Gold._

_She screamed and pushed him away from her, hoping that someone would hear and come quickly to her aid._

_"No!" he said. "No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" One of the nurses ran into the room and flew to her side. The extra presence calmed her but only just. How had he gotten in here? Why did he continue to pursue her? And why would he kiss her if she didn't know who he was?! The man scared her. Capable of holding fire in his hands, trying to kill the other stranger, and now sneaking into a strange woman's room to kiss her as she slept!_

_He was crazy!_

_He was insane!_

_He was dangerous!_

_There was no other explanation. "I'm sorry," he said one last time, in a very apologetic voice, then turned on his heel and vanished quickly out the door._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know this is a little different, it's like three "moments" combined into one chapter and the reason for that is just...necessity I suppose. There is a certain length that I like my chapters to be and if I'd broken these three moments up then they would have been extremely short chapters and I couldn't have that, so I tried my hardest to just put them all into one uncertain, hectic chapter. I hope it's not too bad.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	63. Shattered

_She didn't like him. Mr. Gold, she had no idea who this man was, or how he had gotten into this room again, or why he had come here in the first place._ _She couldn't understand him. He'd held fire in his hand, she was certain that he had made the pain in her shoulder go away before anyone had gotten there, and he'd kissed her the last time she saw him..._

_No...she didn't like him. Fortunately he'd left quickly after waking her last time, probably because she'd screamed bloody murder at the sight of him in her room, but then why would they let him back in again?! Why couldn't he just leave? Why was he here?_

_Why was she here? Who was she? She felt like she had no life at all outside of this room and that road. She had to remember who she was! She couldn't have just magically appeared, she had to have gotten there somehow didn't she? Then again, the fire he had held and the pain he had made vanish weren't exactly normal either. Maybe she was just nothing. Maybe she was just a ghost. So why was he here?!_

_Tears welled in her eyes when he'd come in...again. "Who are you?!" she yelled "Why are you here?! Why did you come back?!"_

_He'd held a hand up, one meant to silence her, and kept coming closer. "I brought something that might help." Her heart hammered in anticipation. What did he have? A drivers license? A letter? Pictures? Something to help her remember who she was? To prove that she did know him? The small bag that the doctors had left her with had held nothing like that! He stopped at the side of her bed and presented her with...a cup! She shrank from him. Pushing herself as far over on the small bed as possible and eyeing him suspiciously. How was a cup supposed to help her? "I know you don't remember," he whispered, holding it out for her, "but just...indulge me."_

_Why? She didn't owe him anything? She just wanted him gone, she didn't want to play into the fantasy in his head. Who was crazier, the girl who couldn't remember her own name, or the man that believed she was someone else. He wasn't right, he couldn't be! If she knew him, wouldn't his face unlock some memory, wouldn't the name spark something? The only answer was that she didn't know him. And he was of no use to her._

_"Please," he begged. What was the harm if it got him to leave faster? She snatched it from his grasp and shifted the cool dish between her hands. "Be careful with it," he urged and at his request she held it steady._ _Why he was worried about care, she didn't know. The thing was already broken. It was just a tea cup. She didn't see the importance. Surely he had a number with this same pattern why care about the one damaged one?! And why did he want her to see it anyway? It was silly!_

_But he was watching her with such intensity, like his entire life depended on her looking at this stupid cup, that she felt sorry for this man._ _He didn't look terribly old but something in his eyes did. She couldn't tell what he had been through but whatever it was had obviously gotten to him, and she couldn't help the feeling that he needed the hospital far more than she did. Unfeeling, she looked up at him, "it's a...it's a cup..." she insisted. "It's...it's-it's damaged..." she sputtered, trying to let him down easy but also to say the right words that would make him leave._

_"Just look at it," he insisted, pointing at the object. "Focus," he whispered._

_She did! She was! And s_ _he was getting angrier and angrier. It was a cup! It had a chip along its rim! What more did he want from her? Whatever else he saw there, she couldn't see!_

_He tapped the inside and she moved her hands away from his. She didn't want him to touch her, she didn't even want him to be here! "It's your talisman," he whispered desperately, as if it answered everything. It didn't!_ _He was crazy. He was insane. He was worse than she was and she didn't need this right now! How many times did she have to tell him to go?! How many more times would she have to tell him that she didn't know who he was?_

_"It's a cup," she said sternly correcting him. It was a broken piece of dishware that you drank out of and the sooner he saw that the sooner he would move on to some other insane raving!_

_"You dropped it," he insisted. Suddenly she felt a twinge of hope in his words. Was that true? Had she damaged the cup?! With a frustrated sigh she thought back to...no, she couldn't remember. There was here, there was the memory of the crowd taking her here, and then there was the road, before that there was nothing. This wasn't hers and if she had dropped it why wouldn't she have just tossed it out with the garbage, better to replace it than have to deal with the broken shards._

_"At my castle..." he added finally, as if he was trying to prompt the memory. Castle? Now she knew he was crazy. She didn't know where he lived but when was the last time she had seen a castle here...she didn't know. She couldn't remember. But she knew she hadn't seen one, much less been in one. "You were afraid that you had angered me," he explained gently, trying once again to direct her memories...but the words only made her nervous. She didn't want to see a crazy person get angry. Was he violent? Would he hurt her? He had threatened that man in black that night on the road, she was sure of it! What would he do if he got angry at her?!_

_"Okay," she insisted, finally having enough. She placed the cup back in his hands careful not to touch him. "You...you need to go," she said unable to keep the fear out of her voice. "Take your cup!"_

_"No, no, no, no. I charmed it. If you focus..." he said pushing it back under her nose, "it will work."_

_It wouldn't, nothing was working! Nothing worked any more. His mind, her mind, it was all one giant black hole! And he was standing too close to her! He was in her personal space and it was making her panic! He needed to back away!_

_"It's magic!" he whispered with certainty and finally she felt herself break._

_"Okay!" she yelled pushing it back to him. "Just go away! S-stop talking about magic and take your cup!" There was no such thing as magic, people couldn't hold fire in their hands, she didn't know him, she didn't want to, and there was nothing in her mind to suggest that she was ever going to want to know him._

_But he wouldn't give up, he struggled against her. "Just look at it!" he insisted again. It was the last straw, all that she felt she could handle. If he wouldn't leave, then...then...quickly she snatched the cup away from him and threw it against the wall where it shattered, no longer a problem between them._

_He paused for a moment, looking at the place that the cup had broken apart, then turned back to her. He seemed too stunned to talk. She was frightened. She shouldn't have done that! Would he hurt her now? Had the cup been valuable? She really didn't care. She just wanted him to leave her alone and stop scaring her, stop frightening her._

_"Just go!" she insisted, begged really. "Just go away!"_

_He gave a small, almost indistinguishable nod, as if he was finally admitting defeat, and turned away from her again. There was pain etched in the grooves on his face, he acted as if she had slapped him and simply couldn't look at her anymore. Finally he whispered "I'm sorry" and drifted away from her as she gathered herself up into a little ball on the bed, trying to stop herself from shaking. She didn't know who he was. Or what was wrong with him. She didn't know anything. All she wanted was to focus on herself, on her recovery._

_But as he walked away, pausing for the smallest moment by the shattered remains of the tea cup, she suddenly felt a wave of guilt crash over her. He looked like she had just broken every hope he'd ever had. She felt like it wasn't just the cup she'd shattered, but his spirit too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you confused yet? I hope so because I'm really trying to create the sense of confusion that she would see. On the one hand, she has no memories but she has logic and in this world everything she has in her says, "no, magic doesn't exist" but on the other hand she's seen it and now this stranger that keeps coming to see her and kiss her is talking about it. She's confused. So naturally, the story is going to be confusing and contradictory for a little bit!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	64. Intimidation

_Mr. Gold just stared at her. She didn't know how he'd managed to get back into her room. Or why he would, for that matter! She'd broken that cup of his, resisted and screamed at him before; hadn't she made it abundantly clear that she didn't know who he was?! She'd hoped he wouldn't come back! But now he just sat there, his cane between his knees, his knuckles turning white as he clutched the top of it. She didn't know what to do. She was hugging her knees to her chest, trying not to look at him, pretending like his presence in this room didn't effect her. But it did! She couldn't ignore it!_

_Should she talk? Ask him to leave, again? No, she'd already asked him to go. She was tired of repeating herself and in her experience it didn't matter much any way. He was going to do what he was going to do. Besides, the last thing that she wanted to do was upset him. She had seen him hold fire in his hand and she was certain that he would have thrown it at that other man if the car hadn't come barreling down the street. Her memory of that night got hazier the more she thought about it. Trying to make the scenario the nurse told her about match the memories in her head only hurt. The one thing she did know was that this man was more than he appeared. She might not have known how he had done it but she knew that she didn't want to upset him._

_But she also didn't want to ask him how he had done it either, didn't want to ask him anything about that night. Every time she questioned people about it they only gave her the same answer: she was crazy, she'd hit her head, and she hadn't seen what she thought she'd seen. The more she insisted, the more upset she got. And the more upset she got, the faster someone came by, put a needle to her arm and sent her back into a deep dreamless sleep. She definitely didn't want that. She had to keep him calm so that she could remain calm. And that never happened when she and this man spoke, the best thing she could do was refuse to talk to him and hope he understood that she wasn't going to listen, that she was a hopeless cause, maybe then he would leave._

_"I know you think you don't know me," he muttered, his voice low and scratchy._

_"I don't think, I know!" she insisted looking straight ahead, not wanting to pay him any more attention than she had to. "I don't know you, Mr. Gold-"_

_"I know!" he said harshly, like he was sick of hearing the words. Good, she was sick of saying them. "I know," he repeated gentler, "I know that's what you think. I just wish I knew how to prove to you otherwise." If he really knew her, if they really had been a part of each other's lives, that should have been easy. Shouldn't there be photos somewhere, others who could tell her that she knew him, others besides him? Where was her family? Her friends? Couldn't he produce them for her?_

_"If you know then why are you here, Mr. Gold?"_

_"I had to see you again," he muttered quickly in response. Of course he had to see her again. It felt like he did nothing but "see her again". "I'm going to be out of town for a while. I don't know how long-"_

_"Great," she said without any emotion in her voice. "Have a nice trip!" He was leaving? For a while? That was wonderful news. It meant he wouldn't be by to bother her for a good long time. She would rather have no visitors than him._

_He looked disappointed and shocked at her. Her words had that effect on him a lot. She should feel bad about it, but she couldn't help but feel that he was finally getting the fact that she didn't know him and didn't need to._ _"I've made a deal," he continued on, finally collecting himself, "an arrangement, so that while I'm gone no one will harm you." Then again maybe she was wrong and he wasn't grasping that she didn't want him around. Stubborn old man! She didn't need him to make "arrangements" for her safety! She was threatened just by having him in the room. "Still, if you should have any problems, I want you to call me," he reached forward, toward the phone that sat on her bedside table._

_"Don't touch that! It's mine!" she screamed grabbing the device and clutching it to her chest. He pulled his hand away slowly, looking surprised and hurt by the sudden outburst. She'd almost forgotten that the phone had been there. They'd brought in a bag for her after she woke up for the first time and the nurse said that she'd had it on her when she came in. She'd found the phone in it immediately but nothing else of value, nothing that could give her information, or prove that she knew him._

_But, an idea struck her suddenly as she clutched the phone tightly against her. She was filled with excitement as she realized...she hadn't looked through the phones contacts yet. She'd been looking for a drivers license or a business card, it had never dawned on her to check the phone itself! Had she had the answers all along?! Had they been right here next to her and she really just hadn't thought about it? As soon as he left, as soon as he was gone, she'd go through it. Maybe that would hold a clue about who she was and who her family was. Maybe she could call someone. Maybe she could go home and finally get away from him. Permanently._

_But the thought vanished from her mind as a man, a nurse from his clothing, stepped into the room, probably drawn by her possessive shouts. Mr. Gold presence fled from her mind and she realized that she hadn't held her temper in, hadn't kept calm and collected, and now she'd be put back to sleep. Again! Tears immediately sprang to her eyes and she shrank back into her bed. She didn't want to go to sleep! She just wanted to stay awake, to check the phone! She didn't want to cause any trouble she just wanted to remember who she was and go home!_

_"No, please," she begged, "please no more needles and drugs. Please I'm fine! Just leave me alone! Why won't everyone just leave me alone?! Why won't everyone stop watching me?!" she screamed gesturing toward the wall made of glass beside her. It drove her crazy! Day in and day out people at the window casting her odd glances. Doctors, patients, nurses! Why was she so fascinating! Why wouldn't they call her family and help her remember?!_

_The man made to take a few steps closer to her and through the windows she could see more gathering preparing to overtake her and hold her down. Any second now they'd-_

_But before they could come into the room and make their way to her, he was there!_

_Mr. Gold._

_He stood between her bed and the doorway, the frail weak looking man suddenly appearing as a sturdy barrier shielding her from the hospital staff. Though he didn't appear to be that intimidating to her, a small skinny old man with nothing physically extraordinary, they stopped in their tracks. She was so amazed that her tears stopped and her frayed nerves felt numbed. The room was silent as the men faced off wordlessly._

_"I think we're fine here Mr. Shaffer," he said, perfectly calm, perfectly in control of the entire situation. "Wouldn't you say so?" Mr. Gold turned and glanced briefly at her, seeing that she was once again calm and turned back to the crowd she'd drawn. The nurses gave her the smallest of glances, but acted like they didn't want to take their eyes off of him. She flashed back to the image of the fireball in his hand. They'd all adamantly denied that he had done it and confirmed her belief that it wasn't possible, yet they acted like he was capable of it. There was something going on in this town and she didn't like the feeling that she was the only one that didn't know anything about it...and that they were all trying to keep her from the secret._

_"Just this once," the nurse muttered, looking between her and him and then leaving and closing the door behind him. He watched him go through the windows and turned back to her after he was satisfied that they weren't coming back. He held his hand over his mouth as he looked back at her, something like fear and anger flashing over his face. Suddenly he turned and moved the curtain by her bed violently across the rack blocking out the windows, so they couldn't see her. Though she'd long craved the privacy he had just given her, she shrank back into her bed, trying not to shake. What had just happened? Why was everyone afraid of him? What was he really capable of?_

_"I'll scream again," she warned when he took a step toward her._

_"I'm not-!" he yelled, his hand held out to her. She could still see frustration on his face. No, not frustration, desperation. He looked like he was desperate to prove something to her, tired of trying. He took a deep breath, struggling it appeared to calm himself. "I'm not going to hurt you," he reassured her, his voice back to its controlled volume. It was patient but still hadn't lost his desperation._

_Involuntarily she felt the tension in her shoulders relax. Something about the tone of his voice instilled something strange in her...trust. She believed him! No matter what she'd seen him do, no matter how much he had scared her and those around her...she believed that he wouldn't hurt her. She didn't think that courtesy extended to those around her, but for some reason she believed that she was immune to his wrath. Why was that? And why did he keep coming back time and time again?_

_"What is it you want, Mr. Gold? Why are you here?" she asked again, feeling suddenly and genuinely calm for the first time since she could remember._

_He looked at her for a while and she suspected he was trying to gain more control over his emotions, collect his thoughts. She didn't know what was wrong with this man physically, mentally, and even socially. But he didn't scare her. He had when he'd first come into the room. But not now. The world did. He didn't._

_"I'm going out of town for a while," he repeated to her again as if it was something he'd rehearsed. "You'll be safe here, but should you need anything I want you to call me," he insisted, pointing at the phone that she still cradled against her chest. "But first..." he paused and instead of smiling she was met with something that resembled more of a sneer than a grin, "I'm going to make arrangements to move you to a private room."_ _She felt her jaw drop. He was going to move her to a private room?! A room without windows?! A room where she wouldn't be watched constantly?! She swallowed hard, not knowing what to say to him, not knowing why he would do such a thing. "I will see you when I return. Please call if you need anything," he insisted again, and with those words he immediately turned and left the room._

_She could hear the door close behind him, but the curtain remained drawn and she couldn't see what was going on beyond her bed. Who was he? Why was he doing such a nice thing for her? She'd done and said everything she could think of to get him to leave her alone, to make him understand that she didn't know him. Yet he seemed determined to believe that she did, determined to believe that she would believe it too some day._

_His last words played back in her mind and remembering she looked at the phone she held in her hands. Anxiously she flipped open the screen: ordinary background, no pictures saved, no text messages. She pushed the button to view contacts. There was only one with three numbers: one for home, one for work, one for a cell phone. Beside it there was only one word to stand for the only person that she apparently needed to contact: Gold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So obviously this was done just before Gold, Henry, and Emma leave for NYC. One, because Gold obviously wasn't there while Henry and Emma was packing and so I had to send him somewhere and I figured that he'd want to see Belle one last time. Two, because she changes rooms. She gets out of ICU and gets her own room and I wanted Gold to be the catalyst for that. I wanted it to almost resemble that letter back in "Standing on Her Own" and show that even though he's going after Bae, Belle isn't far from is mind and he's doing his best. As a parent he's going after his son, but as a lover he's watching after his True Love.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	65. Nothing

_She had nothing to think about. She had no clue of who she was. No idea of her life before she turned up on that road. Which left her next to nothing to reflect upon only a few scattered memories and thoughts instead of a lifetime. And as if it couldn't be worse, half of those thoughts were drowned out and blurry from the sedation they kept her under and the ones that weren't were only of the man that had come to see her...Mr. Gold._

_They'd given her a private room almost as soon as he'd left her side. At first she'd been happy but as she sat in the bed with her four solid walls, and complete silence she began to feel something. Something strange. It was guilt. She couldn't seem to help it. He was gone, he'd left town, but as she stared around the private whitewashed space he'd given her, his kindness was all she was able to see. So she'd left. She found a small waiting room that no one was using and sat down in one of the seats._ _Still, that left her with nothing to think about, so she tried again and turned on the television, hoping to find some kind of news program that would explain the world to her better than this place. She tried...she wasn't successful._

_Nothing that he did made sense to her. Why would his name be in her cell phone? Why would he pay for a private room? And why would he come back time and time again, claiming to know her, when she'd never seen his face before! And after everything she'd done! That guilty feeling clawed back into her stomach as she thought about it. In hindsight she had lost her temper, she shouldn't have yelled at him, she shouldn't have shattered that cup, and maybe she could have explained things better. It was the strangest thing, she didn't feel like she had reason to be guilty, he'd been bothering her and she'd wanted him to leave, but at the same time she couldn't understand the feeling of sorrow that overtook her as she thought of that look on his face when she'd broken the cup. Maybe they both could have handled things better that night._

_But how was someone who had, supposedly, hit her head in a car crash reason with a crazy man ranting and raving about magic! And what was it he'd been saying to her? She wished she'd listened better. Upon first hearing them, she'd dismissed his comments on instinct but as the drugs wore off, as she sat here staring at the television not listening to what was on, she couldn't help but wonder if there was something to what he was saying. It sounded crazy, she knew it did, the nurse she asked had sedated her the moment she mentioned what she'd seen...but then how had he healed her, how had she seen him hold fire, and why did everyone back away from him as if he might actually set them on fire? She was certain she hadn't hit her head like they said. She was certain those were not hallucinations. There was something going on in this place, maybe this entire town...and it was not nothing._

_"Hey," a voice next to her said. She waited for someone to answer the greeting before she remembered that she was alone in the little room, the voice had been meant for her then. Timidly she glanced up at the woman who had said something. She smiled gently at her as she met her eyes but there was nothing. No spark, no wisp of a memory, not even a possible name for the woman. But at least she wasn't a nurse. "You don't remember me do you?" she assumed, correctly._

_She looked down at her hands, her heart sinking. Why did this have to happen to her? Why couldn't she remember anything? "Sorry I...I don't," she said apologetically. She seemed friendly enough and at least she wasn't being as intrusive as the man had been when she first met him, touching her legs and kissing her. This was much simpler. But still, she would prefer to be left alone to sulk and not put on display for anyone who wanted to see her._

_The woman's face fell, but she took the empty seat next to her and set the basket she'd brought down on the table before them. "I'm Ruby," she said simply, turning the television off. Ruby. The name didn't ring any bells. The face wasn't familiar, but it was still a better introduction than most people had bothered with, so she didn't feel a need to yell and scream. "You used to come into my Granny's diner, a lot before..." she added the last words like they were an afterthought but an important one and a sad one. Why had she gone to the diner? Did she work there? Was there someone there she had known? Why was she eating out so often? Didn't she have a kitchen of her own? Or did she simply just not like to cook? She thought about it for a second: cooking. The thought seemed fun actually. But then again, maybe it only sounded fun because she wasn't permitted to do anything here but sleep._

_"Anyway," the woman turned to the basket again, "I thought you could use some comforts from home." Home? She had a home? She knew where it was? That was hopeful. She'd once been able to live on her own._ _Who was this woman, that she would know what comforted her and where she lived? Was she a friend perhaps? Did she have friends? She picked up a book from out of the basket and looked at her under dark eye lashes and with a sly smile. "You were always telling me about Jules Vern so I brought you my favorite,_ The Mysterious Island. _" She took the book from her and glanced at the cover. Nothing. She didn't remember any fondness for the author, couldn't remember ever reading anything. She shook her head, disappointed with herself and the brain that refused to work, to give her even a shred of her life before._

_"Thank you," she muttered at the woman. It wasn't much. It didn't give her hope, merely made her feel worse because she couldn't even remember a favorite author. But it seemed an appropriate sentiment for what she had done. And besides, if it was something that she had liked to do, maybe it would bring her some happiness. Maybe it could give her something else to do with her day, besides think about him._

_A though dawned on her suddenly. An idea, a question really. She had been close to her, she assumed, a friend. If she had been a friend, then friends told each other things. Friends talked. Would she know anything about Mr. Gold? Would she know about his ability to hold fire in his hand? Or why he kept coming back? Would she know why he had touched her so delicately in such an intimate place? She tried not to think of that touch, she didn't want to be touched, not by anyone and especially not someone who bothered her that much._

_"Were..." she took a deep breath, there was no harm in asking. "Were we really friends?"she asked timidly, trying not to get her hopes up. Probably she was just an acquaintance or a co-worker that felt bad for her. But still, it was the only other visit she'd had besides Mr. Gold._

_The woman smiled and looked suddenly as if she might cry. But all the same, she nodded. "Yeah, we were," she answered pitifully with an expression of sadness and relief. She couldn't understand the reaction. It didn't matter right now. She only wanted to know one thing._

_"Then tell me the truth," she insisted, sitting forward in the chair hoping that she would understand how serious she was, and that none of the nurses could hear her. Friends told each other the truth, didn't they? No matter what? "Before I was brought here, I was hurt, I was bleeding, and this man came and he..." she took another deep breath trying to contain her desperation and curiosity. The last thing she needed was for this woman to call for a nurse, but friends wouldn't do that. Would they? "He healed me," she said finally._

_The woman looked at her as if she had seen a ghost. A shocked expression passed over her face as she sat up a little taller, a little more defensively. Was the look because she knew what she was talking about, or did it indicate something else? She didn't know what had happened to her, but she knew that it wasn't a car crash as they tried to tell her. And the woman wouldn't look at her with that expression if it was as simple as that._

_"Then," she continued, hoping that at the very least she might be able to gain something by her expressions even if she refused to tell her anything. "I saw him hold a ball of fire in his hands," she explained, suddenly aware that there were tears in her eyes. The very thought of him, of what she'd seen him do and of everything that had passed between them since that moment seemed to automatically put them there whether she wanted to cry or not. But she couldn't stop, she couldn't let it get in the way of any answers this woman might provide. "How..." she lowered her voice, aware that she was getting too excited again and needed to contain it. "How is that possible?"_

_She needed an answer. She needed to know more about that man, about this town, about why she was out there on the road with him!_

_The woman, Ruby, only gave her a weak smile. "The nurse said that the tranquilizers can give you wicked nightmares-"_

_"No, I know what I saw!" she insisted, shaking her head and trying to hold in her disappointed tears. It was the same thing that everyone told her whenever she mentioned it, but they were wrong! She knew it! It wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a hallucination or a dream or any of the things these people claimed they were. It had been true, she'd seen it and she just wanted the world to stop lying to her and tell her something useful, instead of always jumping to drugs and needles!_

_"And I don't need any more tranquilizers," she said rising out of her seat. She was tired of this, of this place, of the drugs, of the strange visits from strange people. She'd had enough._

_"Belle," Ruby got to her feet and tried to calm her but the name made her more furious than anything the woman had said so far. She was tired of lies and mistakes and most of all being no one._

_"Don't call me that!" she ordered. "Why does everyone keep calling me that?!" she questioned for what seemed like the millionth time. "I don't…" she felt hands on her arms and turned back to see one of her least favorite nurses. She'd been too loud, she'd lost her temper again. She tried to fight. She wanted to run so badly but the nurse held her arms tight and was applying pressure to her._

_"Have a seat," she commanded. She sat down as ordered, hoping that maybe if she did as she was told and relaxed again then maybe she could spare herself the inevitable._

_"Has she been like this the whole time?" Ruby asked the woman. She glanced up at her, but to her disappointment she felt the prick of the needle and the world started to fade and go fuzzy as her vision seemed to narrow._

_"More or less," the nurse's voice was deep and suddenly slower. "We've had to keep her heavily sedated. Okay, let's get you back to bed!" Hands grabbed her roughly forcing her to her feet, making her take one agonizingly exhausting step after another._

_And she thought of nothing._

_Not even him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is a good friend. Even throughout all of this. I miss her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for Meghan and what she's got going for her now. I totally get why she left for her own show but Ruby...I miss her. She was so good for Belle. Ah well, maybe sometime in the future right.
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	66. Confrontation

_She should be happy. Mr. Gold was gone. The drugs from her earlier outburst had worn off. The book Ruby had given her gave her something to do. And to top it all off she was finally alone. She should be happy...but she wasn't._

_Just as it had earlier the room around her made her feel guilty. She'd broken his cup. She'd told him to get out. She'd screamed and yelled at him...and yet he'd still gotten her a private room?! Why was she so focused on this? Why couldn't she get him, his kindness, his face, out of her mind and just read her book?! Frustrated, she tossed the book onto the table beside her new bed and pushed her hair out of her face. She would like to read, she'd like to do anything other than keep thinking about him...but her mind seemed to have other plans._

_Why would he do this? Why would he give her this room? Why would he care about her? Why would no one tell her the truth? Ruby had lied too! Did they really expect her to believe that a car accident would explain it all? If she had bumped her head then it might explain why she had no memory, but it didn't explain why she was with Mr. Gold in the first place, it didn't explain why her first memory was of being safely out of the car, it didn't explain how she'd seen him heal her, and it didn't explain the fire in his hand, or the man in black or-_

_"Hey!"_

_S_ _he glanced up at the voice, expecting to see a nurse checking in on her, but instead it was another patient. He was walking with his IV pole and his head was scraped and raw. She'd never seen him before, but then again she felt like she'd never seen anyone before. So who was this? Just another person here to call her crazy? No! She was tired of it! Taunting as it might be, she wanted her privacy! She was about to reach for the call button to have someone get him out of her room when he read her panicked face and said "it's okay"._ _He moved from his place at the foot of her bed, looking cautiously out the window, like he expected someone to catch him any moment. So he knew he shouldn't be here and yet he was. Who was this man? And what did he want? Was it someone else who would claim to "know" her._

_"Uh, who are you?"_

_"My name's Greg, okay?" he answered quickly, with a tense voice. "I-I'm a patient here, just like you." She was missing her memories, not her brain and she'd managed to put that together on her own, but it didn't explain why he was in her room. This was why he'd gotten it for her, to keep people away. A lot of good that had done. "I-I'm really sorry to bother you but…" he paused and looked at her with something like sympathy and desperation. He made her uncomfortable, and she really didn't care what he had to say. She just wanted to be alone with her thoughts, feeble and mindless as they were. "I'm...I'm the one who was driving the car! In...in the accident..."_

_"Oh," she understood suddenly. The accident that they claimed she'd bumped her head in. The one that she couldn't remember in the right order and hadn't seen any proof of. Well, maybe she'd been wrong about that. There was this man. Whole as she was, he was definitely hurt, it didn't take much to see that. She tried to think back to that night, everything was such a confusing tangled blur, but she knew that she hadn't seen him there. He wasn't Mr. Gold and he wasn't the Man-in-Black they called Hook. Could he have been "The Other Guy" the strangers who took her here had spoken of. Where had he come from? Was it possible that he was the cause of the strange lights she'd seen, the one that had sent her and Mr. Gold toppling over so suddenly? Would he know? Would he be able to make sense of the jumbled mess of events in her head, or was he just as memoriless as she was? "Are you okay?" she asked eagerly._

_"Yeah," he answered. "They, uh...patched me up pretty good." Well, he was walking around. She supposed if what they kept telling her had happened was the truth, then he shouldn't be doing that so soon. Was he supposed to be resting? What could be so important that it would drag him out of bed to come talk to her?_

_She gave a reassuring smile as he made himself comfortable on the edge of her bed, but she didn't feel assured, all she wanted was for him to leave. It was late. She was tired. What she really wanted to do was go to bed and try to forget about everything that had happened today. The visits that she'd had from Ruby and Mr. Gold had given her a lot to think about and yet, somehow, not enough. All she needed was time alone to digest it. Tomorrow she could find him, and tomorrow she could ask him questions...if she wanted to._

_"Look, I...I overheard you talking," he said suddenly, looking like the words were incredibly important to him, "about how you saw a guy, with a ball of fire-"_

_She gave an astonished laugh. This again. So much for the man being helpful and sympathetic, she knew she didn't like him for a reason! "And you think I'm crazy too..." she muttered. He'd crawled out of bed just to tell her she was insane, to gawk, and stare at the girl who thought she'd seen magic but couldn't remember her own name! Could this day, could this life, get any worse! "Well, I did see it," she insisted. "I-"_

_"Hey, I know that you're not crazy!" he interrupted her._

_"You do?" She'd meant it to sound like a statement, but it came out as a question. The look on his face was stunning. She expected a mocking look or even a patronizing look, but instead she saw sincere belief on his face. He really did believe she wasn't crazy. But...but everyone believed that she was crazy! Sometimes she believed that she was crazy! She should be happy, someone finally believed her, but instead it just made her hesitant. What did this mean?! What made him so confident? Did this mean he was an ally? She wanted to believe he was, but the feeling that she had deep down in her bones told her not to give into him so easily. Should she trust his words? Or her gut?_

_"Cause I saw it, too!" Now the look on his face scared her. It didn't make any sense. He was agreeing with her, but the crazed expression he was wearing made her feel like this wasn't the kind of friend she wanted to make. Suddenly she felt very uncomfortable, in a way that Mr. Gold, or Ruby, or even any of the other nurses and doctors, never made her feel before. Alarm bells were going off in her head, telling her to run, to get away from this man and whatever it was he wanted from her. He scared her, she wanted desperately to press her call button, but she feared what he'd do to her. She'd never been afraid of anyone like this. Not even Mr. Gold and his ball of fire._

_"Mr. Mendell, what are we doing out of bed?!" She jumped as she glanced over at the nurse standing in the doorway with her fists on her hips. The man stuttered for a moment, just as shocked as she was at being caught. "This is a private room and you are supposed to be resting," the nurse chastised, helping him off her bed and leading him out of the room. But she glanced back at her suddenly, like she'd forgotten that she was there for a moment but knew she shouldn't. "Do you need anything?" she asked. Protection. Reality. A friend. But she knew the nurse wasn't referring to any of those things. Only questioning if she needed more drugs. No, that was the one thing she didn't need and they would happily give them to her if she gave her even the slightest hint she'd been talking about the ball of fire again. Quickly, she grabbed the book on the table._

_"No, no, I was just, uh...reading," she showed her the book. Satisfaction slid over the nurses face before she turned and led Greg Mendell out of her room. But instead of feeling comfort, her nerves only seemed to get worse. She didn't want this to happen again. She didn't know who this man was, but she didn't want him to find her again. Tomorrow she'd ask for a different room. Maybe one on a different floor. It was extreme, she knew, but she had nothing else she could trust at the moment but her instinct._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only one that noticed that Belle has two different hospital rooms? Three if you count the bed in what I assume is supposed to be the Storybrooke ICU. She has this one, but when Gold comes back home and goes to see her she's in a different room. Obviously, actually. In this scene the door is directly in front of her, when Gold comes in the door is to her right. So this scene gave me the perfect excuse to change her room. Want to know how she got away with that? Read on!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	67. Answers

_They'd changed her room, reluctantly. She hadn't told them why she wanted it changed, hadn't told them the strange feeling she'd had when Greg Mendell had invaded her space, instead she'd just told them she wanted a different one, somewhere more difficult to find. They weren't going to give it to her, in fact they'd wanted to drug her again when she'd raised her voice, but she'd gone to battle armed with the small phone in her hand. She'd showed the stern looking nurse the number for Mr. Gold's cell phone and told her that he wanted her to call if she needed anything. She made the words a veiled threat, based only on the way she'd seen them react to him before his departure. Something about the man scared them and so the deal seemed to come without words. They'd give her a different room, away from Greg Mendell, or she'd call Gold…_

_Within the hour she'd been moved. Now she lay in a different room, looking out the window, her mind filling with more questions than answers. She didn't know if she would have actually called him or not, but she was glad she didn't have to. What were they so afraid of? He wasn't a terrifying man? But then again she didn't know what he was…not human. Mendell had seen the fire too, she wasn't crazy but she didn't know what to think about it all now!_

_A girl with no memories. A man that held fire, that seemed to keep coming around no matter what she said. And a hospital staff that seemed to walk on egg shells whenever he was around, letting him get away with anything he wished so long as he left them alone...a courtesy they seemed to extend to her on that matter. It all meant something…but what? Was it possible? Did she know the man?_

_The sound of the world outside her closed door suddenly grew louder and she glanced over expecting to find one of the nurses, maybe even Mr. Gold or the girl named Ruby, but instead her stomach gave a nervous flop as she was suddenly face to face with another stranger. Another woman, with black hair, and black clothes, the only exception being the blood red blouse she wore under a black blazer._

_"Who are you?" she asked timidly. In her experience meeting new people rarely worked out in her favor._

_"So it is true!" the woman exclaimed, stepping forward. She wore a smile, but it didn't seem friendly. If she had to guess, she'd say the woman was gloating, reveling in being here. Why was it every time she asked this question she seemed to get an answer she didn't want or like. Who was she? Why hadn't she answered her? "You really don't remember anything," she stated, almost happily._

_She was taken back by the voice and the words that she'd used. It made no sense, why would she be happy she was here, alone, without a past? "Were we friends?" she asked hesitantly._

_The woman took a moment to think before nodding, "We spent some time together." She didn't expect her to say yes, but she didn't expect an answer like that either. There was something about it that was wrong. She'd taken time to choose her words carefully and she'd smiled at them, like there was some kind of joke or secret behind what she'd said._

_It made her uncomfortable. So far, visits from strangers only proved to be unhelpful. Mr. Gold, Ruby, Greg, and now this woman. But Mr. Gold and Ruby didn't give her the same feeling Greg had, and what she'd felt when Greg had come to see her was far different from the feeling she got from this woman. She had the strange urge to run away, to run out the door, to scream. Mr. Gold confused her. Ruby comforted her. Greg had worried her. But this woman scared her. Really and truly scared her._

_She stepped closer to her and she couldn't help but shy away from her presence and check the door behind her. She'd left it open. Something about that eased her, but she couldn't tell why. The woman was still moving closer and she didn't understand her reactions. No, something wasn't right, something was very wrong. She didn't know what, or why, or how, she just knew. It was as if her past was trying to send her a warning of some kind, but they were tuned to a different frequency and she wasn't getting the entire message, just enough that told her not to trust the woman._

_"But I'm here because I believe you can help me find something," she said finally. Her voice was serious, but there was the faintest hint of a smirk at the corner of her mouth. Find something? How was she supposed to help her find something? She couldn't remember who she was, or where she lived, or how she'd gotten to the road that night! Did this mean she knew who she was? Why hadn't she come before? And why was she happy to see her locked up this way?! "That belongs to Rumpelstiltskin..." the woman prompted._

_Rumpelstiltskin? From the fairy tale? The imp that had ripped himself in two when the queen had guessed his name? No surely not? But then who would ever have a name like that in real life? "Who?" she asked, though her body wanted her to call a nurse, she hoped that if she proved that she really didn't know anything, the woman would leave on her own without trouble._

_"Mr. Gold..." the woman pushed in an irritated voice._

_"I, uh..." but the words only confused her more. Mr. Gold's first name was Rumpelstiltskin? "I, I don't know him," she insisted, surprised at how calm she'd managed to say the words. Why did everyone keep thinking that she knew this man?! That she knew his secrets or where he kept prized possessions! She didn't know him, at least she didn't think she knew him, and she just wanted all the questions to stop. She didn't have answers for anyone, she had only questions! And no one seemed to want to answer hers. Why was she with Mr. Gold that night? How had she really been injured? What had she and Greg Mendell seen? Who was this woman? And why was she happy she was here?!_

_She opened her mouth to ask her own questions, but the woman raised her hand like she was going to touch her shoulder. She felt tired suddenly. A headache bloomed in her skull quickly making the confusing moment into a desperate need to sleep. And the world faded away, the memory of their encounter vanishing, before her head hit the pillow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See...new room. It worked well right. At least I hope it did. What do you think?
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	68. Belief

_The phone she'd found in the bag rang suddenly, startling her from the sleep she'd drifted off into. She reached over and grabbed it looking at the small screen even though she didn't have to. There was only one number programmed into it, only one number that ever called her in the devices memory._

_"Mr. Gold, I...I told you before I...I don't remember you," she stuttered as she picked at the mattress. She was proud of herself for at least making this greeting somewhat polite. After what he'd done the last time she'd seen him how could she not? It was because of him that she had this room, because of his name that the hospital staff had moved her room when Greg Mendell made her uncomfortable. So, yes, she could be polite, but still, the words felt repetitive. Hadn't she made this clear already? If she knew him wouldn't he spark some kind of memory, an image, a name, anything?! His kindness toward strangers was honorable, but that was all he was to her: an honorable and kind stranger._

_"I-I-I know" he didn't sound normal. Maybe it was the phone, but he sounded like he hadn't gotten enough sleep, or like he'd been running and was out of breath. "I know," he repeated, but she found that hard to believe because he kept coming back into her life time after time. If he knew she didn't know him then why continue his useless mission to convince her she was someone she wasn't. "It's just..." he paused and took another labored breath, "Sweetheart, I...I'm dying."_

_"Oh!" her stomach tied up in a knot. Fighting vanished from her mind as she heard the words. She immediately sat up in the uncomfortable bed, shocked by the news. That certainly explained his breathing, but nothing else. What happened? He seemed perfectly fine the last time she'd seen him. "I'm...I'm so sorry." She didn't know what to say! What did a person say to a complete stranger that called them before they died? Didn't he have someone else that he should contact? Someone that knew him better than she did?_

_"I know that you're confused about who you are..." the man was dying and he called to tell her she was confused?! She wouldn't call it confused. She was no one, and she knew that. And he really should call his family, considering the circumstances. "So I'm going to tell you._

_"You are a hero," he stated, "who helped your people. You're a beautiful woman, who loved an ugly man. Really, really, loved me. You find goodness in others and when it's not there...you create it. You make me want to go back...back to the best version of me, and that never happened before. So when you look in the mirror and you don't know who you are..._ that's  _who you are."_

_The words came out in one long ramble. Like he was afraid if he paused she might have tried to interrupt him. She didn't. She heard the words...the beautiful emotional words. But what he was saying, the true weight of it took a moment to sink into her and once it did she felt her breath catch and realized that she was crying. No, she wasn't just crying. She was upset. For him!_

_She felt…something. She didn't know what it was, but it was there. It existed in the place that she imagined her heart might live if it was capable of connecting with another human being. The feeling made her feel strangely warm, but also numb and cold knowing what was happening to him. It was the oddest sensation, like the ghost of who she was had just swept through her for a moment and was trying to tell her something, but couldn't take on a solid form. What was this feeling? What did it mean?_

_"Thank you...Belle..."_

_Suddenly the phone went dead and she stared down at it in shock, wondering what had happened to the man on the other end. Was that really the last she would hear from him? Was that the end? She'd thought that he was just as delusional as they claimed she was, worse even, for being so adamant that she was this person, but something in his voice as he said the words made her pause, his words were so pure, so beautiful. She sniffled as she fell back into her bed, keeping the device clutched to her chest as she found herself breaking down and crying over a man she didn't know. Nothing he said brought anything back. She was just as blank as she had been before he called, but now... Now?!_

_Now...she believed him!_

_The thought startled her but as soon as she'd had it she knew that it was true. There was no proof, no memories formed when she saw him, and she still didn't know who she was...but she believed him. No one would speak words like that about a complete stranger. She didn't know who this Belle was, but she wished she could know her, she wished she could be her. She wished she was brave enough to run out of this safe little room and go to ask him more questions. She'd never make it, they'd catch her, she'd be put back to sleep before she could get halfway down the hall. And where would that leave her? Where would it leave him?_

_He said he was dying. She couldn't remember if anyone in her life had ever died before, but it hurt like this was the first time. If what he had said was true, that meant that she really had loved him. She really had been part of his life. It would explain why she was on the road with him the first night she could remember. It would explain why his number was the only one in the cell phone they said was hers. And it certainly explained why he kept coming back, time and time again to see her. Had he loved her back? He must have! And she must have been important, at least, for him to have called like that. And now he was dying?!_

_She rolled onto her pillow and wept letting the sheet grow wet beneath her cheeks, trying not to let the nurses hear her through the open door. She didn't want him to die! She was surprised when she found herself hoping that he wasn't alone at least, wishing that she could be there for him as he had been for her. He'd been there since the first moment she could remember, trying to help her, to make her remember, to bring her back._

_Now it was her that would do anything to bring him back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so she believes him and of course feels like it's too late. Poor Belle...
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	69. Unknown

_At first the book had bothered her. Despite what Ruby had said about how she'd talked of the author, she hadn't known anything about it. However as she'd read she discovered that she really did enjoy reading it! There was something to the heroics of the characters and the plot that drew her in, that made her smile, and took her away from the disruptive voices over the loudspeakers and alarm bells. For hours at a time she found she could be somewhere else and although she couldn't remember ever reading a book before, if this author had been one of her favorites, she could see why._

_She was calmer now than she had been when she first arrived days ago and it seemed to show as the staff had begun to leave her alone more and more. She felt forgotten. No one came for her, no family, no friends. Greg Mendell never found her again thankfully. But_ _then there was Mr. Gold...she didn't want to think of what had happened to him. He was gone. She'd gotten the wish that she'd hoped for long ago, but she found herself upset that she'd ever had the thought. He had left a void that nothing, not Ruby, not a book, not even a clear mind seemed to be able to fill. She'd come to believe the man after all, she just wished she'd believed him sooner. There was so much she wanted to ask him now. So much she wanted to say._

_With a small sniff, she sat up in her bed, book perched upon her knee, and read on. If she focused on him too much it would just upset her. And if the nurses here even thought she looked out of order, they would dose her. It was best to play it safe and just read, forget about Mr. Gold, and just move-_

_Someone knocked on the door and she looked up expecting to see a nurse with breakfast only...her heart stopped. She felt her jaw drop in wonder and a small gasp she couldn't keep to herself escaped her._

_He was there! Just as if she'd summoned him herself, he was standing in the doorway. Was her mind playing tricks on her? No. He looked solid enough. Real. Whole. How was that possible?! Did he have an evil twin somewhere she didn't know about? This man was smirking at her, he didn't look ill, or like someone who had just walked a fine line between life and death. "You're...you're alive?!"_

_It felt silly, obviously he was alive, she could see that. But if this life, short as it seemed with her missing memory, had taught her anything it was that her sight was unreliable. She had to instead focus on learning the unknown. "Indeed I am," he commented, but it wasn't said with confidence. He said it like he was just as shocked as she was. After a few moments, when he seemed to think it was safe again he began strolling, timidly toward her. He looked as though he was waiting for her to scream and she couldn't blame him, seeing as how all of their face to face encounters had been unpleasant at best. But she didn't feel that way, not any more. "I imagine, my last phone call was a bit alarming."_

_She looked down at the book in her lap, trying not to feel the blush creeping into her cheeks. He was right: it had been alarming. But also eye opening, and emotional, and...it had given her a new life. It had made her feel something. It was those words that had changed her attitude toward him. He'd made her believe him, made her believe that somehow she really did know him, that there was a reason she was on the road with him that night. But she wasn't sure if she was ready to tell him all this yet. So she settled for something safer than that acknowledgement._

_"You, uh..." she cleared her throat trying to keep tears of joy and surprise away, hoping he couldn't see what was written on her face, "sounded like you were on your death bed."_

_He stood beside her, the bright light sending his face into shadows. "I'm really sorry if I startled you." The words sounded wrong, staged almost. And it didn't match the expression on his face. He did look sorry, but he also looked happy. Like getting to see her again was a pleasure he never thought he'd have again. The blush crept back up her neck, she knew the feeling well...she'd thought the same thing about him only minutes ago. "I know that you have no memory of me...but my feelings for you are real, and I just needed you to know that in case…well, in case I died!" It all sounded rehearsed, like he'd stood in front of a mirror for hours practicing so that he could say just the right thing. Well, all of it except for the last bit, which sounded like more of a hopeful joke that she didn't really see the humor in._

_"I'm glad you're okay," she said, trying to let him know that she really was happy that he was here, and wished desperately that she could undo some of their previous encounters. She was glad for that phone call, scary and emotional as it was. She needed it. And if he had the answers to her old life and whatever caused her to be in this state, then she needed him. But, yet again, the thought of saying this to him made her stomach twist into knots. Was it possible she had shared personal feelings and thoughts like this with him once? Could he read her face like she felt that she could read his? She couldn't think about that, it was too strange, so instead she returned to the topic proposed. His feelings. He was really very brave for telling her, "and I could tell your feelings were true!" she confirmed, knowing in her heart that it was the truth. He didn't need to have said all that, not after their last conversation, but it didn't hurt hearing it again. No one felt that strongly for a person that they didn't know._

_"You could?" he asked, surprised by her answer._

_"I have a sense about people," she admitted proudly, happy that they could talk about her without her having to disclose the precious thoughts in her head. "I can't explain how, but I just do."_

_Mr. Gold raised his eye brows and made a quick motion between the two of them. "So, you believe we know each other?" he asked hopefully._

_"I believe..." she corrected sternly, still unsure what to make of some of what he'd told her, like the story about the castle and the broken cup being hers, about magic, and she still wasn't sure what to make of the fire she'd seen him hold or the way he'd healed her, but she believed more than before he had called her. She needed him to know that. "That whatever caused me to forget myself means that I have a past. And that past probably included you."_

_He stared for a moment, the smallest trace of a smirk present on his aged and lined face before it finally widened enough to be called a smile. "It did," he said it with a whisper, like his own emotions were too much for even him to handle, like he couldn't believe that she'd actually said it. That was understandable. She couldn't believe she'd said it! But she believed it. Strangers didn't make each other as happy as she appeared to have made him. She wondered if this was something she had done often…made him happy. She wondered what a life with him would have been like if the one he told her about was true. Did they often talk like this? Did they often trust their secrets to each other? Was the feeling in her chest that he would answer her questions just hope…or something more?_

_She opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to find the courage. There were so many questions, so much she wanted to know. Would he tell her as she suspected? There was only one way to know and she already had her first question picked out. "When I, uh..." she swallowed, hard, trying to find the words, "when I was injured, I..." She laughed at herself before she could even get it out. Chances were he would call her crazy, tell her she'd been seeing things just like everyone else...but somehow she knew that this would be different. If he said it wasn't real, then it wasn't real. She didn't know where that knowledge came from, a voice of her past screaming at her maybe?_

_"This is gonna sound crazy," she admitted, bracing him and herself for the outcome before taking a deep breath. "I remember you healing me," she said finally._ _She held his gaze, not willing to look like she was going to drop the topic._ _Was it true? Or had she, and Greg for that matter, really just been seeing things? Was it really all an accident?_

_"You've been through a lot," he answered, "serious injury, all the drugs you've been on since you've been in here…" his voice trailed off and her heart fell._

_So she was crazy. She hadn't seen it. It was all in her-_

_"Once you remember who you are," he continued in an unexpected way, this was usually where someone told her that she was insane, "it'll all become clear."_

_She looked back up at him, amazed. He didn't call her crazy! He didn't even look at her like she was crazy and most importantly he didn't deny it! He simply watched her, a gleam in his eye suggesting that there was more to him than she could see. That was okay, what she saw with her eyes in this world was unreliable. It was the unknown that was reliable, it was him she could count on: to visit her, to come back to her, and to remind her of who she was even when he was close to death. There was more to him, but was there more to her?_

_"Can you help me do that?" she asked hopefully. "Remember who I am?" She didn't want him to go. She wanted him to stay, to talk more, and to tell her who she was and who he was. The unknown in her knew, somehow, that he was the person that knew, better than anyone, who she was. Even if she didn't understand why._

_"Only if you help me remember who I am," he responded strangely._

_"I'm sorry. What?" she asked, thinking the words through in her head again._ _It made no sense to her. He seemed to know who he was. He had a name, a life, objects that he held dear, even memories of her. Why would he need help remembering who he was?_

_"Belle, you always brought out the best in me," he explained, making a sudden gesture as if he might touch her, but thought better of it suddenly. "And right now I need that," he whispered, a pained expression on his face. She remembered the phone call he had made to her before, when he had explained to her that though she was beautiful, she had loved an ugly man. She assumed that the man was him, but he wasn't ugly. He wasn't as handsome as some of the younger men floating around the hospital, but definitely not ugly. He was plain, which meant that the only way he really could be ugly was if he hadn't been referring to physical looks. Was that true? Had she once been able to see past a secret person hidden inside this man? He seemed nothing but gentle to her? "So yes," he answered finally. "I will do everything I can to bring you back, for you and for me."_

_She could remember hearing about Belle, the woman that he thought she was, and wanting desperately to be her. Was it possible that if she could help him bring out the best of him, then he could bring out the best in her? Did it work that way? Could she ever be this Belle again? She'd never know if she didn't take a step forward. With a timid smile and nervous swallow, she reached her hand out and placed it over his warm ones, gathered on his cane. He let her. In fact his hands seemed to relax at her touch. How "ugly" could he really be?_

_"We can help each other," she said, less to him and more to herself, and whatever unknown person was locked away within her mind. She wanted to be that person again, and she wanted him to be who he was with her again too._

_"Yeah," he said with a small smirk and a look of grateful amazement. She could understand that look. Who would have thought that the crazy man would have been the salvation of the girl with no memories? "Let's talk to someone about getting you out of here," he glanced around the room and she pulled away from him a bit. You've been locked up long enough," he insisted making her heart soar. She'd heard the words right, he wanted her out of the hospital! The surprises just kept on coming with this man. He cleared his throat and looked down at her awkwardly, "I have a house, you'd have your own room, plenty of books to read, anything you want to eat, and no one would bother you," he proposed. "You'd be safe there."_

_Her heart was pounding. Why? Excitement? The idea of having a little more freedom? Of maybe getting some semblance of a life back? Or, at the heart of it, was it that she really did want to go home with him? She didn't know what to say! Well…she knew what to say. Or she knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to shout "YES!" and take his arm and let him lead her out of this whitewashed prison right now, but somehow that didn't seem right. Not yet. So instead, she reached her hand out again and placed it back against his own, and smiled._

_"I would like that," she whispered._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belle is going home again! Woohoo! Or...well...that's what I would have said if the next chapter didn't happen and MS&U didn't end after that. Life is hard sometimes isn't it. Ah well, on to the last fair Moments readers!
> 
> Peace and Happy Reading!


	70. Hazy

_She was excited! For the first time since she could remember she was happy!_

_After they'd agreed on their arrangement, he'd left to speak with her doctor about having her discharged into his care and returned only moments later with an empty bag in hand. In only a few short hours he would return to collect her and the feeble belongings she had in the room. She was happy as he told her and she could tell that he was happy too, just up until he was about to leave. In that moment he had looked at her with an expression that was almost tender, like she had just made him the happiest person on the face of the earth, like she was the most important thing he'd ever seen. For a moment he looked like he might even try to kiss her again. Her heart had hammered at the thought, not with fear but anticipation. But, just as quickly as the thought crossed his face, it passed and he'd excused himself telling her simply that he was going back to his house to prepare for her arrival. "I'll see you later, Belle," he'd said as he left the room._

_Belle._

_The name still didn't trigger any memories. But he'd called her that from the very first moment she knew. It was the first thing that he'd said to her, it was the name the woman Ruby had used, and it was the name that rolled off his tongue easily whether he was healthy or on his death bed. It was a pretty name, one that she was beginning to feel a certain fondness for. Could she be this Belle? Could she ever be that person again? The one that he had spoken of with such beautiful words and desperation. She was starting to believe that she could be, to hope that there was more than this dark haze that she was living in now._

_And so there she sat, placing the book Ruby had given her and an extra blanket someone had said she could keep into the duffel bag he'd given her, imaging what her life would be like when she left. There was a knock at the door, it was a little early for him to be coming for her, but nevertheless her belly fluttered with excited butterflies at the noise._

_But when she looked up she didn't see him._

_There was a woman there instead._ _She was dressed professionally but not like the nurses and doctors. She had short black hair, but it was her smile that stood out the most. It stopped the butterflies she'd just felt and made her want to shrink back into the bed and pull the covers over her head._ _A pain in her head buzzed to life, like her brain was mending something._ _Even when she'd been afraid of Mr. Gold the reaction had never been this strong. Was this one right? Or just as wrong as it had been about him? Greg Mendell hadn't bothered her again, but was that because there really was nothing to fear from him, or because she had insisted on the room change and he just hadn't found her._

_"Hello," the woman greeted her in a pleasant tone._

_She decided to give the woman the benefit of the doubt. She'd been wrong once before, maybe she was wrong again. "Hi," she smiled, then turned her attention back to gathering up her belongings. She would talk to her, but she hoped the woman wouldn't stay long. Something about her gave her a bad feeling, she felt as though she'd seen her before, but couldn't really place it, like there was a hazy memory in the back of her mind that wanted to break free but couldn't. When she didn't look or listen to her the headache she felt seemed to lessen somehow._

_"I don't think we've been properly introduced," the woman said walking forward. That was one way to put it. She was certain that she'd never even met the woman, nothing was familiar about her in the slightest. "I'm Regina," she said. "I'm the mayor of this town." She wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't thought about how to properly introduce herself yet. Should she call herself Belle, start using the name? Or should she ask her why someone like the mayor was concerned with a woman who had no memory? "I just wanted to make sure you're okay," Regina said answering the question for her._

_"That's, uh...that's very thorough of you," she said through a laugh she tried to hide behind a smile. That bad feeling had returned along with the strong tingling in her head. The woman was smiling but then why did she get the feeling she was being lied to. "Thank you, but, um, I'm-I'm fine," she muttered, then smiled as she realized the words might for the first time be true. "I think I am," she inadvertently blurted out with a giggle. She said them more for herself, an acknowledgement of all that had happened in such a short time. Suddenly her thoughts were too consumed with the future to think of anything else, or of who was in the room, or why. It wouldn't matter soon. "Mr. Gold is, ah, getting me discharged," she admitted, trying not to appear overly excited, but she couldn't help it. She was. "He thinks he can help me remember who I am."_

_"Does he now?" Regina laughed, and she was taken back by the strange reappearance of that smile. It made her uncomfortable. Surely she must have something better to do than be here, or was there another reason behind her visit? Either way, she wanted the woman gone. She was finally leaving and starting to feel like the world around her was making sense. She didn't want that feeling to go away. So she turned away and began fiddling with some more objects, hoping Regina would pick up the cue to leave. But instead she bent down like she had dropped something._

_"What's this dear?" she asked holding out an object in her hand. "Did you drop it?"_

_She plucked it from her hand and looked it over. Her nerves were beginning to fray and suddenly all of her good feelings faded. Try as she could to ignore it there would always be something to remind her of how much she had lost. Like this object. It was in her room, but wasn't familiar, like so much else in her life, like Mr. Gold. "Don't think so," she told her confidently, tossing it aside. That would change, someday everything would be familiar again...including him._

_"Keep looking, dear," the woman insisted in a harsh tone. If she didn't want to leave so bad she would have screamed to have the woman removed. But the last thing she needed was for the doctors to overreact and drug her again when she was so close to her escape. With a sigh, and a frustrated eye roll, she reached for the matchbook again. She wasn't that ignorant. Probably one of the nurses had dropped it. If it had been hers while she was here then she would have a memory of it. Besides, why would she need matches while she'd been here anyway?! She didn't smoke, at least not that she knew of._

_Still, she stared at it, trying to appease the woman so that she would leave._

_But suddenly...her headache seemed to peak...and her mind began to swim with a hazy feeling...again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, welcome to the end. I really hope that you enjoyed this story! The next story in the Moments series is Moments Missed. It picks up with Belle getting Lacey's Memories in "Lacey" and ends with the moment Rumple gives her the potion to make her Belle again in "...And Straight On Till Morning".
> 
> Not a Lacey fan? Perfectly fine. Of course I'd love for everyone to read Moments Missed, but if you don't you should be OK for the rest of the series. I will occasionally make references to her time as Lacey, it would be impossible not to, but I'll do my best to make it understandable in case you didn't read. My advice, if you don't want to read the entire Lacey fiction, read the first chapter. It's more or less an introduction featuring the history, or back story, that I gave her and it would at least give you a sense of who I thought Lacey was so you get the basics. But if you'd rather skip straight ahead to Belle again then Moment's Shared and Unshared picks up with the moment in Gold's shop where she gets her memories back, and you can find that fiction on my profile as well.
> 
> Of course if you liked what you read please comment! I love getting those wonderful little gems in my inbox and communicating with the people reading on a personal level. And if you want to read more (and review more) please check out any of the other fictions in the Moments Series. For more information on the Moments Series, upcoming fictions, posting days and publishing dates, or a reading order check out my profile and to keep up on any editions on the Moments Series throughout the year follow Montreat11 on Twitter! Peace and Happy Reading!


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